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Dating multiple guys at the same time? Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ahhhhhhhhhh another one.

    I have told them all!

    I've just not gone into the full details. I wouldn't want to know everything about the other guys and I doubt they would either. They know I'm dating other people though.
    That one has a name! :'(

    Seriously though, if they're fully aware of the deal, then it's time to cut them loose, seeing as they're getting attached despite what they've said or agreed to.

    Have you actually made it blatantly clear you're dating other people though? "We're not exclusive, we're casual" is still somewhat different than actually acting on it.

    Again, best of luck, if you think you can handle the minefield of dating you've pursued more power to you.
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    Well its certainly fine to sleep with multiple partners if they're all aware that the relationship isn't exclusive. You've said you wouldn't mind if the roles were reversed, but even if they said they don't mind you sleeping with other people (did you just say you wanted a casual relationship, or did you explicitly tell them you were currently sleeping with other people, without naming any names or giving details?), they might be thinking you aren't seeing anyone else yet or they just lied because they wanted to be with you anyway

    I guess I think the most important part here would be, how would you feel if it turns out they fell for you harder than you thought or that they were angry nonetheless at you sleeping with others (even though they said they didn't care) and as a result they were kinda nasty about it and told other people and all the crazy stuff people do when they get out of "bad" relationships? If that matters to you then you might want to be very clear about what you're doing as to avoid nasty surprises later on. As someone else said if you think they're being disingenuous with their feelings you might want to break it off because they'll just end up getting even more hurt later.

    Either way though, you know the full details so you really are the best person to decide the correct of course action. I hope it turns out well for you
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      personally I wouldnt be able to sleep with 3 different guys but as youve said youve told them your not exclusive so your not doing anything wrong. HOwever i think you should tell them that you are having sex with other people You can do what you want your doing nothing wrong but I think you owe it to all of them to say its sexual between the others incase any of them actually do have feelings. I think it be better to be totally blunt and straight incase one develops feelings or whatever and then you dont feel the same or you like one of the others. IF you are straight with them and honest then they can make up their mind if they want to contiune it with you. I just say this as I know I wouldnt be happy with a guy I was seeing sleeping with other women and would stop seeing him but thats me personally thre guys may be fine with it and its not aproblem!
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      No one should expect exclusivity until you've had 'the talk'. Therefore you can date around as much as you like until you're committed to one of them, as long as you aren't deceiving any person into thinking that they're the only one you're dating. Personally I wouldn't be able to pursue sex with more than one guy at a time. People have different opinions on that but I think for the sake of protecting your reputation, you shouldn't be having multiple sexual partners at the same time. I also think that if you're dating around, sex might be a way of moving into exclusivity, though it doesn't have to be.
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      A few things I will say:

      1 - When you say you have told them, have you actually sat down and explained it seriously to them? Or have you done the typical female thing of making a passing comment or hinting at it? Us guys aren't very good at picking up on subtle hints or comments, so they may not actually realise you mean you have two other guys on the go at the same time.

      2 - If you have told them seriously, do they realise you are ****ing the other two guys too? Cos if a girl told me she was just dating a couple of other guys, I would assume it would be going out on a couple of dates and maybe sharing a kiss. Certainly not ****ing all of them.

