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    Thanks. Yeah I partly worry because I met him on the internet (POF). I wasn't dumb enough to go near him without discussing what he wanted first. Here's the thing. If he is a player, then he's not your typical one. But of course acting nervous could have been his way of disarming me. It's hard to tell because he's pretty quiet, doesn't reveal much. But I get the sense that if he was interested, he'd want to make the rules. He said this girl on POF asked him to move in with her after one or two dates. I don't know whether the sex thing is some kind of chemistry test for him or a way to lock a woman in while he makes a decision. He spoke about how he didn't have enough chemistry with previous dates so he might be highly sexed and want a woman who responds to that. He's not the most out there confident guy I've come across but he's got a bit of magnetic charm, I should be aware of. He boasted to me about getting into high profile events and all that stuff. The alarm bells ring off a bit because he hasn't asked me many direct questions about myself although he did seem to be screening me by asking me questions based on what he didn't like to check that I didn't fit into that box. As I said, I will post if I hear from him.
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    It depends what kind of a guy he is. I know some boys who wouldnt bat an eyelid if a girl slept with them on the first date whereas I know others who actually stooped liking a girl because they slept with them.. I think if you havent heart from him within a few days you need to move on. Im just wondering if you just want aa long term relationship why did you sleep with him?
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    Theres no way to tell, just wait and see. Like others have said act normal and don't make a big thing about having sex, just tell him how you feel.
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    I don't know why I slept with him. I think part of the reason is that I have a high sex drive and I find it hard to keep it in check. Before that, I hadn't had sex since September and I usually can't go for more than 3 months without becoming incredibly horny even if I have other outlets. It sucks. And I need to feel that I have chemistry with a guy in bed before he becomes my boyfriend. I wish I wasn't like that because it complicates things for me all the time. I don't need a guarantee of something more before I have sex, I just need to know that the guy isn't thinking that sex is going to be the ultimate outcome of our interactions. I think it's wrong to expect that the guy is going to be 100% sure of you before you do the deed, no matter how many dates you've been on. This is how I explained it to him. I said that I wanted to see him again and get to know him more, but not that I'm locking him down for anything.

    And yeah I really regret it now. I'm actually quite upset and trying to forget about it. I'm feeling so vulnerable about myself emotionally. I've not really invested in him. I don't know where it will go but this situation puts him in a lot more control than I am of my own feelings and emotions. I hadn't prepared myself the chemical attachment phase at all despite the fact that I can have sex with some people without becoming attached.

    I can't do anything about it now because it has happened. I have never done anything like this before. I usually wait until at least date 2. I can only hope it doesn't affect how he sees me because I'm a sweet person with a lot to give to the right guy. I only ever want love. For some reason, I let common sense escape me. And people have different hooks and I guess mine is sexual attraction (understanding this is how I'm going to rationalise this after the fact). For some women, the hook is a guy spending money on them and for some it's those guys who say they're "not like all the others". Incidentally, this guy did not use that line. If he had done, it would have screamed 'player' to me.

    But now it's creeping back. The fact I had been drinking (two drinks) makes me suspicious of him because I have been romantic with other guys who have refused to do anything with me when under the influence.

    I don't think he's rejected me completely at this point. My feeling is that he has me hanging on a string while he figures out what he wants from me. He said he wanted to see me again and then reiterated the fact as I went out the door. I'm convinced that he wouldn't have done this if he was really a big time player and did not want to see me again. It wasn't like it was a vague "I'll see you around" but he hinted at seeing me (named a day) without making any concrete plans.

    I did get with a player before just for the sex and afterwards he made no efforts to chase me up again and I backed off when his friend warned me that he gets with 5 girls a week. At the time, I didn't mind because I was only looking for sex but I kept a mind out for his behaviour and observed how he reacted afterwards. What gets me about guys who are players is that they are often guys who are addicted to relationships. One guy I know, I see him come up in relationship after relationship on Facebook. The other player I was involved with told me that he has hardly been out of a relationship for 7 years. My friend told me that he'd cheated on his past girlfriend several times. I was convinced he was spineless and weak and I did not return his calls. What all these guys have in common is that although they might see sex as a door to a relationship, they don't want a woman chasing them. They want to call the shots. NB: I knew these guys were players and did not get involved with them for anything other than sex.

    I'm trying to figure out whether this guy is simply very sexually expressive or trying his luck because he's unsure of what he wants at the moment, isn't emotionally available for some reason, or got what he wanted then because there was no guarantee of getting it later.

    Btw I appreciate replies from any of you, brutal or not. But I don't agree that I'm an idiot. Who hasn't done something a bit silly before? It makes me human.
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    jesus christ, i'm sure you're a sweet girl and all but stop over thinking everything. 'i had 2 drinks and now i'm suspicious'. you're taking everything to mean way more than it does.

    there is literally nothing you can do now. it was a bad move, but just wait until he gets in contact for the next date. if he doesn't, move on - it's not like he's an old friend.

    in the meantime occupy yourself with something else!
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    Stop worrying so much I know a couple that slept with each other on the first date but are still together after 4 years. I don't know why it should upset you. You haven't done anything wrong.
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    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    Yeah sorry, I'd never get into a serious relationship with a girl that puts out on the first date.
    You see, the thing is, if a girl puts out on a first date with you, if you think really hard about this you might realise that you actually had sex too. Following? Good. So if she's not relationship material, neither are you.
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    He still hasn't been in touch with me. Am I right in thinking that there's no hope?
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    (Original post by torres5)
    Stop worrying so much I know a couple that slept with each other on the first date but are still together after 4 years. I don't know why it should upset you. You haven't done anything wrong.
    I'm upset because I like him and I'm worried that I screwed it up.
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    The only way to find out is to tell him you're not normally that kinda girl and you'd prefer to take things slow for a while. If he hangs around he likes you, if he doesn't...you gave him what he wanted I guess.
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    My personal policy; No sex within the first three meetings/dates.

