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Weirdest sexual experiences? Watch

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    (Original post by tehforum)
    You're not a gentleman.
    Oh; you read the memo. I should've realised that letting them out of the compound was a bad idea, but scouts' honour never failed me before. Alas, we live and we learn.
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    Well me and my ex both liked it kinda rough, and we went a bit too rough this one time. We was in a bed and breakfast, and we broke the bed. Then the manager (An elderly lady) knocked to find out the commotion, and where my gf scratched me I a tiny bit of blood went on the bed sheet... so I may have yelped a bit, so thinking one of us was in danger the manager called an ambulance and barged in, then freaked when she saw the bed had been broken with blood on the sheet, and thought my girlfriend had had an epileptic seizure and wouldn't let us move till the paramedics arrived. Try explaining you've had rough sex to a paramedic on a Saturday at 1am... Cringe.
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    We were sitting on a blanket in a forest, and when he went down on me I just started laughing uncontrollably. And did so a few times while having sex.

    And then he accidentally came in my eye.

    Hehehe
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    (Original post by Miracle Day)
    We were sitting on a blanket in a forest, and when he went down on me I just started laughing uncontrollably. And did so a few times while having sex.

    And then he accidentally came in my eye.

    Hehehe
    Should have seen that coming.
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    Too extreme to say here.
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    Has anyone ever done a donkey punch? Was their partner mad?

    EDIT: Really? A Neg? It was only a question, I'd never do it myself obviously, I'm just curious :c
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    (Original post by Liquidise.)
    Has anyone ever done a donkey punch? Was their partner mad?
    I feel jumping straight into a donkey punch is rather extreme. The best way I've found to do it is build up to the sexual apotheosis that is the donkey punch in several, separate steps.

    First start tamely, with the charmingly witty and light hearted spiderman, the act of taking your ladyfriend from behind and just when you are about to ejaculate withdraw and spit on her back while catching the population paste in your hands. When she turns around to look at you, throw, in a spiderman like fashion, the semen into her face while yelling "SPIDERMAN"

    The next is something I like to call the Angry Dragon. This is where, during fellatio just as you chuck your muck into your dear lovers mouth you also lightly slap her on the back of the head causing her to cough on your megadong. When done correctly the baby gravy will be streaming from her nose and moth giving the effect of an enraged dragon.

    If this all goes well then you are getting very close to your goal of administering the donkey punch to your fine lady. This finial step is the Angry Pirate. A practice very well known about. However for those ignorant of such feats I shall give a brief explanation of the methodology behind this glorious practice.

    While you are in the standing position and the female is administering oral sex, when you ejaculate you must do so into her eye. Upon doing so you should kick her in the shin. The resulting effect of her covering her jizz filled eye and hopping on one leg is rather akin of a Pirate in extreme Ire.

    Only once you have completed this assault (quite literally) course will you be prepared both mentally and physically to administer the donkey punch to your lovely female friend.

    Then, if she still hangs around, I would marry her. You will never find another like that!
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      My father distracting me while I am doing the deed to beautiful women... ******* used to stand outside my door shouting stupid things to put me off

      All in all though, in our house sex is a very liberal issue and we are open about everything but it is annoying and for the women off putting... it makes him happy to see miserable sometimes :sad:
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        (Original post by The Wild Youth)
        "It was in a caravan.... I had one bent over the table, there was one up here who I was fingering and I was just toe ****ing the one on the floor"






        Oh, Jay :cool:
        Oh, God. I love you. Just for that inbetweeners quote.
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        (Original post by Izzyeviel)
        Yeah, sorry about that, I just love Star Wars so much I get carried away.
        I see you what you did there.
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        (Original post by TheReckless)
        I see you what you did there.
        I am actually quite tempted to do it next time I have sex.

        Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh dun-dun-dun-duuuuh
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        (Original post by Izzyeviel)
        I am actually quite tempted to do it next time I have sex.

        Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh da da da Duuh Duuh dun-dun-dun-duuuuh
        It damn near freaked me out at the time! Do it only if you're certain you won't see her again.
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        I stuck a finger up a girls bum and she actually **** herself. Still had sex with her 5 min later.

        True story. I love uni.
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        (Original post by ChelseaFCCC)
        I stuck a finger up a girls bum and she actually **** herself. Still had sex with her 5 min later.

        True story. I love uni.
        My mate did that!
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        (Original post by Izzyeviel)
        My mate did that!
        haha, don't think i want to experience that anymore. It was also in her living room on a blown up mattress lol.
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        Mine is true but really weird.

        Basically, I woke up at 3am in the morning after having planned it the previous evening .

        While my parents were upstairs sleeping, I went downstairs into the living room armed with a laptop, sellotape and scissors.

        I stripped naked, turned on the laptop, then used sellotape to bind my arms and legs together as I'm really into bondage. Then I played a video of a woman strip teasing on my laptop and then spent half an hour fapping, enjoying the challenge of doing it with bound hands. The danger that my parents could hear the commotion downstairs and discover me added to my sexual excitement with the situation so I had a very pleasurable ejaculation. Then I cut off the sellotape, turned off the laptop, dressed, had some water and went upstairs to go back to sleep.

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        (Original post by Death.)
        Mine is true but really weird.

        Basically, I woke up at 3am in the morning after having planned it the previous evening .

        While my parents were upstairs sleeping, I went downstairs into the living room armed with a laptop, sellotape and scissors.

        I stripped naked, turned on the laptop, then used sellotape to bind my arms and legs together as I'm really into bondage. Then I played a video of a woman strip teasing on my laptop and then spent half an hour fapping, enjoying the challenge of doing it with bound hands. The danger that my parents could hear the commotion downstairs and discover me added to my sexual excitement with the situation so I had a very pleasurable ejaculation. Then I cut off the sellotape, turned off the laptop, dressed, had some water and went upstairs to go back to sleep.

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        Once my girlfriend hand cuffed me and blindfolded me and then rode me even though I didn't want her to
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        (Original post by a_t)
        Once my girlfriend hand cuffed me and blindfolded me and then rode me even though I didn't want her to
        Why would you not want something like that?!
        Everyones going to be excited at this time of night and start confessing or reading this avidly



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        (Original post by Miracle Day)
        And then he accidentally came in my eye.

        Hehehe
        I think the only thing worse than getting your eye glued shut with *** is getting it in your hair :giggle:


        (Original post by Liquidise.)
        Has anyone ever done a donkey punch? Was their partner mad?
        No I haven't had it done to me, because he would be a moron to do so thinking I wouldn't be extremely annoyed and then rescind his privileges. You don't do stuff like that without permission.
       
       
       
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