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I don't know what I want... life falling apart... HELP. Watch

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    i feel my life is falling apart... my dad abandoned me for his new girlfriend and he was the only family i had... i keep making a fool of myself by begging him to be interested in me but he just doesn't care one bit about me... my best friend is losing interest in being my friend and seeing me... my other best friend constantly annoys me... i talk regularly to a guy who i rarely see on facebook, he has a girlfriend yet flirts with me and compliments me and says i am different from all other girls (he probably says all this while speaking to his girlfriend which disgusts me, for her sake as well as mine) and i have unintentionally developed feelings for him and it really gets me down when he talks about his girlfriend and how much he loves her... even though i have no right to be upset.... and i feel SOOOOOOSOSOSOOS pathetic and bad about that you won't believe, i don't want to like him... i don't want to at all... i only ever see him when i go home anyway which is once a year... i think he is losing interest in speaking to me anyway... which hurts me even though it's probably for the best.

    i feel everything is falling apart and no one wants me around and the people who do just annoy me by contantly worrying and nit picking and asking about all these problems and trying to talk about them when i just want to RELAX and take my mind off things but no one will let me and it's all too much.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i feel my life is falling apart... my dad abandoned me for his new girlfriend and he was the only family i had... i keep making a fool of myself by begging him to be interested in me but he just doesn't care one bit about me... my best friend is losing interest in being my friend and seeing me... my other best friend constantly annoys me... i talk regularly to a guy who i rarely see on facebook, he has a girlfriend yet flirts with me and compliments me and says i am different from all other girls (he probably says all this while speaking to his girlfriend which disgusts me, for her sake as well as mine) and i have unintentionally developed feelings for him and it really gets me down when he talks about his girlfriend and how much he loves her... even though i have no right to be upset.... and i feel SOOOOOOSOSOSOOS pathetic and bad about that you won't believe, i don't want to like him... i don't want to at all... i only ever see him when i go home anyway which is once a year... i think he is losing interest in speaking to me anyway... which hurts me even though it's probably for the best.

    i feel everything is falling apart and no one wants me around and the people who do just annoy me by contantly worrying and nit picking and asking about all these problems and trying to talk about them when i just want to RELAX and take my mind off things but no one will let me and it's all too much.
    That guy doesn't sound a charmer, flirting with you when he has a girlfriend, he sounds like he is making you more unhappy than anything else. I am sorry to hear about your Dad though, that is awful the fact he just doesn't seem to care. Is there anyone you can speak to in confidence about all this because sounds like you are having a terrible time
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    That guy doesn't sound a charmer, flirting with you when he has a girlfriend, he sounds like he is making you more unhappy than anything else. I am sorry to hear about your Dad though, that is awful the fact he just doesn't seem to care. Is there anyone you can speak to in confidence about all this because sounds like you are having a terrible time
    I know the thing is I know he is being a **** but at the same time I still have feelings for him, I think... I don't know. I feel really guilty too for that because of his girlfriend.

    Yeah I have people I can turn to to speak about it but once I do speak about it, it's ALL they speak about. I am sick and tired of talking about him all the time... I even ask politely not to talk about it but they still insist and it begins to feel like I am the subject of their own very own soap opera they can sit and listen to while they eat the popcorn.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know the thing is I know he is being a **** but at the same time I still have feelings for him, I think... I don't know. I feel really guilty too for that because of his girlfriend.

    Yeah I have people I can turn to to speak about it but once I do speak about it, it's ALL they speak about. I am sick and tired of talking about him all the time... I even ask politely not to talk about it but they still insist and it begins to feel like I am the subject of their own very own soap opera they can sit and listen to while they eat the popcorn.
    If he's flirting with you on facebook and its making you feel uncomfortable, then ignore him. Its that simple

    To be frank, it sounds like you're the one who's pushing your friends away? But maybe that's just the way you've described it.

