Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Would you pick love over career in this scenario? Watch

  • View Poll Results: Would you ask her/him to stay?
    Yes, there will be many more opportunities to land a dream job
    11
    28.95%
    No, it's her dream job!!
    21
    55.26%
    I'm not sure.
    6
    15.79%

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hi,

    So I have a friend (I know it sounds unlikely but I do :ninja:), he has been dating this wonderful girl for over two years. Honestly, I have never seen him as happy, his joy lights up the room. Now, she's a foreigner, on her last year of university and when she returned from her summer holiday, she informed him of a an offer to a job she's been dreaming of back home. Now, they both are mad for each other, but he told her to take the job because it's what she's been working hard at uni for.

    I have tried many times to convince him to let her know how he trully feels about all of trhis to no avail. What would you do in his place, bear in mind that money really isn't an issue with him nor her, their parenta are kind of wealthy.

    I'm hoping for a cheesy rom-com mad dash to the airport when she leaves for good but I can't see thqt happening.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    If she cares more about career, then sure she should definitely take the job, especially if it's more likely to be stable in the long run than a relationship. If the relationship is strong enough then they can deal with the long distance. Perhaps the guy could even move to her country to be with her, though I don't know how practical it would be for him?
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like he has already picked love. What more is there to love than letting the person you love do what makes them happy after all?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ipoop)
    Hi,

    So I have a friend (I know it sounds unlikely but I do :ninja:), he has been dating this wonderful girl for over two years. Honestly, I have never seen him as happy, his joy lights up the room. Now, she's a foreigner, on her last year of university and when she returned from her summer holiday, she informed him of a an offer to a job she's been dreaming of back home. Now, they both are mad for each other, but he told her to take the job because it's what she's been working hard at uni for.

    I have tried many times to convince him to let her know how he trully feels about all of trhis to no avail. What would you do in his place, bear in mind that money really isn't an issue with him nor her, their parenta are kind of wealthy.

    I'm hoping for a cheesy rom-com mad dash to the airport when she leaves for good but I can't see thqt happening.
    why doesn't he just go with her so that they can stay together?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    If she cares more about career, then sure she should definitely take the job, especially if it's more likely to be stable in the long run than a relationship. If the relationship is strong enough then they can deal with the long distance. Perhaps the guy could even move to her country to be with her, though I don't know how practical it would be for him?
    That's the thing though, they both are mad for each other, she was uncertain of what to do because she didn't really want to work here so he let her go. :sad: Moving to the US is out of the question for him also, for personal reasons.


    (Original post by a10)
    why doesn't he just go with her so that they can stay together?
    He can't. It's very complicated. :sad:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Career over 'love' any day. I sound pessimistic but you can't jeopardise your whole life for a small chance at love.
    Real romance is not real and movies have warped our view of life.


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    She should choose her career. He has already chosen love by letting her go.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe she should go take the job, and see how she feels. It'll make her realise either she made the right decision or she didn't.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ipoop)
    That's the thing though, they both are mad for each other, she was uncertain of what to do because she didn't really want to work here so he let her go. :sad: Moving to the US is out of the question for him also, for personal reasons.




    He can't. It's very complicated. :sad:
    Ohh that sucks :sad: ...well i guess all you can do is get some popcorn and a box of tissues ready for the airport scene! Save meee some :ahee:


    In all fairness if the girl really really loved him that much then she wouldnt risk breaking the relationship. If i had to go work somewhere and had to leave the person i loved the most i would deny that job anyday. I would rather be happy than live life in regrets :pierre:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I personally believe that for any relationship to work love has to be chosen at some point for I do not believe that any relationship can survive between two career-oriented people. There will be a power struggle. Furthermore if the woman starts being away, earning more money and being in the company of men richer than her bf then she may fall for them. As for the man he may get resentful and feel like he has lost his manhood because his gf is out making more money than him and not being around to care for him. Now I'm not advocating 50's housewife here, what I am saying is that for most relationships to survive long term one person has to give up their career either the man or the woman, depending on who is more career oriented. if the man is not career oriented then he wont get resentful. However the second problem would still exist where the woman might subconsciously prefer a a career oriented man.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Have sex with both of them.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fudgemuffins)
    Have sex with both of them.
    Yes. Her and her CV.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I would always choose love over anything else
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by S.R)
    I personally believe that for any relationship to work love has to be chosen at some point for I do not believe that any relationship can survive between two career-oriented people. There will be a power struggle. Furthermore if the woman starts being away, earning more money and being in the company of men richer than her bf then she may fall for them. As for the man he may get resentful and feel like he has lost his manhood because his gf is out making more money than him and not being around to care for him. Now I'm not advocating 50's housewife here, what I am saying is that for most relationships to survive long term one person has to give up their career either the man or the woman, depending on who is more career oriented. if the man is not career oriented then he wont get resentful. However the second problem would still exist where the woman might subconsciously prefer a a career oriented man.
    I agree with this. I know completely what you're getting at.

