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Stringing guys along

I've recently been made aware that I have a bit of a tendency to string guys along. Whenever a guy flirts or shows interest I usually flirt back and not intentionally this results in the guy thinkin that I feel the same way. Cause I'm a bit of a wuss sayin 'maybe' or 'I'll think about it' to a guy, for me is preferable to some variation on 'eww no'. I've realized that I do this for 3 reasons:
1) Let's be honest I appreciate the male interest, and I really hate rejecting people.
2) I'm never really sure about my feelings cause they seem to change so much. One minute I'll be really into someone, and then next I'm not so sure...
3) I'm v. insecure so part of me feels like they're kinda joking or not really that interested, so by sayin 'maybe' and seein if they still like me is a bit of a test in a way.

I was just wondering if anyone girls or guys have ever done this...whether intentionally or not.
Also...is it really wrong or just a bit of fun? and should I tell someone plain 'no' if I'm not sure whether I fancy them or not!?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I've recently realised that I do this too, and for the same reasons you've outlined. I enjoy the attention sometimes (let's face it, doesn't everyone?) and I also feel too cruel to tell a guy I'm not interested in them in that way, unless he's an arrogant pig, and then I take great pleasure, lol.

Reply 2

username47781

Well i think everyone has given the wrong impression before course without intention, but yeah i think whatever insecurities you have is making you crave the attention from guys, the problem is when they flirt with you and you flirt back those guys think your interested. Worse still if you flirt with a guy who generally likes you and wants a serious relationship then you reject them it causes a lot of hurt this is the problem with flirting unfortunatly there's always gonna be 1 guy who generally wants you.

I think regarding your feelings they will change alot especially when your say still a teenager, alot of teenagers (not all) don't want to settle down and have a relationship.

Obviously there is nothing wrong with a bit of fun its all normal but yes you got to be honest with the guy otherwise they will get the wrong idea.

Reply 3

Anonymous #3

I have to admit i do the same, im not going to make excuses for it though. I was recently dumped and my ex said some really cruel things, this put me on a low, so the attention i got from guys cheered me up. Since then i havent stopped openly flirting with men, i know its wrong and it will cause harm along the way, but i suppose its raising my self esteem. I know its stupid to do because at the moment im seeing a new guy who i dont really like in the way he likes me. I know that probably makes me a selfish bitch but he is making me feel better, now just to tell him i suppose...

Reply 4

high priestess fnord

flirting is fun as long as u make sure that guys know that its just flirting.

*edit* actually scrap the last bit, flirting is just fun *evil grin*

Reply 5

Anonymous #4

I know some girls who do this and I think it's a bit harsh to be honest. If you're a natural flirt and don't have that much control over it fair enough, but to deliberately string people along is wrong and potentially hurtful.

Out of interest, do guys tend to do the same thing, or is it more of a girl thing?

Reply 6

Icebomb

i flirt with girls all the time and some of them (the ones who string along) flirt back, so its just fun!

the problem comes when i really like a girl, i dont flirt at all, its strange.

Reply 7

Ting-Ting

I realise i do this too...but unintentionally! you know...just generally chatting to guys, laughing at their jokes and etc etc and it seems to take this as im interested! :s-smilie:

This happened to alot of my guy friends and it just ended up awkward and stuff......

But when someone tells me that a certain guy fancies me, to be honest, i do feel flattered coz its a compliment to have someone chasing after you right girls?! But i tend not to encourage them and just have to watch what i say in front of them.

Reply 8

plainjayne

you have just described me there, the worst part is i still do it and have a bf

Reply 9

Emmalina

This is me! Ive realised Im a bitch to men and kinda slutty.
Its kinda because it gets over my selfimage problems but mainly its because I hate conflict and confrontation, and so try not to ever have to say no.

Gak.

Reply 10

frost105

Intentionally or not its a pretty ****ty thing to do a its basically mesing with peoples heads.

Reply 11

high priestess fnord

frost105

Intentionally or not its a pretty ****ty thing to do a its basically mesing with peoples heads.

but u love it rele

Reply 12

Eien

It doesn't seem uncommon, although I have seen it to more extreme extents, such as the need for at least more than one relationship due to personal insecurity. However, it depends on your extent of flirting - if it's for a laugh and you clearly (or indirectly) show that there's nothing more to it then I wouldn't worry too much, although it seems to be perhaps a slightly more serious problem in your case, judging by your concern. Everyone has an outlet for their lack of confidence, some people are very outgoing and will often joke, others (like me) become quiet and say nothing, and others flirt in a similar way to those who "string people along". Most people like this tend to be scared of long term relationships and instead prefer having fun with several. I wouldn't say it was necessarily malicious, but some introspection might be needed to reflect upon how insecurity manifests itself in wanting to string people along. It is understandable, but it's rather a weak mindset to succumb to let others try to fulfil your insecurities. As for me, I am the exact opposite, I can make anybody I like completely disinterested in me and ignore my existence simply by doing nothing! :frown:

Reply 13

frost105

high priestess fnord

but u love it rele

No not at all. My mate used to do it and in the end I refused to go out with her cause all the crap she used to cause. Just cock teasing really.

Reply 14

lizzieD

i realise i do the same as the OP. it's just harmless flirting at the end of the day.

Reply 15

Lawson

Small doses - fine.

Continually - unfair and risky.

If the same person gets flirt based attention from one often enough then it's natural for them to think the overtures are grounded in something. That path leads to hurting.

Reply 16

high priestess fnord

my male friend say that stringing guys along is fun

Reply 17

MagicNMedicine

Don't feel guilty about it girls, guys don't read into things as much as you do so they won't get offended. At some point you will find a guy who leads you on because he wants to get laid and can't find anybody more attractive than yourself at that time, then when he's given you a good rogering he won't waste his time speaking to you again.

Consider stringing males along as retribution in advance, but its the sort of thing girls will get more mardy about than guys.

Reply 18

vicky600

yeh i seem to be the same!! i dont mean to be.. i just seem to flirt without knowing it!

Reply 19

Anonymous #5

All those girls who said they do string guys along, what would you do if a guy you didn't like stopped flirting with you, would you try and get his attention again or just move on to other people?

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