lying all the time

Hey,

I have suffered from depression and self harm for a number of years, but I can't see past lying. I tell lies not to better myself or to create a false little world, mainly because I am so insecure with myself and my life, I need to tell the lies, and I begin to really begin what I say.

For example, I am not in a relationship at the moment but have stated I am to some people, knowing they won't find out the truth, as they are college friends who don't live local to me. So, if I go and see a doctor or physcolgist, I tell them the lies sometimes, as I believe them and I know this can't help my treatment

I don't want to lie but i'm also afraid of the truth, and also if I was completely honest, some of my friends would probably not talk to me again. God, this is eating me up inside - I am being honest with you all, as I have posted as anon, and you don't know me.

Furthermore, with my lies I mainly do so as I said to comfort myself, but have done it in the past to manipulate peoples behaviour towards me, is their any treatment for patholigical lying, and is that what im doing?

All help appreciated.

Reply 1

Champagne-Dahling

10

Yes, i think this may be a case of pathological lying, even though the lies don't seem overly massive.

Lies only shield so much, and the pretence must be tiring, and it's obviously worrying you.

Perhaps seeing a counsellor would help, and get right to the bottom of what, in reality, you find to be so difficult to admit to.

Maybe each time you feel the need to lie, you could just not say anything at all? And from there progress to cutting out the lies completely?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

The lie I told you wasn't big I know, but in the past I lied about the dead of a boyfriend, who I wasn't even going out with this guy, just having a bit of fun.

Then I said he had died and have been maintaining this lie for 2 years, and I just feel so guilty, as I wish I'd never said it in the first place.

Prob is, when I go and see people, I end up intending to be truthful and lying anyway :frown:

Reply 3

Champagne-Dahling

10

Why, for the attention? Or did part of you wish the guy dead? (Horrible possibility, but...)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Well, because my relationship to him was in my head, this sounds sad but I broke up with him and then felt left out again as all my friends seemed to be in a relationship, got back with him and couldn't let go again, I knew I had too, and I know it was drastic, but there u go...

Obviously really regret it, I would feel so guilty if anything did happen to him. God well I feel so guilty, just wanna be honest with myself.

I always feel the need to re-tell the lie to new people, I think that's partly because I have convinced myself it's true

Reply 5

theepw

14

Well, you are obviously worried a lot about this.

You have displayed a few examples of lies you have told and how its eating you up inside.

Can't you just put your foot down from today, and just say to yourself, 'no more lies from now on'. Of course, don't go off telling your friends that all those things were complete rubbish, as the reaction could be bad. But from today, start a fresh slate, from now on no more lies.

It might be a hard thing for you to do, but you will feel better and more relaxed, rather than having to feel stressed about making up some elaborate lie. Stop now, or it will just get worse, this can't keep going on, so quite while your ahead.

I'm not sure if you find it that easy, but just think what these lies are going to do to you in the long term, especially if more lies accumulate. You will just be constructing a fake life, try and stop this now, it is for the best!

Good Luck.

Reply 6

littlemissalex

13

hey anon, must say you are brave for actually coming out with what you're saying and you got to think of what you're saying as a great achievment because you are saying the truth out loud (well in writing but its the same thing) and you are recognising you have a problem, which is amazing! Some people get so involved in their lives that they dont even realise anymore that they are lying but you are in control of what you're saying and you know when you're lying and why you're lying.
You need to build your self-confidence and belief in your own abilities and in yourself basically. Are you going to uni this year? If so, its a great time to start a fresh new life, where you can be yourself without giving the fascade of being someone else.
I think you know why you lie and hopefully your counselling will help you realise your problems. I cant tell you the matter because i dont know you but it seems to me that you are trying to pretend to be someone else because you dont like yourself and you think people will like the "new you" (ie the lie) and not you. You shouldnt think that at all! But to be honest, if you confessed your lies to your friends, they would be hurt and might isolate you so i wouldnt confess everything to them. Just focus on yourself and in trying to help you realise that who you are is more than good enough and you dont have to pretend to be someone else, because you are great! :smile:

If you want anything, just PM me xxx

lying all the time

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