      3 - Have you thought about what will happen if you start falling for one? What if that one only sees you as casual then (since you are screwing two other guys, so it seems casual to me anyway)? What if you end up wanting more than one of them? Are you ready to deal with your emotions when something happens (because I can guarantee it will - situations like this involving four people rarely end well).
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      Whilst you have not technically done anything wrong I can't help but feel that dating three guys is not sustainable. You won't continue seeing and sleeping with these three guys for a very long time because things happen. I know you say you're enjoying your freedom and aren't necessarily looking for anything serious, but the fact that you're seeing these guys for things other than just sex implies that you are looking for a certain level of emotional intimacy. Added to that is that your feelings for these three men are bound to change and could go in either direction, quite possibly making you realise that one of them stands out from the others and actually means something to you. I'm surprised that after a period of seeing all three there is no clear favourite and equally you haven't gone off any of them. Or is there a favourite? If so, is it the guy who seems the most aloof out of the three? I know that you have found the attention of the two younger guys flattering, but be aware that they could at any point meet someone else. Same for the older guy. Just remember that nothing is set in stone and that in a situation in which you're seeing three people there will almost undoubtedly be some unexpected twists and turns and things might not work out the way you want. If you won't commit to any of them, don't be surprised if they give up and go elsewhere.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      1. Did you read the part where I have told them it's not exclusive and I've said I'm seeing other people? I'm just not going into the full details with them about the other guys, because I doubt they would want to know.
      2. I would be fine if he was being honest about it. If I had a problem with it, I'd tell him I'd want to be exclusive and if he didn't want to be exclusive, I'd have to either deal with it and hope for the best in the future or move on and break it off with him.

      Yes I did but there's a difference between not being exclusive yet and banging two others guys on the same day.
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      (Original post by WelshBluebird)
      A few things I will say:

      1 - When you say you have told them, have you actually sat down and explained it seriously to them? Or have you done the typical female thing of making a passing comment or hinting at it? Us guys aren't very good at picking up on subtle hints or comments, so they may not actually realise you mean you have two other guys on the go at the same time.

      2 - If you have told them seriously, do they realise you are ****ing the other two guys too? Cos if a girl told me she was just dating a couple of other guys, I would assume it would be going out on a couple of dates and maybe sharing a kiss. Certainly not ****ing all of them.

      3 - Have you thought about what will happen if you start falling for one? What if that one only sees you as casual then (since you are screwing two other guys, so it seems casual to me anyway)? What if you end up wanting more than one of them? Are you ready to deal with your emotions when something happens (because I can guarantee it will - situations like this involving four people rarely end well).
      1. I said directly to their faces "so we haven't been dating that long, and I am currently seeing other people at the same time. It's possible the thing we have may be the one I decide to stick with at some point in the future if you want that too, but it's also possible for some reason that won't happen. I will be honest with you if you ask any questions now or in the future and if you want to date other people or want it to be exclusive then talk to me about it too." Then of course asked them if that was ok with them. So no, I didn't just hint.

      2. I don't **** them as much as people have maybe got the impression on this thread. I have slept with them, and occasionally I do it again, and it has ended up that I have slept with 2 on the same day, but it's certainly not every time. I'm not sure any of them would have an issue with that, saying exactly what is going on is a bit weird to me. They know they are basically on par with eachother so assuming I'm exclusively sleeping with them when we are not exclusive would be a bit weird of them I think. I can bring it up in a discussion with them but I don't know what difference it would make.

      3. Yes I have thought about that. But the conversations I have had with each of them haven't made it seem entirely like its a casual thing. As I said, 2 of them don't want to see other people and will want me to make a decision soon, but I will face that when the time comes.

      (Original post by Lucia.)
      No one should expect exclusivity until you've had 'the talk'. Therefore you can date around as much as you like until you're committed to one of them, as long as you aren't deceiving any person into thinking that they're the only one you're dating. Personally I wouldn't be able to pursue sex with more than one guy at a time. People have different opinions on that but I think for the sake of protecting your reputation, you shouldn't be having multiple sexual partners at the same time. I also think that if you're dating around, sex might be a way of moving into exclusivity, though it doesn't have to be.
      I dunno. It really might be the people I hang out with, or meet, but in my opinion and mostly the opinions of people I know sex doesn't seem all that much like it is a big deal until you are serious with eachother. Then it becomes far more intimate. I slept with each of them on the first date which some people wouldn't do, but I don't see the issue with doing it. Maybe you are right though and I do see sex too casually and more casually than these guys. But I can guarantee I am not going to get a reputation. They have never met, never really have a chance of meeting eachother and the only people who know are my close friends and even other people I know probably wouldn't label me with any reputation if they heard because there are so many people in my social circle who are far more promiscuous.

