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Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly, I'm just waiting for it :( Watch

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    (Original post by evantej)
    I would like to clarify that I am not undermining the seriousness of verbal abuse. I am not a solicitor, but I have worked with lots of offenders so I am hardly ignorant. I was merely scrutinising your suggestion that her boyfriend's actions were illegal. I do not believe any magistrate would punish him based on what I have read in this thread. In fact, I do not think the police would even charge him.

    I didn't link to an american law site. Click again, where it says criminal offence.

    It's from a charity organisation that does alot of work here in England on this issue. It's not about taking legal action, it's about fixing things, which is why I chose to reference a charity rather than a legal precedent. If you want to read on it in that way, it's actually heavily linked to modern Human Rights from the UN. That article also brings up The Domestic Violence Act 1976. This was followed by The Domestic Violence Act 2004. This refers to 'Acting in a threatening way', which is intended to apply to verbal. Due to need for clarity on this, there is currently a change underway for it to specifically refer to verbal intimidation, as police aren't taking it as seriously as it should be under law.

    The actions are technically illegal. But that wasn't the point I'm making. Once again, we're here debating over petty things instead of offering help to someone who asked for it. I hope you feel big and important enough now.

    :congrats:
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    (Original post by Knighted)
    You just lost all credibility.

    Most girls I know that get cab rides have singalongs with the cab drivers or randomly ask him questions then get discounts.

    I think you need to replace "tendency" with "very rarely"
    Point remains being drunk and getting into a car with a stranger is never a good idea. Have you not seen the police warnings or read the news? I've known people who've had creepy experiences with Cab drivers.


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    (Original post by Idle)
    It is hard to tell from the OP but no where does it say her boyfriend has used threatening or intimidating language.
    :lolwut:

    He's still been threatening and intimidating to her.

    - "Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly"
    - "I'm just waiting for it"
    - "I actually got scared because he was so close to slapping me"
    - "I thought that if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up"
    - "There have been two other occasions... he has been close to hitting me"
    - "I am scared"


    Oh and no where did I make fun of her.
    I felt you did. Paraphrasing her night to make her sound as trashy as possible seemed to serve no other purpose after all.


    Not really sure why this has turned into some sort of debate? Are the people arguing against me trying to defend men's rights to make their partners fear for their safety? Or are you really incapable of realising this is a complete waste of time?
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    I will take this up with you via PM as here isn't the place.
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    I would speak to him myself. Outside of an argument situation. Make it clear that him losing his temper to the extent he does, even if you have done something wrong is not acceptable and if it happens again its over. He needs to learn to control his anger. Fair warning.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    Then there's no case and no charges are held. Arrested doesnt mean convicted (unless you're a terrorist ).

    It's not the most eloquent of systems admittedly, but it's better than no infrastructure.
    But you said it was a "criminal offence" - surely that implies there is a case in this situation?

    (I've no knowledge of the law, so my understanding of such terminology could be incorrect.)
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    Leave him and don't let him think he can treat you in such a way. Partners should respect each other and you shouldn't be afraid of him, ever.
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    honestly you have to ask yourself for people just raised as wimps. why are you even asking the question or making a thread.
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    (Original post by supernature)
    I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

    However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

    There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

    How can I deal with this situation?
    Call Women's Aid, they have an anonymous advice line. As much as some of the comments on here are right you need to speak to people who can go through the specific facts and details of your case with you in a safe and professional way. Unfortunately leaving is often necessary but its the hardest thing to do. Domestic Violence comes under many guises and you need to know that you don't have to put up with any form of it. Good luck love.


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    If you actually did something then you should of had a slap, people jumped Infront of horses for our right to
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    (Original post by Ice Constricter)
    If you actually fear for your safety I'd leave like everyone else is saying. Better to be safe than sorry. Although IMO you did give him a reason to be angry, although nothing can excuse hitting or threatening to hit the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with.


