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    If a quite person chooses to keep his sexuality private, yet it is kinda obvious he/she may be gay, is it just advisable to tell people anyway?

    This mainly affects men, rather than women, but surely if people think you are a gay lad in the closest then you will be rejected by everyone, including other gays.

    Effectively, you will become a laughing stock.

    So is it acceptable to just kinda pretend you don't have a sexuality? After all, if somebody doesn't know your favourite colour, why would they know your sexuality?
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    Your sexuality is yours and yours only, if you want to tell people then tell them, if not then don't.
    Let people assume all they want, maybe if they ask you then if you feel comfortable, tell them. But don't let anything make you tell people, if someone rejects you for being in the closet well that's their problem, not yours and frankly they're not worth your time. Everyone comes out at their own pace, there's no right or wrong way to do things
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    Yeah, I don't think you have to tell anyone and I disagree that people would laugh at you because you were closeted. Sometimes it might be good to tell people - it may save from awkward moments when someone fancies you of the other gender or just generally mean you are truthful with your friends, but it's completely up to you.

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    Noone should laugh.

    However, I believe you should tell people simply because it may make people feel uncomfortable. That's not your fault but it could be kind of deceitful.


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    The only people who I told were my family - those are the people that I'm comfortable with and who I trust, so I'm 'out' and that's what being 'out' is to me personally. I've never discussed/disclosed my sexuality to my work colleagues or acquaintances. It's no one's business to be quite honest - I don't see how them knowing my sexuality will benefit me or them. To them it's just an extra piece of gossip and a bit of fun, to me it's irritating and offensive to simply be known as 'the gay one'. I've heard how my work colleagues discuss people who they think/or know are gay and it offends me so I'm not giving them anything to hurt me with. I prefer to remain a mystery to them - they can guess all they like but they'll never get a confirmation.
    There's more to me than my sexuality. So I just don't tell people unless of course it matters to our relationship. In my experience it's just not worth disclosing to someone unless it directly impacts them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There's more to me than my sexuality. So I just don't tell people unless of course it matters to our relationship. In my experience it's just not worth disclosing to someone unless it directly impacts them.
    This. If someone was to ask me then I'd probably tell them, just because they've shown an interest (though I would want to understand their motive!). Otherwise, I don't really see any benefit in making my sexuality public knowledge. My private life is exactly that; private.
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    I also feel a bit like I didn't come out as straight so you should not have to come out as gay.




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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If a quite person chooses to keep his sexuality private, yet it is kinda obvious he/she may be gay, is it just advisable to tell people anyway?

    This mainly affects men, rather than women, but surely if people think you are a gay lad in the closest then you will be rejected by everyone, including other gays.

    Effectively, you will become a laughing stock.

    So is it acceptable to just kinda pretend you don't have a sexuality? After all, if somebody doesn't know your favourite colour, why would they know your sexuality?
    No why should you "have to" I don't go around telling everyone I am gay and think it'd be pretty weird if I did it's not anyones business really, if someone asks me about relationships stuff I might mention it but I don't make a point of it.
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    I don't get people who laugh at others just because they're gay/lesbian. It's not like they're any different than straight people, they just like different things, It's like saying that you're wrong for liking chicken because others don't and that you should be made fun of, when after all IT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

    You don't have to do anything, no one can make you. There's nothing to be ashamed of, so you shouldn't pretend; just don't answer silly questions or ignore people who are being d*cks about it.
    I am sure that you have someone that accepts you the way you are and you shouldn't be ashamed. If you don't than I am sure you will find some real friends
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    No you don't, and you anyway shouldn't talk with your mouth full.
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    I wouldn't say that you have to, but if you want to tell the person then it is probably best. However, before you do; consider whether the person, in your opinion, is homophobic or likely to react badly AND how and when you will tell them if you decide to. Personally I would recommend the LGBT thread would be a great place to discuss this and you can hear a variety of opinions from the LGBT community. I believe that the 'coming out' process is different for everyone, and so some stories/advice will work for some people, but not for others.

    EDIT: I did forget to say that if you want to avoid people speculating, I appreciate your issues on people not knowing and I can completely understand that, but if you came out, surely it would be better as after a while, the speculation and the rumours and all the gossip would die down, as there will be something else to gossip about.
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    (Original post by Lexxaa)
    I don't get people who laugh at others just because they're gay/lesbian. It's not like they're any different than straight people, they just like different things, It's like saying that you're wrong for liking chicken because others don't and that you should be made fun of, when after all IT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

    You don't have to do anything, no one can make you. There's nothing to be ashamed of, so you shouldn't pretend; just don't answer silly questions or ignore people who are being d*cks about it.
    I am sure that you have someone that accepts you the way you are and you shouldn't be ashamed. If you don't than I am sure you will find some real friends
    Tell that to people who always ask where's my girlfriend or ask when I'll get one I've always been telling them that girls will wait... Like once my friend's mother asked me where's my girlfriend and why am still without one, so I had to tell her the same that I say to everyone who bothers me. Or sometimes when someone from family friends have a daughter, they say like: oh you're going to be a part of us (daughter's husband omg). Recently again was visiting family's friend and his friend started a discussion about girls, I was like get me out of there, am tired of hearing about girls :eek: I should probably just bring a guy into the home and everyone will shut up forever
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    I currently don't really know, but I still get questions about it. Recently my housemates had a houseparty and this girl I had just met interrupted a whole other conversation to say "Excuse me, but are you gay? I hope you don't mind me asking..." to which I said "Actually I do. You could at least ask my name first."

