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    I've been quite stupid.

    I had one of those anonymous question accounts (like formspring) and an anonymous person was asking questions about the language I speak because they were learning it and wanted to know more about it, which is fine and I was happy to answer it. They asked if they could email me for any further information regarding learning the language and I said yes, and gave them my email address (which has my full name in it). This person found my question account through my Twitter and I've never met them in person.
    They emailed me about once every fortnight and we mostly spoke about languages, with a bit of extra talking about general things such as film, books, music etc.

    As it got closer to the Christmas period my replies have become less frequent as I've been busy, and my last response was early November I think. However during the time from then until now I've recieved about 3 or 4 emails from the person. Very long emails. The first few were all apologising for every little thing that they thought made me stop replying, and I got two more today saying that they have had two dreams about me and that in the past few weeks they were thinking of making me presents to apologise for what it was that made me stop replying, and that they were thinking of asking me to meet up with them in the summer. I don't want to disclose too much information on here because I'm not sure if they go on TSR or not but I really want to talk to somebody about this. I don't want to talk to my friends or family because I know they will just call me stupid for emailing a stranger (which is true, I admit!) but I really need some good, honest advice.

    I'm genuinely scared right now.

    Many thanks
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    I'd really appreciate it if somebody could give me a bit of advice or help please
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    i don't think that you've done anything stupid, so don't worry about that.. it just seems like you got yourself involved with a really anxious person, probably quite lonely ..maybe your emails were a considerable part of their social life

    if it's any help i can sort of identify with your stalker ..i've frantically written things to various people to apologise for anything i may have done to upset them, because i felt really bad and guilty at the time.. looking back on it i can see that there was no good reason for any of it.. also, i would never harm any of those people, so i don't think you should be scared for your own safety (if your stalker is anything like me) .. the negativity is probably self-directed.. so what you could do is try to put that person out of their misery.. say that they haven't done anything to upset you and also explain that you would find it uncomfortable meeting with them or accepting gifts or whatever.. because if you give them this kind of hope they'll probably continue thinking about you.. which, i assume, isn't something you want..

    ..if you still wanna talk to someone feel free to message me
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    you havnt done anything wrong , i think he /she is probably just a very anxious person .

    in a good sense , maybe he/she valued the bond you 2 were having as a friend in their social life .
    It is probably better to just email them back telling them you been busy and you were not angry nor did he did something terrible (which he probably is thinking right now ) so he can stop worrying (if he was)

    also a good idea to tell him in a nice way you dont feel comfortable (if you are ) when he behaved in such way and their behaviour got you worry /anxious.

    best of luck .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been quite stupid.

    I had one of those anonymous question accounts (like formspring) and an anonymous person was asking questions about the language I speak because they were learning it and wanted to know more about it, which is fine and I was happy to answer it. They asked if they could email me for any further information regarding learning the language and I said yes, and gave them my email address (which has my full name in it). This person found my question account through my Twitter and I've never met them in person.
    They emailed me about once every fortnight and we mostly spoke about languages, with a bit of extra talking about general things such as film, books, music etc.

    As it got closer to the Christmas period my replies have become less frequent as I've been busy, and my last response was early November I think. However during the time from then until now I've recieved about 3 or 4 emails from the person. Very long emails. The first few were all apologising for every little thing that they thought made me stop replying, and I got two more today saying that they have had two dreams about me and that in the past few weeks they were thinking of making me presents to apologise for what it was that made me stop replying, and that they were thinking of asking me to meet up with them in the summer. I don't want to disclose too much information on here because I'm not sure if they go on TSR or not but I really want to talk to somebody about this. I don't want to talk to my friends or family because I know they will just call me stupid for emailing a stranger (which is true, I admit!) but I really need some good, honest advice.

    I'm genuinely scared right now.

    Many thanks
    Do you have a distinctive name? where does this person live? do they live close to you?

    I wouldn't recommend responding as other posters have suggested. I read a book once called 'The Gift of Fear: survival signals which protect us from violence' by Gavin De Becker and it had advice in there for dealing with stalkers and it said never respond to them. if they send you four emails and you respond, they will think 'right, in future I need to send 4 emails before I get a response' and they might just keep harassing you.

    Cut off contact and change your email address.
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    #1

    (Original post by memomemootoo)
    i don't think that you've done anything stupid, so don't worry about that.. it just seems like you got yourself involved with a really anxious person, probably quite lonely ..maybe your emails were a considerable part of their social life

    if it's any help i can sort of identify with your stalker ..i've frantically written things to various people to apologise for anything i may have done to upset them, because i felt really bad and guilty at the time.. looking back on it i can see that there was no good reason for any of it.. also, i would never harm any of those people, so i don't think you should be scared for your own safety (if your stalker is anything like me) .. the negativity is probably self-directed.. so what you could do is try to put that person out of their misery.. say that they haven't done anything to upset you and also explain that you would find it uncomfortable meeting with them or accepting gifts or whatever.. because if you give them this kind of hope they'll probably continue thinking about you.. which, i assume, isn't something you want..