      (Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
      Whilst you have not technically done anything wrong I can't help but feel that dating three guys is not sustainable. You won't continue seeing and sleeping with these three guys for a very long time because things happen. I know you say you're enjoying your freedom and aren't necessarily looking for anything serious, but the fact that you're seeing these guys for things other than just sex implies that you are looking for a certain level of emotional intimacy. Added to that is that your feelings for these three men are bound to change and could go in either direction, quite possibly making you realise that one of them stands out from the others and actually means something to you. I'm surprised that after a period of seeing all three there is no clear favourite and equally you haven't gone off any of them. Or is there a favourite? If so, is it the guy who seems the most aloof out of the three? I know that you have found the attention of the two younger guys flattering, but be aware that they could at any point meet someone else. Same for the older guy. Just remember that nothing is set in stone and that in a situation in which you're seeing three people there will almost undoubtedly be some unexpected twists and turns and things might not work out the way you want. If you won't commit to any of them, don't be surprised if they give up and go elsewhere.
      Sound advice and its true. It is not sustainable and it isn't going to carry on much longer. There isn't really a clear favourite, it seems to teeter between them and honestly the older guy who is more aloof is probably the one I am going to break it off with sooner than the other ones. I realise the other two may meet someone else but I'm not going to worry about that for now. Basically my decision, if I do decide to break it off over the next few days with the older guy, will be based on who I like the most because at the moment I am a bit confused, and also possibly based on whether I can handle a more serious relationship with the guy who lives further away (about 150 miles, but good transport links). If I do feel emotionally devoted to one of them, I will be exclusive with them but not to the point where I will class it as a relationship until I know it's right.
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      (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
      haha classy OP.

      A lie of omission is still a lie. Dating around is fine but only on the provision that you are straight up honest with these guys. They need to know about each other, sorry.

      Otherwise best of luck, have fun and stay safe.

      You claim that you;re confused and don't want a relationship so soon....so why are you having reoccurring sex with these partners?

      reoccurring sex is rarely casual, at least at the end of the day, you or your partner gets more attached than is desired by the arrangement.

      This is why if I am not interested in a relationship for whatever reasons I don't invite them by dating someone.

      Yeah that means I don't have multiple partners on the go having sex with different women in a single day, but honestly I guess I'm blessed by enjoying sex but not 'needing' it the way so many people seem to, thus I can avoid the pointless games and emotional drama.


      If I do want casual throw-away sex I find an anonymous partner, have my fun then part ways.


      Again, all the power to you if you can have a casual relationship but by virtue of being a relationship, problems will most likely arise.

      She hasn't lied, by omission or otherwise. She's told the guys that they're not exclusive, so unless they're massively deluded they should know she's either seeing other people or wants to.

      The OP probably doesn't want to have anonymous crappy sex with strangers. To me, recurring sex is better, for obvious reasons - it's more safe, you have longer to learn how to pleasure each other. I couldn't have good sex with someone I didn't trust on the most basic level. I think a lot of people feel the same.

      I dated a guy casually for about a year, non-exclusive. I assumed he was sleeping with other people, and I was more or less fine with that, but I really wouldn't want to know about them, and would have been pissed off if he didn't keep that to himself. If the boys the OP is dating wanted to know, they would ask, since they know there's the possibility.
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      You aren't doing anything wrong - they all know about each other (and yes, sparing the details unless they ask for them is probably wise), so it's a fair game.

      However, a couple of points:

      1) The two guys who have said they don't want to get with anyone else were probably hoping you would say the same, and if you don't make a decision over them quickly things could turn messy. I know you've been clear with them, but you do, in my opinion at least, have a bit of a moral obligation to make a very quick decision and get more serious, or cut them off as you see fit. Simply because they are obviously a little more attached to you then you are to them, and eventually feelings are going to get hurt/they might feel led on further down the line. And I know that they should say something if they have a problem, but if they like you a lot they probably won't because they're hoping that you'll change your mind in the end. Just be careful about how you play it.

