Jayne04h
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I'm two months into university and my self esteem and confidence is rock bottom. I've met a few people and made a few friends, but we meet in societies and lectures etc and we don't hang out outside of it.
Today one of the girls in my society turned me down for renting a flat with them because she said the rest of the girls didn't want a 6th person as they think they have enough. I've just realised that i have no one to call a real friend here and i feel completely alone. I skype and texts my friends at home every day and i'm going to see them in the holidays, but i just feel empty and sad and i need to know that it will get better.
I don't like the societies that i'm in. One of them no one talks, we just sit and listen to a man talking for an hour. The other, because i'm shy, is hard to talk as it's mostly group conversations, so i'll just listen rather than speak myself.
I would start more societies but with exams in January i really need to start revising for them.
Does anyone have any advice, or hopefully stories where you feel the same? My dad said people he's talked to say that the 2nd term is better, but i feel like i should have made friends by now.
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Trottoir
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why dont you invite people out? have you tried that? x
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Anonymous #1
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I know exactly how you feel. In my final year of uni now and can remember feeling the same.
you've only been there for such a short amount of time! you can't really expect to make life long friends in 2months! it will definitely get better over time. My advice would be to just keep putting yourself out there. Don't give up and isolate yourself, keep trying the best you can and it will definitely get better.
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Jayne04h
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I don't know why to invite out. Sometimes my roommates do stuff together (rarely) but they are international so they will be gone in a few months. My two friends at lectures have boyfriends, girlfriends and other friends they hang out with on the weekend, and the two people in my society as so hard to talk to. I ask them questions all the time and they reply, but then there's silence and i don't think i could take that if we went somewhere. They all have friends and are closer because they go on trips that i can't go to because of my lectures, so i feel like i'm tagging along.
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Theflyingbarney
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I'm finding myself in much the same situation as you, OP - I didn't do so well at making friends during Freshers' week as I was rather overwhelmed by the whole moving-away thing, and since then every time I try to join in doing something with the few friends I do have, it feels like I'm massively gatecrashing their friend groups which by now are fairly well established. So even though I have no advice for you, at least I can empathise!
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Jamie95
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(Original post by Jayne04h)
I don't know why to invite out. Sometimes my roommates do stuff together (rarely) but they are international so they will be gone in a few months. My two friends at lectures have boyfriends, girlfriends and other friends they hang out with on the weekend, and the two people in my society as so hard to talk to. I ask them questions all the time and they reply, but then there's silence and i don't think i could take that if we went somewhere. They all have friends and are closer because they go on trips that i can't go to because of my lectures, so i feel like i'm tagging along.
You could say something like "I'm think about going to see "Movie Name" at the cinema, do you wanna come?"

And when you get 1 person to go with you, you can ask somebody else and say:

"Hey, me and "friend Name" are going to the cinema to see "Movie Name", do you wanna come?".

And keep doing that!

Also try different things instead of the cinema, like Nando's or whatever.
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kat0320
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Wow! I feel exactly the same :/ my housemates are okay and we used to do things together but now one girl from my house and a girl from next door who always hanged out with us became best friends and i feel isolated :/ i have few friends on my course but i sometimes feel like they just want to be friends in lectures and dont want to do anything at the weekends or evenings ;/ i keep thinking they made great friends with their housemates and thats who they're spending all their time with, but my housemates aren't as close to eachother now so i feel like some weekends i will be stuck in my room on my own i wish i could make friends and have a nice group of them with whom i'll be able to do various things but most of my housemates are only up for drinking and never want to do other things like cinema etc ;/ now im really worried about housing next year cause i have few options but i have no idea what will work out and thats making me feel even worse :/ what uni are you at?
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Tom_88
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Offer to make your flatmates some dinner some evening.
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Valentas
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Here's a significant quote you must apply:

" I have made more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in other people than in two years trying to make others interested in me. " If you are sensible enough, you will use this. Every human being wants to be important and you will show your interest in them by talking and letting them to tell about themselves. Then you just made a friend, especially if a conversation was pleasant and you were like-minded.

