He has a girlfriend, so why does he talk to me so much? Watch

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Anonymous #1
#1
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i have a friend who i met about 6 months ago, he talks to me a lot on skype and facebook. we don't meet up all that often in reality though. he has been with his girlfriend 2 years, though we met and began talking when they were going through a rough patch. they are fine now but he still starts conversations with me just as much. he loves her a lot and i can see this though sometimes he makes inappropriate comments to me about my appearance and stuff.... compliments etc. which tbh does make me feel a bit uncomfortable though i suppose being honest also feeds my ego.

recently i get the picture that his girlfriend is very insecure and jealous and that she doesn't know that he talks to me, that he actively keeps it a secret. i am uncomfortable with this as it makes it seem like there is something untoward going on and also i am worried for him if she found out she would be furious with him. it also means i can't ever be a proper "friend" if he won't involve his girlfriend and let me speak to her etc.


why does he speak to me so much?
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2ndClass
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#2
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Give me a sec , I'll text him and ask.
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nwctar1992
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#3
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wants to have sex. Sad truth is that usually is the reason 99% of the time.
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Hippysnake
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#4
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Why is the sky blue?


The answer is due to the way in which light is scattered. But that has nothing to do with your question.
HE WANTS TO SUCK YO TITTAYS
Or does it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2ndClass)
Give me a sec , I'll text him and ask.
oh wow thanks, solution I've been looking for
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lifeisgood.
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#6
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Gradually. Stop. Speaking. To. Him. Or just slowly become more and more unfriendly.

Or tell his girlfriend about it in a non-incriminating way. Talking to you doesn't implicate him in anything but if you feel uncomfortable by his compliments, just casually tell her that you two have been talking. Especially if he "actively keeps it a secret".
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hippysnake)
Why is the sky blue?


The answer is due to the way in which light is scattered. But that has nothing to do with your question.
HE WANTS TO SUCK YO TITTAYS
Or does it?
go to bed.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lifeisgood.)
Gradually. Stop. Speaking. To. Him. Or just slowly become more and more unfriendly.

Or tell his girlfriend about it in a non-incriminating way. Talking to you doesn't implicate him in anything but if you feel uncomfortable by his compliments, just casually tell her that you two have been talking. Especially if he "actively keeps it a secret".

(Original post by nwctar1992)
wants to have sex. Sad truth is that usually is the reason 99% of the time.
but I do really like him as a friend (JUST friend!) and also he is in love with his girlfriend, I know that he really is.
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lifeisgood.
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
but I do really like him as a friend (JUST friend!) and also he is in love with his girlfriend, I know that he really is.
Doesn't matter whether or not YOU like HIM. If there is any semblance of there being the opposite case (him having the hots for you), then you should probably do what I say.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lifeisgood.)
Doesn't matter whether or not YOU like HIM. If there is any semblance of there being the opposite case (him having the hots for you), then you should probably do what I say.
Ok but he has told me how much he loves his girlfriend and that he could never even contemplate cheating on her. I really don't think that is an option even if he were attracted to me.
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Jono404
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#11
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Could just be he wants attention from someone else.
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CLPsych
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#12
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It kinda sounds like he wants to keep your friendship a secret because if she finds out then she'll have a massive problem with it. If he cared about her more than he cared about himself that would be enough for him to stop talking to you, but obviously that isn't the case. He likes the attention too much to do that. If he keeps it from her then he can have his cake and eat it too.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like you're doing anything wrong. It sounds like you genuinely just want to be friends with the guy but he sounds a little selfish to me. Like, if he didn't make inappropriate comments towards you then his girlfriend would have nothing to get funny about. Do you know she's insecure and jealous because that's what he's told you? Because if so then I'm not sure I believe him - perfect excuse to not tell her about you. You're like his private little ego boost, but still in a way he can kid himself is totally innocent. I don't doubt he loves his girlfriend, I just think he sounds fundamentally selfish and a little immature.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CLPsych)
It kinda sounds like he wants to keep your friendship a secret because if she finds out then she'll have a massive problem with it. If he cared about her more than he cared about himself that would be enough for him to stop talking to you, but obviously that isn't the case. He likes the ego boost he gets from flirting with you too much to do that. If he keeps it from her then he can have his cake and eat it too.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like you're doing anything wrong. It sounds like you genuinely just want to be friends with the guy but he sounds a little selfish to me. Like, if he didn't make inappropriate comments towards you then his girlfriend would have nothing to get funny about. Do you know she's insecure and jealous because that's what he's told you? Because if so then I'm not sure I believe him - perfect excuse to not tell her about you. You're like his private little ego boost, but still in a way he can kid himself is totally innocent. I don't doubt he loves his girlfriend, I just think he sounds fundamentally selfish and a little immature.
the weird thing is his friends, who are also HER friends, know that he speaks to me. Well at least his family members and his best friend and a couple other close friends. they COULD tell her since they are also friends with her.

