Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am struggling to come to terms with myself. After successive bad relationships with girls I had little to no attraction to I don't think I can hide who I am anymore. Growing up I have been attracted to both guys and girls but probably started noticing guys more around the age of 14. I didn't think much of it until I was about 18 and I started noticing I liked more guys than girls. Now I am 21 and have thought I could be bi so a few weeks ago I was slightly tipsy and a guy came on to me. I thought why not? I have never felt more comfortable or more attractive than when I was with him. A big part of me has always suspected I could be gay and I hate it. I am disgusted with myself that I liked him so much. If I could take a pill to be normal I would. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be gay. I am depressed and just don't know what to do.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am struggling to come to terms with myself. After successive bad relationships with girls I had little to no attraction to I don't think I can hide who I am anymore. Growing up I have been attracted to both guys and girls but probably started noticing guys more around the age of 14. I didn't think much of it until I was about 18 and I started noticing I liked more guys than girls. Now I am 21 and have thought I could be bi so a few weeks ago I was slightly tipsy and a guy came on to me. I thought why not? I have never felt more comfortable or more attractive than when I was with him. A big part of me has always suspected I could be gay and I hate it. I am disgusted with myself that I liked him so much. If I could take a pill to be normal I would. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be gay. I am depressed and just don't know what to do.
    You got one life, how you gonna live it? Live the life you will look back on and smile, don't let no one else give you any bull****.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am struggling to come to terms with myself. After successive bad relationships with girls I had little to no attraction to I don't think I can hide who I am anymore. Growing up I have been attracted to both guys and girls but probably started noticing guys more around the age of 14. I didn't think much of it until I was about 18 and I started noticing I liked more guys than girls. Now I am 21 and have thought I could be bi so a few weeks ago I was slightly tipsy and a guy came on to me. I thought why not? I have never felt more comfortable or more attractive than when I was with him. A big part of me has always suspected I could be gay and I hate it. I am disgusted with myself that I liked him so much. If I could take a pill to be normal I would. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be gay. I am depressed and just don't know what to do.
    I use to feel like this, but trust me you shouldn't be beating yourself up about it, it's not something you can change. If you want a proper chat feel free to PM or whatever I don't mind
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by restoration)
    I use to feel like this, but trust me you shouldn't be beating yourself up about it, it's not something you can change. If you want a proper chat feel free to PM or whatever I don't mind
    Same as this guy, I think most gays feel like this.

    My advice would be actively try and meet other gays and you'll realise they're as normal as anyone else. A year ago I would have taken that pill, but now hell no. Being gay is awesome.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    There's nothing wrong with being gay :-) do whatever you want with whomever you want
    Edit: ****ing hell, some people on here really don't like the idea that being gay is ok.
    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    It is nice to know I am not the only one that has felt this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is nice to know I am not the only one that has felt this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    What you need to do is be happy with yourself. Being gay isn't a big thing really, most people thankfully won't care that much at least my experience. You might have the image of a "normal relationship" I know I did thinking oh I want kids etc etc. You can still do these things with a male partner, and you have even admitted yourself that when you were with that guy you were comfortable, even if you felt bad about it you really shouldn't you should enjoy that feeling and go with it, as in the end it'll make you happy. Do you want to chat about this a bit?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is nice to know I am not the only one that has felt this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    Accept that this won't change and have a good life. If you accept it you can move on and deal with more important issues in your life - sexuality isn't an issue.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is nice to know I am not the only one that has felt this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    I'm sure most of us have felt this way before, what makes this worse is that you're overthinking it. Your sexuality doesn't define who you are, so don't keep going over the fact, and thinking how you don't want to be gay. You're still a normal human being, just focus on your life and then if you meet other gays and something develops then perfect. Give it time, you'll learn to be happy with who you are.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It is nice to know I am not the only one that has felt this way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
    I know how you feel, I used to be exactly the same, to the extent I couldn't even physically say the word 'gay'. I had never experienced any strong homophobia or any attacks (apart from the jokey, teasing kind) so it wasn't even that I was afraid of accepting it, it was just that I couldn't imagine having to live the rest of my life this way. Without meaning to sound big-headed at all, I was fairly popular at school and had a great group of friends who I was pretty sure would be fine with it, but even then I just couldn't bring myself to face the fact I could even remotely be attracted to guys. I kept hoping it would be this stage which would eventually just go away, which of course it never did.

    In my experience I found it helps so much if you can find someone to talk to so you can come to terms with it. As others have said, once you do you'll realise it isn't an issue at all and people will more or less treat you just the same as before. It's really not worth spending all your time letting it get you down, and it may sound harsh but you're just going to have to accept it. The alternative is: A) marry a woman who you might feel you love, but in reality you're just using her to put up a display of happy married life - and is it fair to treat someone like that? Imagine if she finds out 20 or 30 years in the future, when you have kids and you've built a life together. Her life would be ruined. Or B) hate who you are forever and feel miserable and resentful of all the "normal" people around you.

    So I entirely sympathise with you, and I know it won't be easy if you already feel so strongly this way, but things will improve with time.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am struggling to come to terms with myself. After successive bad relationships with girls I had little to no attraction to I don't think I can hide who I am anymore. Growing up I have been attracted to both guys and girls but probably started noticing guys more around the age of 14. I didn't think much of it until I was about 18 and I started noticing I liked more guys than girls. Now I am 21 and have thought I could be bi so a few weeks ago I was slightly tipsy and a guy came on to me. I thought why not? I have never felt more comfortable or more attractive than when I was with him. A big part of me has always suspected I could be gay and I hate it. I am disgusted with myself that I liked him so much. If I could take a pill to be normal I would. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be gay. I am depressed and just don't know what to do.
    :console: This must be difficult. It's common to feel like you do.