    "I can turn to to speak about it but once I do speak about it, it's ALL they speak about. " - you started the conversation.

    One of your best friends doesn't talk to you anymore.. and the other one annoys you.. etc.etc.etc.

    As for your dad, i'm pretty sorry to hear that. There's no excuse for what he's doing. Maybe if you just sit down and talk to him about the way you feel and remind him that your his daughter, whereas shes probably "temporary".
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    You sound alot like one of my best friends.
    (minus the stuff with the guy)

    And with her, as you mentioned everyone nagging you about how you are etc, it's only because they really do care about you, and the last thing you want to do is get annoyed at the people that care and have them leave, so yeah, just be careful with that!
    But honestly, its rubbish at the moment, but it'll get better Give it time As with the guy, seeing as he has a girlfriend yet he can say what he does, maybe talk to him less so you dont end up getting hurt? (:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know the thing is I know he is being a **** but at the same time I still have feelings for him, I think... I don't know. I feel really guilty too for that because of his girlfriend.

    Yeah I have people I can turn to to speak about it but once I do speak about it, it's ALL they speak about. I am sick and tired of talking about him all the time... I even ask politely not to talk about it but they still insist and it begins to feel like I am the subject of their own very own soap opera they can sit and listen to while they eat the popcorn.
    :hugs:

    I know what you mean, sometimes 'friends' can be more of a nuisance than help when it comes to serious life issues. It's in these hard times only when you can pick out the good friends from the bad friends. If your friends seem to be interested in your problems for gossip value and aren't giving any constructive advice, you're probably better off looking for help elsewhere e.g. on here. Just ignore the few annoying commentors. You might also want to possibly look into finding better friends, but first things first.

    It sounds like this already-girlfriend-ed boy you've been chatting to is bad news and simply stringing you along. He's not serious about you, and that's a fact you've got to accept. Don't be confusing your pleas for help and security, right now, at a difficult time, with developing feelings of reinforcement for him, because that's just going to lead to a tangled mess where your esteem will hit an all time low. Trust me, I know it hurts when guys play you because in your heart of hearts, you still have fantasies about how you could be serious together, I have been there, but believe me, right now, you need to get your feet firmly rooted in reality, not whisked away by promises of things you know deep down aren't going to happen. You merely fancy your idealisation of this guy; harsh reality is he's a loser, and in your situation you need to find someone who loves and respects you and is willing to support you.
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    You could stop throwing yourself a pity party and being so avidly determined to make your life out to be as bleak as possible? I'd have more symathy if you weren't whining so much about it.

    Your problems:
    - Your dad is an *ss, for this I feel bad for you as I've been on the receiving end of something similar. But you need to move on - clearly he's a huge idiot that you don't need in your life right now and he'll learn a hard lesson soon.
    - You like a complete and utter douchebag. This is your own fault, really - he's a prat and he has a girlfriend, that's effectively "back off" material.
    - You whine about your best friend blowing you off as if you're a lonely, neglected soul and then proceed to call your other best friend "annoying." That's not hypocritical at all.
    You could either a) forgot her if she's ignoring you and get some new friends or b) tell her how you're feeling about it.
    - Also, stop whinging. You have that mindset, only more crap will happen to you.
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    You could stop throwing yourself a pity party and being so avidly determined to make your life out to be as bleak as possible? I'd have more symathy if you weren't whining so much about it.

    Your problems:
    - Your dad is an *ss, for this I feel bad for you as I've been on the receiving end of something similar. But you need to move on - clearly he's a huge idiot that you don't need in your life right now and he'll learn a hard lesson soon.
    - You like a complete and utter douchebag. This is your own fault, really - he's a prat and he has a girlfriend, that's effectively "back off" material.
    - You whine about your best friend blowing you off as if you're a lonely, neglected soul and then proceed to call your other best friend "annoying." That's not hypocritical at all.
    You could either a) forgot her if she's ignoring you and get some new friends or b) tell her how you're feeling about it.
    - Also, stop whinging. You have that mindset, only more crap will happen to you.
    Completely agree ^_^ I thought I was the only person here who found all the friend-related stuff irritating
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    You could stop throwing yourself a pity party and being so avidly determined to make your life out to be as bleak as possible? I'd have more symathy if you weren't whining so much about it.