    So going to her ex boyfriend's house, not answering his calls, pissed out of her mind and staying their overnight doesn't count? :confused:

    And are you saying people aren't allowed to stay in contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend once in the presence of friends? Remember, OP didn't answer ANY phone calls.
    Surely a relationship needs trust, right? And going to an ex-boyfriend's house for a party, with many other people being there should not be a problem. What if you had a group of friends and one of the group happened to be your ex... Would you never go out with that group of friends again because the ex was there too?
    If she has given him a reason to not trust her around the ex, or around any guys when she's drunk then fair enough, but I see no evidence of that situation.
    And I say it again, she was at a party. That means it will be loud. That means you are likely to be having fun and not checking your phone every few minutes. Some of us aren't glued to mobiles as though they're a necessity to live.
    When my boyfriend is out drinking with his friends, I leave him to it. No one wants to be constantly disturbed when they're trying to have a nice night out...
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    (Original post by katehlouise)
    Surely a relationship needs trust, right? And going to an ex-boyfriend's house for a party, with many other people being there should not be a problem. What if you had a group of friends and one of the group happened to be your ex... Would you never go out with that group of friends again because the ex was there too?
    If she has given him a reason to not trust her around the ex, or around any guys when she's drunk then fair enough, but I see no evidence of that situation.
    And I say it again, she was at a party. That means it will be loud. That means you are likely to be having fun and not checking your phone every few minutes. Some of us aren't glued to mobiles as though they're a necessity to live.
    When my boyfriend is out drinking with his friends, I leave him to it. No one wants to be constantly disturbed when they're trying to have a nice night out...
    Again, like I said, any one of those factors on their own aren't so bad, but when you couple them together its a whole other story and they aren't as mild as you try to make out. Going to an ex's, getting pissed, not answering any calls and staying there overnight all at once isnt ok not matter how much you try to justify it. Damn, what kind of relationships do people these days get into?....
    Also I don't know why you're so averted to someone making a quick phone call to letting their partner know they're safe. Whats the harm? You make out like one quick phone call equates to constantly disturbing one's night. Granted that's not what happened in the OP, the OP's boyfriend needs to deal with his insecurity issues, but that's not the point. Maybe if the OP had answered the first call her boyfriend wouldn't have gone on to call 20 times!

    Now try again to convince me why the OP didn't do anything absolutely wrong..
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    (Original post by Ice Constricter)
    Again, like I said, any one of those factors on their own aren't so bad, but when you couple them together its a whole other story and they aren't as mild as you try to make out. Going to an ex's, getting pissed, not answering any calls and staying there overnight all at once isnt ok not matter how much you try to justify it. Damn, what kind of relationships do people these days get into?....
    Also I don't know why you're so averted to someone making a quick phone call to letting their partner know they're safe. Whats the harm? You make out like one quick phone call equates to constantly disturbing one's night. Granted that's not what happened in the OP, the OP's boyfriend needs to deal with his insecurity issues, but that's not the point. Maybe if the OP had answered the first call her boyfriend wouldn't have gone on to call 20 times!

    Now try again to convince me why the OP didn't do anything absolutely wrong..
    Oh I do apologise for trusting my boyfriend completely...
    I still don't think it's a big problem. You make it sound like she went to her ex's house with it being just them two there. It was a party with many other people. She wasn't the only one who stayed over! Seriously, are your girlfriends never allowed to speak to ex boyfriends or any other guys?

    And yeah, I agree, she could have given him a phonecall - I myself would have at least text. But at the end of the day, it's really not a massive deal. Did she tell her boyfriend that she would ring him? Probably not.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    I didn't link to an american law site. Click again, where it says criminal offence.

    It's from a charity organisation that does alot of work here in England on this issue. It's not about taking legal action, it's about fixing things, which is why I chose to reference a charity rather than a legal precedent. If you want to read on it in that way, it's actually heavily linked to modern Human Rights from the UN. That article also brings up The Domestic Violence Act 1976. This was followed by The Domestic Violence Act 2004. This refers to 'Acting in a threatening way', which is intended to apply to verbal. Due to need for clarity on this, there is currently a change underway for it to specifically refer to verbal intimidation, as police aren't taking it as seriously as it should be under law.

    The actions are technically illegal. But that wasn't the point I'm making. Once again, we're here debating over petty things instead of offering help to someone who asked for it. I hope you feel awesome.

