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    I've been in college for 12 weeks now, and I only have one friend. He's never in lectures so I don't know why I even count him.
    Basically, I went into college a little nervous but not really worried about making friends because I had loads of friends at school and I thought it would be no bother. Anyway, as soon as I started I was too shy to talk to anyone, even if I did talk to someone I didn't know what to say and I could sense people getting bored with me. I was lucky to be around a group of people the first day, but when we were getting to know each other I would answer questions like "what are your hobbies" with "Ummm nothing really... music..?" and I could see them looking at each other. They must have thought I was so boring! I also hung out with another group for a few days but none of them actually really talked to me so I backed off. I didn't feel comfortable around them because they seemed to ***** a lot, and seeing as I had no place in their group I concluded they probably ***** about me when I'm not there.
    I have talked to loads of people but a lot of people just seem uninterested or I end up boring them. I'm getting so depressed about this.
    My friends from school are either too busy or they ignore my texts.
    This is all making me too sad. I can't study and I badly need to because the course is quite big. I'm thinking of not making the effort with people anymore, just accepting that I'm a loner and trying to focus on the study. Is that unhealthy though?
    I've gotten quite bitter about people. I'm also wondering whether or not I actually want to be around people, thinking about the 2 groups I have been with, I wasn't comfortable with them. But then again, I'm sad alone. I don't know what to do and I don't understand what is going on or why I can't make friends.
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    If your college has any clubs, try joining the ones you like as it means that your bound to meet people that you share a common interest with and would be able to stir up some convos with
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    I wouldn't worry so much mate. Just take it easy, keep the focus on your studies, and things will get naturally better with the flow. It seems like you are over thinking stuff like this.

    You'll be fine. Join a society where they share your interests and don't force yourself to get on with people. Be open minded and just go with the flow. Easier said then done but that's how I coped.


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    It's very hard to make friends after the first few months have gone because everyone has found their 'comfort zones' and so will, likely, no longer bother exiting them.

    There are a lot of us on this forum who are in the same boat, I would imagine. Social situations are hard but don't feel embarrassed and don't be ashamed! For instance, there's no need to go on anonymous.

    Just try to smile a lot and - though it sounds lame - think of some ice breakers to get conversations going beforehand. Also, don't be afraid to laugh at other peoples' jokes, it's an easy way to get someone's guard down.

    PM me if you want to talk more!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been in college for 12 weeks now, and I only have one friend. He's never in lectures so I don't know why I even count him.
    Basically, I went into college a little nervous but not really worried about making friends because I had loads of friends at school and I thought it would be no bother. Anyway, as soon as I started I was too shy to talk to anyone, even if I did talk to someone I didn't know what to say and I could sense people getting bored with me. I was lucky to be around a group of people the first day, but when we were getting to know each other I would answer questions like "what are your hobbies" with "Ummm nothing really... music..?" and I could see them looking at each other. They must have thought I was so boring! I also hung out with another group for a few days but none of them actually really talked to me so I backed off. I didn't feel comfortable around them because they seemed to ***** a lot, and seeing as I had no place in their group I concluded they probably ***** about me when I'm not there.
    I have talked to loads of people but a lot of people just seem uninterested or I end up boring them. I'm getting so depressed about this.
    My friends from school are either too busy or they ignore my texts.
    This is all making me too sad. I can't study and I badly need to because the course is quite big. I'm thinking of not making the effort with people anymore, just accepting that I'm a loner and trying to focus on the study. Is that unhealthy though?
    I've gotten quite bitter about people. I'm also wondering whether or not I actually want to be around people, thinking about the 2 groups I have been with, I wasn't comfortable with them. But then again, I'm sad alone. I don't know what to do and I don't understand what is going on or why I can't make friends.
    I was thinking when I left school I would be a loner, but I was ok with that. It means you get more work done for one. Bit lonely but not necessarily unhealthy.
    I think maybe go into it this term with a bit of an optimistic attitude Again as above, easier said than done, but needs must I guess

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    Check out RSD (real social dynamics) on youtube...they are a bunch of pick up artists, however they have a bunch of videos on youtube to do with general self-help and topics that could definitely help you out. You might even find the main stuff about picking up girls helpful, but if not I think tyler (youtube channel RSDTyler) has some great videos about not giving a **** basically and getting out of your comfort zone to make as many friends as you care for
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    This is partially why I didn't move schools.
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    Thanks guys, you were all helpful I plan on going back with a positive attitude but I'm not feeling it yet. I'm already in clubs and societies and it's the same problem. I'll watch those videos also
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys, you were all helpful I plan on going back with a positive attitude but I'm not feeling it yet. I'm already in clubs and societies and it's the same problem. I'll watch those videos also
    Mate those videos are stupid. Either see a therapist who can actually talk to you and understand you, or just take it easy and open up yourself to people more.

