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Boyfriend was so close to beating me up so badly, I'm just waiting for it :( Watch

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    (Original post by Nick100)
    You were saying that what he was doing was technically illegal; I was pointing out that it technically isn't.

    And I'm not here to undermine her feelings; obviously if she feels scared she should take action, but it's important to know whether or not her boyfriend is actually aware that he scared her as badly as he did. As I said earlier I've lost my temper badly before but without any intention of hurting anyone hence why I'd encourage communication first rather than speculating on whether we can get him arrested.


    We've been through this, it is potentially illegal. Read back please, I can't type it out every time someone charges in.

    What you were actually doing was saying 'He didn't use threatening language' ignoring that the OPs account, due to the way the law works, makes his actions potentially illegal.

    If you did read back, you'd see that I've been quite against any police involvement. I've linked to charity sites, and help lines, that can offer her better advice than people here. I don't want the OPs boyfriend arrested, and he probably wouldn't be charged without evidence to back up the OPs claims either way.

    Communication is a mixed thing. In domestic abuse cases distance can sometimes be more effective.
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    Wait- you stayed over at an ex's house and never called him?

    Nevermind you dumping him. He should have dumped your ass before you got the opportunity to give any explanation. You're totally in the wrong here OP, the guy had every right to be extremely pissed off.
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    I can understand why he would get mad at you for sleeping at your ex's after getting drunk. You could've got a cab home or something. But if he gets as scary as you say then you shouldn't be around that. If he hasn't been like this for the majority of your relationship then maybe something happened recently. Talk to him about it/suggest an anger management class or some thing, but do it in a public place so if he tries to hurt you then you're not alone. If it doesn't get better after that and you're afraid of being alone with him incase he hurts you then the smartest thing to do is leave him. But break up with him cautiously and, like i said before, do it in a public place because ending your relationship could trigger this scary anger of his.


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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    We've been through this, it is potentially illegal. Read back please, I can't type it out every time someone charges in.

    What you were actually doing was saying 'He didn't use threatening language' ignoring that the OPs account, due to the way the law works, makes his actions potentially illegal.

    If you did read back, you'd see that I've been quite against any police involvement. I've linked to charity sites, and help lines, that can offer her better advice than people here. I don't want the OPs boyfriend arrested, and he probably wouldn't be charged without evidence to back up the OPs claims either way.

    Communication is a mixed thing. In domestic abuse cases distance can sometimes be more effective.
    Complete nonsense. You never showed how her boyfriend's actions were illegal. Now you backtrack to say that was never your intention, despite the fact you mentioned it in the first place!

    You continue to disparage anyone who seeks to quantify or validate that abuse took place (legally defined or otherwise). In this case, you suggest Nick100 did not read the OP's post correctly, or he ignored parts of it, when it is blatantly obvious he read it and considered it at length.
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    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    Don't use the sweet moments in your relationship to convince yourself that everything is ok. It's a thing many people in abusive relationships do and it's what gets them stuck in it.

    Leave him when you can before something bad DOES happen. He should never react with that much anger at anything... if he truly hates some things that you do, he should either talk it out with you calmly or tell you that you shouldn't be together. He's just shown you that he has temper issues which arise at petty things and which could get much worse as he gets used to you. The more you stay with him the more controlling he will get and the more angry he will get at smaller things. You will still have sweet moments but you will also be living in fear.
    :five:
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    (Original post by evantej)
    Complete nonsense. You never showed how her boyfriend's actions were illegal. Now you backtrack to say that was never your intention, despite the fact you mentioned it in the first place!

    You continue to disparage anyone who seeks to quantify or validate that abuse took place (legally defined or otherwise). In this case, you suggest Nick100 did not read the OP's post correctly, or he ignored parts of it, when it is blatantly obvious he read it and considered it at length.

    I don't follow what you mean? I posted links to show that his actions were potentially illegal, reluctantly, as I wanted to focus on offering advice to someone who had asked for it.

    I didn't mean to imply he didn't read the OP's post, just mine in which I did the above. I just think that everyone's got things a bit twisted, and is determined for this to be a debate and 'score points' rather than offer anything even remotely resembling advice that was asked for.
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    I just think that everyone's got things a bit twisted, and is determined for this to be a debate and 'score points' rather than offer anything even remotely resembling advice that was asked for.
    Exactly. Irrespective of individual options regarding the girlfriends behaviour screaming in someone's face to the point they fear for their physical safety is entirely reprehensible. It is simply not acceptable. Arguing 'tit for tat' is pointless and the only thing we should be doing is offering advice that she can either choose to follow or ignore. Simple.

    As an afterthought though (and it rare I will vent on a forum) to the idiot that thinks she should of had "a slap if she had done something". No one has ever "jumped in front of a horse" to defend anyone's "right" to use physical violence. Do you honestly believe comments like that are helpful when dealing with sensitive issues such as domestic violence?

    Its an utterly idiotic thing to say and not the sort of comment one expects to find on a student forum. Particularly not as students tend to be educated rather than pig ignorant.



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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    I don't follow what you mean? I posted links to show that his actions were potentially illegal, reluctantly, as I wanted to focus on offering advice to someone who had asked for it.

