The Student Room Group

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Reply 1
Talk to him about it, ask him if he is willing to make a go of it for the first term and if it doesn't work then you can part as friends. But you never know if you don't try it could work.
Reply 2
randdom
Talk to him about it, ask him if he is willing to make a go of it for the first term and if it doesn't work then you can part as friends. But you never know if you don't try it could work.

everytime we try talking about it he gets upset and asks if we can leave it and to be honest, i dont really know what to say to him. i also feel that bringing it up a lot may annoy him and drive him away making him want to try even less. people who go to opposite ends of the country manage it!:mad:
Reply 3
To be blunt he obviously wants to break up with you. If he didn't then he would make an effort to stay together. So save yourself the trouble and try and accept it and move on.
Reply 4
Laika
To be blunt he obviously wants to break up with you. If he didn't then he would make an effort to stay together. So save yourself the trouble and try and accept it and move on.

hes just said he doesnt want to give me false hope by saying anything else. how can i move on if im still going out with him?!:confused:
I said the same thing to my girlfriend for the same reason, though we haven't talked about it in detail yet I am certain we shall, a talk and a time I'm not looking forward to for that reason, however I am looking forward to the university part so I suppose I can't complain...times change.
Anonymous
my bf and i are each going to glasgow and aberdeen but hes already said that he thinks we will almost definitely break up before uni starting because of problems with seeing each other. this means im constantly thinking about it and not enjoying the time we have as much as before this was mentioned. maybe he'll change his mind over summer :frown: Any advice appreciated.

i am in the same situation. My boyfriend of 1.5yrs suggested that we should break up as it is the 'rational' thing to do now that we are going our seperate ways to uni. I was very hurt at first and believed (and hoped!) that he might indeed change his mind.

I have come to realise that it is the best way for us though: it is much better for us to agree that we will break up as long distance relationships (however easy the travel arangements are) cannot work out. Just imagine if you did stay together- its your freshers week and everyone is getting excited about all the new friends they are making and you just miss him! Also- what would happen if he met a girl in the first term and decided to break up with you then?- you will have just prolonged the agony!

Break ups are hard- and trust me i am struggling with mine- but it hink it will be better if you can agree to make the best of the time you have left together and break up on good terms and stay good friends! Its not like you will never speak to him again- especially with email- msn and mobile phones!!!

I understand this must be a hard time- just try and put it in perspective and tell him how you feel!

good luck
all my love
xx
Anonymous
everytime we try talking about it he gets upset and asks if we can leave it and to be honest, i dont really know what to say to him. i also feel that bringing it up a lot may annoy him and drive him away making him want to try even less. people who go to opposite ends of the country manage it!:mad:

if he refuses to talk with you about how you feel then you would be better off without him!

if he has any respect for you at all he should listen to you!
Anonymous
my bf and i are each going to glasgow and aberdeen but hes already said that he thinks we will almost definitely break up before uni starting because of problems with seeing each other. this means im constantly thinking about it and not enjoying the time we have as much as before this was mentioned. maybe he'll change his mind over summer :frown: Any advice appreciated.

ergh i hate men!
Reply 9
well from a guys perspective, well mine anyways, i told my girlfriend the same thing (we have since split up) and she reacted badly to. my point was this 'We are going to be living further away from each other than before with less money and more work. How on bloody earth do we manage that?' I think the main problem comes down to what each sex expects from a relationship, men want to have fun, enjoy it, wheras women want commitment and expect the partner to be the same as them.
Reply 10
blackberrycorset
i am in the same situation. My boyfriend of 1.5yrs suggested that we should break up as it is the 'rational' thing to do now that we are going our seperate ways to uni. I was very hurt at first and believed (and hoped!) that he might indeed change his mind.

I have come to realise that it is the best way for us though: it is much better for us to agree that we will break up as long distance relationships (however easy the travel arangements are) cannot work out. Just imagine if you did stay together- its your freshers week and everyone is getting excited about all the new friends they are making and you just miss him! Also- what would happen if he met a girl in the first term and decided to break up with you then?- you will have just prolonged the agony!

Break ups are hard- and trust me i am struggling with mine- but it hink it will be better if you can agree to make the best of the time you have left together and break up on good terms and stay good friends! Its not like you will never speak to him again- especially with email- msn and mobile phones!!!

I understand this must be a hard time- just try and put it in perspective and tell him how you feel!

good luck
all my love
xx


Thanks for that advice! its very true now that i think about things. ive been going out with mine for a year now too so i was just a bit shocked when he first suggested it. are you breaking up before uni after the summer or now? my problem is that i cant enjoy myself with him now knowing that things are coming to a final end point and im trying to distance myself from him when im with him because i dont want it to be as bad when we do break up.
Reply 11
Shihan
well from a guys perspective, well mine anyways, i told my girlfriend the same thing (we have since split up) and she reacted badly to. my point was this 'We are going to be living further away from each other than before with less money and more work. How on bloody earth do we manage that?' I think the main problem comes down to what each sex expects from a relationship, men want to have fun, enjoy it, wheras women want commitment and expect the partner to be the same as them.

it just makes me feel like i mustnt really mean that much to him at all, otherwise hed put the effort in. because ive moved house and im now living quite a distance from him, i think the distance between aberdeen and glasgow are actually the same as atm!
Reply 12
What's the point in waiting until you go away to university to break up? He obviously doesn't want to be with you so I doubt that your relationship is really working out successfully and you might as well just break up now. If he won't change his mind then there is no point continuing as you're not going to enjoy the time you spend, as you have already pointed out. It'll just make the break-up worse when it comes.

