The Student Room Group

cheating

i have been going out with my boyfriend for four years but when i started uni i became really good friends with a boy who also has a long term girlfriend.one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.but we both said we love our partners and dont want to lose them and if we had not have already been with them we would have been great together but we cant seem to let go of each other no matter how hard we try.im feeling so guilty about cheating because it isnt something i ever considered i would do :frown: does anyone have any advice?

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If you truly love your boyfriend then you wouldn't even think twice about cheating repeatedly. Is the fact that you are considering someone else a projection of your insecurity about your present relationship perhaps?
Reply 2
4 years and now you cheat with a guy who's also cheated on his girlfriend. Something there tells me you dont belong in a relationship...
Reply 3
its easy to say that but i always said the same thing and its different when it happens to you
Reply 4
Anonymous
i have been going out with my boyfriend for four years but when i started uni i became really good friends with a boy who also has a long term girlfriend.one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.but we both said we love our partners and dont want to lose them and if we had not have already been with them we would have been great together but we cant seem to let go of each other no matter how hard we try.im feeling so guilty about cheating because it isnt something i ever considered i would do :frown: does anyone have any advice?



Do the right thing and tell your current partner, breaking it off.

How would you like him staying with you even though he couldn't tear himself away from another girl?

Better for both of you in the end - you can salvage the situation if you start acting right.
Reply 5
there must have been some underlying iissues with your long term partner for you to sleep with this new guy... you bored of the 4 year thing?
I kinda did the same thing too with my best mate who also have a partner at the time who was also my friend.

What did i do?
Plunge into the dark depression well of remorse and self hate. Never really recovered from it....my bf forgives me but i can't forgive myself. never spoke to my 'best friend' again and lost the other friend compltetly...Like killing two birds with one stone

You'll have to tell your bf. he deserves to know the truth and then he can decide whetehr he wants to keep you or not. I was lucky that my bf kept me.
Reply 7
I no that he wouldn't forgive me and i really dont want to lose him.....either way im left with the guilt....my bf thought something was going on at first then accepted our friendship so he would be devastated and it would cause a lot of trouble between our friends :s
Reply 8
Anonymous
I no that he wouldn't forgive me and i really dont want to lose him.....either way im left with the guilt....my bf thought something was going on at first then accepted our friendship so he would be devastated and it would cause a lot of trouble between our friends :s


You really can't abuse his trust like this - give him the facts and let him decide! You are in no position to make the decision for him.
I know its scary breaking the news but he does deserve to know the truth and let him make the decision. You already had a chance whether to sleep with your friend or not and you chose yes to it. Now its your boyfriends turn to have that right.

When i told my bf, he pushed me away and wouldnt touch me, let me be near him and cant even look at me...his face would twist in disgust every time he did and that image still haunts me. But i guess thats the punishment i deserve
Reply 10
Cheating is wrong, he put his trust into you and basically you betrayed him, its a bit harsh and yes it does happen regardless of the type of person you have... you musnt continue to lie to him... havent you seen the movies, it will just get worse if you keep it from him.
Reply 11
You dont deserve to be with your current boyfriend. You knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and you knew exactly how much it would hurt him. You deserve every single ounce of pain and regret you suffer from the incident.
Reply 12
Anonymous
its easy to say that but i always said the same thing and its different when it happens to you


Not really considering people including close male friends have came onto me and I haven't jumped into bed with them. You really do not deserve your boyfriend, once a cheat always a cheat and the fact that he was suspicious yet you still carried on? He deserves to know.
I always have a rule that if I seriously want to pull someone else then it means that I don't want the person that I'm with all that much. You can't cheat on someone who you respect and love an awful lot. You need to confess, good luckxx
Reply 14
Hey hey be easy on her. No one is perfect...everyone is allowed one mistake. We all make mistakes right!?
The important thing is to learn from it and never let it happen again..ever! People who make mistakes and dont learn from them, they're the real cheats.

But please do tell your boyfriend...he deserves the truth.
telling him is just going to hurt more so why do it? if u dont want to carry on with this other man then just ignore the whole incident
Reply 16
high priestess fnord
telling him is just going to hurt more so why do it? if u dont want to carry on with this other man then just ignore the whole incident



True, you can just NOT tell him and let the whole thing fade to nothing. But WHAT IF he finds out from someone else?

Put yourself in his shoes...would you prefer for your partner to tell you that they've been cheating on you or would you prefer gossiped rumours to reach your ears? At least if your partner told you, it shows sincerity and how seriously sorry they are about the whole thing.
Reply 17
I think he has the right to know. You cheated on him, and took the decision to sleep with this other guy. Now, I think it's your bf's right to know what you did and how much you hurt him. It's only fair.
Anonymous
i have been going out with my boyfriend for four years but when i started uni i became really good friends with a boy who also has a long term girlfriend.one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.but we both said we love our partners and dont want to lose them and if we had not have already been with them we would have been great together but we cant seem to let go of each other no matter how hard we try.im feeling so guilty about cheating because it isnt something i ever considered i would do :frown: does anyone have any advice?


Well.... think of it this way. The moment this guys girlfriend finds out what is happening, he will probably drop you like a hot potato. The problem is you are having a passionate fling while entertaining notions of what might have been could be. This is never a good combination as it leads you to want both relationships, and in the long run this is not possible.

Basically you are on a path to hurt, you probably know this, but the short term pleasure keeps you on this path anyway. In all honesty you need to bite the bullet and end it. Which is easier said than done, but this will not come to an easy outcome ultimately, no matter what you do.

Jaded
Well you've done a pretty horrible thing to your boyfriend. Make him feel like he's all paranoid about you & this guy, then probably guilty that he didn't trust you...then cheat on him with the guy. That said I'm not here to play judge, jury and executioner because I believe everyone makes mistakes...even really huge ones.

Unfortunately I would say the only course of action is to break this news to your boyfriend. Otherwise it will always be at the back of your mind & may well make you start to feel pretty negative about yourself.

As for the chances of the relationship continuing. Obviously it depends on your man, but cheating on someone will often permanently affect the balance of your relationship. You will always feel like the black sheep of the pairing & he may never look at you the same way again. I'd say the more likely outcome is that you will break up, but at least if you do you'll have a clear conscience.