    ..if you still wanna talk to someone feel free to message me
    (Original post by acecoffee)
    you havnt done anything wrong , i think he /she is probably just a very anxious person .

    in a good sense , maybe he/she valued the bond you 2 were having as a friend in their social life .
    It is probably better to just email them back telling them you been busy and you were not angry nor did he did something terrible (which he probably is thinking right now ) so he can stop worrying (if he was)

    also a good idea to tell him in a nice way you dont feel comfortable (if you are ) when he behaved in such way and their behaviour got you worry /anxious.

    best of luck .
    Before I got a response to my thread I sent an email saying I was busy and I wasn't upset with them about anything, but I put at the end that I was concerned with the huge reaction to me not replying and explained that I don't feel comfortable meeting with or becoming close with somebody I've met online. They haven't replied yet but I'm worried that maybe I should have just ignored it completely....



    (Original post by advent2)
    Do you have a distinctive name? where does this person live? do they live close to you?

    I wouldn't recommend responding as other posters have suggested. I read a book once called 'The Gift of Fear: survival signals which protect us from violence' by Gavin De Becker and it had advice in there for dealing with stalkers and it said never respond to them. if they send you four emails and you respond, they will think 'right, in future I need to send 4 emails before I get a response' and they might just keep harassing you.

    Cut off contact and change your email address.
    Yes, as I'm not English my name is very rare to find here. They live in the same city. I typed my name into Google to see what information would come up and I'm listed on 192.com with my post code- I'm the only person in my city with my name. If you sign up for it I think you can see my full address! I don't know how stalkerish this person is/will get but I really don't want them to find out where I live! Is there any way to remove this information?

    Before I saw this I sent a reply (as I've written further up in this message) but I'm not sure whether it was the right thing to do or not. I wanted to change my email address but it's linked to my UCAS and other important university stuff and I don't want to risk it. If I block the person will they realise? Or will the messages just get deleted from my inbox automatically? (I'm with Outlook)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, as I'm not English my name is very rare to find here. They live in the same city. I typed my name into Google to see what information would come up and I'm listed on 192.com with my post code- I'm the only person in my city with my name. If you sign up for it I think you can see my full address! I don't know how stalkerish this person is/will get but I really don't want them to find out where I live! Is there any way to remove this information?

    Before I saw this I sent a reply (as I've written further up in this message) but I'm not sure whether it was the right thing to do or not. I wanted to change my email address but it's linked to my UCAS and other important university stuff and I don't want to risk it. If I block the person will they realise? Or will the messages just get deleted from my inbox automatically? (I'm with Outlook)
    If he was a stalker, chances are he would have already found you by now, it just sounds like someone who is lonely and desparate to me.

    I don't know about removing the information, maybe check on the website for frequently asked questions or use the contact us information to ask them.

    Does it matter if he realises you have bloked him? either way you don't want to continue the correspondence so at some point he is going to be ignored whether you block him or not. I've never blocked someone from Outlook so I don't know how you would go about it, I'm sure if you Google it you can find step by step instructions.

    This lady is an expert on stalking:

    http://www.laurarichards.co.uk/

    If you follow the link on her website for the DASH checklist, that helps you to idenitfy whether you are being stalked. I don't think a few emails constitute stalking at this point, I think you're just letting your imagination run wild and letting your fear get a grip of you. If things deteriorate however, there is some good information on her site and I would also recommend reading the Gavin De Becker book I previously mentioned. It's not just about stalkers, it also covers rape, domestic and physical violence. Should be essential reading for every woman. (Men can benefit from the book too but it is highly focused at women.)
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    First of all, I don't think you've been stupid at all! It's not like you've done anything to initiate or encourage this behaviour.

    Second of all, I was in a very similar situation myself last year, except with a mutual friend of a family friend (odd-sounding, I know) my own age. I would get emails as well, first that I'd reply to (I felt a bit bad, not to sound horrible, but he was quite socially inept and I could tell he didn't have many friends) and just talk, but when life got massively busier, I had very little time to reply, and then the very nasty and then apologetic messages started with me not replying. Then came the promises of presents, on the condition that I reply (it sounds creepier when you've gone through it, I know). I'd get about 4 on average per day, and I was close to clawing my eyes out, thinking I was going to have him look me up in the phonebook and turn up at my door!

    But I cannot stress telling someone you know enough, especially someone you trust to not tell anyone else until you want them to. I told my mum when I was completely at the end of my tether. It's absolutely horrible letting things like these get out of hand. I remember when I told her, I'd felt a kid getting bullied. When she picked me up from school, I got in the car and just started crying. I expected her to be all, "well, if you talked to him at first it's your fault", but she understood. It wasn't like I had wanted to be stalked, and I had thought it was my fault for whatever reason.

    Honestly, I think the best thing you can do, if there's no danger of violence or some further form of stalking, is to block the person on whatever you talk to them and not reply to them in any way, shape or form. This person had found my mobile number and my Facebook and would ring me, text me, write on my Wall (most embarrassingly, my friends started asking me about it) and message me whilst I was at school (he went to college). I think it's best to tell someone so, if you need to inform someone that something's getting dangerous, you have that one person you can discretely call and tell. It's honestly so much better to have these things ended. Looking back, I can't think why I kept quiet for so long. Hope things work out for you soon! Please feel free to message me, as well.
 
 
 
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