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By how much do people judge others by appearance/how you speak? Watch

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    I'm basically hardly have any friends IRL due to shyness (The last time went out with mates was when I was like in secondary school to play some football) otherwise I've just spent each & every day in my house apart from going out with my family. I need a job but am apprehensive about getting one due to my self-consciousness around new people. The main reason I'm like that is because I fear negative judgement of others. I also cringe when I look at my own reflection & absolutely hate getting in photos which suggests that I don't like how I look. I also wouldn't say I'm that articulate with the way I speak.

    I just want to improve my people skills tbh but the fear of getting judged makes me nervous around others, I know this is kind of human nature but anyway I can improve my self-confidence? I don't think hiding in my house is going to be productive at all. I'm 21 now so I really feel I need to see the world instead of letting it drift me by. I really want to improve my self-confidence, and in turn my social life. How much emphasis do people put on appearance & how you speak when deciding to interact & maybe make friends with someone? I feel that I've got a nice personality but I just haven't shown it IRL yet due to insecurities.

    Thank you for your time ladies & gentlemen

    Kind regards
    Multitalented me
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    i used to be very self concious myself, it was worst in school. I used to always think what people thought of me and I hated the way i looked, as a result I got shy around girls. In 4th year it got so bad that I started to go bright red when I had to talk in front of class or when I talked in large groups of people in school. I got myself into such a negative state of mind that I convinced myself that everyone was laughing at me and judging me when they probably weren't. Even if they where I shouldn't have cared. When I look back at it now I just think to myself how much time I spent and indeed wasted on these negative thoughts. Don't waste your life thinking about what everyone thinks about you, there is no point. Half the people are more than likely not judging you anyway and for the ones that could be, who gives a crap what they think about you!

    All you need is a little bit more confidence, once you grow more confident people will see that and will probably grow to like you. You need to talk to people you like, introduce yourself, show the people judging you that they are wrong. I know what its like to meet new people, I had to change schools after GCSE and went to a school where I knew nobody, on my first day I went in and sat on my own but I introduced myself to people and asked what the school was like etc, now I am in a solid group of about 20 friends and I talk to everyone in my year (bar a few idiots). The main thing you need to get into your mind is "who cares what people think" You are who you are and if they don't like it then they can bugger off. There will always be idiots in this world that will make it clear they are judging you, usually these people are diverting their own problems by "bullying" or "judging" someone else. There is this specific guy who keeps trying to tease me and I can see for myself that he has problems with his own life. I don't give a damn about him and I basically blank him out of my head. Honestly, I used to be the shyest person ever but then i learned that I was just wasting my life away, get out there and enjoy your life!! I know for a fact you will make plenty of friends and once you build your confidence you will look back and think why you wasted so much time. If you continue to worry what people think, its not going to do you any good. Be yourself and let people know the real you.

    You can message me whenever if you feel the need.

    Good Luck
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    I'm basically hardly have any friends IRL due to shyness (The last time went out with mates was when I was like in secondary school to play some football) otherwise I've just spent each & every day in my house apart from going out with my family. I need a job but am apprehensive about getting one due to my self-consciousness around new people. The main reason I'm like that is because I fear negative judgement of others. I also cringe when I look at my own reflection & absolutely hate getting in photos which suggests that I don't like how I look. I also wouldn't say I'm that articulate with the way I speak.

    I just want to improve my people skills tbh but the fear of getting judged makes me nervous around others, I know this is kind of human nature but anyway I can improve my self-confidence? I don't think hiding in my house is going to be productive at all. I'm 21 now so I really feel I need to see the world instead of letting it drift me by. I really want to improve my self-confidence, and in turn my social life. How much emphasis do people put on appearance & how you speak when deciding to interact & maybe make friends with someone? I feel that I've got a nice personality but I just haven't shown it IRL yet due to insecurities.

    Thank you for your time ladies & gentlemen

    Kind regards
    Multitalented me
    Hey there, I agree with what Aaron9890 said. He said it all.
    I too, had great difficulty with fear, shyness and embarrassment. I am also 21 now and have improved in terms of being social. I was so scared that I was embarrassed just to pick up my mobile phone on the bus in fear of people listening to my voice.

    After year 11, I moved to a college for A Levels, forced myself to get to know new people and actually talk to them rather than be shy. I gained confidence slowly but surely. I am still improving, presentations used to scare me as well as speaking in a small group, I am not as nervous as I was(still am at time) but giving everything a go nevertheless. So I would say, give it a go as life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you wish but you can only spend it once.
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    I've had someone, namely this guy one of my friends used to be good friends with who turned out to be a total **** think of me as a stupid, airhead type of girl. This guy was actually a massive idiot though, but the few times I spoke with him, he evidently liked to think I was really stupid because of the way I looked/talked and what I talked about, he seemed quite obnoxious and the sort of person who liked showing off how "smart" he was But in the end, I got higher exam results than he did because he apparently did no revision Haha!
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    It's true, the majority of people will gain a 'first impression' as soon as they see you, and if they don't like it or feel that you'd not be compatible as friends or even a relationship, then they will be less likely to give you a chance in the future.

    It's not being 'judgemental', it's simply being human. It may seem harsh at times if someone gets a poor picture of you but it's really nothing to get hung up on, there are plenty more people to meet out there. If this individual starts being malicious to you, then they are simply a knob.
 
 
 
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