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Boyfriend doesn't like one of my best friends

She's my best college friend and I see a lot of her. however, my boyfriend doesnt like her and finds her really annoying. when we are all hanging out together, its usually ok, but he often winds her up (nothing horrible, just a bit of pisstaking), and then she'll come to me saying she cant take the way he is with her. its driving me nuts!

Its come to a head recently, with his plan to plant alarm clocks in her room to go off in the middle of the night. Just a bit of fun really, but i know that she'll take it badly.

Any advice...?

Reply 1

the_fridge

my brother hates almost all his girlfriend friends ... so he just avoids being with them..which is kind of nice because she (my brothers gf) gets her own space in their relationship ...

your boyfriend appears to be quite immature when he behaves the way he does..if he doesn't like her he should respect that she's your friend and leave her alone... I think you should explain this to him.. :rolleyes:

Reply 2

insparato

15

Ask your boyfriend to be nicer tell him that she takes this kind of thing more sensitively than he thinks. He should understand, as being more liberal with your bestfriend will make you happier and im sure thats what he would want right?

Reply 3

Tyler Durden

17

Well I'd be pissed off with the alarm clock thing; maybe your boyfriend is being inconsiderate but you see his actions through a slightly rose-tinted lense? I'm not saying that's how it is, but it's a possibility. It's a bit like the in-laws cliché really, and the best way around that is just to make sure you tread with a bit more care around certain people. If she is sensitive then he should be sensitive to her sensitivity (if only because that's the most sensitive way to handle a sensitive problem without your having to get too involved which could inevitably make you seem insensitive to one or both of the involved parties). If he doesn't give her reason to complain then nothing can really go wrong.

Reply 4

JudeX

Your mate should try giving as good as she gets - turn the tables a bit. He'll get bored of it soon.

Reply 5

keenya2006

Tell him to suck an egg and die--friends come first

Reply 6

Tyler Durden

17

keenya2006

Tell him to suck an egg and die--friends come first

Do they now? Which famous philosopher came out with that one?

Reply 7

insparato

15

keenya2006

Tell him to suck an egg and die--friends come first

Bit harsh that you dont know anything about her boyfriend although i see it something thats abit insensitive myself he might not realise this is effecting scarlet ibis and her bestfriend i wouldnt jump to conclusions about going sucking eggs and etc... constructive criticism is better to give.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Your boyfriend fancies your best friend. He's trying to get a one to one with her. If he hasn't already...

And how old is he...5? Tell him to grow up.

Reply 9

The Albatross

OP

12

i know its immature. i've been trying to convince him not to do it. but its just his sense of humour. i know he'll never manage it anyway. she has some idea about it, and wouldnt leave him alone in her room!

i have talked to him, and her, about it. its been going on for a year or so now. he was really nice to her for a while, but seems to be getting back to his old ways...

Reply 10

brimstone

7

Friends come first - they're always there for you.
Boyfriends come second - they'll come and go.

Reply 11

Ron Stoppable

14

brimstone

Friends come first - they're always there for you.
Boyfriends come second - they'll come and go.

^ As in I'll be there for you... F*R*I*E*N*D*S ? :wink:

Very good point though. Social groups carry way more value than individual relations.

Reply 12

The Albatross

OP

12

but he's part of my social group. he's also my best friend. they're both important to me. i wouldn't really put one above the other in this situation. he isnt right to to take the piss out of her, but she can be a bit annoying sometimes.

Reply 13

the_fridge

scarlet ibis

i know its immature. i've been trying to convince him not to do it. but its just his sense of humour. i know he'll never manage it anyway. she has some idea about it, and wouldnt leave him alone in her room!

i have talked to him, and her, about it. its been going on for a year or so now. he was really nice to her for a while, but seems to be getting back to his old ways...

well did it came to a stage where she said: choose between him and me?
(or the other way around) ...if it's not TOOO serious that you shouldn't let it bother you too much..if it's his sence of humour (and it's not only her whom he treats that way) and she manages to understand him (at least a bit) then it should be fine.. as you said that it's been going on for a year.. well then maybe their personalities really clash and you can't do anything about it (apart from trying not to be together with them at the same time)...but I still think that your boyfriend should finally grow up, sorry :redface:

Reply 14

The Albatross

OP

12

she'd never say that.
its just they dont get each other. they never have. i can see both sides. she can be annoying, and she overreacts to what he says, which makes it more fun for him (not just him actually - other friends take the piss jokingly too).
meh, its like you say - a personality clash. i will just have to continue to do what i've always done and veto some of what he says and does, and and try to make her see that its just a bit of fun.

Reply 15

dede

11

You know the saying "bros over hos"? (Well, in this case since you're a girl I guess it would be "chicks over dicks". Anyway.) I'm not sure that's fully applicable, as you did mention that he is your best friend as well. It doesn't sound like either of them are going to make any ultimatums any time soon ("Her or me" etc.) so I think you just need to have a serious talk with each, separately, and tell them you would appreciate it if they would try to get along as they both mean a lot to you.

Reply 16

the_fridge

scarlet ibis

she'd never say that.
its just they dont get each other. they never have. i can see both sides. she can be annoying, and she overreacts to what he says, which makes it more fun for him (not just him actually - other friends take the piss jokingly too).
meh, its like you say - a personality clash. i will just have to continue to do what i've always done and veto some of what he says and does, and and try to make her see that its just a bit of fun.

yop I fully agree :rolleyes:

(I just hope it wont become to tiresome though :wink:

)

Reply 17

dan89

friends come first, and if ur boyfriend doesnt like ur mate then why does he hang out with her?? its not rocket science, if u dont like someone just keep out of their way!! xx

Reply 18

pol_student

8

I think you should keep this friend and your b/f out of each others way. They both need to be told that you like both of them, that you aren't going to choose, and that they should both grow up and live with that fact!

Your b/f sounds like he needs taming a bit though - try and get him to be more sensitive towards your friend and try and help you friend to see the better/nicer side of your b/f.

Reply 19

The Albatross

OP

12

thx for the advice peeps! keep it coming tho!

Boyfriend doesn't like one of my best friends

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