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    (Original post by The Rusty Spork)
    I can't believe I just wasted a part of my life reading that. It was ****ing terrible :facepalm2:


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Mate you have no sense of humour! It was meant to be a joke. People of this thread seem to be too serious at times so I thought this was something different.

    Btw thanks for reading and sorry about wasting 5 minutes or so of your time
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    (Original post by poiuytrewq54321)
    This is such a funny joke! I know its long but trust me it'll be worth it.


    Woodward: Hello, Rossel, ol’ chap!

    Rossel: Hello, Mr. Ed.

    Moyes: HullorRossel!

    Rossel: What, Mr. Moyes?

    Moyes: I said, HullorRossel!


    Rossel: What?


    Woodward: You must pardon our new manager’s Scottish accent. He only greets you.


    Wenger: Good evening everybody.


    Everybody: Good evening, Arsene.


    Everybody: Hello, Cesc.


    Cesc: Hola, everybody!


    Woodward: Good, now that everyone has greeted everyone else, we shall quickly move on to business. Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Wenger: Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Rossel: Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Woodward and Wenger: What?


    Rossel: That is how ridiculous it sounds.


    Woodward: Enough of these childish games. Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Wenger: Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Rossel: Rossel, we need Cesc.


    Woodward and Wenger: What? Again?


    Rossel: I could go on all day, you know. This is fun.


    Woodward: Enough of this. How much is it going to cost us, Rossel?


    Rossel: More than you are willing to pay, Woodward.


    Woodward: And what are we willing to pay, Rossel?


    Rossel: You tell me, Woodward.


    Woodward: 25 million.


    Rossel: Ha!


    Woodward: 30 million.


    Rossel: Tsk tsk.


    Wenger: 20 million.


    Rossel: Eh?


    Wenger: Come on, man! We are Arsenal.


    Rossel: You have my sympathies, Arsene. But not my player. Ha ha ha!


    Wenger: The joke is on you, Rossel. We have first option on Cesc, remember?


    Rossel: Yes. You have first option if Barcelona want to sell Cesc. Now, however, Barcelona does not want to
    sell. Manchester United wants to buy. There is a difference.


    Wenger: Damn. *French expletive removed*


    Rossel: As we were talking, Mr. Ed…


    Woodward: 30 million 500 thousand.


    Rossel: Yawn!


    Woodward: 31 million.


    Rossel: Yawn again.


    Moyes: Lettimgo Ed.


    Woodward: Not after coming this far, David.


    Moyes: Cesc der yer wanttar play for Manchester Yonited?


    Cesc: Eh? I cannot understand you, Mr. Moyes.


    Moyes: Yer cannat understand me, ye?


    Cesc: I cannot, Sir.


    Moyes: ’twill be perfect then. We will get along jerst fine.


    Woodward: Cesc, United is a great club. We have a brilliant tradition. Any player would love to play for United. You should too.


    Cesc: Well, I don’t know. You know that I have a history with Arsenal.


    Woodward: Have no worries about that, Cesc. We have a history of former Arsenal captains coming to our club and winning titles.


    Wenger: Give us Robin van Persie and we will give you Cesc.


    Woodward: Cesc is not yours to give, Arsene.


    Wenger: But we have first option on him.


    Woodward: Rossel, would you please indulge Mr. Wenger?


    Rossel: Yes. You have first option if Barcelona want to sell…


    Wenger: God damn English! *French expletive removed*


    Moyes: Cesc, I will let yer play anywherr yer want. Even as the goalkeeper.


    Cesc: It does sound tempting…


    Moyes: And I will give yer any jersey number yer want. Even mine.


    Cesc: Well…


    Woodward: There you go, Rossel. Personal terms have been agreed. 31 million then. It is done.


    Rossel: No.


    Woodward: Oh come on now, man! Be a sport!


    Rossel: How about a player of yours?


    Woodward: Who do you have in mind?


    Rossel: Rooney.


    Moyes: Wayne Rooney is er Manchester Yenited player and will remain so.


    Woodward: Shut up, David. This is not a press conference.


    Moyes: Yerright. Sell the bloody bugger!


    Woodward: So if it is Rooney, then you owe us Cesc and 2 million. Deal?


    Rossel: Well, I don’t know. 2 million is a lot of money, you know.


    Woodward: So apart from the money, the deal is on, then?


    Rossel: Well, 2 million is a lot of money, you know.


    Woodward: Alright then, tell you what; since you’re my good friend, I will sweeten the deal for you.


    Rossel: I’m all ears.


    Woodward: Give us Cesc. In return, we give you Rooney plus two million*


    Rossel: I believe gentlemen, that we have a deal.


    Woodward: Good thing that this was a telephone conversation.


    Rossel: Why do you say that?


    Woodward: Well, you haven’t seen the star.


    Rossel: What star?


    Woodward: The asterisk that generally means ‘conditions apply’.


    Rossel: What conditions?


    Woodward: Remember the two million that we gave you? Well, it does not come free.


    Rossel: What does it come with then?


    Woodward: Bebe. Goobye, Rossel.


    The transfer ends. Manchester United ends up with Cesc Fabregas, Barcelona with Wayne Rooney, two million and Bebe. Sandro Rossel ends up ashen-faced and Arsene Wenger with a ringing in his ear.
    It was a pretty **** joke tbh

    The Bebe bit made me smile tho
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    Vidic, Nani + Valencia played in some random game , Cesc is still ongoing, RvP is fit to play .
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    I just want to know one way or the other with cesc, getting silly now.

    We desperately need two midfielders in my opinion, the new season is only a few weeks away and we are no further on.