    :congrats:
    In a discussion of abuse judging whether the OP's description actually qualifies as abuse seems like an important thing to do in my opinion, especially when you suggest her boyfriend's actions are illegal. That is why I took the legal angle. It is not at all petty. And it is especially important in a completely one-sided discussion like this.
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    (Original post by supernature)
    I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I have to say the first 8 months were great, we never argued, were completely loved up to the point where I thought this was too good to be true.

    However, for the past 3 months things have started to all of sudden get extremely bad, it all started when I asked him if he would be okay with me going to one of my ex's house warming party with a couple of my mates. He seemed completely fine and told me to go, so there I went, got pretty drunk as you do, and didn't get home till the next day at around 9am. I was completely out of it, had a bit too much to drink and slept at my ex's living room with two of mates, I got about 20 odd missed calls from my boyfriend during that night and by the morning I knew what was going to happen. I felt terrible and thought my behaviour was completely wrong as on paper it looks REALLY bad. Anyway, I arranged to meet him that day during the evening and he basically went MENTAL. I had never seen him like that before and the anger in him was just insane. I actually got so scared because he was so close to slapping me. He asked me if anything happened and I said no but in my head I thought if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up.

    There have been another two similar occasions where he has completely lost his temper at me and I can see how close he has been to beating me. I am scared but I don't know what do. It's like he has two sides to him, he is either extremely sweet and lovely or angry and scary as hell.

    How can I deal with this situation?
    I can definitely understand his reaction. I would not react like that of course, but I would definitely dump you like hot potato. It is definitely unacceptable to get drunk beyond your sences, and then sleep at your ex-boyfriend's house and then come back next morning at 9 a.m.

    As I said, I would not react like him, but definitely dumping you big time, no talk , no excuses, just plain and simple bye bye.
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    Have you tried talking to him first? I have lost my temper at people in a similarly scary fashion but I had no intention of attacking any of them, and have generally felt remorseful afterwards. Has he actually lost his temper and hit anyone else, family members etc?

    And of course, if he does hit you then you should leave him.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    :lolwut:

    He's still been threatening and intimidating to her.

    - "Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly"
    - "I'm just waiting for it"
    - "I actually got scared because he was so close to slapping me"
    - "I thought that if I had said yes, I would be on the ground beaten up"
    - "There have been two other occasions... he has been close to hitting me"
    - "I am scared"
    None of these things involve threatening or intimidating language. Certainly she felt threatened and was intimidated but whether or not that was the intention is questionable; it could have been that his only intention was to express anger. What does "close to hitting me" mean? Does it mean he raised his hand then lowered it, or did he just look really angry?
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    (Original post by Nick100)
    None of these things involve threatening or intimidating language. Certainly she felt threatened and was intimidated but whether or not that was the intention is questionable; it could have been that his only intention was to express anger. What does "close to hitting me" mean? Does it mean he raised his hand then lowered it, or did he just look really angry?


    And that matters because...? This isn't a court case. You're welcome to offer help to the OP, or are you just here to undermine feelings she's had that are extremely serious in a relationship?

    This isn't in a debate section of the forum. This is someone's intimate personal life we're discussing.
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    Sounds pretty unhealthy all round.

    On the one hand, you've got a boyfriend who is not making enough attempt to hide his temper, and no matter how angry he is, should try and remain calm (possibly dumping the OP in the process).

    On the other hand you've got a girlfriend who thinks it's ok to go to her ex's house overnight, drink too much and not even bother contacting her boyfriend even once, even by text throughout the course of the evening.

    Sounds like neither of you have the knowledge enough of how to conduct yourselves within a relationship to show consideration towards the other person.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    And that matters because...? This isn't a court case. You're welcome to offer help to the OP, or are you just here to undermine feelings she's had that are extremely serious in a relationship?

    This isn't in a debate section of the forum. This is someone's intimate personal life we're discussing.
    You were saying that what he was doing was technically illegal; I was pointing out that it technically isn't.

    And I'm not here to undermine her feelings; obviously if she feels scared she should take action, but it's important to know whether or not her boyfriend is actually aware that he scared her as badly as he did. As I said earlier I've lost my temper badly before but without any intention of hurting anyone hence why I'd encourage communication first rather than speculating on whether we can get him arrested.
 
 
 
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