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    So I went on a first date and ended up having sex with the guy. It was not planned but it felt right at the time. What can I do now to make sure he won't make me into a booty call?

    We discussed what we wanted before sex and I told him that I'm only looking for long-term. I reiterated that afterwards and said I wanted to see him again, and he said "let's meet on Tuesday or Wednesday". I am not dumb and I know he could have bull****ted or adjusted his point of view to get laid. I also know that he could well want a relationship but is keeping his options open...i.e. he may want a relationship but not necessarily one with me.

    It's too late to go back from it now. What can I do to come across the right way so as not to scare him off but not look easy either? Should I sit back and wait for him to call?

    Cheers.
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    Just be normal, you've already told him what you were expecting so there's not much else you can do.
    I slept with my boyfriend on our first day and we have been together for 4 years now. Neither of us judged each other, it wasn't something I had done before, it just felt right with him.
    So just see how things go, if you become a booty call, you will find out soon enough. Have fun in the meantime.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just be normal, you've already told him what you were expecting so there's not much else you can do.
    I slept with my boyfriend on our first day and we have been together for 4 years now. Neither of us judged each other, it wasn't something I had done before, it just felt right with him.
    So just see how things go, if you become a booty call, you will find out soon enough. Have fun in the meantime.
    Thank you. I am extra wary because I met him online. Although, I asked him on our date what he was looking for and he said he wants to meet the girl he'd eventually marry and have children with. And when I told him I don't usually have sex on the first date, he just said "we're adults" which implies he is more open-minded about where it can lead than some other guys might be. I told him I wanted to see him again and he said "let's do something on Tuesday or Wednesday". Then in the morning he made me breakfast, and when I left he said "I'll see you in a few days" but he didn't hug me goodbye so I'm not sure what to make of it.
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    You've got yourself into this one. Telling someone that you're looking for a serious relationship only and then sleeping with them on your first date wasn't in my opinion a good idea. It's not that I'm averse to first date sex, it's just that when you have implied that in your current circumstances you are not going to be having casual sex, you are sending across messages that you are perhaps emotionally a little bit ahead of yourself and it might look to him as if you see sex almost like a signing of a contract. I know he said something similar to what you said, but I think my comment still stands.

    There is nothing you can do to stop yourself from being 'dropped' as it were. He likes you enough to keep seeing you or he doesn't. It sounds to me like you're quite into him and that if he suddenly blanked you out now you'd be upset, so maybe you should hold off with the intimacy until he makes signs of commitment.
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    (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
    You've got yourself into this one. Telling someone that you're looking for a serious relationship only and then sleeping with them on your first date wasn't in my opinion a good idea. It's not that I'm averse to first date sex, it's just that when you have implied that in your current circumstances you are not going to be having casual sex, you are sending across messages that you are perhaps emotionally a little bit ahead of yourself and it might look to him as if you see sex almost like a signing of a contract. I know he said something similar to what you said, but I think my comment still stands.

    There is nothing you can do to stop yourself from being 'dropped' as it were. He likes you enough to keep seeing you or he doesn't. It sounds to me like you're quite into him and that if he suddenly blanked you out now you'd be upset, so maybe you should hold off with the intimacy until he makes signs of commitment.
    Well when I explained it to him, I said I'd like to see him again and who knows where it will lead but I am interested in spending more time with him. I said that it's not like I'm really intense about him, just that I want to see if there can be more. If I see him again, I will hold off and not do anything physical.

    He works in the same place as my dad, who said he'd "have to beat him up" if it turns out he tried it on with me.

    He is going out tonight and I said it sounds fun. He said he would've invited me along if he was able to bring a plus one.

    I know in the cruel light of day, he'll think over this and decide...ah just scary thinking about someone thinking about me like this. Ah...I don't know.

    He is quiet but I won't let that blind me from analysing him properly...

