The Student Room Group

guy torn between gf and best friend

Basically I'm white and my gf is chinese. Recently things started to get a bit f**ked up. My best friend (who happens to be a girl) who's Japanese started calling her names behind her back for no particular reason since I dated my gf and kept insisting to me not to see her. The 2 don't get along. Until yesterday I heard her saying to my gf how the chinese deserved to be killed by the Japanese during world war II. She even went on and described all the graphic bits of the killing!!:mad: .That's when I couldn't take it anymore. Okay, I know the Japanese and Chinese have never got on but that was just too much.

I love my gf more than anything and at the same time I've known my best friend for more than 10 years.

What can I do?? :frown: :confused:
Advice appreciated.
Reply 1
they say you can tell a great deal about a man by the company he keeps. if i was your girlfriend i would be well out of there. how can you be close friends with someone that vindictive??
Maybe your best friend likes you. The Chinese/Jap thing is so ridiculous now I don't know anyone who cares even a bit anymore (well ppl our age anyway).

Ask your best friend why she hates your gf so much...maybe the two have had some past friendship that turned sour or something? Has your gf ever done anything that would piss off your best friend?
Or maybe since you spend lots of time with your gf, your best friend feels left out now? Have to ask her about it I guess. Could be a couple of reasons.
Good grief I'm Chinese and I live in Japan among loads of Japanese and I don't even have ANY problem with Japanese friends! If your so called best friend allows her heritage's history to overcome rational thought just cos your girlfriend is Chinese, then your best friend is RIDICULOUS
If you're girlfriend was English and you had a German friend taunting her about the Blitz all the time, how would you feel?

When thinking about your girlfriend's feelings, consider the primary school life lesson of "do to others as you'd like them to do for you". Then think about the irony of this when you apply it to your "friend's actions.
does your friends predjudice stem form her parents? if shes been exposed to lots of anti-chinese propoganda then the way she feels is kinda understandable even if it is totaly out of order. just try and keep the two appart.
Reply 6
Geez...I know my grandparents are still a bit bitter about the japanese but they never say such vile stuff!

I reckon your 'best friend' is jealous of your gf....be it her looks, taking up your time or she might even fancy you or whatever. Maybe her family are racist? But this is sooo far back into the past, no one hardly cares about it! let alone a young girl like her!I mean its not as if she was IN the war!

It seems to me that your friend has some sort of grudge against your gf and shes using the excuse with the war to intimidate her.

Or did your gf piss your friend off somehow? does your gf ever say stuff about the war to your friend?

Just keep those two apart...thats the best advice. Although that DOES mean you're in the middle of all this nonsense....hmm, you'd better speak to your friend about this. If she is truly your best friend, she would keep her views to herself and wouldn't say a thing that would hurt you (or your gf). She doesn;t HAVE to get along with your gf, but she should stop bullying her and making you feel guilty about it all.
Reply 7
I dont think I would want to be associated with that "best-friend" of yours. Her racism disgusts me. You should ask yourself if you really wan to be friends with someone like that.
Ting-Ting
Hopes are like sandcastles...they're only built to be knocked down

In the middle of a run around London yesterday, my friend Magali and I built a sandcastle in the most unlikeliest of places - a little stretch of beach we found on the South Bank! And nooooooone can find beaches in London! :biggrin:
Your best friend is SO out of order. I know she's your mate, but she is seriously going to drive your poor gf away. You need to have a good word with her, she's well out of order. Geez, how small minded of her to be like that to your gf. Grr. Poor you too, being stuck in the middle, but yeah, have a good word with her and reassure your gf that you love her loads.
Reply 10
Your best friend is out of order, so I stay lose her stay with your gf....

But usually I always think... Best Friends last a hell of a lot longer than more girlfriends at our age.
good grief, your friend sounds VERY immature...no offense!! maybe she is just jealous of your chinese girlfriend cuz she likes you... I feel sorry for your girlfriend!! you gotta stay on her side n give her some comfort now!

however... i am not ENTIRELY sure of the context of the situation... so... it may be better to console the 2 of them and tell them they are giving you a hard time. does your girlfriend tell you that she hates your best friend?
Reply 12
Ron Stoppable
In the middle of a run around London yesterday, my friend Magali and I built a sandcastle in the most unlikeliest of places - a little stretch of beach we found on the South Bank! And nooooooone can find beaches in London! :biggrin:



Hahaha wait until it rains!:biggrin:
Reply 13
hey guys, thanks for the replies.

No, the 2 didn't know each other until I started dating my gf a few months ago. I can't actually keep the 2 apart. From what I see, its my friend who come up to her all the time. It really did come to me as a surprise the way my friend was treating her, as she's never been like that before. Well, I've never seen that darker side of her. And it really does hurt to see that.

The thing is, my gf is actually very sensitive. Even though she's been exposed to loads of harshness from my best friend, she still insists she's alright and deep inside i know she's really hurt. She hides her feelings most of the time and i really don't know how i can help her (or maybe she still feels insecure around me?)
On the other side, my Japanese friend (had a LONG word with her).....I am actually starting to feel that maybe she does like me you know, more than a friend. You guys are probably right. As I've never seen her behave like this. But really it still hurts to see my friend being rude, and my gf suffering the same time.

Damn, I'm just going to stick with my gf as much as I can now, even though i might regret in the future for not spending enough time with my best friend, i dont bloody care. i dont want to lose my gf.