The Student Room Group

Breaking up: Rules, DO's & Don'ts!

My bf and I are breaking up soon, and I'd like to know stuff to do, when to start talking again etc. because we split last year for a few weeks and tried to keep talking everyday,and it didn't work,i'd get upset and mad at him etc etc. but we've decided to remain friends and maybe even possibly be **** buddies,but that's for another time. so is there any advice for me or both of us even,like don't speak to him until 5 weeks after etc? thanks. if we get enough tips we can sticky the thread :smile:

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Reply 1
wow well you don't really seem to be in love with him...I mean the way you talk about breaking up with him etc..

personally I would give it a few weeks rest and then catch up..at least you gonna have something to talk about apart from the daily stuff which would make you upset ..

I think that it will be the hardest time when one you finds another partner...just don't freak out and stay cool :smile: no outburst of jealousy and tame your urge to judge their relationship..

that way your friendship might last :biggrin: I believe so..
have you arranged the date when you're going to break up get or is that still under negotiation
Reply 3
the_fridge
wow well you don't really seem to be in love with him...I mean the way you talk about breaking up with him etc..

personally I would give it a few weeks rest and then catch up..at least you gonna have something to talk about apart from the daily stuff which would make you upset ..

I think that it will be the hardest time when one you finds another partner...just don't freak out and stay cool :smile: no outburst of jealousy and tame your urge to judge their relationship..

that way your friendship might last :biggrin: I believe so..


no way! i love him to bits! we do love each other so much! :love: but we've planned this already. because i'm going to uni and he says he can't stand a long distance relationship because it'd be hard on him, and it is because i only get to see him like once a week or once every other week. so we decided we'd break up and remain friends :smile: don't get me wrong lol :smile:
Reply 4
My bf and I are breaking up soon


:confused:

You make it sound like your getting divorced or something, lol.
Reply 5
MagicNMedicine
have you arranged the date when you're going to break up get or is that still under negotiation


well as of two months ago it was end of may,but that was because he wasn't sure of some things.now he's leaving for holiday in july so i think it might be like the end of june. i was thinking of talking about it sometime this week.
Reply 6
Aired
:confused:

You make it sound like your getting divorced or something, lol.


we've been together for more than a year now...seems like more than a divorce :p:
well I tried that too with my ex...but guess what? he's really not helping with the jerkiness attitude he's got right now. we've completely stopped talking now. *rollseyes* if it doesn't work talking to him, lay off him and let him come to you. OTHERWISE give it a year or more...
Reply 8
Definitely don't get really drunk, sleep with him without protection then punch him 3 days later when you see him in a club with another girl. That never works out well.
Reply 9
Shylock
no way! i love him to bits! we do love each other so much! :love: but we've planned this already. because i'm going to uni and he says he can't stand a long distance relationship because it'd be hard on him, and it is because i only get to see him like once a week or once every other week. so we decided we'd break up and remain friends :smile: don't get me wrong lol :smile:


oh well that is a different situation then :rolleyes:
in this case you should (or at least I would do it that way) give a rest for a 2 months maybe.. and then when you start talking again don't mention all the cute guys that you met, dated etc.. :wink:

when I broke up with my frist bf (because he didn't want long distance relationship) it took me like 5 months to find courage to talk to him again(because I knew that he had a new gf which really broke my heart)

but then maybe I'm too sentimental :smile: in the end it all comes down to your personality I guess :rolleyes:
Reply 10
strawberry
well I tried that too with my ex...but guess what? he's really not helping with the jerkiness attitude he's got right now. we've completely stopped talking now. *rollseyes* if it doesn't work talking to him, lay off him and let him come to you. OTHERWISE give it a year or more...


my bf and i are like close lol...that happened with my 'ex',and he only talks about sex and stuff,although we do have normal convo's from time to time...it took a few months before i spoke to him,i blocked him on msn :rofl:
Reply 11
the_fridge
oh well that is a different situation then :rolleyes:
in this case you should (or at least I would do it that way) give a rest for a 2 months maybe.. and then when you start talking again don't mention all the cute guys that you met, dated etc.. :wink:

when I broke up with my frist bf (because he didn't want long distance relationship) it took me like 5 months to find courage to talk to him again(because I knew that he had a new gf which really broke my heart)

but then maybe I'm too sentimental :smile: in the end it all comes down to your personality I guess :rolleyes:


2 months? :s: without a word to each other? :frown:
Reply 12
Shylock
2 months? :s: without a word to each other? :frown:


well maybe it's too extreme...but do you really want to listen to the guy you "loved to bits" how he talks about this really cute girl he met the other day as is going to ask her out? :frown: well...

sometimes guys don't wait too long before they start dating new girls and if he 'll take the friendship attitude really seriously then he will tell you everything..