    I guess I will either receive contact from him or I won't and he might decide he has better options. I get what you're saying. Just because he wants something serious, doesn't mean he wouldn't be open to other options and he might see me as one :/
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    bump. Any other ideas?
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    ASk him what he wants when you next see him
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    Yeah sorry, I'd never get into a serious relationship with a girl that puts out on the first date.
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    Well I've always felt that sleeping with a guy on the 'first date' is a bad idea if you are looking for a solid relationship rather than casual sex, but you've done it now so that can't be changed. It will be frustrating to hear but there is nothing you can do at this point except wait and be cool. Time will tell whether (a) he wants to see more of you, and/or (b) whether the early sex has altered his perception of you, e.g. because you put out so early he may think you are not girlfriend material.

    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    ASk him what he wants when you next see him
    Noooo, this is a bad idea. You've already made it crystal clear what you are looking for OP and it sounds like he was fairly clear too. If you ask him this question again already, when you're not even together yet, it is going to come across as extremely clingy and needy (and that's coming from someone who quite likes clingy girlfriends!) and will probably put him off even if he liked you initially. He knows what you want so if he decides that's what he wants too and he wants it with you then he will contact you.
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    Thank you guys. I did not come here for you to give me anything but the truth. I know the risks involved and I know that being a step behind the guy is a better plan. I don't know why I did it but I felt really strong chemistry and we had passionate sex. I think we both have quite a high sex drive and this is how it happened...It was really that the situation got away from me. I got on with him really well and that was that but playing the waiting game is awful...although it would be awful still whether we did it or not.

    I know some guys like to have sex early to establish whether there is chemistry, and judging by what he said about other women, this seems to be the case with him. But I am aware of the disparity between what someone says and what they actually end up doing. I know other guys are more liberal about sex, and that's the type of guy I would want to date although pinning them down is another story.

    This is really hard. I regret doing it but only for the sake of my sanity and not for the sex itself as I am fairly liberal-minded. I just need to reign it in when appropriate. So now I am stuck in the cycle of over-analysing everything that was said. I'm not sure whether I should contact him, saying cheers for the date....or whether I should wait for him to contact me. I think this will give me the answer I need because if he waits too long to contact me, or I'm the one who has to initiate it, I'll have to be very careful about thinking anything else will come from it.

    Judging by the above advice, I will not mention anything that would be a DTR (defining the relationship) seeing as he already knows where I stand...and if he does want to see me again, I'm sure he'd want to keep it low pressure and not make it too full on and serious. This is what I implied when I talked to him. I did not say "Oh I love you" or anything that intense...all I said was that I don't want this to be only time I see him and that I'd like to see him again...which is when he suggested we meet again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you guys. I did not come here for you to give me anything but the truth. I know the risks involved and I know that being a step behind the guy is a better plan. I don't know why I did it but I felt really strong chemistry and we had passionate sex. I think we both have quite a high sex drive and this is how it happened...It was really that the situation got away from me. I got on with him really well and that was that but playing the waiting game is awful...although it would be awful still whether we did it or not.

    I know some guys like to have sex early to establish whether there is chemistry, and judging by what he said about other women, this seems to be the case with him. But I am aware of the disparity between what someone says and what they actually end up doing. I know other guys are more liberal about sex, and that's the type of guy I would want to date although pinning them down is another story.

    This is really hard. I regret doing it but only for the sake of my sanity and not for the sex itself as I am fairly liberal-minded. I just need to reign it in when appropriate. So now I am stuck in the cycle of over-analysing everything that was said. I'm not sure whether I should contact him, saying cheers for the date....or whether I should wait for him to contact me. I think this will give me the answer I need because if he waits too long to contact me, or I'm the one who has to initiate it, I'll have to be very careful about thinking anything else will come from it.

    Judging by the above advice, I will not mention anything that would be a DTR (defining the relationship) seeing as he already knows where I stand...and if he does want to see me again, I'm sure he'd want to keep it low pressure and not make it too full on and serious. This is what I implied when I talked to him. I did not say "Oh I love you" or anything that intense...all I said was that I don't want this to be only time I see him and that I'd like to see him again...which is when he suggested we meet again.
    The main issue is that we obviously know nothing about this guy; he could be a total **** or a saint. IF he's a douche, then expect him to get in touch, meet up with you and try it on again because he thinks that after the first time he will be able to get sex from you every time he meets you / takes you out.

