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I love my boyfriend but...

...i'm pushing him away. I'm too jealous, I get into a stupid rage where i don't even know what i'm saying or doing. I regret it so much afterwards. I can't lose him, but slowly I am. I don't blame him. How so i stop being such a b*tch? I love him so much, i don't know what i'm going to do. xxx

Reply 1

Ting-Ting

What do you mean when you say 'you're too jealous'? as in you can't stand to see him hanging around other girls? or is it something else?

Reply 2

so_this_is_sam

3

stop being such a bitch?

Learn to trust him.

well either its his fault or your just being too possessive...

Reply 5

lovelee-jublee

12

I was similar... I treated my boyfriend worse than he treats me (he's always caring etc, I'm not) and it seems it was always me that started the rows, for no apparent reason.

However we're much better now, because we talked about it. We got to a point of arguing nearly every night, and decided we either split up or talk it over and do something about it. Neither of us really wanted to split, so we had a good long talk and a cry. I told him I'd change and that I'd be more thoughtful etc. It seems like it will be hard to change, but start off slowly... start by treating him to something when you're out, and to control your jealousy, realise that it's you he is with, not those other girls he may be looking at, or whatever it is you're jealous over.

Just talk with him and get him to tell you what it is he finds wrong, and then you tell him how you're prepared to change for him.

Reply 6

newandslightlyodd

Give him a blow job, that should sort it

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

At certain times of the month I am just a horrible person to be around for him. I don't know how to change or be nicer to him, everything he does just seems to annoy me for like 2 days. I don't know what to do :frown:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

newandslightlyodd

Give him a blow job, that should sort it

you should be a counsellor

thanks for the advice everyone else.

He's at uni, im not we dont see each other very often and it is amazing when we do, it's just other times i get really jealous of him going out with friends because i cant be there or if he talks about girls (or this one particular) in a really nice way. It's irrational i know. I just turn into a complete monster, i can't seem to control it. Now it's even got to small stupid things, like if he's talking to his freinds and not me. I NEVER used to be like this, in fact i detested the thought of it. Now i am like it and i can't seem to find a way out. I do trust him with all my heart not to cheat. He loves me, i know he does. I'm just not very confident and im just waiting for him to find someone more amazing than me, or get so close to his friends that he realises he doesn't need me anymore. The thing is if i carry on he will actually do the things i just said.

Yes yes i have issues. Im an idiot i know

xxx

Reply 9

newandslightlyodd

i think i should be a counsellor too. my speciality is sex, so if anyone ever needs any advice....

Reply 10

the_fridge

personally I'm really jealous too :p:

but fortunately I never express those feelings...they are just inside me but he understands so we talk about it :smile:

that helps QUITE a lot :smile:

he's trying not to be too provocative (because he simply can not talk to a person of opposite sex without flirting with her, unless it's his mother) and I'm trying to by more understanding :smile:

I trust him, so it's not about trust...just this silly feeling inside me...

So first you have to figure out if you trust him... if you don't then you have an issue to deal with ... and as soon as possible otherwise your jealousy wont go away (or you won't be able to control your outbursts)

On the other hand if your b*tchy behaviour is caused by your failure to control yourself (and is not triggered by the fact that you don't trust your boyfriend) then it's all about self control... maybe you should try to talk to him (in a calm mood) about what makes you feel so jealous and how you can work it out..

EDIT: Sorry, I quess I was still writing when you posted that

I do trust him with all my heart not to cheat.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

the_fridge

personally I'm really jealous too :p:

but fortunately I never express those feelings...they are just inside me but he understands so we talk about it :smile:

that helps QUITE a lot :smile:

he's trying not to be too provocative (because he simply can not talk to a person of opposite sex without flirting with her, unless it's his mother) and I'm trying to by more understanding :smile:

I trust him, so it's not about trust...just this silly feeling inside me...

So first you have to figure out if you trust him... if you don't then you have an issue to deal with ... and as soon as possible otherwise your jealousy wont go away (or you won't be able to control your outbursts)

On the other hand if your b*tchy behaviour is caused by your failure to control yourself (and is not triggered by the fact that you don't trust your boyfriend) then it's all about self control... maybe you should try to talk to him (in a calm mood) about what makes you feel so jealous and how you can work it out..

