Presently, I’m not living in England, but I hope you can relate to my thoughts and feelings anyway.
To introduce myself, I’m an 18-year-old guy in my last year of high school. This fall, I intend to commence a LL.B. at a respectable university in my home country.
When I was 15/16 my parents got divorced and it was a really hard time for me since I’ve always counted on my family as something stabile. I’ve always been very arrogant since I’m good looking and have a rich WASP background. When my parents got a divorce however, I was vulnerable and didn’t mind showing that I appreciated support from my surroundings.
I began seeing a wonderful and beautiful girl of Scandinavian origin, and at the end of the summer ’03 we decided to be together. I really loved her, I wasn’t arrogant when I was with her and I just felt I could be myself in a way I couldn’t be with others (not even my parents). She was really beautiful and I was so proud that she was my girlfriend. No matter what happened, I was never afraid ‘cause I always knew that she would listen to me and encourage me to exercise responsible and ethical correct judgement.
I just loved to talk with her and support her, and as both of my parents are partners in a law firm, I ended up spending a great deal of my time with her and her family.
We were together for two years, but never had ‘real’ sex – only ‘oral’ sex. The reason for this was that I couldn’t ‘perform’ when condoms were involved. When we were together I didn’t mind so much as I thought we did stimulate each other on a sexual level and I was sure we would eventually have sex.
BUT, six months ago she broke up with me and three weeks after the break up she was dating another guy – a guy whom she lost her virginity to. When I think about it – which I do on a daily basis even though I haven’t seen her for 3 months now – I get really sick. I just want to scream and let it all out. I always thought I was irreplaceable and that she would never hurt me in such a way – believe me, she appears to be a real Christian princess – but nevertheless she does, and the worst part of it is that she just keep telling me that we shouldn’t see each other as that would be complicated for me………
I just don’t know, I always thought I was going to marry that girl – but know I don’t know, I feel so alone and I can’t imagine myself being with another girl (they all seem so dull compared to her) though I really miss being in a relationship. When I get drunk, I always just leave the party alone and go home to cry… It’s just, I don’t know, my princess went home with another guy and had sex with him (know they’re together) – and she doesn’t even want to have anything to do with me (though she claims she is not actually rejecting me, apparently, we just weren’t a good couple)…… And if that wasn’t enough, my so-called friends always remind me of the fact that I was together with the most beautiful girl, but never had sex with. I don’t know. I know I should be happy – on the surface I’m a real winner with great prospects career-wise – but all I can think about is that the pure love/connection I had with my Scandinavian princess has just turned into a sea of flames in my heart – and these 7 months hasn’t really healed any of my wounds.
Any advice?