Worried about not finding people to live with in second year, how do I go about it?

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Anonymous #1
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Anon please as I know some people from my uni use TSR. Basically I have had a really bad chest infection and had to go home then kind of spent a lot of time with this guy so haven't been around my block for 10 days. I get back and some of my block are eating breakfast with the guys flat we hang out with a lot, and they start talking about 'the house'. I'm quite close to two of these girls, and kind of presumed I'd live with them and under people next year but thought I didn't have to think about it properly yet. They were quite blunt, it was because I fell out with one of the other girls in the flat (it's an actual ridiculous situation, she just gives me evils and won't even say hello to me) and they were always going to choose her over me. It's also a ridiculously large number of people to live in one house, they could easily split into two groups and include me so it kind of makes me feel like they just aren't true friends/secretly dislike me.

This is the second time I've been really ill this term (I was hospitalised for a week before) and both times I feel like I've missed out on major bonding, I mean this is only seventh week and it feels really soon to choose people that I'll be living a whole year with. Espeically now, it'll have to be outside my main friendship group. I don't want to seem desperate with other people I'm friendly with at uni and occasionally hang out with, I don't even know how to breach the subject? What do I do? Will have everybody have any idea of who they want to live with now and be closed to me?

There's also some really bad rumours going around about me in my halls which I think will make people wary of living with me (I started seeing this guy on sun, and he freaked out on me on mon because his flat told him everyone says I'm crazy and I didn't even know anyone in his flat). This guy decided for himself I wasn't a psycho and we're going on our first proper date today (touch wood). We kind of both said the other day we haven't met friends yet we've properly connected with and he joked we should just live with eachother but even if I lived with him and other people, surely that's a terrible idea? I mean it's stupid he could stand me up on the first date, I don't know what's going to happen.

I just feel like a desperate friendless person right now which is so odd for me, at home I have the opposite problem where I get stressed because I don't have enough time for everyone.

Basically how the hell do I find people to live with now? And how do I stop feeling so hurt about what the girls said this morning about choosing her over me? :confused:
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SirMasterKey
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Are you not apart of any societies or sports clubs? You don't have to stay with the same people.

What about any course mates?
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Brachioradialis
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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Wow, some people can be ********s. I feel for you. All is not lost though, I know it seems daunting but you don't have to live in a house in second and third year. I know people who have stayed in halls and with randomers throughout the three years; it's not a big deal, you can choose to live with other second years at most universities if you just talk with the University and they can try and make arrangements.

If you insist on living in a house with someone you know, then yeah you're gonna have a little bit of a tough time sorting it out but it's not impossible. As mentioned above, perhaps join some societies and attend, and see if anyone else needs a flatmate for the following year?

Oh, and in second year I was overlooked too. Luckily for me one of them pulled out and I took the spot in the end, and it does feel like betrayal a bit, but I wouldn't take it too harshly. If they're all *****y about it, why would you want to live with them anyway? It wouldn't be pleasant in the long run.
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Doskey
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This is exactly my situation without the being ill bit. It's feels so horrible for me because I've never really had a problem with friends before, apparently they sorted it all out about a month ago! I'm just planning to ask coursemates first and then start to panic if that doesn't work. I have no idea what to do too as it seems like loads of people have made their friends now so it's a bit late
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SirMasterKey)
Are you not apart of any societies or sports clubs? You don't have to stay with the same people.

What about any course mates?
I'm assistant director for a play, but it's almost like I feel like a teacher with the cast, like because I'm in charge I'm not 'one of them'. Haven't really been well enough to join much else like i've just been so lethargic sometimes even sleeping 20 hours a day after being ill and then obviously sleeping so much and missing lectures has meant I've behind on my course and less time for socialising. I have not been infectious for one whole week of uni thus so far.

I was really close a girl on my course the first few weeks, but then she started getting on with people she was living with better and kind of ditched me. Just spoke to my flat mate who's on my course (so we go to lectures together and whatever) and she said sorry I've already sorted it out too, I would ask them if you could join us but literally a couple of days ago one of the other girls asked if her friends could join and the guys were like no, we don't know her and eight is big as it is, so they'll have the same problems with you.
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georgiacwood
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(Original post by MattKneale)
Wow, some people can be ********s. I feel for you. All is not lost though, I know it seems daunting but you don't have to live in a house in second and third year. I know people who have stayed in halls and with randomers throughout the three years; it's not a big deal, you can choose to live with other second years at most universities if you just talk with the University and they can try and make arrangements.

