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university relationships Watch

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    HI
    this is a pretty heavy topic for my first ever thread but I could really do with some wise words of advice

    I'm currently in a pretty serious relationship and have been for almost a year now [I don't know if that sounds a lot to you but I mean it's a considerable amount of time right? :l ]
    Anyway- we're now in the applying to university stage and the chances of us being close together next year are getting thinner and thinner... I was just wondering if anyone knew of any tips for keeping a relationship going when you're on opposite sides of the country? :confused:
    To make matters worse her course is AT LEAST 5 years. mine is 4 max... she could be away for like.. 6 years...
    please help me out
    and please be nice
    but please be frank
    ty :l
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    Look in the Long Distance Relationship thread. I'm sure the guys there would be happy to give you some advise.
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    (Original post by SirMasterKey)
    Look in the Long Distance Relationship thread. I'm sure the guys there would be happy to give you some advise.
    This.
    I guess one of the most important principles of maintaining a LDR is commitment.
    , but if you'd like better assistance on this, head to that thread.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    HI
    this is a pretty heavy topic for my first ever thread but I could really do with some wise words of advice

    I'm currently in a pretty serious relationship and have been for almost a year now [I don't know if that sounds a lot to you but I mean it's a considerable amount of time right? :l ]
    Anyway- we're now in the applying to university stage and the chances of us being close together next year are getting thinner and thinner... I was just wondering if anyone knew of any tips for keeping a relationship going when you're on opposite sides of the country? :confused:
    To make matters worse her course is AT LEAST 5 years. mine is 4 max... she could be away for like.. 6 years...
    please help me out
    and please be nice
    but please be frank
    ty :l
    I'll be honest with you, even thought I suspect it's not what you want to hear. The truth is this: you will almost certainly break up before the end of your first year of University. I have seen this countless times (and I've actually been to University twice due to a career change). The fact is, going to University is a massive, life-changing event. People change more than they would ever imagine whilst at University. Both of you will meet a whole crowd of new people, experience completely new things, learn more about yourself and others, and your ideas, thoughts and attitudes towards all aspects of life will change significantly.

    When it comes to relationships, the observation I have made is this: a large proportion of people start University with a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Before the end of the first year however, everyone is either single or in a relationship with someone new. In all my years at Uni (which currently stands at 7) I have only known one couple that "survived" the transition from school to Uni and made it out the other side... and even they had a break and then got together again afterwards.

    Ultimately then, I think you should anticipate a break-up in the near future. But actually you don't need to consider this to be a bad thing... the truth is you'll probably be happier for it.
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    Speaking from very recent experience, I had high hopes for my relationship - together 6 months, neither of us getting needy at any point, that sort of thing.

    We both head to uni and I have my fresher's where I remember to call and text her.
    She has hers a week after mine and doesn't call or text me back for the majority.

    She promised to change it and we spoke on the phone every other day and planned a visit to see each other.
    She calls me randomly the next day and dumps me there and then, citing distance as the problem.

    We haven't really spoken since and she's done her best to make me feel bad via pictures on Facebook, guys in clubs and smoking weed.
    In short, she's not the person I was with before uni, and she was only there for 2 weeks before dumping me.

    Needless to say, I'm a complete pessimist about this sort of thing now and will agree with everyone who says it won't work out...
    Not to put you off or anything though - there are some nice stories out there, it's just very rare is all



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    One of my friends has been with her boyfriend since they were in college or so, this is our second year of Uni and they go to different ones. They're still together. I guess you just have to work at it more and make time for each other like she often visits him and he does the same.


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    I guess it's easy for me to say this from a distance. I know how you feel. I think if it's meant to work out, it will. Sometimes you can try really hard at something but if it isn't working, you're putting yourself through too much pain. If you get into a situation, where your general happiness is affected, you need to reconsider it. And that's regardless of the time you've already put into it. If you still love someone, it's worth trying but if distance is not something you can handle or is making you too unhappy, it is right to call it quits. Don't stay because you feel you've already invested time. It doesn't mean that it was waste of time, it just means that it has run its course.

    So try your best to evaluate your feelings at a distance. Imagine you are an outsider looking in. I think you should communicate to her how you feel about the situation. She might be worrying about this too. Then you can work things out as best as you can.

    I know it sucks. I know some people protect themselves from painful decisions by not getting involved with someone whilst at university and waiting later until the timing is right. But don't regret getting involved with someone you love. I mean I know some university relationships which have fizzled out but I know others who have married or are now living together, and who first got together at university. And those people haven't given up on their career ambitions. They have found a way to make it work. Of course for some people, it is not possible to compromise on something life-changing. And that is right. Life is hard and throws curve balls at you sometimes. But make your personal happiness enough of a priority and the right relationship will fit in with that life course.
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    Communication. It's vital.

