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Girlfriend affecting uni choice?

I'm sitting here, less than two weeks before I have to reply to my UCAS offers, with no real preference between my top 2 choices of universities.

I've been in this situation for a couple of months, but about a month ago I started going out with my girlfriend. We haven't been together long, but we've "clicked" in a way that I've never experienced before.

She's going off to uni next year, but I'm taking a gap year. We've discussed what will happen when she goes to uni, and we're both willing to try a long-distance-relationship if we're still together then. Her uni is about 3 hours away, so we both think it could work.

The problem comes about when I try to decide between my two top choices of unis. Basically, one of them is about an hour from my girlfriend's top choice, and and the other is about 6-7 hours away. I feel as if picking the far-away uni would be destroying any chance of our relationship working out in the long run, because it's just such a long distance.

What I'm asking is, is it stupid to let the distance from my girlfriend's uni affect my decision, when in all probability we won't even be together when I go off to uni? I'm currently in the process of weighing the pros and cons of each uni, and I find myself wondering if considering this as a factor is naive.

Thanks for reading my inane ramblings; any advice appreciated.

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Reply 1

dsch

These are the choices you have to make for you. Don't feel bitter when you chose the wrong uni, mess up your life after splitting up with her ages ago.

Reply 2

El Scotto

go where you want to go and pefer. ya know the saying. When a woman starts to rule your life... you need to take away her trousers and start wearing them yourself.

Reply 3

ChemistBoy

It's not stupid, it's another genuine factor that will affect your choice - you have to try and balance out these things, however you are quite lucky that one of your top choices is so close to your girlfriend not a university lower down the pecking order.

Reply 4

Jack0

Speaking from experience - do NOT let your girlfriend affect your choice of university. You go to the university that's best for you in terms of the course, accomodation, night life etc etc. You don't know what's gonna happen with your girlfriend in the future, so don't let it influence your choice.

Reply 5

Tyler Durden

Put it this way, don't let it play any serious role in your choice. If you really are at the flipping-a-coin-to-choose stage, then perhaps you can just go for the nearer one, but if your heart's telling you to go with the further one then you should just go with that. It's only been a month!

Reply 6

so_this_is_sam

I agree with the person 2 posts above.Although many people do choose their uni with their gf/bf in mind, many also realise the importance of choosing the right uni for themselves. Two of my friends who have been together for three years have had to make this decision and both have chose the best uni for them. They have made the hard decision to break up at the end of the summer and go their separate ways, and these are 2 of the cleverest people I know. For a lot of people, going to university is like a new start. On the other hand another friend has been in a relationship for 1 and a half years, and she is going to the same uni as her bf, hasnt even considered anywhere else. personally i feel quite sorry for her because she has let her heart get in the way of her head. you have to make the right decision for you. dont let your gf influence your choice....its hard but this is one of those times when you have to be selfish...

Reply 7

ChemistBoy

It is entirely a personal decision - most people are at a stage where relationships are not so strong and a bit transient and so they must be put in second place - some people aren't though and you are the only person who can decide that.

Reply 8

smilee172

in my opinion u should think as though ur not with her.. if u didnt know her, where wud u choose? make a list of pros and cons of both unis or something like that (excluding the distance thing) and go by that. If u ended up going to the closer uni to her and then u werent with her next sept, and it turns out u dont like the uni that much, u may start thinking u shouldnt have chosen it. whereas if u really do prefer that one, u should go for it, as long as u dont break up and end up thinking 'i should have gone to the other uni.' wow my rambling really makes no sense!!

Reply 9

parag

I remember someone who was meant to go to the same uni as their girlfriend, but they missed their offer and ended up going to another one and his girlfriend then declined her first choice and went to her second choice so she could be with him. He dumped her about a week into term. The point of this story is that sure it'd be nice to go to a uni nearer your girlfriend, but you never know what's around the corner and you'd be better off where YOU think is the best.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Thanks for your help, everyone. I sort of knew everything you've been saying, but I needed to have people confirm it, if you know what I mean.

I'll take a look at pros/cons of each uni, and see where that leaves me. Thanks again!

Reply 11

pol_student

I agree with the others above - pick what's right for you!

I suggest maybe going into the individual uni forums to see what current students at those unis think about them. Some advice from them might help.

Reply 12

q1w2e3r4t5y

when in all probability we won't even be together when I go off to uni?

Why do you think this?

Reply 13

fakeplasticsmee

Because he's taking a gap year. It's so unlikely realistically.

Do whats right for you :smile:

Reply 14

Talya

My boyfriend and I were lucky in that (I think) our top choices of Uni are both the same. Yay :smile:

Just thought I'd share a happy story...

Reply 15

Bottekrank

Go to the place that you want to go to, rather than taking someone else into consideration - you might regret it otherwise. Plus you've only been seeing each other for a month. Obviously this is important too, but it's not the be all and end all of your decision.

Different situation but one of my friends has been seeing this guy for 2/3 years and they applied to the same six unis together! They've got the same firm and insurance choices too now (plus their firm and insurance is in the same city in case one of them doesn't meet their firm conditions). I know they're in love but I don't think a relationship should compromise your university choice to that extent.

Reply 16

q1w2e3r4t5y

fakeplasticsmee

Because he's taking a gap year. It's so unlikely realistically.

Do whats right for you :smile:

In that case, if they're unlikely to be together, there isn't really any point in going to a uni because it's nearer to her... If the choice is really that hard, then choosing the one nearer to your girlfriend might be a good idea in case you do stay together.

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

What is the meaning of life, anon?

Cheers? :smile:

Reply 18

notsoperfect

although i would normally be against just going to a university to be near a girlfriend or boyfriend, in this case you say how you really have no preference between the 6-7 hour away uni and 1 hour away uni. i don't think that picking the uni closer to her would be a mistake, as if you have broken up with her by then, you are still apart by some distance (which would seem longer if you weren't making the effort to be near her). also, you say that you really click - i think you should go for it. it's not like you're picking the exact same uni, and there is SOME distance between, in the worst case scenario.

Reply 19

Ferrus

You'll probably not be going out anymore in 6 months time...

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