    Your problems:
    - Your dad is an *ss, for this I feel bad for you as I've been on the receiving end of something similar. But you need to move on - clearly he's a huge idiot that you don't need in your life right now and he'll learn a hard lesson soon.
    - You like a complete and utter douchebag. This is your own fault, really - he's a prat and he has a girlfriend, that's effectively "back off" material.
    - You whine about your best friend blowing you off as if you're a lonely, neglected soul and then proceed to call your other best friend "annoying." That's not hypocritical at all.
    You could either a) forgot her if she's ignoring you and get some new friends or b) tell her how you're feeling about it.
    - Also, stop whinging. You have that mindset, only more crap will happen to you.
    I know you are right and I do feel sorry for myself but I don't know how to stop. I am kind of ashamed of myself but I just feel so low and I don't know how to get out of this slump.

    I find it so hard to accept that he gets to go off and have a new life, start a new family (they are trying for a baby) and be happy and forget I existed while I get left with nothing, no family, no love, no support... nothing. I will also find it very hard without his financial support at university or at least things will be harder. If I completely cut him out of my life then I will have no financial support, all of his assets will go to this new woman (when they marry in April) in the case of his death... because he will write me out... even though she is literally nothing to him and I am his child. There is also the issue that my mam left everything of hers to him (this is how they had things arranged, he had everything left to her in his will), so now everything of hers will go to this new woman, especially if I cut him out. I can't risk having all my mam's expensive (and VERY sentimental/heir loom) jewellery at university with me... but if I leave it with him then if I cut him out he'll give it to her and she'll probably sell it or something.All this is made worse because we used to be so close especially after my mam died, we had to be... and now he can do this to me? For sex off of some young boring woman who doesn't really love him (she is using him)?


    I also keep sending him messages kind of "begging" him to care about me again but he just doesn't and I feel disgusted in myself and pathetic but I just want my dad back? He won't ever learn any lesson because he will never feel bad about what he has done.
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    (Original post by IlexBlue)
    You could stop throwing yourself a pity party and being so avidly determined to make your life out to be as bleak as possible? I'd have more symathy if you weren't whining so much about it.

    Your problems:
    - Your dad is an *ss, for this I feel bad for you as I've been on the receiving end of something similar. But you need to move on - clearly he's a huge idiot that you don't need in your life right now and he'll learn a hard lesson soon.
    - You like a complete and utter douchebag. This is your own fault, really - he's a prat and he has a girlfriend, that's effectively "back off" material.
    - You whine about your best friend blowing you off as if you're a lonely, neglected soul and then proceed to call your other best friend "annoying." That's not hypocritical at all.
    You could either a) forgot her if she's ignoring you and get some new friends or b) tell her how you're feeling about it.
    - Also, stop whinging. You have that mindset, only more crap will happen to you.

    (Original post by TheStudent.)
    Completely agree ^_^ I thought I was the only person here who found all the friend-related stuff irritating

    What I mean by my friend being annoying is that I feel she is only interested in my problems because they are like watching her favourite TV show rather than actually caring about me.
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    (Original post by OneGoodReason)
    :hugs:

    I know what you mean, sometimes 'friends' can be more of a nuisance than help when it comes to serious life issues. It's in these hard times only when you can pick out the good friends from the bad friends. If your friends seem to be interested in your problems for gossip value and aren't giving any constructive advice, you're probably better off looking for help elsewhere e.g. on here. Just ignore the few annoying commentors. You might also want to possibly look into finding better friends, but first things first.