good luck.
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Billton
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(Original post by Jayne04h)
I'm two months into university and my self esteem and confidence is rock bottom. I've met a few people and made a few friends, but we meet in societies and lectures etc and we don't hang out outside of it.
Today one of the girls in my society turned me down for renting a flat with them because she said the rest of the girls didn't want a 6th person as they think they have enough. I've just realised that i have no one to call a real friend here and i feel completely alone. I skype and texts my friends at home every day and i'm going to see them in the holidays, but i just feel empty and sad and i need to know that it will get better.
I don't like the societies that i'm in. One of them no one talks, we just sit and listen to a man talking for an hour. The other, because i'm shy, is hard to talk as it's mostly group conversations, so i'll just listen rather than speak myself.
I would start more societies but with exams in January i really need to start revising for them.
Does anyone have any advice, or hopefully stories where you feel the same? My dad said people he's talked to say that the 2nd term is better, but i feel like i should have made friends by now.
It's incredibly shallow but...
Make cookies
My boyfriend used to go on at me all the time about one of his flatmates who was always baking! It's a great ice-breaker and it's pretty cheap aswel, I know I couldn't really afford to go cinema and nandos for bonding!
Then once you've properly broke the ice so it's no longer as hard to talk to them, you can concentrate on building friendships not centered around baked goods!
Chin up, I had 2 friends in first year. In 2nd year I made a few more. Now 3rd year has come about I know most people on my course
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Hellomynameis1
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I am seriously in the same boat, Literally don't know what to suggest. I want things to get better but at the same time I feel so anxious and wary about what people think of me I tend to just isolate myself. It's horrible
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bonesbones
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I had exactly the same problem last year, I started university in September 2012 and ended up dropping out in May last year, largely because I had no friends and nobody to talk to. By the end of it all I was so lonely and sheltered that I'd developed severe depression and anxiety, I couldn't even find the energy to get out of bed most days (never mind leave my room). It was a horrible experience but now that I've left and come back home, I've come to recognise all of the mistakes that I made and the opportunities that I missed, and now I'm itching to go back this September and give it another go.

If you are feeling overwrought with the stress of forming social groups, it's always a good idea to go and speak to your personal tutor/whoever's responsible for you in your department and ask them what your options are. Once I'd built up the courage to arrange a meeting with mine, he was a great comfort and helped me a lot with regards to deciding what I wanted to do. I'd earnestly say that as difficult as it might be, you should keep at it for a while and try some different approaches to socialising. Exam results are less important than your personal well-being and comfort, so if there are any societies you think you might like to join I'd encourage you to go for it, it won't do you any harm to try. I could never form any meaningful friendships with coursemates of mine either, so I can't really advise you there, but I'd say it's worth preserving what you already have and at least identify a designated acquaintance to meet with and sit next to in lectures, as it could very well grow naturally into a more profound friendship. Taking small steps and asking people even the simplest, most mundane questions about their day or their upcoming assignments/whatever is a really big help. I know I'm not really the best person to advise you on this but in my experience this is what I would have done differently, I understand exactly how you feel and I'm totally willing to help you in any way I can. You can do it!
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redleader1
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I was in the same situation when I started uni but the thing was, I needed time to settle in, thats what you should. Next time you go to a lecture sit where a lot of people will be. Then you can just start talking, and take it from there, thats what happend with me. Give it time.
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Anonymous #2
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I know how you feel.
My undergrad was great though, found people on my course much friendlier than in halls so lived with them in 2nd/3rd year.
I'm a postgrad, move to a different uni after my undergrad.
Been here a year now, and still feel like I have no friends outside of uni, and those I only see whilst studying etc.
I don't know what to do any more.
I live with a girl, but she's never about, always with her boyfriend! And mines miles away

I feel like I don't even have my friends back home anymore, as it's been so long since we've all lived near each other etc.
I keep thinking I should join a society or something, but there so full of people wanting to go out out a lot, which just isn't my thing.
I just want people to talk to / hang out with / go shopping with
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Lily93
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I'm in the exact same situation. I've just finished first year and going back into accommodation with an all new flat to try and meet more people. I guess the only thing we can do is keep trying. I'm sure it will get better. At least it's nice to know we're not the only ones going through this
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TheAnusFiles
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(Original post by Lily93)
I'm in the exact same situation. I've just finished first year and going back into accommodation with an all new flat to try and meet more people. I guess the only thing we can do is keep trying. I'm sure it will get better. At least it's nice to know we're not the only ones going through this
Just meet as many people as possible and then it should fall into place
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Stinkum
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Pffft that's nothing. I've done more than 4 years at uni, still haven't made even a single friend to this day.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Stinkum)
Pffft that's nothing. I've done more than 4 years at uni, still haven't made even a single friend to this day.
You've not made a single friend? I'm really sorry to hear that, why do you think that's been the case?
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Stinkum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You've not made a single friend? I'm really sorry to hear that, why do you think that's been the case?
Not a single friend. The only contacts I have on my phone are family members, no facebook. No friends at all. It's because I'm boring, dull and completely uninteresting. I have nothing to offer people. I can't make conversation. Everyone avoids me.
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✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈ ✈
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(Original post by Stinkum)
Not a single friend. The only contacts I have on my phone are family members, no facebook. No friends at all. It's because I'm boring, dull and completely uninteresting. I have nothing to offer people. I can't make conversation. Everyone avoids me.

:jumphug:
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