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So confused..
Hey all, this is long but I'll get straight to the point...
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We get on great and have always had a pretty good relationship, although we bicker quite a bit. Anyway, we went through a rocky patch about 18 months ago and I did the unforgiveable - cheated on him with a "friend". Well I kissed him. He was heart broken and has/d every right to be. Slowly but surely, we've worked through it. Things have been fine and I love him so much.
I've met this guy (I'll refer to him as "the guy") and he's a friend of my boyfriends from college, he's also mine now I've got to know him, because we've all being out together twice and I talk to him on MSN etc. He's really cool and friendly and I get on with him. We talk like we've known each other years and he knows I think he's cute and we joke about it. But it goes no further, it's just a laugh and he knows how close me and my boyfriend are.
Last night, I had a house party and we were all a bit worse for wear, I wasn't drunk though. My boyfriend ended up passed out in my bed and me, my brother, best friend and the guy, ended up squished together, in my brothers double bed. We were all laughing and chatting away.
I was layed next to the guy and I was playing with his hair - I always do, he has ace hair - and then I started stroking his arm/hand. I don't know what posessed me really, but I'm going to be honest and say that I am really attracted to him. He started stroking my stomach and side and sort of hugged me. It was really nice and I felt comfortable. I touched his face. He was looking into my eyes and staring at me and he pressed his finger to his lips, then put it to mine - he looked at me in a way, as if he knew that he couldn't kiss me and wouldn't.
Anyway, it stayed like that, him stroking my stomach and went no further. I had the horrid, nagging, guilty feeling in my stomach because of my boyfriend - and so I should, I know
But, I didn't want it to stop 
I'm so selfish.
Anyway, cut a long story short, it was really late, about 4 am and none of us could sleep because it was getting light and we'd been drinking, so we were "past it". Me and the guy got up to make space in the bed, he went down, I followed and got water. I then went upstairs into my room to check on my boyfriend, he was fine, I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him.
The guy was in the loo and then went and sat on the top of the steps, so I joined him and we sat together just looking at each other, as to say "what now". I said something like "I can't do it again ya know. I will never do what I did to him, again" and he said " I know, I know. That's why I've been trying to stay away from you..". We went downstairs to the kitchen and he just hugged me and asked what was wrong, he knew and the way he looked at me I could tell he felt bad, but couldn't help holding me. Does that make sense? Then people started waking up so he said he'd talk to me later. We never got the chance. Around 10 am we all got tired and got back on the double bed again, because we hadn't slept, so I put my pillow on him and slept on him, with my brother and sister in the bed, we layed on top of the covers. My boyfriend was in the room for a while too and found it funny that I was using the guy as a human pillow. He really trusts me. Which makes me feel worse. I deserve to feel bad though. A few times he elbowed me in the head by accident and he went to rub my head, the way he rubbed it though, he was really caring. The guy was really sleepy, but he seemed really miserable and kept looking at me, like he just wanted to hold me. I know this sounds really cheesy. Sorry
I'm so confused. I love my boyfriend loads, but I also have strong feelings for the guy, at the moment. I know I shouldn't throw away what I have, because I may never find it again. We've been together since we were 14. I do know I won't cheat on my boyfriend. Although does hugging another guy count as cheating? Or does it depend on the "intentions"? I feel bad for hugging him and "stroking" him, but I don't know if I'd class it as cheating?
I just don't know what to do. Sorry it's so long. God, I hate this
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We get on great and have always had a pretty good relationship, although we bicker quite a bit. Anyway, we went through a rocky patch about 18 months ago and I did the unforgiveable - cheated on him with a "friend". Well I kissed him. He was heart broken and has/d every right to be. Slowly but surely, we've worked through it. Things have been fine and I love him so much.
I've met this guy (I'll refer to him as "the guy") and he's a friend of my boyfriends from college, he's also mine now I've got to know him, because we've all being out together twice and I talk to him on MSN etc. He's really cool and friendly and I get on with him. We talk like we've known each other years and he knows I think he's cute and we joke about it. But it goes no further, it's just a laugh and he knows how close me and my boyfriend are.