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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Dunno man, they've lost enough.

    Happily chuck £30m at them for him and see what happens but i still think its at a point where they wont sell any more of their best players.
    I see you're point but Gundogan has indicated he would like a move to United in the future, so i think we could get him this season for the right price.

    In an interview a while ago "Manchester United would obviously be a dream club."

    (Original post by hayles101)
    I just want to know one way or the other with cesc, getting silly now.

    We desperately need two midfielders in my opinion, the new season is only a few weeks away and we are no further on.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Moyes said that the Fabregas situation is not dead and he is still his no.1 signing
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    What the hell does ongoing mean? Gerardo Martino is supposed to be presented on Friday, so I guess it could be resolved soon after.

    Good to hear Moyes say Kagawa will play an increased role this season, he didn't exactly hit the ground running but in the second half of the season he had a few games where you could see what he is capable of.
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    (Original post by doggyfizzel)
    What the hell does ongoing mean? Gerardo Martino is supposed to be presented on Friday, so I guess it could be resolved soon after.

    Good to hear Moyes say Kagawa will play an increased role this season, he didn't exactly hit the ground running but in the second half of the season he had a few games where you could see what he is capable of.
    felt bad for kagawa last season.. its never going to be easy to come into a team like united, from a different league.. --- and then he goes and gets injured straight away!

    But yes, he did show his quality at times, and I dont think anyone doubts its there.. - he just needs to get himself more established and confident etc.
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    (Original post by poiuytrewq54321)
    This is such a funny joke! I know its long but trust me it'll be worth it.
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    Andrew Kilduff, co-founder of stretford end flags who people say called RvP last year from his sources, around July 15th last year so i cba to check who else was saying what, has said Fellaini + Cesc to us next week.

    That'll keep the muppets going for a week.
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    Just want the season to start tbfh.
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    Thiago Alcantara: "The truth is that in no moment did anyone from Manchester United speak to us. Bayern was always my first option."

    I wonder why we didn't go for him, given that we will end up buying Fellaini for £5m more...baffling.
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    (Original post by Akkuz)
    Thiago Alcantara: "The truth is that in no moment did anyone from Manchester United speak to us. Bayern was always my first option."

    I wonder why we didn't go for him, given that we will end up buying Fellaini for £5m more...baffling.
    Just a generic comment a player makes when he signs to be fair. A version of the "I promise this club was my first choice" type thing. His dad said we held talks, they conflict eachother, who knows what went on.

    I'd be inclined to believe we were interested, asked around, talked to his representatives + Barca then we backed off. Whether that was because we knew Bayern was interested and he wanted them, and thus we didnt want to try compete and instead go for other options asap, or because we didnt want to give him a clause in his contract, or whatever.
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    Sky never reported a utd bid to thiago tbh
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    (Original post by Tommyjw)
    Just a generic comment a player makes when he signs to be fair. A version of the "I promise this club was my first choice" type thing. His dad said we held talks, they conflict eachother, who knows what went on.

    I'd be inclined to believe we were interested, asked around, talked to his representatives + Barca then we backed off. Whether that was because we knew Bayern was interested and he wanted them, and thus we didnt want to try compete and instead go for other options asap, or because we didnt want to give him a clause in his contract, or whatever.
    He's not saying they were his first choice though. He's saying the opposite, that they were his first option, because United never went for him.
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    (Original post by ledleyking123)
    Sky never reported a utd bid to thiago tbh
    But you still believed all the BS twitter sources like it was God's word
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    (Original post by Akkuz)
    Thiago Alcantara: "The truth is that in no moment did anyone from Manchester United speak to us. Bayern was always my first option."

    I wonder why we didn't go for him, given that we will end up buying Fellaini for £5m more...baffling.
    I highly doubt this is true. Man United started their pursuit of Cesc Fabregas the day after Thiago's transfer to Bayern was finalised. Coincidence?
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    (Original post by AXERTYRE)
    I highly doubt this is true. Man United started their pursuit of Cesc Fabregas the day after Thiago's transfer to Bayern was finalised. Coincidence?
    not really.. united have been linked to fabregas for a long while now... with some people even suggesting that fabegras was just covre for united to try and get Thiago... (in the early days of the Thiago rumours)
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    (Original post by manchesterunited15)
    He's not saying they were his first choice though. He's saying the opposite, that they were his first option, because United never went for him.
    But, but... It would take a high level of delusion to believe United weren't trying to sign Thiago. Thiago is a liar!

    (Original post by Musester)
    But you still believed all the BS twitter sources like it was God's word
    Correct.

    It would back up the idea that the whole dust cloud surrounding 'supposed' transfers is made up of rumour, conjecture, gossip, knobheads on *****er and little else.
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    I'd still love for there to be some CB signings, last season, even when we started to feel a little stronger in defence it always felt a little panicky in every attack, would like to feel less anxious with some more reliable defence.

    Not to say the young guys aren't good, I just wouldn't want to be playing them all the time, especially against top flight teams
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    (Original post by Musester)
    But you still believed all the BS twitter sources like it was God's word
    (Original post by Wilfred Little)
    Correct.

    It would back up the idea that the whole dust cloud surrounding 'supposed' transfers is made up of rumour, conjecture, gossip, knobheads on *****er and little else.
    I'm afraid your failed attempts aren't correct.

    If we had 'bid' for Thiago, thats it, we would have paid his release clause, we would have done so knowing Thiago would come here and he would have been our player. Nobody believed that, it wasnt even reported as such. It was reported we were negotiating different deals etc. But no, you are not correct in saying people believed we had bid for him.
 
 
 
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