Hey guys, I'm new here and I've seen a few forums about making friends at uni so I thought I'd start a thread too.
I'm starting my honours year in March 2013 and I still don't have anyone I'd call a 'friend'. In the 3 years I've been at the same uni (studying an undergraduate degree) I've mostly sat by myself in lectures/tutorials and felt pretty bad. I'm pretty good at the initial small talk but I guess I just find it hard to keep a relationship going.
Also when I talk to a guy (when trying to make friends) I get nervous and I need to keep reminding myself that guys are normal like girls- something that's the product of me spending 7 years at an all girls school with no guys as family friends
So anyway to keep things brief just wondering if anyone has been in a situation similar to mine? What did you do to start and keep new friendships? Bought a new wardrobe? Changed your hair?
Thanks for any suggestions!
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- Thread Starter
- 30-12-2012 06:50
- 30-12-2012 12:24
At times I find myself being in a similar situation to you at uni, in that there was a time I didn't feel I had proper friends, and I know it can feel hard to keep conversations going after small talk... and in lectures I often see a lot of people continuously talking to one another, even in freshers week where I wondered how it was possible that they had so much to say to people they had literally just met!
I'm in second year now, and do feel I have some friends and people to talk to. I think making friendships at uni is a very individual experience. Some people make friends really quickly, but for others it does take more time and talking for any sense of friendships to feel developed.
I dont know if this is the same with you, but I find I am still meeting new people throughout the year, and having new conversations. Something I have found helpful is to try to be involved in things, both in and outside of your course. Are you in any societies? or do you volunteer with anything? Either can be good ways of meeting new people and developing friendships. What about the people you live with? or do you live at home?
If you wanted to try and talk to more people on your course perhaps you could approach someone or a group of people you have spoken to before and sit by them. Or have you ever noticed someone else who sits by themselves a lot?
You said you're good at initial small talk, maybe repeating small talk with the same people, will lead for one of you to eventually have something more to say? Though sometimes small talk is all you will ever be able to have with some people, but with others it wont be.
But anyway, I definitely don't advise buying new clothes or changing your hair. You need to feel happy with who you are, and if there is something you're not happy with perhaps work on changing that or gaining confidence. Though, don't change yourself because you feel you ought to look a different way or act a different way, because then thats not you!
If you want to talk more we can do,