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I Just don't understand

Me and my ex-boyfriend had what I thought was the perfect relationship and I loved him to bits. We went out for 6 months and spent a lot of time together. During the 6 months we had 3 proper arguments and apart from that we got on really well. As it hit the 6 month stage of our relationship we had our third argument which was about the fact that I was quiet around his family and I felt uncomfortable around them. There was no need for us to fall out and I know I didn't insult his family (I'd just only met them about 3 times as we were away at uni together and so never really went to each others homes). So he gave me a bit of a lecture and I got a bit upset which I reckon is normal and then he starts on about other stuff like that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me as occassionally I'll go into a mood (like really rarely and usually when I'm stressed out or just woken up) and we argued too much (3 times). I was so shocked and he said he needed time to think. I'm a dancer and this was just before two important auditions in London which he was meant to be coming to and then didn't so I had to go on my own. I was really hurt and realised that if he wasn't sure about me then we probably shouldn't be together and so I finished him. The thing that really bugs me is that I've been in enough relationships to know that ours was nearly perfect and it's not like he doesn't fancy me because he admits he still has feelings for me and he told me I looked really gorgeous the last time he saw me on a night out. He also hasn't got anyone else so it can't be that and he said he misses my company so it can't be that either. I am so confused! Then he comes out with that he was scared that I loved him more and wanted to marry him. I laughed at that and said I never had thought about marrying him or not marrying him, so I cleared that one up and he was like 'oh, I didn't realise'. The question is, why doesn't he want me back now? I'm not meaning to be big headed but I can genuinely say that I'm clever, talented, funny, good looking and loved him to bits so I don't get why he doesn't want me. He keeps going on about being friends and I've said 'yeah that's fine' but I think that's absolute crap if I'm completely honest as we both fancy each other and I kinda really dislike the way I've been treated. When we split up people were really shocked and told me the usual 'you can do better' but that just doesn't help because all I want to know is where i went wrong. He says I never did anything wrong and it's his problem not mine but that really doesn't make me feel any better. Has anyone been in this situation or can anyone come up with a reason as to why he suddenly went off me but didn't?xx

Reply 1

MagicNMedicine

You never get answers to things like this.

You can spend your whole life searching for answers but if you ask him you will never get truthful ones.

I still wonder why my best ex split up with me because we seemed to hit it off so well and even now when we're with each other there's a bit of chemistry there (she has a new bf who doesnt seem to treat her that well)

It took me over a year to accept things but in the end I learned to realise the truth that she had said no for a reason, whatever that reason might be, and the only thing that was left to do was to accept that difficult truth. It wasn't because I had done something wrong or I had anything wrong with me, although it is natural to wonder that for a while.

Reply 2

crazy4dancin

It makes me so mad though lol and I just can't imagine what kind of girl he wants she must be absolutely perfect. I know it seems big headed but I just feel that he's so stupid and that his lack of experience means he can't tell what a good thing is when he's got it. Everyone says he'll regret it, my lad mates say he's crazy too and not one person can think of a good reason as to why he changed his mind. I'll move on soon enough I'm sure, it's just really irritating as I'm a really straight forward, honest person and I just wish he'd be honest with me he's got to be lying about something or other!xx

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

"I know it seems big headed but I just feel that he's so stupid and that his lack of experience means he can't tell what a good thing is when he's got it."

maybe this is right, and its a case of grass is greener syndrome - you're both at uni, and being in a relationship where you are so perfect often worries people that they are so compatible that they'll be together forever - moment of panic when they realise they haven't experienced anything else.

Reply 4

Blue Fairy

MagicNMedicine is right.

People sometimes just don't know why a realtionship has to end. They can't find anything wrong with the other person. They don't know why they don't want to be with them. They might even still have feelings for them...

But something tells them that they need to be on their own and so they end it in order to find their own way in life.

You sound lovely.. but if he needs to be on his own, you have to respect his decision. If he needs to be on his own, he's not the right guy at the end of the day.

I only say this because I've been in exactly the same position. You deserve a reason and you don't deserve to go through this pain of not knowing... but he can't give you a reason. He probably feels confused and hurt because he can't.

Relationships are weird and mixed up and sometimes things all get a bit messy... If things can work out for you, I wish you all the best. Otherwise, I'd suggest that you keep smiling and throw yourself into something you enjoy, like your dance.
Best way... he'll perhaps look back one day and see what he's missed out on.

Reply 5

shyr_15

maybe he's hurt whe he knew that the thought of marrying him never occured to you. he seems to be very affected with that...

its seems that you're perfect for each other but you can't do anything if he decided to split up. no one really knows the reason behind his actions... give him time to think it over. but if he doeesn't return to you...move on.