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Weirdest sexual experiences? Watch

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    (Original post by JMET)
    I feel jumping straight into a donkey punch is rather extreme. The best way I've found to do it is build up to the sexual apotheosis that is the donkey punch in several, separate steps.

    First start tamely, with the charmingly witty and light hearted spiderman, the act of taking your ladyfriend from behind and just when you are about to ejaculate withdraw and spit on her back while catching the population paste in your hands. When she turns around to look at you, throw, in a spiderman like fashion, the semen into her face while yelling "SPIDERMAN"

    The next is something I like to call the Angry Dragon. This is where, during fellatio just as you chuck your muck into your dear lovers mouth you also lightly slap her on the back of the head causing her to cough on your megadong. When done correctly the baby gravy will be streaming from her nose and moth giving the effect of an enraged dragon.

    If this all goes well then you are getting very close to your goal of administering the donkey punch to your fine lady. This finial step is the Angry Pirate. A practice very well known about. However for those ignorant of such feats I shall give a brief explanation of the methodology behind this glorious practice.

    While you are in the standing position and the female is administering oral sex, when you ejaculate you must do so into her eye. Upon doing so you should kick her in the shin. The resulting effect of her covering her jizz filled eye and hopping on one leg is rather akin of a Pirate in extreme Ire.

    Only once you have completed this assault (quite literally) course will you be prepared both mentally and physically to administer the donkey punch to your lovely female friend.

    Then, if she still hangs around, I would marry her. You will never find another like that!

    um just wondering, what is a donkey punch?? too scared to google it if all that nasty **** leads up to it ahaha
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    I had sex in the park at about 1am. This park being in the middle of the city, while there was a rapist on the loose. It was not the most pleasurable experience but the gf wanted to try it.

    Another time I was at home with the gf, in bed and it was about 7am. I had just woke up, figured I would wake the gf up for some morning sex, while we were getting busy my 6 year old sister crept into my room and shouted BOO! Wake up bruvuv!

    Then there was the time I had sex in a disabled loo, afterwards we came out to be greeted by two cleaners waiting to go in and get on with the work. Embarrassing...
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    (Original post by amyeldr3d)
    um just wondering, what is a donkey punch?? too scared to google it if all that nasty **** leads up to it ahaha
    too graphic to describe here really
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    (Original post by wibletg)
    too graphic to describe here really
    oh my god I'm so intrigued now hahah. not something I think I'm gonna want on my browsing history so I think I'll have to ask one of my friends or something hahaha
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    (Original post by TheReckless)
    He started humming the Star Wars theme tune louder and louder until we finished.
    what a hero
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    My friend and his ex-girlfriend were having sex in the doggy style position. While he was pleasing his woman, I came out of the closet quietly behind them. My mate acted like he was adjusting while I took his place. Making sure his ex was facing the window, he ran outside and waved at her while I was ploughing her from behind. The look on her face
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    (Original post by amyeldr3d)
    oh my god I'm so intrigued now hahah. not something I think I'm gonna want on my browsing history so I think I'll have to ask one of my friends or something hahaha
    Its basically a punch to the back of a girl's neck that renders a girl instantly unconscious at the point of climax. And yes it is highly dangerous as it can break her neck. The film 'donkey punch', is about that, some guys are talking about the donkey punch then they meet some girls on holiday, take them on a boat, and one tries a donkey punch on a girl and kills her.
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    (Original post by Death.)
    Mine is true but really weird.

    Basically, I woke up at 3am in the morning after having planned it the previous evening .

    While my parents were upstairs sleeping, I went downstairs into the living room armed with a laptop, sellotape and scissors.

    I stripped naked, turned on the laptop, then used sellotape to bind my arms and legs together as I'm really into bondage. Then I played a video of a woman strip teasing on my laptop and then spent half an hour fapping, enjoying the challenge of doing it with bound hands. The danger that my parents could hear the commotion downstairs and discover me added to my sexual excitement with the situation so I had a very pleasurable ejaculation. Then I cut off the sellotape, turned off the laptop, dressed, had some water and went upstairs to go back to sleep.