    I have always seen those kinda videos as funny and informative, but never as a form guide to life.


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    One thing is to make hay while the sun shines, wherever it is shining. If things are quiet socially, then that can be excellent for studies as you have fewer distractions. Good grades and no pals >> bad grades and no pals, right?

    But maybe be ready with more interesting and upbeat replies to standard conversation openers. 'Nothing really' is an off-putting reply to a question regarding your hobbies. Next time, why not come back with, 'I love music' and be ready to talk genres, bands, specific tracks that you've enjoyed. Or if music isn't really that big a thing for you and there is something academic or whatever that floats your boat, how about sharing your enthusiasm for that? I love listening to enthusiasts of any sort, as long as it not headache material!
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    (Original post by thevegman)
    One thing is to make hay while the sun shines, wherever it is shining. If things are quiet socially, then that can be excellent for studies as you have fewer distractions. Good grades and no pals >> bad grades and no pals, right?

    !
    I would imagine that feeling totally friendless may interfere with one's studies.
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    1. Yes, those videos were really stupid. I never said I wanted a girlfriend. No one wants to go out with someone if they have no friends. Plus, I am a girl.
    2. When I said those boring replies it's because I was having an off day. I hadn't realized how awkward I would be. My mind goes blank around people and I can't help it. Not only that but I'm a boring person anyway, I'm not an enthusiast for anything really. I didn't actually say "I love music" but it stopped there. I was going to talk about bands but I have a quiet voice and we were in a noisy place, I don't think any of them would have heard of the bands and I didn't want to explain (not that I would have known what to say).
    3. Yeah, being friendless does interfere, it's hard to get the motivation for doing well in college when going to college is so isolating. As self worth goes does so does motivation and will.

    I actually didn't mention I had a friend for a few weeks, but as her group got bigger I felt intimidated. I had no friends in the group apart from her, so I pretended not to see her in lectures and only really talked to her when she was alone. I plan on hanging out with her again but what I did isn't nice and she'll probably have a bad opinion of me..
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    I don't mean to be rude but you seem to have some bad characteristics, but I think you are not aware of them.

    Pretending to ignore someone is the rudest thing somehow could do, especially when you are practically in the same room (I.e. lecture theatre).
    When third party individuals observe this kinda behaviour (trust me they will notice) then they will also eventually alienate themselves from you.

    When the individual asked you if you like music, you not only failed to answer properly but you also didn't ask any questions back. It's rude to just simply answer ones question and then not ask anything back in return. That's how simple conversations work.

    Just open yourself up a bit more, keep a smile, and say hi to people that are in your class or lecture if they sit next to you or near. Simple things like that will get the ball rolling.





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    In the particular conversation I was talking about I was the last person to be asked about this stuff, so as I said my mind goes blank, and I couldn't ask about their taste in music or hobbies because they had all just been talking about it. But in one on one conversations I always do ask back.
    And I know it's not nice to ignore someone, that's why I said that she probably will have a low opinion of me. She walked past me all the time though, and she wasn't alone when I did it, so it's not as bad as it could have been.

    And if by bad characteristics you mean I don't sound nice, well that's just here, I'm used to everyone being horrible on forums so I've picked it up. (But I'm talking about different forums). But even then, everyone has some bad characteristics. I'm boring and my social awkwardness is seen as unfriendliness and I feel I can't do anything about it.
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    Mate, just focus on your studies.

    You will meet some nice people eventually as the year is very long, so don't focus on it too much.

    It's a shame about the number of moisties you encounter at sixthform/college, but c'est la vie. Do you own thing, you're a badass.

    (PS how can someone think you're boring when you're interested in music...?)
 
 
 
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