i think ive upset her

thought Id posted about this already but im not sure what happened - so forgive me if duplicated and mods merge if necessary

Hi -

Im a mature male student on a music course and recently asked one of the younger female students to go out for a drink/coffee with me. I really like her and have a bit of a crush on her. She said no, and messaged me on Facebook giving her reasons, including that she thought the age gap was too big, and whilst she thought we got on, she would feel uncomfortable about seeing me on her own without friends around. I replied, respecting her reasons but explaining why I really liked her, and that this had been a very big step for me - shes a really nice person, talented musician, intelligent and artistic and has gorgeous eyes. Also, I told her I was leaving the course to go on another course nearer to where I live and that I would never forget her - which is true I think she is one of the nicest women I have ever met.

Also I thought it was better to go elsewhere as I was afraid of making myself and her uncomfortable. No kind of sexual stuff. I really have kind of 'romantic' feelings for her. She didnt reply any further - fair enough. I sent one more message just after Christmas saying I had had a nice Christmas and hoped she had too and was getting over my crush but that I really must stop looking at her facebook image - big mistake I think. I have the feeling she thinks Im some sort of freaky pervy, predatory, sexual harassing, older bloke. This is completely not the case, Ive never done anything like this in my entire life and did so after a great deal of soul searching and taking lots of advice. People saying youv'e got to at least ask and tell her how you feel otherwise the crush feelings will fester. Talk about unintended consequences!

I really want to leave her alone because its obviously bothering both of us -but at the same time I dont really want to, but definitely will leave her alone - if you follow my confused train of thought here.

Im not 100% sure, but I bleieve that our teacher (both play the same instrument) has booked us to play in a music festival in February. I really want to do this because I need to try and get over some performance anxiety problems Im having. But, this wont be helped if shes going - and it probably wont help her either.

So I tried to message her on Facebook to ask her what she wanted me to do, but her account has completely shut down to me. Cant even see it on Google. Now I wish I hadn't done anything. The crush feelings are diminished but still there and I think Ive really freaked her out. The very last thing I would want to do to someone I care about. I feel terrible about this. I want to apologise profusely, but cant contact her, and any apologies could be seen as further harassment

Help - any advice - what should I do next?

Reply 1

lemonade1210

Leave her alone & stop being so weird?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by lemonade1210

Leave her alone & stop being so weird?

I will - but i get a littl weird when im in love. I dont think im alone in this.

By the way, you dont know anything about ferries to the isle of Wight do you?

Reply 3

IndigoRockGirl

11

Oh man... that sucks, sorry dude! I think the best thing to do is just to leave it, even though I know it's really horrible to think someone has the wrong idea about you. If you know any of her friends or anything you could just say you didn't mean to seem weird and you're sorry if you freaked her out, but it would probably be best to just leave it now, since she seems to be kind of scared of you, if she blocked you completely from her facebook/ life.
What's this about a ferry?

Reply 4

lkarai

i totally agree with indigorockgirl, i think its time you left that behind. be happy about the feelings you had but dont put yourself through the pain of missing her, it will be a long and hard journey to get over her but it'll happen x

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by IndigoRockGirl

Oh man... that sucks, sorry dude! I think the best thing to do is just to leave it, even though I know it's really horrible to think someone has the wrong idea about you. If you know any of her friends or anything you could just say you didn't mean to seem weird and you're sorry if you freaked her out, but it would probably be best to just leave it now, since she seems to be kind of scared of you, if she blocked you completely from her facebook/ life.
What's this about a ferry?

Thanks for the support - I feel a right idiot and shouldnt get so worked up over someone I dont know that well. But somehow she just really clicked with me beyond any woman has for years, and I didnt want to miss out. Im beginning to feel a lot calmer.

The ferry - just had a suspicion lemonade might know more than shes letting on - I was just testing.

Reply 6

IndigoRockGirl

11

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for the support - I feel a right idiot and shouldnt get so worked up over someone I dont know that well. But somehow she just really clicked with me beyond any woman has for years, and I didnt want to miss out. Im beginning to feel a lot calmer.

The ferry - just had a suspicion lemonade might know more than shes letting on - I was just testing.

Oh ok haha :biggrin:

Well good luck anyway :smile:

Reply 7

xOHarriet

10

You've done what you can, all you can do without seeming mega creepy is leave her to it. Out of interest, how old are you?

Original post by Anonymous

I will - but i get a littl weird when im in love. I dont think im alone in this.

By the way, you dont know anything about ferries to the isle of Wight do you?

What would you like to know?

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 8

ssupernova

11

does she have a pet rabbit? Perhaps she is worried for its safety

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by xOHarriet

You've done what you can, all you can do without seeming mega creepy is leave her to it. Out of interest, how old are you?

What would you like to know?

They must be difficult to clean

Reply 10

chew313

1

It would be to your detriment to cling onto a lost cause. Optimism is good, but hoping for something that would probably not realise isn't. The prospect of you leaving for another course also limits the development of any relationship, be it a friendly one or a BGR.

Reply 11

manthew

2

End that feeling completely. It does not end well for you if you don't.

Reply 12

Spongebob'sPants

14

Leave it well alone, is my opinion. No need to try to apologise, just leave it alone. She's closed herself off to you, so best to leave her to it.

Reply 13

± Dan ±

8

Upset her? No
Annoyed her? Most likely...

You need to leave her alone dude, there is a good chance she blocked you from her Facebook, or has just got rid of it for some other reason, besides the point there is no point thinking in to it, forget about her and move on.... and I wouldn't try contacting her online again unless she initiates the contact first!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ssupernova

does she have a pet rabbit? Perhaps she is worried for its safety

She may have done but I never got that far with conversation with her - mores the pity.

I used to have a guinea pig with the same name as her which died just before we met. Kind of tragically poetic, one died and another one emerged but the love was still born.

There are are some other parallels - She was small and sweet with dark brown fur (the guinea pig) and I shed a little tear when she died and buried her in the garden. She used to have some sisters but one night we forgot to fasten the hutch and foxes or badgers ate them. The one left was found hiding under the hutch.

Reply 15

IndigoRockGirl

11

[INDENT]

Original post by Anonymous

She may have done but I never got that far with conversation with her - mores the pity.

I used to have a guinea pig with the same name as her which died just before we met. Kind of tragically poetic, one died and another one emerged but the love was still born.

There are are some other parallels - She was small and sweet with dark brown fur (the guinea pig) and I shed a little tear when she died and buried her in the garden. She used to have some sisters but one night we forgot to fasten the hutch and foxes or badgers ate them. The one left was found hiding under the hutch.

And the parallel there is what? I'm staring to think this is a troll...

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by IndigoRockGirl

[INDENT]

And the parallel there is what? I'm staring to think this is a troll...

No a troll is some sort of mythical monster - a guinea pig is a south american rodent bred for eating. But not in the UK.

Sorry, the parallels are she is sweet and has dark brown hair and two sisters - but the rest isnt really a parallel I got lost in my own poetical meanderings.

All this is true by the way, and I have been very very miserable about this for over a month - I seem to be cheering up a bit. Thanks Indigo rock