    Gross


    (Original post by a_t)
    Once my girlfriend hand cuffed me and blindfolded me and then rode me even though I didn't want her to
    This is quite funny, sounds like she raped you.
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    I think the only thing worse than getting your eye glued shut with *** is getting it in your hair :giggle:
    The year after I left uni I was flatsharing with this girl I'd met on a flatshare website. She was pretty funny and good banter. One night a couple of weeks after we'd moved in, she went on a date with this lad, she was pretty excited about it and I was giving her some advice and tips. In the middle of that night I went to the bathroom and just as I was coming out, she was creeping upstairs to the bathroom, with her face completely covered in jizz, to clean up. We hi-fived. All those threads you get on TSR, about 'can a guy and girl be friends', this is what male-female friendship really is.
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    (Original post by RemiMarcelle)
    Never, ever want to meet a person like you, disgusting.



    This is quite funny even thoigh it sounds like she raped you.
    You're a little judgmental, aren't you? :lolwut:

    You realise you most likely have met someone with a fetish in your life that you would most likely similarly class as "disgusting".
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    The year after I left uni I was flatsharing with this girl I'd met on a flatshare website. She was pretty funny and good banter. One night a couple of weeks after we'd moved in, she went on a date with this lad, she was pretty excited about it and I was giving her some advice and tips. In the middle of that night I went to the bathroom and just as I was coming out, she was creeping upstairs to the bathroom, with her face completely covered in jizz, to clean up. We hi-fived. All those threads you get on TSR, about 'can a guy and girl be friends', this is what male-female friendship really is.
    :toofunny: That is epic. That beats any of my stories by a country mile :lol:
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    (Original post by desdemonata)
    You're a little judgmental, aren't you? :lolwut:
    lol I know that made me chuckle. That was him told wasn't it.

    Could have a whole separate thread on danger****s.
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    (Original post by nerd434)
    No word of a lie, my friend got head from a lady-boy when he was on holiday in Thailand. He was mortified when he found out but it's understandable to be honest; almost all of them could pass as a semi-attractive female at first glance.
    I'm not sure how often this happens, but that happened to a friend of my house mate. It'd be a small world if it was the same person.
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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    Why would you not want something like that?!
    Everyones going to be excited at this time of night and start confessing or reading this avidly
    If your boyfriend hand cuffed and blindfolded you and had sex with you even though you didn't want it, that would be called rape.

    Why would you not want something like that?!
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    Having my **** spanked with a riding crop.
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    (Original post by TwilightKnight)
    I'm not sure how often this happens, but that happened to a friend of my house mate. It'd be a small world if it was the same person.
    It nearly happened to one of my mates but in Amsterdam. He was mashed off his face on drugs and got picked up by this "incredible tall blonde babe, must have been nearly 6ft 4". He thought he must be tripping when he saw how big her hands were, then he got a moment of clarity and realised it was a drag queen.
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    (Original post by Dominic Powell)
    If your boyfriend hand cuffed and blindfolded you and had sex with you even though you didn't want it, that would be called rape.

    Why would you not want something like that?!
    Put like that...
    I meant why wouldnt u want to be cuffed and blindfolded though


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    (Original post by abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz)
    My
    friend and his ex-girlfriend were having sex in the
    doggy style position. While he was pleasing his
    woman, I came out of the closet quietly behind
    them. My mate acted like he was adjusting while I
    took his place. Making sure his ex was facing the
    window, he ran outside and waved at her while I
    was ploughing her from behind. The look on her
    face
    That's a really cool story. I bet you wish it happened.
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    Had a weird but actually very fun sexual experience at Alton Towers, basiclly I was with my girlfriend at the time and the park was pretty dead, we was on the skyride thingy, started kissing and one thing lead to another, bit annoying that we had to stop each time we pulled into a station lol, but you get the picture, would reccommend it!
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    (Original post by Little_missy01)
    Put like that...
    I meant why wouldnt u want to be cuffed and blindfolded though
    Personally, I wouldn't mind

    I was merely putting it into perspective.

    I also kind of like playing devil's advocate.
 
 
 
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