    All I can advise is wait. If he does nothing at all then you have your answer - you had a date and you had sex and he still isn't interested in pursuing a relationship with you so you should not pursue one with him (or you risk being used, big time). If he does get in touch and suggests another date then go, enjoy yourself, but do NOT put out. Then, if the date goes well but you don't have sex with him you will be able to judge his intentions based on what he does after that. If he seems to immediately lose interest, it is probably because he thought he was gonna get some but he didn't, in which case he is not what you're looking for. But if he stays in contact and suggests going out again despite the lack of sex after the last date then there is a much greater chance that he is actually interested in you and the potential relationship he could have with you. Perhaps abstain from sex once more and then take it from there.
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    My attitude is, as a general principle no, but if there was truly a major spark and I thought we'd have a relationship as passionate as Queen Victoria and Prince Albert then I probably would. But I think what happens is that you allow yourself to be drawn into a bit of an ambiguous situation.

    As the male, he'll feel like a champion now. He may want you, and want a relationship. Or he might be telling the lads down the pub "I banged this girl on the opening date...I've got her right where I want her". It's hard for the TSR community to say.

    It's difficult for me to answer, as I see it from the boys point of view. But I would be skeptical (but not completely opposed) to a girl that "puts out" shall we say, on date one. He may feel you were quite easy, and might want a more classier harder woman to get (I'm not saying you are not classy and a good catch by any means...just that is how he might see you).

    That's as honest as I can be. Interesting you use the term "liberal about sex". That makes me "conservative about sex".
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    I suspect the right next step is to... wait for it... meet tomorrow or Wednesday, as per his suggestion! We can't tell you what he's feeling.
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    Was probably a bad idea but who knows?
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    Yeah I made a few Freudian slips there. I have no idea what he was thinking of course and I worry that I look easy which would be a legitimate response because it doesn't seem to marry with my stated intentions. It's weird. When I got into a situation like that, I showed my vulnerability in a way I wouldn't usually and it freaks me out. I don't think he's a player. He told me about how he's looking for someone he might marry one day and that he's picked out a name for his first child (He's almost 30; I'm 23). But I'm not foolish enough to think that what he said has anything to do with whether he feels a connection with me. I know he wants a relationship but that doesn't mean of course that he's not open to seeing me an option. I've been informed by other guys I know that what men want is sex and that any sex is better than no sex - so they tend to look for sex and find love. If sex is available, they will take it even if temporary. I will bear that in mind.

    I'm not getting all hopes up but there is something for me to think about. I have had casual sex before - yes it's not my best selling point. I know how guys have acted, particularly after sex when it's been all they've wanted. He acted a bit differently although at the same time, that is no indication of anything major. He didn't kick me out of bed straight away nor try to rush me out of the house. He also brought up the possibility of meeting again after I'd mentioned it long before which told me that he'd at least given it some thought. It felt slightly awkward after sex and I have to admit that I might have showed it a little too much. It is hard to tell whether he is not interested or whether he is trying to play it cool. We kissed and were very touchy feely which other guys haven't been (guys I've had casual sex with) mostly because they don't want you to get too attached. It could be that this guy is simply a touchy feely person though which doesn't say anything either way.

    I will do what Kenocide suggested (if I do see him again) because that will reset the agenda and show that I'm serious. I do worry I've blown it though because of the fact I showed so much vulnerability straight away. It wasn't totally awful crazy vulnerability but it was some. Shows that I'm human and not pathologically driven by the need for a shag. At the same time, shows that like other people have the potential to do, I might not act rationally in dating scenarios. I'm not completely daft. I know I took a risk but I hope people appreciate that sometimes thoughts and chemical really do get away with you and the rational side of your brain doesn't always listen to logic. I know it is very easy for men to say what they think you want to hear and I don't think he's incapable of doing that. I have not put him on some pedestal, and even though he's quiet and not a complete alpha type (I hate that term), I am well aware that he's still a guy.
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    (Original post by Eboracum)
    My attitude is, as a general principle no, but if there was truly a major spark and I thought we'd have a relationship as passionate as Queen Victoria and Prince Albert then I probably would. But I think what happens is that you allow yourself to be drawn into a bit of an ambiguous situation.

    As the male, he'll feel like a champion now. He may want you, and want a relationship. Or he might be telling the lads down the pub "I banged this girl on the opening date...I've got her right where I want her". It's hard for the TSR community to say.