    I'm only three months into my LDR; my boyfriend moved to uni in October. We've been together for almost three years.

    Frankly, I don't think it could have gone any better so far. We've had one minor rough patch but that was because I received some awful news, reacted to it badly, and pushed him away.
    We text every evening, ending in a phone call, and Skype regularly. As I can drive, I go and see him every other week. In all honesty, it doesn't feel like anything has changed.
    He's a daft old sod and always has been. Uni hasn't changed him at all so far and I actually prepared myself for the worst so I've been pleasantly surprised.

    Of course, this could all change. I'm currently on a gap year and am going to uni next year to study Medicine (so I'll be fairly busy and be at uni for 5/6 years). We'll live further apart, I'll have less money and we'll both be busy. However I shan't dwell on that and I'll just see how it goes.
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    I got together with my boyfriend just before he went to uni, which I had my doubts at the beginning because he was going to be 200 miles away. He's now halfway through his second year (and I'm halfway through my third) and we're happy as we were when we first met. I think the key is to make time for each other and you have to be able to trust each other, but if you've been together for a year already then I'm sure that's already there it's not easy, especially the times when all you want is a cuddle, I know I've found it hard not to drive up to see him at silly o clock in the morning! But it's definately do-able good luck!


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    It'll go to ****, I'd just break up now if I had the chance. Speaking from somebody who was with a girl for six years, two of them were in university (I'm now a third year) with distance. You sacrifice a lot and it takes a lot of work with it almost always inivitebly breaking down.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll be honest with you, even thought I suspect it's not what you want to hear. The truth is this: you will almost certainly break up before the end of your first year of University. I have seen this countless times (and I've actually been to University twice due to a career change). The fact is, going to University is a massive, life-changing event. People change more than they would ever imagine whilst at University. Both of you will meet a whole crowd of new people, experience completely new things, learn more about yourself and others, and your ideas, thoughts and attitudes towards all aspects of life will change significantly.

    When it comes to relationships, the observation I have made is this: a large proportion of people start University with a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Before the end of the first year however, everyone is either single or in a relationship with someone new. In all my years at Uni (which currently stands at 7) I have only known one couple that "survived" the transition from school to Uni and made it out the other side... and even they had a break and then got together again afterwards.

    Ultimately then, I think you should anticipate a break-up in the near future. But actually you don't need to consider this to be a bad thing... the truth is you'll probably be happier for it.

    I just read this, and how blunt it Is and too the point, I couldn't agree more.


    I've seen so many break ups In the 2 years I've spent studying.
    My long distance hardly survived me going college and having a job.
    Theres so many fish out there..do you really want to be fishing from a sea your not in close to? really? :o:o
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    HI
    this is a pretty heavy topic for my first ever thread but I could really do with some wise words of advice

    I'm currently in a pretty serious relationship and have been for almost a year now [I don't know if that sounds a lot to you but I mean it's a considerable amount of time right? :l ]
    Anyway- we're now in the applying to university stage and the chances of us being close together next year are getting thinner and thinner... I was just wondering if anyone knew of any tips for keeping a relationship going when you're on opposite sides of the country? :confused:
    To make matters worse her course is AT LEAST 5 years. mine is 4 max... she could be away for like.. 6 years...
    please help me out
    and please be nice
    but please be frank
    ty :l
    Take the chance to see each other whenever you can, nothing can replace actually spending time together. As a student you won't have much money but you will have plenty of time, so try to use services such as Megabus which are cheap if long and book in advance.

    I'm guessing she's applying for Medicine or similar (vet, dentistry), given the length of the course. Unfortunately you'll have to accept this means she will have a lot of work, there's no getting around that sometimes (notably their exams) you may have to come second. However, the advantage is she should find it relatively easy to follow your job as you start looking towards the end of uni, and this light at the end of the tunnel, as such, is very much worth having.

    Make sure to stay in contact, Skype, texting, phone calls, letters etc. are all good. It's easy to let this slip, try not to as keeping in touch definitely helps.

    Don't immediately dash off to see her every weekend for the first couple of weeks, as hard as this is to do. The first few weeks is when you start to meet people at uni and build up the friends who will help cheer you up at the times when you miss her over the next four years, and that is invaluable.

    You will have to keep a balance between seeing her, spending time speaking on skype etc. and seeing your friends throughout uni (as will she). This may seem hard for the first term or so, but you will learn how to manage it and hopefully both your friends and gf should be understanding that you can't be in 2 places at once!

