I don't think i like my best friend anymore

I'm 22 years old and I don't know if I like my "best" friend anymore.

I've known her since year 7. We always shared a similar sense of humour and perspective on the world and just "got" each other like soul-mates.

She is funny, self-depricating and has never been mean or bitchy towards me or anybody I know. We see eye to eye in a lot of things- we like the same films and music and books etc.

However, she has always had a bit of a self-destructive streak. She has dropped out of three different universities (although for fair enough reasons- she was burgled at one of them and it shook her up etc). She has had a string of jobs she hated, although I think she's getting on ok at her current one.

I remember during year 11 and sixth form she got horrendously drunk on more than one occasion and I would have to be responsible for her. During this time she was having a "relationship" with a guy from our group of friends. I am pretty sure he was a sociopath (he's not in either of our lives anymore though). I wasted a lot of time telling her to stop seeing him. She would act as if she was listening but didn't leave him till much later. (She has a nice boyfriend now.)

She smokes and is always "ill". (seriously you would not believe how much she goes on about being ill). Many a time when we have plans to so something, she bails out at the last minute with some lame excuse. I never confront her about it. Often when we are together, I feel enormous pressure to keep her interested in the conversation, because she has a tendency to get bored or "tired". She'll say something like "sorry, is it ok if I leave soon, I don't feel that well, I think I need a sleep". Or "my eye really hurts".

Anyway, on Christmas eve we went to the pub and I got very drunk and we were talking. I suddenly realised how one sided our friendship was. It's always been me listening to her problems. I said "I feel like I understand you more than you understand me". She was affronted by this and said "but you never text me or ask to do anything". I said "but you have bailed on me quite a few times". She was really offended by this. Anyway, then I was called over by another friend and we left it there.

We haven't spoken since. The weird thing is, I kind of feel like I don't want to see or speak to her ever again. Am I right to think this? My boyfriend thinks she is really flaky the way she always bails out on me. I always feel like the "boring one" with her, and that is just not me. She has a lot of friends and so I don't exactly feel valued anyway.

Sorry about this long-arse post.

Reply 1

lemollient_naw

What's more likely -- that you've suddenly had a revelation about the true dynamic of your decade-long relationship or that you've been feeling a little off lately and feel neglected by your best mate? I'd say the latter.

Whatever your boyfriend says, you know yourself best and you know your friend best. Some friendships are made to last, and shouldn't be severed rashly. I'd spend a little time apart from your friend, and then see how things are going. Give yourself some time to think about this, and if you then still believe there's an imbalance, think on what you'll say to her.

In total: sit back, think a little on it, and most importantly, give it some time.

Reply 2

Beth9919

I was in a similar situation with my best mate we had been friends for 8 years but we were so diffident at the end of the 8 years we went different places and lost contact for 2 years but now we have become close friends again so many be just spend a bit of time apart from her.

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I don't think i like my best friend anymore

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