I'm on a gap year at the moment and things are starting to feel a little rough.
With friends at university and me moving away from home for work, when I felt lonely then I could understand that friends were busy etc and that's why they weren't making much of an effort, but it's got back to the holidays and it's just depressing as nothing has changed.
I don't have a friends group any more, the people I thought were my friends really aren't - even childhood ones seem to have forgotten about me / dislike me for some reason and it's really upsetting. I haven't done anything to hurt anyone, I always try and put my friends before me and not to be selfish etc, ask them how they are, if I know somethings going on i'll ask them about it after / wish them luck before.. But nobody ever extends the same courtesy to me. Then when I meet up with people they're genuinely like oh wow I really missed you and they get all happy and excited and we have a laugh but the moment i'm not there physically it's like i'm off the map again.
It's even more upsetting because i've moved away from home to a new area for work, and it feels like I get on better with the people I live with than my friends. I would say recently I've had more of a laugh with 30+year olds than I do people my own age and i'm 18, but really I just want to get on with people my own age. When it gets to the weekend and the people I live with ask me what i'm doing and I have no plans because I have no friends in the area, it's just embarrassing. Especially when some friends went to university close by and i've gone to see them once/twice (money issues) - we had a great time but I think she got annoyed that her friends liked me (she didn't say anything but it was obvious to me and her friends). She can be quite immature like that occasionally but otherwise we get on great.. & obviously I can't go and see her friends without seeing her as that would be awkward.
I also have a friend literally living 10 minutes away from me there who's been my friend since birth, and we get on great. However he recently got back with his girlfriend who he knows I dislike because of how she messed him around (cheated on him etc), and the moment he got back with her he stopped talking to me. He knows I don't know anybody in the area and after saying he was going to invite me out with all his friends to the pub etc so I could meet some people and not doing so it's really shattered my confidence. The guy I live with thinks it might be because i'm 'not unattractive' and he might not want his girlfriend to feel threatened, but personally I just think he's used to his bubble and while I was in it for a bit it's gone back to how it used to be before I was around (when he wasn't broken up with her).
I feel like there's something I'm doing that just makes people dislike me and I don't know what it is.. It's also come to the point where the friends that I do have have all got partners and that means in terms of meeting up and hanging out etc becomes even more difficult as it's always them that comes first - understandable, especially when most of them are long distance - but it's still hurtful. It'd be nice for people to ask me to do something for once rather than me always asking and feeling like i'm badgering people.
I'm starting dance classes where i've moved to to try and meet new people and just get out a bit more, so hopefully in the new year i'll meet some new people but it's just quite tough at the moment & it's really starting to get me down.
Feeling lonely Watch
- Thread Starter
- 02-01-2013 17:13
- 06-01-2013 13:52
Honestly, this always happens. its not you.
When people go to uni, they are desperate to make friends, so everyone is open to becoming friends etc, and they become involved with their new friends and all that. Most people will go to uni, not talk to their old friends, come back home, and get back in touch with their old friends for the holidays. the thing is, most people don't mind this because its what they are doing themselves.
The difference with you is that you haven't gone to uni and made loads of friends, so you feel alone when everyone else is busy with uni friends. Then when your friends come home, they get back in contact, and whilst they don't see anything wrong, you notice it.
I think going to dance classes and trying to make your own friends is a good idea. The guy who got back with his girlfriend does not sound like a great person. When he breaks up with his girlfriend (which he will) he will come crawling back to you expecting a friendship. Don't give it to him. don't let people treat you like that, or they will realise they can do whatever they want to you with no consequences. You have to stand up for yourself.
p.s. you will make friends. just get out there and begin meeting people, and in a couple years you will be thinking, what was i worrying about?