EDIT: Sorry, I quess I was still writing when you posted that

What so i guess if he does something that i feel jealous about i just calmly say "im a bit jealous about blah blah" is that how you do it with your boyfriend? if not how do you? because I can't seem to do manage. Is your boyfriend very understanding? how does he try to help? xxx

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Is there counselling for this kind of thing? xxx

Reply 13

the_fridge

Anonymous

What so i guess if he does something that i feel jealous about i just calmly say "im a bit jealous about blah blah" is that how you do it with your boyfriend? if not how do you? because I can't seem to do manage. Is your boyfriend very understanding? how does he try to help? xxx

Well when I'm jealous I start having this funny look on my face so he kind of figures it out that I don't like what he's telling me (or what he's about to do)..so he asks me what's wrong...and we have a conversation and there are 3 possible outcomes..either he makes me understand that what he's about to do/doing right now should in no way trigger my jealousy (because there is no reason), or we make a compromise and he alters the way he was going to do it (e.g. if his ex ask him to take her to the airport because her car’s broken he simply takes a friend along with him) or he ends up deciding not to do it at all (e.g.: he won't go to a this weekend house his ex invited him to, where they were supposed to stay alone for one night till other people arrived) ..
His personality helps a lot because he isn’t jealous at all.. (maybe only a little bit and only sometimes though) and he really understands that my jealous is just a way of expressing my love etc...

but these thing (conversations about jealousy) don't happed too often..lately not at all actually.. but I can assure that it's all about self control..expecially the outburst.. if you need to release your energy go outside and shout or something along those lines.. I guess that's the key to your problem :wink:

EDIT: there is counseling for almost everything :p:

Reply 14

serious narb

11

er just stop it, simple

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you you're a star! You see the thing is. It's really weird. I KNOW i'd be fine if he was here and i kind of new the situaiton he was in and his friends and the people he saw a lot and stuff...but i don't know anything about them really, i mean ive been to his uni and met his friends and stuff and most of them seem nice. I just feel really left out and scared... i don't know anything really about the other girls he knows. I guess taking deep breaths and being rational is the key huh? So say he tells me he can't talk to me on the phone during the day because he's working but when i phone him that night he tells me he's going out with friends. What do i say to him then? xxx

Reply 16

lovelee-jublee

12

serious narb

er just stop it, simple

It's not that simple though... the OP obviously has a reason for acting the way she does, even if she doesn't know it, so she has to talk with her boyfriend and realise what it is making her act and feel like that.

And no, the person who said give him a blow job, that won't work either.

Reply 17

lovelee-jublee

12

Anonymous

Thank you you're a star! You see the thing is. It's really weird. I KNOW i'd be fine if he was here and i kind of new the situaiton he was in and his friends and the people he saw a lot and stuff...but i don't know anything about them really, i mean ive been to his uni and met his friends and stuff and most of them seem nice. I just feel really left out and scared... i don't know anything really about the other girls he knows. I guess taking deep breaths and being rational is the key huh? So say he tells me he can't talk to me on the phone during the day because he's working but when i phone him that night he tells me he's going out with friends. What do i say to him then? xxx

Maybe you should visit him at his uni and meet his friends? Then you'll get an idea of who he's hanging around with and what he gets up to. Also, make friends with the girls he is friends with... it's better if you get to know them too, as you'll be able to get a good idea of the types of girls they are. If you're a bit wary or unsure of any of his mates then talk to him in private and explain how you feel. Tell him you feel a bit left out and want him to include you more etc, and hopefully you can go from there.

Reply 18

the_fridge

Anonymous

Thank you you're a star! You see the thing is. It's really weird. I KNOW i'd be fine if he was here and i kind of new the situaiton he was in and his friends and the people he saw a lot and stuff...but i don't know anything about them really, i mean ive been to his uni and met his friends and stuff and most of them seem nice. I just feel really left out and scared... i don't know anything really about the other girls he knows. I guess taking deep breaths and being rational is the key huh? So say he tells me he can't talk to me on the phone during the day because he's working but when i phone him that night he tells me he's going out with friends. What do i say to him then? xxx

well the other thing I learned from my boyfriend is to give him space... he once told me that he stops being happy in a relationship when restrictions are put upon him (apart from the usual ones like being faithful but that's not a restriction for him) so since I do trust him.. things would look like this:
- I call him during the day and he says he's busy...so I would be like OK, he's busy he'll call me when he will have time..
- then he calls me the next day and tells me he went out with his friends the previous night...
and instead of starting to b*tch about him not calling me I would ask him (nicely, not with a sarcastic tone) whether he had a good time etc... do you get the idea? you can't even imagine how guys can be grateful for such freedom...if he loves you he'll just too glad that he has you and wont let you go under any circumstances...

but then..maybe you're asking yourself what would you THE WHOLE TIME HE'S NOT CALLING YOU BACK right?? well just find some occupation and let him breath :smile:

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

Oh my god, seriously you must be an amazing girlfriend. I don't think i've ever been that relaxed! Do you actually do that? Right well i'm going to try my best and bite my tongue. Don't you ever get angry at him or jealous?
thank you both lovelee-jublee and the_fridge for your help, im so greateful xxxx

p.s lovelee-jublee, i do kind of know his friends as acquaintances. They don't really have much time for me though i dont think and there's still loads of people i never meet.

I love my boyfriend but...

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