    It sounds like this already-girlfriend-ed boy you've been chatting to is bad news and simply stringing you along. He's not serious about you, and that's a fact you've got to accept. Don't be confusing your pleas for help and security, right now, at a difficult time, with developing feelings of reinforcement for him, because that's just going to lead to a tangled mess where your esteem will hit an all time low. Trust me, I know it hurts when guys play you because in your heart of hearts, you still have fantasies about how you could be serious together, I have been there, but believe me, right now, you need to get your feet firmly rooted in reality, not whisked away by promises of things you know deep down aren't going to happen. You merely fancy your idealisation of this guy; harsh reality is he's a loser, and in your situation you need to find someone who loves and respects you and is willing to support you.
    Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it... sorry for being a bit stupid but the bit I bolded and italiced in my quote of you... I don't understand what you mean?


    You are also right he is a loser. I think the problem is I am on a forced gap year because I got better grades than I expected so had to apply to better unis this year for the course I want to do. I couldn't stay at home clearly so I moved in with my auntie ( who is about the only person I feel truly cares about me right now and I am so so grateful for her support)... problem is she lives LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere, nearest town is 40 mins away... no friends here, no refreshing guys... I need to get out more...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it... sorry for being a bit stupid but the bit I bolded and italiced in my quote of you... I don't understand what you mean?


    You are also right he is a loser. I think the problem is I am on a forced gap year because I got better grades than I expected so had to apply to better unis this year for the course I want to do. I couldn't stay at home clearly so I moved in with my auntie ( who is about the only person I feel truly cares about me right now and I am so so grateful for her support)... problem is she lives LITERALLY in the middle of nowhere, nearest town is 40 mins away... no friends here, no refreshing guys... I need to get out more...
    No worries, it was very unclear. I meant that you seem vulnerable right now and are seeking security security from somewhere, just don't get that confused with seeking security and reinforcement from this guy. Don't complicate the two things:
    a. your personal issues.
    b. wanting this guy.
    Make more sense?

    Have you thought, maybe guys aren't what you need right now. Maybe that could come later, with a new fresh start at univeristy. Is where you live in the countryside? If I was you I would take advantage of the walks in the nature as, as old-fashionned as it may sound, it can be really refreshing and beautiful to take a good stroll in the countryside, to clear your mind if nothing else. You are really lucky that your aunty cares for you so much. Maybe you could think about getting to know her local area a bit more and getting a job if you don't have one already. Try to get a job in an interesting place in an environment where you will thrive as you don't want to be putting yourself in any more stressful situations. If you are living in a countryside area you could also try somethin like horse-riding?

    If you exceeded your grades, thinks are really looking up for you and you should be very optimistic, not so pessimistic about the future!What subject are you going to read? Try using this time to make sure you haven't forgotten all about your subject over your gap year, but rather maximise your success at university by getting a headstart through reading.

    The social side will soon come as you get away to university, right now, take advantage of what life is throwing at you, strengthening your relationship with your aunt, through talking, and helping her out as much as you can as a. she deserves it and b. you may actually find that making her life easier makes you feel better.

    Just remember that we can't always exactly what we ordered at every point of our life. What we can do, is make the best of whatever situations we find ourself in, and have faith in a brighter day. So please don't be down right now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know you are right and I do feel sorry for myself but I don't know how to stop. I am kind of ashamed of myself but I just feel so low and I don't know how to get out of this slump.

    I find it so hard to accept that he gets to go off and have a new life, start a new family (they are trying for a baby) and be happy and forget I existed while I get left with nothing, no family, no love, no support... nothing. I will also find it very hard without his financial support at university or at least things will be harder. If I completely cut him out of my life then I will have no financial support, all of his assets will go to this new woman (when they marry in April) in the case of his death... because he will write me out... even though she is literally nothing to him and I am his child. There is also the issue that my mam left everything of hers to him (this is how they had things arranged, he had everything left to her in his will), so now everything of hers will go to this new woman, especially if I cut him out. I can't risk having all my mam's expensive (and VERY sentimental/heir loom) jewellery at university with me... but if I leave it with him then if I cut him out he'll give it to her and she'll probably sell it or something.All this is made worse because we used to be so close especially after my mam died, we had to be... and now he can do this to me? For sex off of some young boring woman who doesn't really love him (she is using him)?