I personally think that breaking up for university is a bit stupid. If you really love somebody then the distance shouldn't make any difference and you will both still love each other just the same. I've been with my girlfriend for over four years now and we're going away to university this year; I wouldn't dream of breaking up with her. Then again, we're both going to London so we're not going to be very far away from each other.
blackberrycorset
long distance relationships (however easy the travel arangements are) cannot work out. Just imagine if you did stay together- its your freshers week and everyone is getting excited about all the new friends they are making and you just miss him! Also- what would happen if he met a girl in the first term and decided to break up with you then?- you will have just prolonged the agony!


Who says they can't work?! I can't see why people won't even try. The fact of the matter is; if you want a relationship to work; you'll fight for it to do so. IMO, people who break up as one or both are going to uni are either a. cowards, b. not serious about the relationship or c. wanting to sleep with as many people as possible. I'm off to uni this year, my girlfriend is not, sure it's gonna be hard and the potential difficulties terrify me, but that doesn't mean that we should break up! And another thing, if he does meet a girl in the first term and goes off with her, d'you really think the relationship was ever gonna go anywhere if he's just gonna sleep with the first girl he comes across.

Shihan
I think the main problem comes down to what each sex expects from a relationship, men want to have fun, enjoy it, wheras women want commitment and expect the partner to be the same as them.


I personally want commitment AS WELL AS fun from a relationship, I consider this comment very narrow minded and a stupid abuse of stereotypes.
Reply 14
My boyfriend said this to me last year, but not because he couldn't handle distance, more becuase he thought he should be single at uni. He hadn't been single since he was 14 and felt that he didn't want to miss out on that. Obviously i was really upset and felt like the Summer was a countdown to the end of our relationship which was horrible. Luckily for me he changed his mind when he went on holiday for a few weeks and missed me a lot. We're still together now and we manage the distance fairly easily. He's 3 hours on the train away from me, and we see eachother every other weekend. He's my main expense but he's worth it. I didn't miss out in Fresher's week, i would have been much more upset if i had to do it after just being dumped. We communicate a lot and have talked about what is acceptable to do/how to be around members of the opposite sex. I think it's working because we see a future together. If we didn't i don't think there would be any point keeping this going as it does get really difficult. I can't wait for the Summer though - 3 months at home with him will be so nice. xx
Shihan
I think the main problem comes down to what each sex expects from a relationship, men want to have fun, enjoy it, wheras women want commitment and expect the partner to be the same as them.
Arg false generalisation alert.

OK so you're a guy, you can speak from a guy's perspective, but everyone has a different opinion on relationships so I wouldn't assume to speak on behalf of all men. As for speaking on the behalf of the entire opposite sex...bad idea. Let's be honest, how do you know what every single woman on the planet is looking for?
Reply 16
If you're going to break up, you should do it now. It must be hell staying with someone when you know you won't be together in a few months time. Basically, now you're just f*** buddies, since obviously you're not happy.
Accept it, split for a while, it will be difficult but obviously he has doubts and I'm sure you don't need to stay with someone who feels your relationship has no future.
If you do miss each other while at uni, then surely you can try again. Then you'll both know what uni is like, you'll be together because you want to and there wont be any doubts in your heads as to what you could be missing out on.
Reply 17
TommehR
What's the point in waiting until you go away to university to break up? He obviously doesn't want to be with you so I doubt that your relationship is really working out successfully and you might as well just break up now. If he won't change his mind then there is no point continuing as you're not going to enjoy the time you spend, as you have already pointed out. It'll just make the break-up worse when it comes.

I personally think that breaking up for university is a bit stupid. If you really love somebody then the distance shouldn't make any difference and you will both still love each other just the same. I've been with my girlfriend for over four years now and we're going away to university this year; I wouldn't dream of breaking up with her. Then again, we're both going to London so we're not going to be very far away from each other.

he says he wants to stay with me over the summer and we've made plans etc. when i bring it up (breaking up) he just asks me for my suggestions. i dont know whether he actually believes it wont work, in which case i would suggest trying it out for the 1st few weeks or if he just doesnt want to continue at uni, then id end it now and not bring it up.
Reply 18
mungukwachupi
And another thing, if he does meet a girl in the first term and goes off with her, d'you really think the relationship was ever gonna go anywhere if he's just gonna sleep with the first girl he comes across.


i know if we did stay together, he wouldnt cheat. and he definitely wouldn't sleep with random girls regardless.
Reply 19
Loadssss of people stay together at uni! Its definitely possible and do-able!
If he really wants to be with you then he'll try and make a go of it, even if its just until christmas. Say that you'll try it until xmas and if it doesnt work out then split up and if it does then stay together, it could work for you, you just need to try it.