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    i saw my friends a couple of weeks ago and one of them asked what i was planning on doing for my birthday. as it's not til the start of february i hadn't really thought about it and told her that i wasn't sure. she said "ah right, was just asking because the weekend after your birthday i've been asked to go see a musical with another friend and i wasn't sure what we were doing". my other friends said they could all do with knowing too, so i said i've have a think about what i wanted to do and get back to them all.

    i decided to do something the weekend before my birthday so that this friend could go to her musical, and i sent them a group facebook message letting them know i'd decided on a date and what to do etc (go out on the saturday night). all 4 of them read it (damn that new facebook feature) but none of them replied.

    it's been 5 days now and still no response, until this morning when one of them texted me saying that she thinks she can "hopefully" make it, apparently it is one of her other friends birthdays near that weekend too so she was waiting to see if she was doing anything but she's "not got anything planned at the moment so hopefully she won't mind".

    by this point i was kind of pissed off. to me it sounded like she would choose this other friend's birthday over mine despite mine being organised first. and "hopefully she won't mind". i feel like if this other girl now organised something, my friend would ditch my party without a thought.

    none of the others had replied despite doing loads of statuses and uploading loads of photos of them at their respective NYE parties so they've obviously got time on their hands and have just chosen to ignore it.

    i sent another message saying "scratch that, i'm gonna leave it for now and maybe do something a few weeks after that". i can't be bothered now, it's made me feel so unwanted, even thought they've all read the latest message still no-one has bothered to respond.

    would you be hurt/angry if this happened to you? it just feels like EVERY year i am the one who has to change the date around for people, make sure everyone can come, etc - last year this same friend booked to go visit the guy she was seeing the entire weekend of my birthday even though she knew i was doing something that weekend, so i changed the date for her - whereas everyone else just says "12th feb, 8pm" and everyone miraculously finds time in their busy schedule to turn up!

    TL;DR - none of my friends have responded to my message about my birthday, just having a moan and wondering whether i am right to be angry/upset.
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    For my 18th my 2 'best friends' let me down. Neither of them could come out for my birthday meal and night out yet could go to some random boys party from sixthform. I was not impressed and this was when our friendship dwindled. We didn't fall out over it but things had changed. Other friends also cancelled on my plans but I still went and had a good night with those who came. It showed me who my true friends were and the people who really cared about me.

    You do have the right to be angry about this, it's not fair on you! Maybe find a new friendship group, I had too. Real friends are worth finding.
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    (Original post by safety_pin)
    i saw my friends a couple of weeks ago and one of them asked what i was planning on doing for my birthday. as it's not til the start of february i hadn't really thought about it and told her that i wasn't sure. she said "ah right, was just asking because the weekend after your birthday i've been asked to go see a musical with another friend and i wasn't sure what we were doing". my other friends said they could all do with knowing too, so i said i've have a think about what i wanted to do and get back to them all.

    i decided to do something the weekend before my birthday so that this friend could go to her musical, and i sent them a group facebook message letting them know i'd decided on a date and what to do etc (go out on the saturday night). all 4 of them read it (damn that new facebook feature) but none of them replied.

    it's been 5 days now and still no response, until this morning when one of them texted me saying that she thinks she can "hopefully" make it, apparently it is one of her other friends birthdays near that weekend too so she was waiting to see if she was doing anything but she's "not got anything planned at the moment so hopefully she won't mind".

    by this point i was kind of pissed off. to me it sounded like she would choose this other friend's birthday over mine despite mine being organised first. and "hopefully she won't mind". i feel like if this other girl now organised something, my friend would ditch my party without a thought.

    none of the others had replied despite doing loads of statuses and uploading loads of photos of them at their respective NYE parties so they've obviously got time on their hands and have just chosen to ignore it.

    i sent another message saying "scratch that, i'm gonna leave it for now and maybe do something a few weeks after that". i can't be bothered now, it's made me feel so unwanted, even thought they've all read the latest message still no-one has bothered to respond.

    would you be hurt/angry if this happened to you? it just feels like EVERY year i am the one who has to change the date around for people, make sure everyone can come, etc - last year this same friend booked to go visit the guy she was seeing the entire weekend of my birthday even though she knew i was doing something that weekend, so i changed the date for her - whereas everyone else just says "12th feb, 8pm" and everyone miraculously finds time in their busy schedule to turn up!

    TL;DR - none of my friends have responded to my message about my birthday, just having a moan and wondering whether i am right to be angry/upset.
    I don't see why a musical the weekend after your birthday would affect one's ability to go to your birthday weekend, assuming you were planning on having your event on your birthday weekend.

