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Going for second best?
When you choose someone to go out with, do you choose them because you can't possibly imagine being more attracted to anyone else or because they were what was available at the time?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
Reply 1
I choose to go out with someone because i generally like them as a person, i could not do it any other way, i mean if you went out with someone just so you could wait for someone you think is better to come along then it only causes heartache.
Reply 2
Anonymous
When you choose someone to go out with, do you choose them because you can't possibly imagine being more attracted to anyone else or because they were what was available at the time?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
wow , I never think of that I just go out with them coz i like them , and things happen......
Anonymous
When you choose someone to go out with, do you choose them because you can't possibly imagine being more attracted to anyone else or because they were what was available at the time?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
I've never thought like that in my life.
I agree with david above.
I go out with someone because I like them. either I do, or I dont. and If I do, Il consider it.
Reply 4
It is a bad idea to go thinking of somebody as being an interim partner until you can find someone you consider to be "better".
I was on the receiving end of this a few years ago, I went out with a girl for whom I was her first real boyfriend. She was a virgin when she met me and had been to an all girls school and didn't have that much experience of males. We had a nice relationship and I was good for her, and she told me after the relationship was over that she was grateful for the way I'd helped build her confidence and make her feel valued.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
I managed to live without her ok.
I suppose I respect the fact that when she met him she went crazy for him and couldn't control that - but maybe I felt I was owed some loyalty. She obviously used me as a confidence builder when she was single and jettisoned me when she thought she had a better offer.
They stayed together for a year and a bit then he got a better offer (of employment, in a different part of the country), upped sticks and left her.
I was on the receiving end of this a few years ago, I went out with a girl for whom I was her first real boyfriend. She was a virgin when she met me and had been to an all girls school and didn't have that much experience of males. We had a nice relationship and I was good for her, and she told me after the relationship was over that she was grateful for the way I'd helped build her confidence and make her feel valued.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
I managed to live without her ok.
I suppose I respect the fact that when she met him she went crazy for him and couldn't control that - but maybe I felt I was owed some loyalty. She obviously used me as a confidence builder when she was single and jettisoned me when she thought she had a better offer.
They stayed together for a year and a bit then he got a better offer (of employment, in a different part of the country), upped sticks and left her.
Reply 5
MagicNMedicine
It is a bad idea to go thinking of somebody as being an interim partner until you can find someone you consider to be "better".
I was on the receiving end of this a few years ago, I went out with a girl for whom I was her first real boyfriend. She was a virgin when she met me and had been to an all girls school and didn't have that much experience of males. We had a nice relationship and I was good for her, and she told me after the relationship was over that she was grateful for the way I'd helped build her confidence and make her feel valued.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
I managed to live without her ok.
I suppose I respect the fact that when she met him she went crazy for him and couldn't control that - but maybe I felt I was owed some loyalty. She obviously used me as a confidence builder when she was single and jettisoned me when she thought she had a better offer.
They stayed together for a year and a bit then he got a better offer (of employment, in a different part of the country), upped sticks and left her.
I was on the receiving end of this a few years ago, I went out with a girl for whom I was her first real boyfriend. She was a virgin when she met me and had been to an all girls school and didn't have that much experience of males. We had a nice relationship and I was good for her, and she told me after the relationship was over that she was grateful for the way I'd helped build her confidence and make her feel valued.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
I managed to live without her ok.
I suppose I respect the fact that when she met him she went crazy for him and couldn't control that - but maybe I felt I was owed some loyalty. She obviously used me as a confidence builder when she was single and jettisoned me when she thought she had a better offer.
They stayed together for a year and a bit then he got a better offer (of employment, in a different part of the country), upped sticks and left her.
what goes around comes around! since her behaviour wasnt good with u she kinda got the same thing happening to her from the guy
when you're with someone it should be because you love them, and when you love someone you think they're the best... there are always gonna be other good people around, this does not mean you should always ensure you have the best of the best - thats just pathetic, since everyone is good in different ways. As long as you love the person and they have a good character then you shouldnt go around looking to see if theres anyone else who seems "better", thats just unethical. Those "better" and "worse" things are humans, not cars or computers, were u want the latest best model
Reply 6
MagicNMedicine
I was on the receiving end of this a few years ago, I went out with a girl for whom I was her first real boyfriend. She was a virgin when she met me and had been to an all girls school and didn't have that much experience of males. We had a nice relationship and I was good for her, and she told me after the relationship was over that she was grateful for the way I'd helped build her confidence and make her feel valued.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
Midway through her first year at university she had a work placement as part of her course, and she ended up meeting a guy who was older than me, had a good job and a bit of money...and she dumped me ruthlessly to get with him.
I'm sorry for you mate. I feel your pain. However, I think that happens more often than people might think. It's just you had the perspicacity to see what happened.
To the people claiming to never think like that: I've never thought like that explicitely either but I have had doubts when going out with someone. Sometimes you go out with someone just because you feel you need someone. If everyone claimed that they just went out with their "ideal partner" every time, well the vast majority would be hypocrites.
I also know loads of friends who set up fallback plans in case things don't work out, usually people who get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.
Reply 7
You go out with someone because your are interested in them and attracted to them. I don't see how you can guage whether they are the best person for you before you go out with them. And you can't tell if you are truly happy until you have the option to leave them. Relationships are trial and error at first so you can't make plans or judgements beforehand.