I wouldn't be able to bear it... depends on how long it will take you to get over him..
If you've broken up before it might take less time to get talking again since its happened before, however I would suggest a couple on months not talking or meeting up, just to get over each other and move on.
Me and my ex tried to be mates after breaking up but I still had feelings for him and he got angry and stressed at me, plus we still slept together, which was worst mistake ever! and now he's cut me out of his life and won't say 2 words to me even on msn.
So deffo leave it a while and as for being f*** buddies, its up to you but if one of you gets anothe bf or gf it could get messy
Good luck though x
Reply 14
the_fridge
well maybe it's too extreme...but do you really want to listen to the guy you "loved to bits" how he talks about this really cute girl he met the other day as is going to ask her out? :frown: well...

sometimes guys don't wait too long before they start dating new girls and if he 'll take the friendship attitude really seriously then he will tell you everything..

I wouldn't be able to bear it... depends on how long it will take you to get over him..


well yeh it'll hurt and all but i'd still like to be mates with him,and hopefully i'll be able to deal...a month and a half sounds ok...or two...:s: when we split it took about..5 weeks for me to begin to feel like i was over him,so two months should be ok right?

what's the average time to get over someone?
Reply 15
Monkey_Maiden
If you've broken up before it might take less time to get talking again since its happened before, however I would suggest a couple on months not talking or meeting up, just to get over each other and move on.
Me and my ex tried to be mates after breaking up but I still had feelings for him and he got angry and stressed at me, plus we still slept together, which was worst mistake ever! and now he's cut me out of his life and won't say 2 words to me even on msn.
So deffo leave it a while and as for being f*** buddies, its up to you but if one of you gets anothe bf or gf it could get messy
Good luck though x


obviously if we find people,when we talked about it,we said we'd tell each other and stop,that is,if we became **** buddies. and we're loyal people on the whole,if he met someone he'd tell me and he wouldn't want to sleep with me,even if i arrived naked at his front door...
Reply 16
Shylock
well yeh it'll hurt and all but i'd still like to be mates with him,and hopefully i'll be able to deal...a month and a half sounds ok...or two...:s: when we split it took about..5 weeks for me to begin to feel like i was over him,so two months should be ok right?

what's the average time to get over someone?


well I don't think that there really is and ultimate average time...really depends on your personallity, commitment and ability to switch partners..

but you seem to a be a pretty down to earth person so 2 months should be more then enough... but then I think you mentioned that you are going to break up before he goes off for holidays...so if he will be away for 2 weeks or so you'll get used to not seeing him and not talking to him...so you might be fine ... don't worry ..you'll manage :wink:
Reply 17
the_fridge
well I don't think that there really is and ultimate average time...really depends on your personallity, commitment and ability to switch partners..

but you seem to a be a pretty down to earth person so 2 months should be more then enough... but then I think you mentioned that you are going to break up before he goes off for holidays...so if he will be away for 2 weeks or so you'll get used to not seeing him and not talking to him...so you might be fine ... don't worry ..you'll manage :wink:


thanks :smile:

i'm going on holiday abroad as well so we won't be able to talk much anyways it's just when i'm back is all.
Reply 18
Shylock
thanks :smile:

i'm going on holiday abroad as well so we won't be able to talk much anyways it's just when i'm back is all.


you're welcome :p: good luck then.. :rolleyes:
Reply 19
Blondybeachbum
Not to sound harsh but wouldn't you be as well just doing it now? I mean your half way there by partially accepting its going to happen, so why draw it out for so long? If its going to happen then why not make it happen now, get your exams done properly instead of worrying about your love life and be over it in time to enjoy a mini holiday romance and start uni with a complete fresh page?
Are you sure you love him and not the idea of being in love with him? after all, if you can say you know when your going to break up eg. may but possibly june, is he going to be 100% comitted? he isn't committed enough to accept a long distance relationship so why should he be committed now?


i thought about it and i wouldn't be able to break up with him right now,exams are in 3 weeks! i'd screw it up.when we split,my grades went down. so that's why we're trying to do it for after my exams.and i do love him,not 'loving the idea of being in love with him'. i'm sure.we're having a fairly long distance realtionship at the mo,and it gets strained sometimes,and i tottally understand,and he does as well,and he's committted! when we split he thought he wasn't but then we got back together we knew he was.so i know he is,and he does show it. he makes so much effort.