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Think I might have upset her Watch

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    Hi -

    I have posted about some of this before but couldnt find my original post to update.

    Im a mature male student on a music course and recently asked one of the younger female students to go out for a drink/coffee with me. I really like her and have a bit of a crush on her. She said no, and messaged me on Facebook giving her reasons, including that she thought the age gap was too big, and whilst she thought we got on, she would feel uncomfortable about seeing me on her own without friends around. I replied, respecting her reasons but explaining why I really liked her, and that this had been a very big step for me - shes a really nice person, talented musician, intelligent and artistic and has gorgeous eyes. Also, I told her I was leaving the course to go on another course nearer to where I live and that I would never forget her - which is true I think she is one of the nicest women I have ever met.

    Also I thought it was better to go elsewhere as I was afraid of making myself and her uncomfortable. No kind of sexual stuff. I really have kind of 'romantic' feelings for her. She didnt reply any further - fair enough. I sent one more message just after Christmas saying I had had a nice Christmas and hoped she had too and was getting over my crush but that I really must stop looking at her facebook image - big mistake I think. I have the feeling she thinks Im some sort of freaky pervy, predatory, sexual harassing, older bloke. This is completely not the case, Ive never done anything like this in my entire life and did so after a great deal of soul searching and taking lots of advice. People saying youv'e got to at least ask and tell her how you feel otherwise the crush feelings will fester. Talk about unintended consequences!

    I really want to leave her alone because its obviously bothering both of us -but at the same time I dont really want to, but definitely will leave her alone - if you follow my confused train of thought here.

    We are both, but Im not 100% sure, that our teacher (both play the same instrument) has booked us to play in a music festival in February. I really want to do this because I need to try and get over some performance anxiety problems Im having. But, this wont be helped if shes going - and it probably wont help her either.

    So I tried to message her on Facebook to ask her what she wanted me to do, but her account has completely shut down to me. Cant even see it on Google. Now I wish I hadn't done anything. The crush feelings are diminished but still there and I think Ive really freaked her out. The very last thing I would want to do to someone I care about. I feel terrible about this. I want to apologise profusely, but cant contact her, and any apologies could be seen as further harassment

    Help - any advice - what should I do next?
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    Are you the one who's married and has kids?
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    (Original post by Mad Cat Lady)
    Are you the one who's married and has kids?
    just lol

    As to the OP, well this is a delicate situation you find yourself in. You've analysed your problem and it seems to me you've answered it as well. She blocked you from her social media, to me that's a pretty big indication that she doesn't want to be in contact any more.

    It's regrettable that you've perhaps mismanaged the situation and that she might have misunderstood your intentions/feelings, but you should certainly be very careful in pursuing any further contact as this could be taken as harassment (you have clearly identified this).

    I think you should just cut your losses, it'll suck but it can't be worse than harassment charges or additional distress/grief you or she might feel if things didn't go as planned this time as well. If you really want to say something maybe do so at the music festival, at least you have an alibi for being there at the same time
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    Yeah I would have read your response as creepy. The correct response to "no thanks I wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with you" is "no worries, though I might as well ask, see you around".

    If she felt uncomfortable dating you why would she wan't to hear you go on about how perfect she was and how nice her eyes are and how you'll never forget her. I'd find that too much even if I liked a guy let alone if I had already told him I wasn't interested. Also why the HELL would you update her on your feelings for her? AND tell her you are still creeping on her pictures?! Total lack of social skills on your part.

    Leave the poor girl alone.
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    I wouldnt even try to contact her to apologise, take a hint and move on.

    If you see her at this concert thing smile and say hi etc but give her some space, she'll probably be mortified to see you
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    Can you just imagine for one second how intense you came across by saying you would never forget her when it seems she never gave any signs of liking you back? Any girl would be freaked out. Please, for your own sake, learn from this experience and don't miss the opportunity to be with someone special again. It makes me really sad when this sort of thing happens and in my experience it tends to happen over and over again with some people.
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    act like she doesnt exist!
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    Dude you have messed up , I think you need to really forget about her and move on , I also think that your approach would make any girl uncomfortable , just don't think about her maybe find someone your age ?
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    Dude, just leave her alone! That is your best course of action. Don't contact her to apologise for you possibly freaking her out. Go to the music thing in Feb, if she is there be polite but don't refer to the incident unless she brings it up. She has made herself quite clear that she is not interested and you are only going to piss her off and push her further away.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi -

    I have posted about some of this before but couldnt find my original post to update.