Last night, I had a house party and we were all a bit worse for wear, I wasn't drunk though. My boyfriend ended up passed out in my bed and me, my brother, best friend and the guy, ended up squished together, in my brothers double bed. We were all laughing and chatting away.
I was layed next to the guy and I was playing with his hair - I always do, he has ace hair - and then I started stroking his arm/hand. I don't know what posessed me really, but I'm going to be honest and say that I am really attracted to him. He started stroking my stomach and side and sort of hugged me. It was really nice and I felt comfortable. I touched his face. He was looking into my eyes and staring at me and he pressed his finger to his lips, then put it to mine - he looked at me in a way, as if he knew that he couldn't kiss me and wouldn't.
Anyway, it stayed like that, him stroking my stomach and went no further. I had the horrid, nagging, guilty feeling in my stomach because of my boyfriend - and so I should, I know
But, I didn't want it to stop I'm so selfish.Anyway, cut a long story short, it was really late, about 4 am and none of us could sleep because it was getting light and we'd been drinking, so we were "past it". Me and the guy got up to make space in the bed, he went down, I followed and got water. I then went upstairs into my room to check on my boyfriend, he was fine, I kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him.
The guy was in the loo and then went and sat on the top of the steps, so I joined him and we sat together just looking at each other, as to say "what now". I said something like "I can't do it again ya know. I will never do what I did to him, again" and he said " I know, I know. That's why I've been trying to stay away from you..". We went downstairs to the kitchen and he just hugged me and asked what was wrong, he knew and the way he looked at me I could tell he felt bad, but couldn't help holding me. Does that make sense? Then people started waking up so he said he'd talk to me later. We never got the chance. Around 10 am we all got tired and got back on the double bed again, because we hadn't slept, so I put my pillow on him and slept on him, with my brother and sister in the bed, we layed on top of the covers. My boyfriend was in the room for a while too and found it funny that I was using the guy as a human pillow. He really trusts me. Which makes me feel worse. I deserve to feel bad though. A few times he elbowed me in the head by accident and he went to rub my head, the way he rubbed it though, he was really caring. The guy was really sleepy, but he seemed really miserable and kept looking at me, like he just wanted to hold me. I know this sounds really cheesy. Sorry
I'm so confused. I love my boyfriend loads, but I also have strong feelings for the guy, at the moment. I know I shouldn't throw away what I have, because I may never find it again. We've been together since we were 14. I do know I won't cheat on my boyfriend. Although does hugging another guy count as cheating? Or does it depend on the "intentions"? I feel bad for hugging him and "stroking" him, but I don't know if I'd class it as cheating?
I just don't know what to do. Sorry it's so long. God, I hate this
Scroll to see replies
If you do something you'll probably regret it. You've only been out with him twice, and chatted with him on MSN. You barely even know him. At least get to know him better before you do anything drastic.
Other than that, you really haven't even done anything wrong. Just try not to do anything else.
Other than that, you really haven't even done anything wrong. Just try not to do anything else.
Is it just me who feels this *Guy* is playing the innocent im genuine guy act in the hope it will get him what he wants, then after that it will all go down hill???
Point being when this guy has interest from other lovely girls he would soon forget you in this way, hes just player ie puts you in situations where you get close then he backs off then lets things get close again etc etc
Point being when this guy has interest from other lovely girls he would soon forget you in this way, hes just player ie puts you in situations where you get close then he backs off then lets things get close again etc etc
Reply 3
guys are ****s, become a lezzer
You obviously love your boyfriend a lot! What you feel for this other guy seems like strong attraction but not love. Its perfectly ok and natural for people in a relationship to be sexually attracted to others, and to have 'thoughts' about people other than their partner. What you've done isn't cheating, tho it sounds like you let yourself get dangerously close. You can't help your feelings for this other guy, but if you love your boyfriend try to stay away from him in future (the guy, not the boyfriend), especially when you're drunk and having to spend time in intimate situations together. The feelings should go away with time.
Reply 5
Thank you all so much, it's refreshing to hear the advice from guys.
I wouldn't ever let myself go further, I've learnt from my mistakes.
MNBStyle, that thought crossed my mind too. But he's spoke before about wanting to settle down and have a relationship because he's fed up of sleeping around etc. He's also told me about his "best relationship ever" and how he so regrets "*****ing it uo". So I don't know, maybe he is being genuine? Not that it makes it easier or makes me want to get closer.