    What is it that makes you feel ashamed to be gay?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cactussed)
    I know how you feel, I used to be exactly the same, to the extent I couldn't even physically say the word 'gay'. I had never experienced any strong homophobia or any attacks (apart from the jokey, teasing kind) so it wasn't even that I was afraid of accepting it, it was just that I couldn't imagine having to live the rest of my life this way. Without meaning to sound big-headed at all, I was fairly popular at school and had a great group of friends who I was pretty sure would be fine with it, but even then I just couldn't bring myself to face the fact I could even remotely be attracted to guys. I kept hoping it would be this stage which would eventually just go away, which of course it never did.

    In my experience I found it helps so much if you can find someone to talk to so you can come to terms with it. As others have said, once you do you'll realise it isn't an issue at all and people will more or less treat you just the same as before. It's really not worth spending all your time letting it get you down, and it may sound harsh but you're just going to have to accept it. The alternative is: A) marry a woman who you might feel you love, but in reality you're just using her to put up a display of happy married life - and is it fair to treat someone like that? Imagine if she finds out 20 or 30 years in the future, when you have kids and you've built a life together. Her life would be ruined. Or B) hate who you are forever and feel miserable and resentful of all the "normal" people around you.

    So I entirely sympathise with you, and I know it won't be easy if you already feel so strongly this way, but things will improve with time.
    Big +1 for this.

    OP, you're welcome to join the LGBT Society on TSR, by the way. We're a very friendly bunch and you're always welcome to come talk to us about this as well as just generally hang out
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alexxturnerr)
    I'm sure most of us have felt this way before, what makes this worse is that you're overthinking it. Your sexuality doesn't define who you are, so don't keep going over the fact, and thinking how you don't want to be gay. You're still a normal human being, just focus on your life and then if you meet other gays and something develops then perfect. Give it time, you'll learn to be happy with who you are.
    I have to echo both of these statements.

    I had very similar feelings to you when I first started to realise my own sexuality. That was when I was 12/13, and I'm now 17 and I still get those kind of thoughts from time to time, but they're much less frequent now. I'll also say that getting to know other gay people is one of the best things you can do. For a long time, I thought myself to be the only "out" person I knew, but when I made friends with a girl who was bisexual, having her as a support system really helped - even just knowing that I wasn't alone out there.

    So yes, it takes time to get used to, but it's completely normal. It's of no more significance than your eye colour or your height or whatever, and anyone who sees it as anything different is not worth your time or attention. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you, and everything will be so much easier.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am struggling to come to terms with myself. After successive bad relationships with girls I had little to no attraction to I don't think I can hide who I am anymore. Growing up I have been attracted to both guys and girls but probably started noticing guys more around the age of 14. I didn't think much of it until I was about 18 and I started noticing I liked more guys than girls. Now I am 21 and have thought I could be bi so a few weeks ago I was slightly tipsy and a guy came on to me. I thought why not? I have never felt more comfortable or more attractive than when I was with him. A big part of me has always suspected I could be gay and I hate it. I am disgusted with myself that I liked him so much. If I could take a pill to be normal I would. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to be gay. I am depressed and just don't know what to do.
    Sexuality isn't as square-cut as people like to say but it does sound to me that you are quite gay, in that you prefer men. You will come to accept yourself and realise that you are a perfectly normal and healthy human being of sound mind, and that it is not abnormal to be attracted to the same sex despite what some sects of society might say.

    You should not feel disgusted with yourself, although I think most gay people feel that way when they first realise they are gay because as humans we naturally want to conform to social norms, and most people are heterosexual. It is a natural variation in nature, in all species, so embrace it and accept who you are.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    There's more to someone than their sexuality. Don't let it take over you're life; in time you'll accept it. Meeting new people is a good way to start. Why not go to a gay club?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    You are not the only one to feel this way. I spent years trying to be what I thought to be 'normal', but I was miserable trying to be someone I'm not. Do whatever makes you happy. In reality most people don't have an issue with it, and if they do they are not worth knowing. I wish someone had told me when I was 12 that it was normal to feel this way etc., would have saved me a lot of time!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Well you are and I'm sorry but that kinda makes you better than straight people. They have tried to put us down for everrrrrrrr but it's great to be gay. You don't have to grow old,boring,prudish and poor due to ******* children you probably never really wanted. You can do what you like,when you like,as you like,how you like and spend all your money on yourself.

    Why you would want to be a washed out breeder is beyond me.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    :hugs:
    • Offline

      15
      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I am struggling to come to terms with myself.
      I am bisexual and personally the idea of dating men is not my cup of tea but sex, sex with other men is very much the bees knees :cool:

      Don't worry about being gay, nothing wrong with it in the slightest. Go out there and live your life without a care in the world for what others think
      Offline

      0
      ReputationRep:
      (Original post by tehFrance)
      I am bisexual and personally the idea of dating men is not my cup of tea but sex, sex with other men is very much the bees knees :cool:

      Don't worry about being gay, nothing wrong with it in the slightest. Go out there and live your life without a care in the world for what others think
      So you would wanna marry a woman but not have sex with her and sex with a man? Strange, not that I mind if you get me but I think I know what you mean.


      Posted from TSR Mobile
     
     
     
    Reply
    Submit reply
    TSR Support Team

    We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

    Updated: January 6, 2013
  1. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  2. Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  3. See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  4. The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.