    But Yes. You do have a right to be annoyed. Apologies for the generalisation but young people can be pretty immature and selfish so I think this is a good example. They should grow up.
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    What you should do, arrange something immense with other friends, and make sure the others know what they've missed. People like that don't deserve a friend like you
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    (Original post by charlottemay93)
    For my 18th my 2 'best friends' let me down. Neither of them could come out for my birthday meal and night out yet could go to some random boys party from sixthform. I was not impressed and this was when our friendship dwindled. We didn't fall out over it but things had changed. Other friends also cancelled on my plans but I still went and had a good night with those who came. It showed me who my true friends were and the people who really cared about me.

    You do have the right to be angry about this, it's not fair on you! Maybe find a new friendship group, I had too. Real friends are worth finding.
    thanks for replying. yeah this is the exact sort of thing that bugs me, it's so unkind and hurtful how your 2 best friends just decided to ditch your event for some other random one

    i do know what you mean, i think that i have a tendency to see the good in people and let them get away with stuff but it's got to the point now where this happens every sodding year and i just can't be doing with it anymore, i do feel like 'true' friends would make the effort and maybe i could do with finding some of them!
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    (Original post by ShannonCarney)
    What you should do, arrange something immense with other friends, and make sure the others know what they've missed. People like that don't deserve a friend like you
    haha that would be so good! best idea ever, i'd love to do something like that thank you!


    (Original post by jw399)
    I don't see why a musical the weekend after your birthday would affect one's ability to go to your birthday weekend, assuming you were planning on having your event on your birthday weekend.

    But Yes. You do have a right to be annoyed. Apologies for the generalisation but young people can be pretty immature and selfish so I think this is a good example. They should grow up.
    my birthday is on a thursday or friday this year i think, so it was the decision of whether to do something the weekend before/the weekend after, if that makes sense

    i know what you mean, it does seem selfish to me even if they needed to find out whether they could make it etc i still don't see how it's hard to send a reply saying "sorry just gotta check my diary" or something.

    p.s. sorry for 2 posts in a row, only just discovered how to multi-quote
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    The same thing has happened to me before, repeatedly, OP. I organised a party for my 21st birthday, yes my 21st, and no-one responded/turned up.

    Cut your losses from these idiots, they obviously aren't good friends, you're putting too much energy into them. People like that aren't worth the time of day (sorry to sound harsh and blunt).
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    (Original post by Jabberwox)
    The same thing has happened to me before, repeatedly, OP. I organised a party for my 21st birthday, yes my 21st, and no-one responded/turned up.

    Cut your losses from these idiots, they obviously aren't good friends, you're putting too much energy into them. People like that aren't worth the time of day (sorry to sound harsh and blunt).
    no you don't sound harsh at all - thank you for the advice! i'm sorry no-one responded or turned up, that's really thoughtless - especially for your 21st! - and i don't blame you for cutting your losses from them!

    i am really starting to think the same! it upsets me how kind people get treated this way, i always go out of my way to be there for them and turn up to their events (i got back from holiday 3 hours before one of their birthdays last year but still managed to turn up to predrinks!) but never seem to receive the same in return.

    cheesy new years resolution for me - don't waste time on people who don't make the effort with you! think i'm gonna try to put myself first for a change and see what happens.
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    (Original post by safety_pin)
    no you don't sound harsh at all - thank you for the advice! i'm sorry no-one responded or turned up, that's really thoughtless - especially for your 21st! - and i don't blame you for cutting your losses from them!

    i am really starting to think the same! it upsets me how kind people get treated this way, i always go out of my way to be there for them and turn up to their events (i got back from holiday 3 hours before one of their birthdays last year but still managed to turn up to predrinks!) but never seem to receive the same in return.