    I didn't mean to imply he didn't read the OP's post, just mine in which I did the above. I just think that everyone's got things a bit twisted, and is determined for this to be a debate and 'score points' rather than offer anything even remotely resembling advice that was asked for.
    You don't sound too sure of yourself when talking about illegality, as you keep putting the word "potentially" or "technically" in front of it. Yes the OP might have been frightened when her boyfriend got angry, but her claims that he was supposedly about to hit her are very vague and so far she has not confirmed if he even raised a finger to her!!! I think you're going way over the top with posting links about the law and whether the boyfriend should be arrested. There are other avenues the OP should look at first, such as calling a helpline to speak to someone who is very knowledgable in this area (unlike yourself) or talking to her boyfriend about what happened.

    I think you're jumping the gun far too much here. Whilst I can imagine the OP was frightened at her boyfriends reaction, as anyone else would be, I think she's doing him a huge injustice by jumping on here and making a dramatic thread about how she was nearly beaten up as so far she has provided us with no good reason or evidence to believe that the prospect of whacking her even crossed his mind.


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    (Original post by sophisticated)
    You don't sound too sure of yourself when talking about illegality, as you keep putting the word "potentially" or "technically" in front of it. Yes the OP might have been frightened when her boyfriend got angry, but her claims that he was supposedly about to hit her are very vague and so far she has not confirmed if he even raised a finger to her!!! I think you're going way over the top with posting links about the law and whether the boyfriend should be arrested. There are other avenues the OP should look at first, such as calling a helpline to speak to someone who is very knowledgable in this area (unlike yourself) or talking to her boyfriend about what happened.

    I know you've only read the last few of my posts, so that's fine.

    I was the one getting annoyed that people were demanding I brought legality into this. I linked to help lines, charity sites which offered information on this, and people constantly debated pointlessly over whether it was illegal or not.

    I wasn't too sure of myself. We've just heard one account, and I've consistently said that based on what we know all we can do is offer advice to the OP.

    I think if you saw my posts from start to finish, you'd see that I wholeheartedly agree. The bold is what I've been saying. I'm actually potentially one of the people on the other end of those help lines, so there was no need to get nasty.
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    (Original post by Izzyeviel)
    Just because she's friends with her ex doesn't mean anything. People tend to stay in touch with their ex's, it is common and quite frankly if she was drunk, it's far better she stayed there rather then walk home or get a taxi. Cabbies do have a tendency to rape their passengers.




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    Oh please, you're just exaggerating now. An old friend of mine, used to go to night clubs that had cabs packed outside the night club. Now that's dangerous, as nobody knows or would be able to properly recall who the cab driver is and who he works for.

    It's cabs like that you're more likely to get attacked, than calling a cab office and booking a cab.

    It's unlikely the OP would have been attacked had she booked a cab, regardless of being friends with her ex, all the things she did don't look good on paper.

    Another question is why would the OP get that drunk anyway? Had she gone to a night club I highly doubt she would have drank herself to that point, she knew she could sleep over. Probably had the intention of sleeping over initially.
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    Well to be honest whilist violence is completely wrong I understand him being upset, you should have at least texted him or called him
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    (Original post by alis-volatpropriis)
    Oh please, you're just exaggerating now. An old friend of mine, used to go to night clubs that had cabs packed outside the night club. Now that's dangerous, as nobody knows or would be able to properly recall who the cab driver is and who he works for.

    It's cabs like that you're more likely to get attacked, than calling a cab office and booking a cab.

    It's unlikely the OP would have been attacked had she booked a cab, regardless of being friends with her ex, all the things she did don't look good on paper.

    Another question is why would the OP get that drunk anyway? Had she gone to a night club I highly doubt she would have drank herself to that point, she knew she could sleep over. Probably had the intention of sleeping over initially.
    unresolved ex feelings?

    I can see why her boyfriend would get very angry.
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    (Original post by katehlouise)
    Oh I do apologise for trusting my boyfriend completely...
    I still don't think it's a big problem. You make it sound like she went to her ex's house with it being just them two there. It was a party with many other people. She wasn't the only one who stayed over! Seriously, are your girlfriends never allowed to speak to ex boyfriends or any other guys?

    And yeah, I agree, she could have given him a phonecall - I myself would have at least text. But at the end of the day, it's really not a massive deal. Did she tell her boyfriend that she would ring him? Probably not.
    You know very well that's not what I said. But it seems like you're just trying to save face because you know I'm right. For the final time, all those circumstances occurring all in one night is a normal thing for a partner to get angry at. But if you're just going to put words in my mouth there's no point continuing this debate.
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    If you're in any danger in a relationship, go. Just go and never look back, if he loved you so much, he would never hurt you to the point you're asking for advice on TSR.

    Seriously, it doesn't sound safe. Go.
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    (Original post by sharp910sh)
    My negative rep is not because I am angry, it is because people disagree with what i say. At the end of the day, she could have banged her ex-bf. I would be very angry if that happened.
    Get angry. Fine. But don't slap her, unless in self defence

    (Original post by BabyfacedDom)
    don't get me wrong i had little scraps in primary school and secondary school but it was just kids stuff not a full on fist fight apart from in year 8 when i smashed someones head against the pavement (doesn't count as a punch ) but yeah i've never started a fight, i've only ever fought back.
    Oh fair enoughs. Yeah I suppose I've never actually started any thing either. Well I have, but it's been because of me eventually fighting back after taking their ****. Or in one instance, I threw coffee on someone at college
 
 
 
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