    Ultimately if it's going to work and last you'll find a way to make that happen

    Me (4 year course) and my gf (5 year) are now halfway through our 4th years so it can be done, though it is true most school relationships don't survive uni.
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    (Original post by RollerBall)
    It'll go to ****, I'd just break up now if I had the chance. Speaking from somebody who was with a girl for six years, two of them were in university (I'm now a third year) with distance. You sacrifice a lot and it takes a lot of work with it almost always inivitebly breaking down.
    I know what you mean. I feel the same about a relationship I have been in. But I would never see him as an aberration in my life. I think what you said is a good response though because it throws out the realities of the situation. This is something you should bear in mind, OP. Don't push back the reality. One thing I'd say is that if you want to maintain a LDR, you need money. It sounds cynical but it's true. The people I've seen who've made it work, had made it work because they could afford to fly over or take a train journey with enough regularity to keep the love going. Again, I've been in a long distance relationship and it is hard. Of course there are exceptions, but I wouldn't risk unless you've been together for at least a year. But even then, people change. Don't think of the worst possible outcome, but just be aware of what you're getting into.

    For me the worst thing about a LDR whilst at university, was that I missed out on certain opportunities. It wasn't as if I spent every living moment with him, but even then you miss out on stuff. You miss out on some of the shared experiences of freshers week, and on some the closeness of friendship. Even if you find good friendships, they might not be as close if you are also in a relationship.
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    It depends!!

    I'm going to uni in September, me and my BF will have been together for 4 years, it's a very scary thought! Although it's slightly different to your situation because he's staying at home. He's very worried about me finding someone new, and although I will go out and meet new people, I don't think i'd cheat as we have a good relationship that i'm not willing to risk!!

    With your girlfriend, you just have to make sure you understand each other, and and try not to get jealous as that can be lethal. You will obviously both make friends of the opposite sex!

    I am worried about trying to make it work though, as it will be tough! My ideas so far are just simple things like arranging a "date" to chat on the phone for half hour or so, meaning that one of you won't call randomly and be upset if the other is busy or out with friends. Maybe watching a movie at the same time so that you feel together. You could meet up for the day/ weekend half way between your unis and go somewhere new together. I think it's also important that you both spend time at each other's unis, going out in your new friendship groups, so you know what the other gets up to while you're not around!!

    Good luck, Hope it works out for both of you!
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    It can be done mate, i've just come out of a three year relationship and i'm going to uni in September, depends what you want. I personally wanted the university lifestyle, without being 'tied down' but a family member of mine has gone through university with the same girl and they are still going strong!
    • #3
    #3

    If you both want it to work, it will. So long as you communicate clearly, keep in contact and neither of you is one of those paranoid jealous types - it should work. Every couple I know that went to university together have broken up now, and I think it's so sad. Most of it was due to miscommunication or lack of commitment. A few examples;

    a) This couple actually go to the same university, live in the same halls, too. Girl decided she wanted to be single for Freshers week and asked her boyfriend if they could go on a break then get back together after, as she wanted to sleep with other people. He was stunned (as were we all!) and they broke up over it. That just shows a lack of commitment - they'd been together two years.

    b) The guy wanted the 'laddish' lifestyle and so broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years. They were only about a 30 minutes drive from eachother. Sad, really. But... I guess sometimes people change.

    c) This couple had only been dating for about nine months but went to the same university together and got into the same flat, too. About a month in to their courses, the girl cheated on her boyfriend with one of their flatmates. Ensued a lot of people moving in/out of the flat and a lot of 'choosing sides' and arguments. Just not good.
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    Don't mean to ve.negative.but you might wanna move on if things don't work after all you're still young

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    Somebody will be smashing her rat in freshers week, don't you worry.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll be honest with you, even thought I suspect it's not what you want to hear. The truth is this: you will almost certainly break up before the end of your first year of University. I have seen this countless times (and I've actually been to University twice due to a career change). The fact is, going to University is a massive, life-changing event. People change more than they would ever imagine whilst at University. Both of you will meet a whole crowd of new people, experience completely new things, learn more about yourself and others, and your ideas, thoughts and attitudes towards all aspects of life will change significantly.

    When it comes to relationships, the observation I have made is this: a large proportion of people start University with a serious boyfriend/girlfriend. Before the end of the first year however, everyone is either single or in a relationship with someone new. In all my years at Uni (which currently stands at 7) I have only known one couple that "survived" the transition from school to Uni and made it out the other side... and even they had a break and then got together again afterwards.

    Ultimately then, I think you should anticipate a break-up in the near future. But actually you don't need to consider this to be a bad thing... the truth is you'll probably be happier for it.
    I have to disagree with you. In my flat of 8 in halls, 4 of us joined the Uni with partners, one lived close to hers and the rest of us were long-distance with the shortest journey time being about 2 1/2hours. All of those relationships are still going, yes 1 had a rocky period but they pulled through it.

    OP, some people break up before they go and throw away what should mean something to them. Others try and fail, and as others have said, move on and are still happy. Yet others try and make a success of it, so please try to make it work. Accept that it might not, and if it doesn't, you won't be so badly hurt, but dont believe the doomsayers and throw away months of commitment simply because it might not work out further down the line.
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    Won't work
 
 
 
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