The Student Room Group

Feeling tremendously ****.

Hello there. I was wondering if the good people of TSR would be so kind as give me some advice? Here's the basic outline of my situation (I'm sorry it's so long!):

A couple of weeks ago, at a house party, I met and got together with a lovely bloke, five years older than me (I'm eighteen, he's twenty-three). We immediately clicked, and more or less spent four days straight together. The following weekend, we went to a club, and then a rave together.

On the way back from the rave, we had a really long conversation, by the end of which I had a distinct feeling of closure. Sure enough, when we got back to his, he broke up with me, justifying himself by saying that we were 'in different places as people', which is fair enough. I was really upset at the time as I felt that I'd basically laid myself bare before him - I know we hadn't known each other for a very long time at all, but as I said earlier, we got on really well, and I felt really close to him.

What really got me though, was that a couple of days after that, one of my best friends got back from her holiday and told me in so many words that almost immediately after we broke up, my ex came on to her really strongly, and that she didn't know what to do about it. Naturally, I felt really **** about it - but she liked him, and besides, who was I to give her my permission/blessing, anyway? She means a lot to me, and she'd just had a pretty messy break-up with her boyfriend, so she needed whatever comfort she could find.

I told her I was fine about it - that I felt really weird about it, but that I'd be okay after a couple of days. Naturally, I was lying through my teeth, but I decided to just put up a front and deal with it. My ex came up a couple of days later, and they immediately hooked up. I know I brought this upon myself, but seeing the two of them together really, really hurts and I just can't bring myself to spend time with them.

Am I being immature about this? I know there's nothing I can do, really, excpt move on, but seeing them together and spending time with the two of them is a constant reminder of what happened and I'm not really sure how to come with it, without losing my best friend. :frown: I'd be really grateful if you lovely people could give me some advice!
Of course u aren't being immature about it, this would be a painful situation for anybody. Pretty insensitive on his part, if you ask me...you have every right to avoid him. I'm sure your friend will be understanding if you're honest to her about it, so she won't be offended if you don't feel like seeing the two of them together.

good luck,
cat
It was a bit mean of your friend to do that to you, that guy sounds a bit of a rat to me, i think your friend will soon find out what hes like, sounds as if hes going round and having his cake and eating it, and he does not sound much of a lovely guy.

You have a right to feel awful and upset.
Reply 3
dunno really, seems like a ****ty situation, use it as a learning curve and try to avoid that friend when shes with him for a while in person, but communicate other ways to show that your not trying to avoid her.
I agree with all of the others... your friend should have perhaps not started seeing him, and you should avoid him as much as possible. I don't think that it is wrong or inappropiate that you feel this way, although, maybe next time, take things a little more slowly and try not to get so attached so fast?
Reply 5
I know I got attached far too quickly - it's just that, when you spend so much uninterrupted time with a person, especially for someone as emotionally-driven as me, it gets a little hard to stay... aloof, for lack of a better word? I just find it really difficult to pace myself when it comes to that sort of thing, so I suppose that in a sense I brought this whole situation upon myself.

My friend was very open about the whole thing, also: she wouldn't have got with him had I not told her I was okay about it. She's still feeling really guilty about it right now, but she needs the stability far more than I do. Doesn't stop if from hurting, unfortunately!

Thanks for helping out, it's really appreciated. I feel like such a whinge, haha.
Reply 6
Ack! So much for Anon.
Reply 7
Ah well, I suppose there's not much to be done, is there? :smile: It just feels a bit weird, putting up a front like that - I mean, last night, at around 2 a.m., I spent roughly an hour trying to comfort her about her ex and her current boyfriend, and... Gah. Just not a very nice situation to be in.

Thanks for your support and advice, lovelies.
Jandarini
I know I got attached far too quickly - it's just that, when you spend so much uninterrupted time with a person, especially for someone as emotionally-driven as me, it gets a little hard to stay... aloof, for lack of a better word? I just find it really difficult to pace myself when it comes to that sort of thing


I know EXACTLY what you mean... I've done the same thing before! :frown:
Yeah you feel you can't say no. I've had this istuation and the girl (used to be my best friend) and I no longer speak. But a friend that would be so insensitive isn't worth it at all. I hoipe you have some better friends you can rely on because those two sound like they deserve each other...
Even if you were fine with 'breaking up' then I can still see why you would feel awkward about the current situation. Mabye you should talk to your friend though and ask if she wouldn't meet up with him around you. Also ask her about why she got together with him and lightly suggest could it be possible that she got him on the rebound, which is apparently where you meet the worst guys.