If you insist on living in a house with someone you know, then yeah you're gonna have a little bit of a tough time sorting it out but it's not impossible. As mentioned above, perhaps join some societies and attend, and see if anyone else needs a flatmate for the following year?

Oh, and in second year I was overlooked too. Luckily for me one of them pulled out and I took the spot in the end, and it does feel like betrayal a bit, but I wouldn't take it too harshly. If they're all *****y about it, why would you want to live with them anyway? It wouldn't be pleasant in the long run.
I agree with this, why would you want to live with these people when they're obviously idiots? You'll be well rid! Join some societies, make some friends, get more friendly with the friends you've made on your course and maybe just mention about your flat and explain that you're worried about next year... You never know, one of them might be the same
But don't even let these people you're unfortunately living with effect you. They sound poison. They're telling people you're the pshyco yet they're the ones going round telling people stuff about you? They clearly have very sad, boring life's. ignore them, socialise with people outside of the flat and good luck with this guy!!


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olddad
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(Original post by Doskey)
This is exactly my situation without the being ill bit. It's feels so horrible for me because I've never really had a problem with friends before, apparently they sorted it all out about a month ago! I'm just planning to ask coursemates first and then start to panic if that doesn't work. I have no idea what to do too as it seems like loads of people have made their friends now so it's a bit late
It is not a bit late - it is November. You do not ahve to move until next July or so. Lots of first years get into a tiz about this and it is just not necessary. There will be a rush for properties in Jnauary but others will always come along. Try coursemates or try societies. if you don'e belong to nay, join now. There is bound to be at least one suitable one.
You will forget most of the people you met in halls. You will make long term freinds in societies.
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Norbertnorbert
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Although it depends on your uni, most have a rush to find housing before christmas, when you really have a few more months to look for places and find housing groups. There will be plenty of people who are struggling to find a group, or groups struggling to find people, so you'll find somewhere
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Doskey)
This is exactly my situation without the being ill bit. It's feels so horrible for me because I've never really had a problem with friends before, apparently they sorted it all out about a month ago! I'm just planning to ask coursemates first and then start to panic if that doesn't work. I have no idea what to do too as it seems like loads of people have made their friends now so it's a bit late
Thank you It's really good to know I'm not the only one! My uni started really late (in oct) so I would rather wait till Jan personally because I feel like I don't know anyone well enough yet, so was shocked to find out everyone seems to have already sorted things out. I guess all you need is one of your coursemates to take you under their wing? I feel really stupid now for just going to lectures with my flatmate and not making more of en effort with others. I'm just so used to people making an effort with me, and wanting to be friends with me, presumed my flatmates liked me and they seemed nice enough, that I guess I've been too lazy at uni and have ended up alone.
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Nuffles
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What you're best off doing is finding one person you really get on with and saying whatever goes down, at least we can live with each other. That means you can then go to an estate agent and be like, 'There's two of us, can you find us a house and some more people please?'. You won't know the other people but chances are you'll get on with them (I know a lot of people that lived in houses in first year and are still living with their first year housemates now in second year because they got on so well), and at least you'll have your friend. I had this kind of arrangement with a friend of mine from halls but we both got asked by other groups of friends to fill in the last spot in their houses around the same time so it worked out for us in the end.

You'll be surprised how many people will drop out/change houses/whatever by the time the summer comes around, there'll almost certainly be a free room in a house with people you know somewhere.
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syrettd
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It's November, and people always look for houses too soon- there will be fallings out, they've only known these people two, three months. So if you can't find anyone you want to live with, don't panic. You can either move back into halls (there will be other second years there too), or when the fallouts happen, there will probably be a noticeboard in your SU with adverts for "New housemate wanted" so you can look on there if you really want to move into a house.
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~DayDreamer~
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I was kind of in the same situation until a few days ago! I get on with my flatmates but we're just completely different people. They love going out all the time and I don't. They have a house with some other friends for next year but I'd said all along I'd prefer halls. The other day I mentioned to a girl in another flat who I have some lectures with that I was going to look at a hall (she asked me what I was doing at the weekend) and she asked if she could come! Turns out she wants to live in halls too, and so does her flatmate. We all get on well and we're all similar people so it should be good

Don't write yourself off completely, someone will love to live with you! Maybe you haven't even met them yet!

Hope you're feeling better
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nuffles)
What you're best off doing is finding one person you really get on with and saying whatever goes down, at least we can live with each other. That means you can then go to an estate agent and be like, 'There's two of us, can you find us a house and some more people please?'. You won't know the other people but chances are you'll get on with them (I know a lot of people that lived in houses in first year and are still living with their first year housemates now in second year because they got on so well), and at least you'll have your friend. I had this kind of arrangement with a friend of mine from halls but we both got asked by other groups of friends to fill in the last spot in their houses around the same time so it worked out for us in the end.