    Maybe that's why I'm still a male virgin, but meh, I stick to my principles.

    Principles > Having sex.
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    I got in touch with him and we are going to watch a movie tonight. I will update on whether he's the real deal or not.
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    Something to keep in mind: Usually sincerity requires a good bit of trust, because the person expressing it often feels vulnerable when doing so. When establishing a new relationship most people try to keep to more casual interaction at first and then easing into it more when a sense of trust has been established. If someone you met is very sincere right away, talking about deep bonds, childhood traumas and being very up-front with how they feel towards you rather early, I'd urge to be cautious as it is one of the behaviors that can indicate deception.

    Judging by your posts in this thread I'd say you seem a bit vulnerable. Many women who want a steady and stable relationship leave themselves open to men who can consciously or unconsciously use that to please themselves. I'm not saying that I have an idea of whether this guy you met is using your or not, such a thing is never easy to deduce and without any real observation apart from your description it's almost impossible and a bit unfair on your both.

    However, meeting someone on the internet is not at all easier/more difficult than it is in real life, it attracts different crowds however. Many guys who are maybe a bit shy or less outgoing by nature prefer to chat to someone a bit more before meeting eye to eye because they find it easier. But with internet-dating there also comes the crowd of people that have learned how to use it for their benefit. It is easier to manipulate through text, mainly because it's easier to detach from someone you don't have to face, but also because many of the behavioral ques that indicate deception can be hidden. If someone writes "I feel like we have an amazing connection" it states just that, if someone says it however you can often see if they're nervous, cold, maybe too bold and flattering and so on. My experience is - If it seems to good to be true it most likely is.

    If the guy from the start only wanted sex the fact that you had sex on the first date won't change much for you. If you hadn't had sex right away he might have pursued someone else or just waited until you gave in before moving on. However be cautious that a pattern isn't forming, if you keep meeting and having sex without him trying to initiate further contact that doesn't involve sex it seems likely that he wants a booty call.
    If the guy really is after all that he told you about then what you two need to do is spend time together experiencing things that are separate from sex, because long term is forged from more than the sexual connection you already know you have.

    And lastly - Don't want it too much. When someone wants a relationship too much it tends to make them passive, accepting, patient and forgiving. Qualities that in other contexts are rather beautiful phenomenons, but when it comes to dating it sadly leaves you open to deception.
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    Reach the gate, hungry just ate
    Riffin, she got to be to work by eight
    This must mean she ain't tryin to wait
    Conversate, sex on the first date I state "You know what you do to me"
    She starts off, "Well I don't usually"
    Then I, whip it out, rubber no doubt
    Step out, show me what you all about
    Fingers in your mouth, open up your blouse
    Pull your G-string down South, aoowww
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    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    Yeah sorry, I'd never get into a serious relationship with a girl that puts out on the first date.
    This is the saddest thing I've read all day

    Must be hard being so judgemental all the time, I don't know how you cope.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    This is the saddest thing I've read all day

    Must be hard being so judgemental all the time, I don't know how you cope.
    Nah, it's pretty easy actually. Ironically her beau and most girls on this thread agree. So put away the lance and helmet
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    Personally i would be thinking how many 'first dates' you have been on.

    No man likes stiring other guys porridge.
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    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    Nah, it's pretty easy actually. Ironically her beau and most girls on this thread agree. So put away the lance and helmet
    I swear the white knight fallacy is the relationship forum equivalent of Godwin's law.

    A male poster who is neither a rampant hypocrite nor a misogynist weirdo? Must be a white knight.

    The glorious irony of course, is that the guys with old fashioned views on relationships are the ones who end up with a properly old fashioned bitterly unhappy relationship.
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    (Original post by Bipolarb3ar)
    Personally i would be thinking how many 'first dates' you have been on.

    No man likes stiring other guys porridge.
    No offence, but are you a virgin? Its just that the only people who ever seem to care about such weird considerations are virgins.

    Now whether they're weird because they're virgins, or virgins because they're weird, I couldn't tell you.


    You meet the funniest, sexiest, smartest, nicest girl in the world and she wants to date you. Oh wait, she's not a fellow virgin. Images of porridge and rice pudding flood your mind like blood out of the elevator in The Shining. Nevermind then, back to mum's basement.
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    I swear the white knight fallacy is the relationship forum equivalent of Godwin's law.

    A male poster who is neither a rampant hypocrite nor a misogynist weirdo? Must be a white knight.

    The glorious irony of course, is that the guys with old fashioned views on relationships are the ones who end up with a properly old fashioned bitterly unhappy relationship.
    I'm sure neither me or the "boyfriend" are crying themselves to sleep because of this preference. In actuality it just shows how desperate you are. Old fashioned? meh so be it. And you are white knighting, even when girls themselves agree with that said preference you're still trying to wriggle out Excalibur.
 
 
 
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