    cheesy new years resolution for me - don't waste time on people who don't make the effort with you! think i'm gonna try to put myself first for a change and see what happens.
    It is a good resolution to have. A painful one, very painful, but you have to stand up for yourself, not let yourself be a doormat, and not let people mess with you. Go do something else, forget doing anything with them, you don't need people like that in your life. Easier said than done, but it's true.
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    Hey you know this happened to me in 2010, but i guess that was okay since i really wasn't close. well in 2011, my group of friends didn't actually remeber my birthday till a week after.. even though i remembered theirs and we usually talked about presents and stuff. and when they did they didn't even seem sorry about it. so you know what i did? i sat down on my bed with comforter and my big screen tv and , popcorn, pizza , Mountain dew and BJ in my hand and watched serial till i could barely keep my eyes open. I guess this just shows how much the people you seem to think are "close" with you, actually care about you. but i think that the important thing is to not let it affect you, i mean its your special day and no one has the right to ruin it
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    This sort of thing has happened to me OP,and it hurts. But although this will hurt even more(it hurt me) I started putting myself first more,and really looked at who was a friend and who wasn't in my life.I'm better for it now,as over time I let us naturally drift apart and am left with those friends who really care.
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    Did you use the events feature? That feature is sometimes a bit dodgy, though i'm not making excuses for them but it's quite possible they never even seen the event. Send them a message asking them for a RSVP as you have to see how many people are coming, if they say no then screw them, go out and enjoy yourself!
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    (Original post by Julia William)
    Hey you know this happened to me in 2010, but i guess that was okay since i really wasn't close. well in 2011, my group of friends didn't actually remeber my birthday till a week after.. even though i remembered theirs and we usually talked about presents and stuff. and when they did they didn't even seem sorry about it. so you know what i did? i sat down on my bed with comforter and my big screen tv and , popcorn, pizza , Mountain dew and BJ in my hand and watched serial till i could barely keep my eyes open. I guess this just shows how much the people you seem to think are "close" with you, actually care about you. but i think that the important thing is to not let it affect you, i mean its your special day and no one has the right to ruin it
    aw that sounds like a fun birthday in the end! i can't believe they didn't remember your birthday, that's rubbish 2 of my friends forgot last year, i genuinely don't see how anyone can get away with that these days when it's plastered all over facebook!


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sort of thing has happened to me OP,and it hurts. But although this will hurt even more(it hurt me) I started putting myself first more,and really looked at who was a friend and who wasn't in my life.I'm better for it now,as over time I let us naturally drift apart and am left with those friends who really care.
    i think that sounds like a really worthwhile thing to do, well done i'm glad you're with proper friends now! i hope they are a lot better at birthdays and making you feel appreciated.

    (Original post by insignificant)
    It is a good resolution to have. A painful one, very painful, but you have to stand up for yourself, not let yourself be a doormat, and not let people mess with you. Go do something else, forget doing anything with them, you don't need people like that in your life. Easier said than done, but it's true.
    thanks i'm 22 now and i've been friends with them since primary/secondary school so it's hard...i think part of the problem is the fact that they've known me since i was a shy, quiet little girl who let everyone walk all over me, and now i am trying my best to break away from that but it's hard for them to see me as anything other than that, it seems
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    (Original post by Anazoth)
    Did you use the events feature? That feature is sometimes a bit dodgy, though i'm not making excuses for them but it's quite possible they never even seen the event. Send them a message asking them for a RSVP as you have to see how many people are coming, if they say no then screw them, go out and enjoy yourself!
    yeah i know what you mean! thanks i just sent them a standard facebook message, as a group so they'd all see it. there's only 4 of them and we are like a small group of best friends from school, that's why it hurt my feelings cos it's not like it's acquaintances or people i barely know or something, it's my supposed 'best' friends who have just ignored me

    i sent a new message a few hours ago saying "scratch that, not gonna bother, maybe some other time" and they ignored it, then i said "since no-one bothered to reply i presumed no-one was up for doing anything" and now a couple of them are being apologetic and saying things like "i just don't get on facebook much" when they've been updating their photos and statuses constantly over the last few days, lol. one still hasn't replied at all but the other 3 are magically available now i've showed them i'm angry. makes me laugh how as soon as you pluck up the courage to be a bit moody people suddenly spring to life.
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    (Original post by safety_pin)
    yeah i know what you mean! thanks i just sent them a standard facebook message, as a group so they'd all see it. there's only 4 of them and we are like a small group of best friends from school, that's why it hurt my feelings cos it's not like it's acquaintances or people i barely know or something, it's my supposed 'best' friends who have just ignored me

    i sent a new message a few hours ago saying "scratch that, not gonna bother, maybe some other time" and they ignored it, then i said "since no-one bothered to reply i presumed no-one was up for doing anything" and now a couple of them are being apologetic and saying things like "i just don't get on facebook much" when they've been updating their photos and statuses constantly over the last few days, lol. one still hasn't replied at all but the other 3 are magically available now i've showed them i'm angry. makes me laugh how as soon as you pluck up the courage to be a bit moody people suddenly spring to life.
    I'd be pi**ed off for sure if this happened to me...you're well within your rights.

    Just to give you something to think about however: its happened to me where someone has messaged a group of us asking to meet up, and we've been slow in replying. Maybe its just a case of that? I mean, maybe they did intend to do something for your bday, but were just slow in replying and expressing an interest.
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    (Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
    I'd be pi**ed off for sure if this happened to me...you're well within your rights.