You'll be surprised how many people will drop out/change houses/whatever by the time the summer comes around, there'll almost certainly be a free room in a house with people you know somewhere.
Haha thank you The only person I feel I can really do that with is the guy I'm seeing because I know he doesn't know who he's living with yet but I've only just met him, and I don't think it's a sensible idea living with someone you're romantically involved with so early on.

That's the other thing that really annoys me about my closer flatmates. When they told me who the 9 people were I wanted to say, are you all crazy?! It includes a guy and a girl who are in a FWB situation, where she's totally fallen for him with him and he's just using her for sex (this is the girl i fell out with, because I actually cared about her and stuck my big nose in it) and another girl who was like best friends with him from before the academic year, but only a few weeks ago ended their friendship because she felt she couldn't be friends with him anymore because she is totally in love with him and it's hurting her being so close to him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by georgiacwood)
I agree with this, why would you want to live with these people when they're obviously idiots? You'll be well rid! Join some societies, make some friends, get more friendly with the friends you've made on your course and maybe just mention about your flat and explain that you're worried about next year... You never know, one of them might be the same
But don't even let these people you're unfortunately living with effect you. They sound poison. They're telling people you're the pshyco yet they're the ones going round telling people stuff about you? They clearly have very sad, boring life's. ignore them, socialise with people outside of the flat and good luck with this guy!!


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Thank you that was very uplifting Yeah, I don't know if it is them. I think it's more likely that I got into car accident (yes, this has NOT been a good term) and I was really shaken up about it for a few days after, so maybe was acting crazy to the general person - like I couldn't pick up my cutlery because my hands were shaking at dinner half an hour after it'd happened, then it reminded me of when I was really disabled when I was younger and had to have people feed me and how degrading that was and did just start crying in the dining room so it was probably onlookers seeing that and thinking wtf.
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NotYourAverage'
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I would hand out speculative applications listing my set of skills if i were you, like able to stack plates nicely and stuff.

serial though, try you uni pages, ask your uni, agencies in town etc. quite a few ways!
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Nuffles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha thank you The only person I feel I can really do that with is the guy I'm seeing because I know he doesn't know who he's living with yet but I've only just met him, and I don't think it's a sensible idea living with someone you're romantically involved with so early on.

That's the other thing that really annoys me about my closer flatmates. When they told me who the 9 people were I wanted to say, are you all crazy?! It includes a guy and a girl who are in a FWB situation, where she's totally fallen for him with him and he's just using her for sex (this is the girl i fell out with, because I actually cared about her and stuck my big nose in it) and another girl who was like best friends with him from before the academic year, but only a few weeks ago ended their friendship because she felt she couldn't be friends with him anymore because she is totally in love with him and it's hurting her being so close to him.
My girlfriend lives in a house with nine people in total and it's a nightmare. I live with four other people and it's much better, although the people I live with are nicer too. The only thing I will say is make sure your boy:girl ratio is above half. In the house of nine, there are three guys to six girls and the amount of *****ing is unbelievable. I don't know any 'happy' student house where there are more girls than boys, but if there are more guys then it'll more than likely be a happy and chilled out house. The only exception to this is three girls from my course living together who haven't had an argument to date, but two of them are gay so it kinda speaks for itself.
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Fibrillation
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TBH university life is nothing like it looks in the porspectus. In the prospectus, everyone is spontaneous, wears pashminas, is always up for a cup of tea and a laugh in the perfectly clean kitchen with the housemates. Then they all move into a shared student house which is even cleaner and trendier and all the equipment works and they carry on being spontaneous and random and having a laugh.
In real life, you live with a range of personalities. And in many student houses, people don't really talk to their housemates unless they're drinking or there is a powercut. Best wait around until you make better friends, and if this doesn't happen, there are always loads of houses in the summer where one person has dropped out and they need a replacement.
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s.a.u
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I know a third year who lives in our halls. You don't have to live in a house, if you spoke to the uni, I'm sure that they could arrange something. I'm planning on transferring, so god knows I won't be living in a house with people in second year.
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MutantGecko
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if youre in manchester ill get a house with you, im having the same problem!
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Wattsy
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Damn I was hoping you were this guy I know who we are trying to shan off from living with us. Shame, good luck with your househunting, there will be some people in the same position as you.
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