    Personally I prefer to be a realist about things. I know how much heartbreak hurts but I think that when you're young you've got to go with the tide and do whatever will put you in a better position for life. Sometimes relationships are compatible with this goal; sometimes they aren't. All of my successful friends have had this attitude. I wish I could have gone back in time and changed mine. Now I have to build a thicker skin and adjust myself accordingly. It's hard but it's something you have to push yourself to do (my 2013 resolution).

    (Original post by a10)
    In all fairness if the girl really really loved him that much then she wouldnt risk breaking the relationship. If i had to go work somewhere and had to leave the person i loved the most i would deny that job anyday. I would rather be happy than live life in regrets :pierre:
    It might not be as simple as that. She might love him a lot. However when you're young, there's going to be this pull and tug between setting yourself up for life and wanting to eventually settle down. It's not that some people don't want to do that, it's just that they don't want it to be life-limiting when they're still trying to establish their position and career ambitions. It's a difficult place to be in. I think it's more common for a man to have this attitude but it's still relevant. What you don't want to do is sacrifice a good potential future for something that might be a transitory part of your life (even though that's not a sensitive way to describe being in love with someone). This is how a lot of young men think anyway. Guess this is probably why the guy mentioned in the original post, isn't going to follow his girlfriend.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    A job is still 'just a job', nothing more. Love should prevail over such things, if they're meant to be together.

    Unless one is strictly money-driven, it isn't enough for a happy life. Surely she can find a job where they can still be together.

    I know this isn't strictly realistic, but a realistic life is damned boring anyway.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ipoop)
    That's the thing though, they both are mad for each other, she was uncertain of what to do because she didn't really want to work here so he let her go. :sad: Moving to the US is out of the question for him also, for personal reasons.

    He can't. It's very complicated. :sad:
    Why, what are his plans? Is there no way he could ever try relocating sometime in the future?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Why, what are his plans? Is there no way he could ever try relocating sometime in the future?
    Without giving away too much information on him, let's say there's a family business he is taking over in a few years. Moving outside of Europe would jeopardies his aspirations. I really wish though they'd see senses, but just as much as she would prefer to live to live in the US, he prefers Europe.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Distance sometimes deepens love. We have a Chinese saying:


    As decreed by providence you have met him; otherwise you might have failed although you traveled a long way.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Londonburger)
    Distance sometimes deepens love. We have a Chinese saying:


    As decreed by providence you have met him; otherwise you might have failed although you traveled a long way.
    I'm too tired to make sense of this right now...
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ipoop)
    Without giving away too much information on him, let's say there's a family business he is taking over in a few years. Moving outside of Europe would jeopardies his aspirations. I really wish though they'd see senses, but just as much as she would prefer to live to live in the US, he prefers Europe.
    OK. Well, I don't really know what to suggest then.

    For what it's worth, my parents are currently in a long distance marriage. It hasn't always been this way though, only since a few years ago when he decided to take up a great job opportunity abroad, but it wasn't quite practical to move us all so the rest of my family stayed here. He does visit as often as possible, and we sometimes go over to visit him, although the cost of plane tickets can build up but it's worth it to be with family. And when he's not here, we often Skype, ring and email each other so he still feels pretty much a part of our lives.

    Maybe your friend's situation isn't quite the same, but it doesn't sound too different either. Ultimately, they should just do what they both feel is best for them individually, and if they are meant to be together then it will work
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 4, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.