    I also keep sending him messages kind of "begging" him to care about me again but he just doesn't and I feel disgusted in myself and pathetic but I just want my dad back? He won't ever learn any lesson because he will never feel bad about what he has done.
    :console:

    It's okay and normal to have a good ol' feeling-sorry-for-yourself session, but I think it's important to be able to talk about it and letting it off your chest (as you've done here) rather than letting yourself get caught up and whine instead. I used to do that a lot, and that kind of negativity just invites more naff stuff (just general advice btw, not a criticism.)

    I understand how awful that must be, and I'm really sorry - my own father was of a similar mindset in "starting off a new life" and trying to ignore my existence, but fortunately I had the option of cutting him out completely.

    But, I think you should do the same thing, only perhaps not totally cutting him out - just keep the financial support he's giving you. It is the VERY least he owes you as your dad if he's not fulfilling his role of being there for you, and you deserve it. Apart from that, leave it alone if you've tried everything else. Your dad WILL learn the hard way about what he's done, and karma will bite him in the ass for being so selfish and thoughtless (trust me, it happened to mine!) You should have better than putting up with him - the best thing you can do is carry on and build up your own fantastic life and wait for him to realise his mistakes and reach out to you. The same goes for your friends. Try meeting new people - new year, fresh start maybe?

    Lastly, go to his place and take whatever of your mum's is important to you that you want to have. You have every damn right to do so, and I'm sure you could keep it in a safety deposit box until you're ready to keep it with you. (Just read your above message - maybe keep them with your aunt?)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know you are right and I do feel sorry for myself but I don't know how to stop. I am kind of ashamed of myself but I just feel so low and I don't know how to get out of this slump.

    I find it so hard to accept that he gets to go off and have a new life, start a new family (they are trying for a baby) and be happy and forget I existed while I get left with nothing, no family, no love, no support... nothing. I will also find it very hard without his financial support at university or at least things will be harder. If I completely cut him out of my life then I will have no financial support, all of his assets will go to this new woman (when they marry in April) in the case of his death... because he will write me out... even though she is literally nothing to him and I am his child. There is also the issue that my mam left everything of hers to him (this is how they had things arranged, he had everything left to her in his will), so now everything of hers will go to this new woman, especially if I cut him out. I can't risk having all my mam's expensive (and VERY sentimental/heir loom) jewellery at university with me... but if I leave it with him then if I cut him out he'll give it to her and she'll probably sell it or something.All this is made worse because we used to be so close especially after my mam died, we had to be... and now he can do this to me? For sex off of some young boring woman who doesn't really love him (she is using him)?


    I also keep sending him messages kind of "begging" him to care about me again but he just doesn't and I feel disgusted in myself and pathetic but I just want my dad back? He won't ever learn any lesson because he will never feel bad about what he has done.
    Aww I agree with the poster above. Its great that you're getting everything off your chest and you're being honest about it.

    Its really strange that your dad would just cut you out like that :/ his GF has clearly been manipulating him quite a lot, but I really want to stress that you shouldnt feel disgusted in your self nor pathetic for wanting your dad back. Its completely normal. It sounds like he might have a soft spot for your mum, so maybe if you sit down and tell him about how you feel and remind him what it was like when you both supported eachother when she passed away. . How hes the only family you have left.. dont send iy in a text, you'll get a better reaction if you tell him face to face.

    I really hope that things get better! <3 if its not today, he'll be crawling back to you tomorrow. He'll realise his mistake sooner or later
 
 
 
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