Reply 8
Anonymous
when you're with someone it should be because you love them
In an ideal world, yes but how often are people together because they love eachother?
Reply 9
Anonymous
I'm sorry for you mate. I feel your pain. However, I think that happens more often than people might think. It's just you had the perspicacity to see what happened.
To the people claiming to never think like that: I've never thought like that explicitely either but I have had doubts when going out with someone. Sometimes you go out with someone just because you feel you need someone. If everyone claimed that they just went out with their "ideal partner" every time, well the vast majority would be hypocrites.
I also know loads of friends who set up fallback plans in case things don't work out, usually people who get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.
To the people claiming to never think like that: I've never thought like that explicitely either but I have had doubts when going out with someone. Sometimes you go out with someone just because you feel you need someone. If everyone claimed that they just went out with their "ideal partner" every time, well the vast majority would be hypocrites.
I also know loads of friends who set up fallback plans in case things don't work out, usually people who get a lot of attention from the opposite sex.
I must say, although I feel sorry for the guy whose gf left him, not all situations are the same. Whilst with my bf of 14 months, I met a guy who became my best mate. We were inseperable and it was all great that I had a great bf and a great best mate. Then, I realised I was really falling for my best mate, and I wanted so badly to tell him hgow I felt. I went through the agony of watching him fall for another girl and get his heart broken, all the time thinking "why doesn't she appreciate him?". Meanwhile, my bf was getting more and more nasty, being spiteful and extremely possesive (telling me I looked better WITHOUT makeup (not as flattery, but so that other guys wouldn't look at me as much). Meanwhile, my best mate was there for me, lovely and kind. On the first day i met him, everyone at school was saying how he was the male equivalent of me. Anyways, when I realised I had fallen in love with my best friend (and this was a huge deal for me; I'm not one to go round falling in love all over the place), I decided not to jeapordise my relationship with my bf, so I started avoiding my best mate (Callum) like the plague. It also helped to not be constantly seeing him fawning over the girl he liked at the time. Anyways, after really working on my relationship with my bf, and sometimes getting some results, things got really confusing when my bf started to really neglect me for the first time ever. I'm talking randomnly refusing to kiss me at a party (which I didn't put up with) and telling me he didn't love me enough, and other spiteful things. Ok, I didn't exactly keep quiet when he was being a dick; I stood up for myself and so we started to spend all time together having these horrible bitter rows. Meanwhile, I started to resent him for treating me that way when I had avoided my best mate so as not to jeapordise our relationship. eventually, during our worst row ever, I blurted out "i was in love with Callum, but I avoided him so that we could make a go of things! I doubt you'd do that for me!". We decided (ok, we yelled at each other) that we should go on a break, and it was then that I realised it. I should have told Callum ages ago how I felt. The very next day, Callum overheard me talking about the row with my bf, and basically, one thing led to another and I told him how I felt. He told me he felt the same way. We said "i love you" to each other after one day, because the love had been there for ages, just a slightly different form of love. we've now been together 4 months, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Although quite a few people had a low opinion of me for "going off with someone else", I knew I had done all I could to save my loveless relationship, and my conscience is clear. I spent some time with my ex talking things over, with no view to getting back with him, just so he was clear in his own mind over what had happened. Quite a few people told me that he was lucky that I even did that, after the way he treated me. So, basically, what I'm saying is, it's easy to judge others, but you never know the full story. I feel sorry for the guy, and he probably didn't treat his gf like my ex treated me, but sometimes things can't be helped.
Reply 10
ive been out with people because i fancied the pants off them and wanted to get them into bed. they were temporary but not in the "im still looking for someone else" way because ive never rele looked for an ideal partner.
*edit* going out with someone and having a backup plan or waiting for someone else seems very cold to me. why go out with them in the 1st plce???
*edit* going out with someone and having a backup plan or waiting for someone else seems very cold to me. why go out with them in the 1st plce???
Reply 11
Anonymous
When you choose someone to go out with, do you choose them because you can't possibly imagine being more attracted to anyone else or because they were what was available at the time?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
When you go out with them, do you stay with them just until you find someone better, have someone already prepared in your head in case things don't work out or keep your attention to this one person?
I’m really picky, and never found someone I genuinely liked inside and out, it was always one or the other ( until now
)But before, it was either second best or nothing. And yes I would settle with someone until something better came along. I understand it sounds cruel, but what else was I supposed to do? Force myself to be attracted to every man? :wtf?:
Reply 12
why be with someone at all if you didnt find them attractive???
Reply 13
interesting replies
one question that needs thinking about though is, if you believe there is "someone for everyone", for those of you who are currently in a relationship, what happens if you meet "the one" tomorrow. Someone that completely blows you off your feet. Do you break up your current relationship or just accept that it was the right person but at the wrong time.
one question that needs thinking about though is, if you believe there is "someone for everyone", for those of you who are currently in a relationship, what happens if you meet "the one" tomorrow. Someone that completely blows you off your feet. Do you break up your current relationship or just accept that it was the right person but at the wrong time.
Reply 14
i only go out with someone i really like otherwise i won't be enjoying his company and could both lead us into nowhere... so better start it right
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