    Just to give you something to think about however: its happened to me where someone has messaged a group of us asking to meet up, and we've been slow in replying. Maybe its just a case of that? I mean, maybe they did intend to do something for your bday, but were just slow in replying and expressing an interest.
    thanks for the reply yeah i know what you mean, i thought this too initially because obviously people have stuff on and they're not gonna reply straight away but it was just the fact that they're on facebook literally all day every day posting photos of themselves and whatever, but still couldn't be bothered to send a quick "yeah sounds good" email.

    plus it just feels like every year it's me that this happens to - 2 years ago one of them decided not to come back for my birthday cos she couldn't really afford the coach fare, but miraculously had enough for everyone else's birthdays. last year one of them plain forgot my birthday til 3 days later despite me speaking to her about it a few days before to change the date of my party purely so that she could come.

    if it was me i'd feel really bad that i'd not replied and it was 5 days later, let alone if no-one else had replied either, but i guess i'm quite a sensitive person and maybe other people don't get like that? not sure
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    I think you are because

    1. they knew you might do something the weekend following but made plans anyway
    2. didnt reply to your message despite clearly being active on facebook
    3. with the whole musical thing, couldnt they split the day, like from 3pm - 8pm be at the musical related things then from 10pm onwards be all yours

    they ulitmatly sound like bad friends, maybe you should find new ones

    this isnt to say they dont care, maybe they take you for granted or you're too flexible with plans. Still the point stands that your birthday/ birthday party is a day when you should come first bar exeptional reasons (eg sickness)
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    They don't sounds like friends at all, I personally would ditch them.
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    (Original post by DOA)
    I think you are because

    1. they knew you might do something the weekend following but made plans anyway
    2. didnt reply to your message despite clearly being active on facebook
    3. with the whole musical thing, couldnt they split the day, like from 3pm - 8pm be at the musical related things then from 10pm onwards be all yours

    they ulitmatly sound like bad friends, maybe you should find new ones

    this isnt to say they dont care, maybe they take you for granted or you're too flexible with plans. Still the point stands that your birthday/ birthday party is a day when you should come first bar exeptional reasons (eg sickness)
    the musical is in london (about 2 hours away from where we live and where a lot of this girl's friends live) so she would presumably be away for the whole weekend or at least the saturday night. but yeah i do agree, if it was me i would ask if we could go to the musical a couple of weeks later or just say no, i guess in a way it's nice that she checked without first having arranged it but yeah, part of me does think that if it was the other way round that weekend would just be off limits to me for any plans other than hers.

    i think maybe i am too flexible, that's why i thought if i chose this specific date it might help things, as opposed to every other year where i've said "when is everyone free?" and worked around that and ended up feeling resentful. thanks for the reply, i think you're right


    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    They don't sounds like friends at all, I personally would ditch them.
    it's hard because i've known them for so long a couple have been back in touch now and said "no of course, let's do something, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" and made a big deal of it just because i got annoyed and i don't know what to do. one said "sorry i just needed to change my shifts but have done it now" and that's made me feel guilty for being angry when she was off changing her shifts for me, but then i think well why couldn't you have said that days ago?! or when i sent the message saying "nah scratch that, not gonna bother", surely that would have been her time to pipe up?!
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    (Original post by safety_pin)
    thanks for the reply yeah i know what you mean, i thought this too initially because obviously people have stuff on and they're not gonna reply straight away but it was just the fact that they're on facebook literally all day every day posting photos of themselves and whatever, but still couldn't be bothered to send a quick "yeah sounds good" email.

    plus it just feels like every year it's me that this happens to - 2 years ago one of them decided not to come back for my birthday cos she couldn't really afford the coach fare, but miraculously had enough for everyone else's birthdays. last year one of them plain forgot my birthday til 3 days later despite me speaking to her about it a few days before to change the date of my party purely so that she could come.

    if it was me i'd feel really bad that i'd not replied and it was 5 days later, let alone if no-one else had replied either, but i guess i'm quite a sensitive person and maybe other people don't get like that? not sure

    Yeah, i hear ya. Obviously you know more about this situation than any of us.

    I tell you what though - if you feel upset about it or its bothering you, then you're right to be angry. Especially going by what i've heard you say thus far.

    I don't think theres anything wrong with being sensitive. Perhaps its something thats lingered on for a while (this feeling) and its come to a head cos of their lack of enthusiasm for your birthday.

    Perhaps give them a chance and see how it plays out. But be wary from now about their general attitude towards you and the friendship.
 
 
 
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