    Im a mature male student on a music course and recently asked one of the younger female students to go out for a drink/coffee with me. I really like her and have a bit of a crush on her. She said no, and messaged me on Facebook giving her reasons, including that she thought the age gap was too big, and whilst she thought we got on, she would feel uncomfortable about seeing me on her own without friends around. I replied, respecting her reasons but explaining why I really liked her, and that this had been a very big step for me - shes a really nice person, talented musician, intelligent and artistic and has gorgeous eyes. Also, I told her I was leaving the course to go on another course nearer to where I live and that I would never forget her - which is true I think she is one of the nicest women I have ever met.

    Also I thought it was better to go elsewhere as I was afraid of making myself and her uncomfortable. No kind of sexual stuff. I really have kind of 'romantic' feelings for her. She didnt reply any further - fair enough. I sent one more message just after Christmas saying I had had a nice Christmas and hoped she had too and was getting over my crush but that I really must stop looking at her facebook image - big mistake I think. I have the feeling she thinks Im some sort of freaky pervy, predatory, sexual harassing, older bloke. This is completely not the case, Ive never done anything like this in my entire life and did so after a great deal of soul searching and taking lots of advice. People saying youv'e got to at least ask and tell her how you feel otherwise the crush feelings will fester. Talk about unintended consequences!

    I really want to leave her alone because its obviously bothering both of us -but at the same time I dont really want to, but definitely will leave her alone - if you follow my confused train of thought here.

    We are both, but Im not 100% sure, that our teacher (both play the same instrument) has booked us to play in a music festival in February. I really want to do this because I need to try and get over some performance anxiety problems Im having. But, this wont be helped if shes going - and it probably wont help her either.

    So I tried to message her on Facebook to ask her what she wanted me to do, but her account has completely shut down to me. Cant even see it on Google. Now I wish I hadn't done anything. The crush feelings are diminished but still there and I think Ive really freaked her out. The very last thing I would want to do to someone I care about. I feel terrible about this. I want to apologise profusely, but cant contact her, and any apologies could be seen as further harassment

    Help - any advice - what should I do next?
    Stop trying to contact her, and just forget..........if you see her, just walk by, simply forget, thinking about it and wanting to talk is making it even worse. Live your life, let her live hers, thats it and back off, do what you need to do, but keep contact between you and her to 0, even if you see at that concert thing, keep it minimal.
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    (Original post by Lexi99)
    If you see her at this concert thing smile and say hi etc but give her some space, she'll probably be mortified to see you
    Lmao
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    I really think she isn't into you and I am afraid you will have to respect that and move on, which isn't easy but I wouldn't contact her again.
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    (Original post by Mousickle)
    Yeah I would have read your response as creepy. The correct response to "no thanks I wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with you" is "no worries, though I might as well ask, see you around".

    If she felt uncomfortable dating you why would she wan't to hear you go on about how perfect she was and how nice her eyes are and how you'll never forget her. I'd find that too much even if I liked a guy let alone if I had already told him I wasn't interested. Also why the HELL would you update her on your feelings for her? AND tell her you are still creeping on her pictures?! Total lack of social skills on your part.

    Leave the poor girl alone.
    Actually she hasnt blocked me there was some temporary fault on her facebook page. I wouldnt have blamed her if she had. Even so, this has had a good effect on me.

    Mousickle your advice is harsh but fair. However sincere my feelings were, I cringe at what I have done. In my defence, usuallly by social skills are OK, but Im pretty much a novice at this kind of thing, and this crush/ infatuation really warps my judgement-together with a bit of alcohol. Im really making a fool of myself. Ive e-mailed the music teacher, explaining the situation to find out whether we are both entered in this festival and if we are likely to meet up. I'll withdraw if necessary.
 
 
 
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