    It's difficult for me to answer, as I see it from the boys point of view. But I would be skeptical (but not completely opposed) to a girl that "puts out" shall we say, on date one. He may feel you were quite easy, and might want a more classier harder woman to get (I'm not saying you are not classy and a good catch by any means...just that is how he might see you).

    That's as honest as I can be. Interesting you use the term "liberal about sex". That makes me "conservative about sex".
    Agree with most of this, I'm by no means conservative about sex but I'm not a huge fan of going all out on first date.

    It's hard to say to be honest OP, we don't know the guy and therefore we can only guess at how he reacts to it all

    Good luck anyway I guess
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    Thanks. I will update this and let you know the outcome.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I made a few Freudian slips there. I have no idea what he was thinking of course and I worry that I look easy which would be a legitimate response because it doesn't seem to marry with my stated intentions. It's weird. When I got into a situation like that, I showed my vulnerability in a way I wouldn't usually and it freaks me out. I don't think he's a player. He told me about how he's looking for someone he might marry one day and that he's picked out a name for his first child (He's almost 30; I'm 23). But I'm not foolish enough to think that what he said has anything to do with whether he feels a connection with me. I know he wants a relationship but that doesn't mean of course that he's not open to seeing me an option. I've been informed by other guys I know that what men want is sex and that any sex is better than no sex - so they tend to look for sex and find love. If sex is available, they will take it even if temporary. I will bear that in mind.

    I'm not getting all hopes up but there is something for me to think about. I have had casual sex before - yes it's not my best selling point. I know how guys have acted, particularly after sex when it's been all they've wanted. He acted a bit differently although at the same time, that is no indication of anything major. He didn't kick me out of bed straight away nor try to rush me out of the house. He also brought up the possibility of meeting again after I'd mentioned it long before which told me that he'd at least given it some thought. It felt slightly awkward after sex and I have to admit that I might have showed it a little too much. It is hard to tell whether he is not interested or whether he is trying to play it cool. We kissed and were very touchy feely which other guys haven't been (guys I've had casual sex with) mostly because they don't want you to get too attached. It could be that this guy is simply a touchy feely person though which doesn't say anything either way.

    I will do what Kenocide suggested (if I do see him again) because that will reset the agenda and show that I'm serious. I do worry I've blown it though because of the fact I showed so much vulnerability straight away. It wasn't totally awful crazy vulnerability but it was some. Shows that I'm human and not pathologically driven by the need for a shag. At the same time, shows that like other people have the potential to do, I might not act rationally in dating scenarios. I'm not completely daft. I know I took a risk but I hope people appreciate that sometimes thoughts and chemical really do get away with you and the rational side of your brain doesn't always listen to logic. I know it is very easy for men to say what they think you want to hear and I don't think he's incapable of doing that. I have not put him on some pedestal, and even though he's quiet and not a complete alpha type (I hate that term), I am well aware that he's still a guy.
    Cheers for the ego-boosting shout-out But seriously I do think my advice is sound. As you said, if you follow my advice you're essentially resetting things so he knows you aren't easy and therefore [perhaps in his eyes] un-girlfriendable, and then once he realises that you will be better able to guage his response.

    Just try to remain neutral towards the guy for now until things advance, ie obviously prevent yourself from getting attached (shouldn't be too hard at this point) but also don't assume as your default position that he probably will use you for sex if he feels he can - while this is of course true of a significant minority of men who insult the rest of us, it remains a minority.

    In short, just steer clear of overthinking things and making assumptions before anything else actually happens, and when it does... come back here and tell us
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks. I will update this and let you know the outcome.
    Well if he genuinely likes you then you sleeping with him after the first date will make no difference to him at all.
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    (Original post by Nick1sHere)
    Agree with most of this, I'm by no means conservative about sex but I'm not a huge fan of going all out on first date.
    Indeed, the OP seems like a very decent person. Some of the OPs that come on here and in a bad place to begin with, but this OP seems to have some brains.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks. I will update this and let you know the outcome.
    Tough for us to say what this guy is like, but just bare in mind that he could be a player and you could just be another notch in his bedpost, as Fall Out Boy sing. Best of luck OP
 
 
 
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