Whenever he compliments me I just ignore it or say "thanks".. I might be being stupid but I think it would make his girlfriend upset or at least it would make me upset if I were in a relationship with a guy and he was saying some things like that to female friends behind my back, which makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I am just a jealous person but apparently (yes, according to him) she is a jealous person. I actually haven't asked him if she "knows about me" (god that sounds sordid) but it's just I get the impression she doesn't. On one hand I don't want to lose his friendship. I honestly really like talking to him, he is a good and interesting person. On the other hand I do feel uncomfortable with him basically hiding everything from his girlfriend.
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CLPsych
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
the weird thing is his friends, who are also HER friends, know that he speaks to me. Well at least his family members and his best friend and a couple other close friends. they COULD tell her since they are also friends with her.

Whenever he compliments me I just ignore it or say "thanks".. I might be being stupid but I think it would make his girlfriend upset or at least it would make me upset if I were in a relationship with a guy and he was saying some things like that to female friends behind my back, which makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I am just a jealous person but apparently (yes, according to him) she is a jealous person. I actually haven't asked him if she "knows about me" (god that sounds sordid) but it's just I get the impression she doesn't. On one hand I don't want to lose his friendship. I honestly really like talking to him, he is a good and interesting person. On the other hand I do feel uncomfortable with him basically hiding everything from his girlfriend.
They may know, but I'm assuming they think nothing of it because from the outside looking in you literally are just friends and that's not an issue in the slightest - they'd have no reason to make an issue of it or bring it up with her. The thing that makes it a problem is the fact that he makes inappropriate comments towards you, which I assume only you two know about.

No I agree with you, you sound really similar to me! I'm not saying you're wrong to think it's inappropriate or for feeling uncomfortable about it. What he's doing probably would make her feel jealous, but it would make any perfectly rational person jealous to hear that their boyfriend is keeping a 'friendship' with another girl secret, and is complementing her and being generally suggestive towards her behind their back. Whereas he seems to have made out her being jealous/insecure is a problem within their relationship, and passed that off as the reason he hasn't told her about you. That's what I have my doubts about, I think it's an excuse.

I think you should tell him how you're feeling about it all. Tell him you appreciate his friendship and like talking to him, but the fact it's hidden from his girlfriend makes you feel uncomfortable as it seems inappropriate (and disrespectful in my opinion, but that's by the by I guess). Then see what he says.
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Chief Wiggum
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(Original post by CLPsych)

I think you should tell him how you're feeling about it all. Tell him you appreciate his friendship and like talking to him, but the fact it's hidden from his girlfriend makes you feel uncomfortable as it seems inappropriate (and disrespectful in my opinion, but that's by the by I guess). Then see what he says.
This.
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thinktoomuch610
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#16
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Ok, well if I were you I'd raise it with him. When you're laughing on Skype or whatever, be like I'm glad we're friends! "Hey how's (whatever his girlfriend's name is). She knows we're good friends doesn't she?" I think it's best if you just be direct.


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Rotimi
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#17
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Ok. I've actually been in the guy's shoes before so I think I may be able to shed some light on this. Guy had problems with his gf, got really close to you, finds you interesting and begins to have feelings. Resolves issues with gf, but confused as to who to let go of emotionally, probably more inclined to your direction. Most likely waiting for an indication that you feel the same way so he can break things off with current gf, but since you don't, slyly let him know before he adversely affects his current relationship. I think.


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Jabberwox
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#18
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I hate blokes like this.
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Rest
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#19
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May be only for time pass..
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Michaelj
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#20
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#20
Am I the only one who thinks he wants to be friends?
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