Being Different: My Life

I'd like to toy with the anonymous function, for the same reason we all use aliases as our online names, but for now I warn you - this post may get long and in the end result, may seem pointless. Yet, you may find it deeply interesting and refreshing. If you are one that finds emotion and social issues a bore, you'd be best off reading something else.

Age: 21
Gender: Male
Occupation: 2nd Yr Undergraduate
Nationality: British
Residence: England
Health: Excellent (see - Family Origin)
Ambition: Aiming high and well driven
Religion: None
Belief of God: None
Political Ideology: Open Minded, Democratic

There are many individuals on this fantastic forum posting about how they're confused or worried about their life, not thanks to injury or disease, but perhaps because they see themselves as "anti-socials" among an environment of "out-goers".

I always find those topics deeply fascinating to read because I too am one of those people. One of those "stayer-inners".

I am a happy person, actually, probably more than happy. But its not a "happy" you are probably thinking of. I do not have a smile all day long, i am not hyperactive nor do I bounce around the room talking to everyone and hand out flowers to strangers. But I assure you, I am happy.

You may now be thinking - "Well ok, if this guy is happy, what the heck is he getting at?!" I doubt any human can be mentally healthy, if he/she lived a life in extreme social exclusion, and that is why I am attempting to gather other peoples sentiments on My Life. Perhaps as a natural, self-improvement instinct?

The problem is that when one sees oneself as fairly "different" from those around him, he automatically asks himself, Why? It is this "why?" that triggers the instinct.

Here are 5 issues that I am raising. Each will be numbered, and below such list will be a description of each number corresponding to the issue.

1. I do not like going to clubs
2. I disapprove of intoxication
3. I do not have any close friends
4. I have not yet had ANYTHING to do with a member of the opposite sex
5. I muck about on my PC for ages

My Life: The Issues Raised
--------------------------

1. I Agree With Freud.
There is always a reason. Some people I have spoken to have complemented me as "Mature" and as a "Diplomat". The two combined allow me to be ruthlessly honest with myself, as I openly consider myself an excellent thinker, especially in matters of self-criticism. I don't like going to clubs due to 2 and 3.

2. That Which Will Not Last, Has Limited Value.
My entire family is of Mediterranean origin. The particular country in question, quite frankly, looks down upon regular and heavy drinking as disgraceful. This has undoubtedly rubbed off from my parents onto me even though i was born, raised and still live in England. I like to drink, even conscious of its relaxing effect. I like wines, ales, beers, spirits and all others, but i don't like to drink myself stupid. I am aware of the health risks and so when i do drink, i do so socially and always in taste.

3. Again, Being Honest.
At secondary school, I had a huge group of friends for the entire 6 or so years. Yet at year 10, I grew up in maturity to what some would see in most year 13's both physically and mentally. I began to distance myself gradually in unsatisfaction. By the end of school, I had lost the desire to pursue new friendships as the last couple of years I had grown to think more independently. 5 started to kick in and as a result, my college years were quiet as the remainder of my adolescence fizzled out of me. Now i'm at university and still, no close friends. Of couse I have "utility friends" to which serve a certain purpose (sport & work) until they are no longer conveniently accessible. To these people I may seem their friend, but consciously, i am not theirs because they differ too much from me.

4. Overrated.
This is probably what people find most shocking of all. Im a fairly handsome bloke too (if i may say so myself) tall and dark. I find attractive females very attractive, so the reason i am not bothered about not having sex is twofold: a) Masturbation. b) If i lied about it, none would tell the difference. As for the fact of not ever having been in a loving relationship, this is due to 1 and 5.

5. Quite Simply.
Is due to 3. A pass time.

Conclusion
----------

Am i shy or socially inept? Not at all. I have no problem at all speaking with people and am genuinely interested in their character. The reason I don't go out and have friends is because I have become (and probably was by default) a less socially dependant person. The keyword is dependant, because I am able to remain happy without close friends.
You may ask: "What makes you think you're happy?" I will tell you what I have felt ever since i care to remember:

I have gratitude. I have seen amazing things in my life. Some things people can only dream of experiencing. Trips to places, things learned, things understood, things touched, seen, smelled, emotions embraced, full of ambition and creativity, sensitive, passionate, ruthless and moderate. More than happy.

I think that if you tried 1-4 with a completely open mind then you might enjoy it.

find people...socialising is incredibly important...You should try it...relax about it... At least try it once

2. That Which Will Not Last, Has Limited Value.

It's people like you who organise revolutions and end up ruling us all with an iron fist.

Of course I'm joking, but do you think it's fair to say that you're not so much anti-social as simply not meeting the sort of people you care to socialise with?

Eh? Well that covers life in general, doesn't it...

so since none of our lives will last perhaps we should all be locking ourselves in our rooms masturbating and "embracing emotions and passions" without actually falling in love, connecting with other people or, heaven forbid, letting loose.

your "utility friends" who are obviously a few rungs below you on the ladder of maturity and wisdom.

Having people be interested in the small things in your life, and being privy to the small things in theirs, is maybe the most life-affirming thing I know of. Are these not things that bother you? Is it that you're not friends with people that you like enough to want to do these things with, or do you not have the inclination to do so?

Of course I'm joking, but do you think it's fair to say that you're not so much anti-social as simply not meeting the sort of people you care to socialise with?

does the name Abraham Maslow say something to you?? When I read your post I imagined that you just reached the final step of his pyramid of hierarchy of needs, you are self-actualised and happy so I see no reason at all why you should be bothered that you do not behave according to the expectancies and closed-minded prejudices (like you can be happy only if you have lots of friends) of others...

If you dont have a probel why write about it, if u disagree with other ppls opinions why write it on the board and not in a word doc. to analyse your own self worth?

You just have to find the right kind of people to hang out with.

You say your happy but I (and i think other people on here) get the feeling thats not really true.

Being such a logical kinda person its possible you managed to talk yourself into thinking your more satisfied and contented than you truely are.

I think Theres certain things like friendship, companionship and love that everyone needs as a human being...and cannot really be bypassed by experiences and the things that you learn from your environment.

Maybe you just need to find some different kinds of people to be friends with. More 'adult' like friends. y'know.)

The mind does its best to reach a state where it is not under threat. You force yourself to think you are happy but like you said you are really not...

You quantify your happiness and compare it to others, seeing it as a sort of inferior happiness.

We all need change to keep us thrilled and excited about life. Make a life changing decision something that will throw your whole routine and state of mind in a spin...Move to a different part of the country, start a new degree in a new university, go on a trekking holiday and meet people there. Do something active.

If all else fails get a presciption of something like Diazepam for anxiety or Mirtazepine for depression