    I usually reply to that sort of question by simply saying "It's complicated", which it is, and most people take that as good enough for them, or they think I don't want to talk about it, which tbh I don't really, I don't know what I am and I don't know what to say when people ask me, but I know it's not a big part of my identity, so it shouldn't really matter, not unless they're interested in me sexually (and that is rarely the case).

    Sometimes when I say it's complicated people ask me how it can be complicated, am I in denial, how can I not know? But when you're not straight it can be pretty confusing. You're not the norm, and it can be difficult to know what that makes you. I usually tell people that labels are meant to be descriptive, not prescriptive and since I don't know my sexuality yet it seems stupid to try and label it. I wouldn't want to come out as a certain sexuality to then change my mind. However, I don't usually bother to talk about it in that much detail.

    People don't assume I'm heterosexual, which is good because I don't have to correct from thinking that. But people also assume I'm gay, which I might be... but I don't know... because it's complicated...

    Most people don't really care about your sexuality unless their homophobic or they fancy you. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone, just as you shouldn't have to explain your hair colour or your skin colour, and if they persist in asking awkward questions tell them it's not the be all and end all of who you are. Someone who is nagging like that probably isn't worth your time anyway. Prying about anything is disrespectful, and so you don't need to try and return any respect either.

    As for other gays, if they're not understanding, then they're not worth your time. If you are gay but you don't want to be particularly public about it, then I think most gay guys would understand. I think some gay guys think that being okay with being gay requires being very public about your sexual identity, or being flamboyant or outspoken about LGBT issues. It doesn't. You can be gay and be reserved, you can be gay and be quiet or shy. Your sexuality is apart from your personality and is not need-to-know information. It's personal so it doesn't need to be discussed, so for example in a classroom or at work it would be invasive to ask about your sexuality, but if a friend asked it would just be different.

    Don't be offended if people do ask, but don't feel afraid to deny them an answer either. You don't owe them anything when it comes to this. Just as they don't need to know your favourite colour, so they don't need to know your star sign or your birthday or your IQ or your sexuality.
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    (Original post by ForgetMe)
    Tell that to people who always ask where's my girlfriend or ask when I'll get one I've always been telling them that girls will wait... Like once my friend's mother asked me where's my girlfriend and why am still without one, so I had to tell her the same that I say to everyone who bothers me. Or sometimes when someone from family friends have a daughter, they say like: oh you're going to be a part of us (daughter's husband omg). Recently again was visiting family's friend and his friend started a discussion about girls, I was like get me out of there, am tired of hearing about girls :eek: I should probably just bring a guy into the home and everyone will shut up forever
    Not the point I was making, but I understand what you mean. I am sorry to laugh at your "pain", it's not that bad for me. My mom keeps on mentioning my guy friends to me and why I don't want to go out with them, or stuff like "when you'll have boyfriend" etc etc. :rolleyes: OMG the family friends do that to me to, and it's just so awkward when they just literally say anything to get the other person to like talk to me. I have considered murder, but that's a bit extreme , I usually tell them to shut up and say something embarrassing about them (my family).
    Just tell them that you already have one Unless you see each other every day. You could always get a girl to make out with you in front of your mom's face so she leaves you alone, it sounds like a good plan
    Oh, I doubt that they would shut up, they would probably stand there with shocked faces and then they would go on a rant.
    Just lie about your "girlfriend" or tell them to mind their own business because they don't get any :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Lexxaa)
    Not the point I was making, but I understand what you mean. I am sorry to laugh at your "pain", it's not that bad for me. My mom keeps on mentioning my guy friends to me and why I don't want to go out with them, or stuff like "when you'll have boyfriend" etc etc. :rolleyes: OMG the family friends do that to me to, and it's just so awkward when they just literally say anything to get the other person to like talk to me. I have considered murder, but that's a bit extreme , I usually tell them to shut up and say something embarrassing about them (my family).
    Just tell them that you already have one Unless you see each other every day. You could always get a girl to make out with you in front of your mom's face so she leaves you alone, it sounds like a good plan
    Oh, I doubt that they would shut up, they would probably stand there with shocked faces and then they would go on a rant.
    Just lie about your "girlfriend" or tell them to mind their own business because they don't get any :rolleyes:
    I know, I've just said my opinion into your statement about ignoring silly questions Oh, I've already told my mother that I like men Her reaction was that guy and a guy can't be together , oh if she knew that they can! If she knew that once I didn't tell her truth when going to meet with a guy to another city, told I was going to buy a test book for school I did buy a book but after a date with a guy. Or telling am going to a friend so he could look what's wrong with my pc etc Someday I'll send a letter to my sisters telling about myself as I cannot tell them into the eyes and don't want to lie as they won't trust me...
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    No you don't have to tell them you're gay it's your life so your choice whether to tell them. My manager (who is also gay) got drunk once and asked me if I was, that was quite awkward.
 
 
 
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