I wouldn't ever let myself go further, I've learnt from my mistakes.
MNBStyle, that thought crossed my mind too. But he's spoke before about wanting to settle down and have a relationship because he's fed up of sleeping around etc. He's also told me about his "best relationship ever" and how he so regrets "*****ing it uo". So I don't know, maybe he is being genuine? Not that it makes it easier or makes me want to get closer.
Reply 6
Oh damn, I forgot to post anon. on the post up there. Now I can't delete it. Gr. We never saw it did we..
Anonymous
MNBStyle, that thought crossed my mind too. But he's spoke before about wanting to settle down and have a relationship because he's fed up of sleeping around etc. He's also told me about his "best relationship ever" and how he so regrets "*****ing it uo". So I don't know, maybe he is being genuine? Not that it makes it easier or makes me want to get closer.
Maybe but alot of guys will use that tactic, consider the following.
Guy: Oh i really want to settle down im fed up of sleeping around etc etc, and i want it to be you.
You end up saying yes, he has you for abit then moves on, basically making out you want to settle down is a great way of getting the girl you want into bed.
No genuine guy would even in the slightest attempt to go for another guys girlfriend especially a mates, no matter how much they may feel for the girl.
Reply 8
Sorry but if I was your boyfriend and found about said touching and stroking, I'd be rather cheesed off. In fact I am sure most people would. So in that sense it is kinda as bad as cheating, especially given your feelings.
Reply 10
Yeah, that's why I feel so guilty. I know I'd go mental if he did that to a girl :s But, I know that is was wrong, and I'm not even gonna justify it, or try to.
MNBStyle: I do see where you're coming from, but tbh it doesn't seem to me that's what he's done. Like when he spoke abou this past r.ship, he didn't do it in a sleazy way or to hint. He's not that sort of guy. I know I sound so cliche, but seriously he's really genuine and sweet.
Anyway, thanks again peeps!
MNBStyle: I do see where you're coming from, but tbh it doesn't seem to me that's what he's done. Like when he spoke abou this past r.ship, he didn't do it in a sleazy way or to hint. He's not that sort of guy. I know I sound so cliche, but seriously he's really genuine and sweet.
Anyway, thanks again peeps!
Anonymous
I know I sound so cliche, but seriously he's really genuine and sweet.
So genuine and sweet he would prefer to attempt to break up a healthy relationship rather than find a girl for himself???
There doesn't seem to be 1 genuine thing about this guy apart from he genuinally knows how to mess with your head and push the right buttons when he wants a reaction from you, like with him stroking you and touching your lips with his fingers, any genuine guy wouldn't remotley attempt such a thing and ignore the urge and get on with it.
Your boyfriend is genuine can you imagine him doing what this guy is doing???? i dont think so
Reply 13
Gah..
DaintyDuck!
Thing is, by the way you are talking, and slightly defensive of him (and I mean not to judge you or criticize) then it does seem you really really like him! So, maybe you should try to block him out for a week and if you are still thinking about him then you should start thinking about the better man and making a decision. But don't cheat, split up if you think you prefer the other dude. Anyway, it is hard to resist temptation...I've been at a party where I slept (as stayed overnight) on the sofa and my friend's brother came and slept next to me for a while, got kind of close & on the same night one guy stared into my eyes and moved towards me to kiss but managed to down more drinks and escape it haha. & That was me being single, but still resisted as I don't know...I like to develop relationships...
I think its more seeing what you want to see rather than defending him, no offence to anon
Reading your story I could not help but think back to a family guy quote:
"-Hey, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work?
-I say Sheryl’s gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors!"
One question why didn't you just sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend you cow.
"-Hey, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work?
-I say Sheryl’s gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors!"
One question why didn't you just sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend you cow.
DaintyDuck!
Well yeah I guess...but hmm kind of confused with them at the moment
I love them when it's going smooth...otherwise I frickin' hate ze lotta ya
I love them when it's going smooth...otherwise I frickin' hate ze lotta yaYeah i find women confusing as well but im attracted to them so i guess i love women, however most the time i frickin' hate ze lotta ya also :P
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