      2) The third guy I would guess is seeing other women too. You don't have any right to be mad about that, and I'm sure you don't, but when weighing up options that might be something to consider.

      3) Are you planning on making a decision any time soon? Because I would say that a) If one stuck out you would probably already be together with him by now, b) especially for the two guys who want to be exclusive, if you can't see an end to this arrangement any time soon, you probably should let them know. How long have you been doing this by the way? I would say you can get away with dating multiple men for a few weeks, but when it gets to a few months I think it's time to make a decision.

      4) Do they know how intense your relationships are with other guys? As in, the fact that you're seeing two in the same day, and having sex with all of them? I think I'd draw a line there to be honest. Try to organise it so that you don't see two in the same day, I think I would feel a bit disgusted to know that the man I was seeing had slept with someone else the a few hours before before sleeping with me.

      I know that that's more info than you asked for, but just a couple of thoughts! It's all above board though, in my opinion.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I'm 22. I just got out of a long-term relationship which wasn't working, but we're really good friends now and I'm quite enjoying being back in the dating game without too much commitment as of yet. Somehow, I've managed to get 3 guys on the run. I've said to each guy that I don't want it to be exclusive as of yet (but also told them there is the possibility of something in the future) and they've said that's fine, but 2 out of 3 have already told me they are not even thinking of dating anyone else (the third guy just hasn't said anything), so I'm probably the less committed one out of them all.

      I haven't told them about the others, I feel that may be too much information. If I'm thinking of getting serious with any one of them, I will of course be honest and break it off with the other two. I'm physical with them and sometimes this means I will end up having sex with more than one guy in a day, which I find is the part of it that makes me feel most uncomfortable, but I do practice safe sex and haven't had sex without a condom.

      2 of the guys, the ones who said they aren't thinking of dating anyone else, seem incredibly sweet and quite devoted to it. Which makes me feel quite guilty but I am honest with them. They're both 2 years younger than me, the third guy is 3 years older. I was therefore thinking it might be an age thing... (no I don't find it weird dating younger guys).

      Is there anything wrong with this? Some of my female friends find it weird, some find it kind of awesome and think I should be incredibly flattered, and my male friends all basically want to high five me. One of my female friends is friends with one of the younger guys I'm dating therefore I think she may be worried but she's trying not to get involved.

      I basically wanted to know what other people thought about it all? You might call me a slut, and maybe you think I am one, and in the past I have had one night stands but I'm a pretty devoted partner in a relationship and I am quite comfortable with sex in general so I'm not particularly bothered whether or not people are promiscuous (and a lot of people I know are) as long as they are safe, use condoms and get sexual health checks every once in a while (being a medic I'm quite conscious of that sort of thing and so are most of my friends).
      Each to their own, but personally I would never do it. Would find it frustrating if somebody did it to me see. (treat others like how you would like to be treated etc)

      Anyway you need to becareful like somebody said on not getting attached to two of them at the same time. When you do make your decision, you need to brake it of with the other two, do not even think of cheating/ carrying it on with 2 of them secretly etc.
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      (Original post by the mezzil)
      Each to their own, but personally I would never do it. Would find it frustrating if somebody did it to me see. (treat others like how you would like to be treated etc)

      Anyway you need to becareful like somebody said on not getting attached to two of them at the same time. When you do make your decision, you need to brake it of with the other two, do not even think of cheating/ carrying it on with 2 of them secretly etc.
      This is a very, very good point that I hadn't even thought about OP. Can you detach your feelings from the others if you were to pursue a relationship with one? Because that's what you'll have to do. Having loose ends with ex-lovers who are still floating about is a course for disaster.

      Honestly, I know you're doing nothing wrong, but I can't see this situation working out well for any of you!
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      (Original post by RYRK)
      why dont you invite all of them to your house and have a orgy. thats the best way to break the news to all three of them, im sure they will forgive :eek::rolleyes:
      Probably only if she invites a couple of her female friends, no one likes to share
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      2. I don't **** them as much as people have maybe got the impression on this thread. I have slept with them, and occasionally I do it again, and it has ended up that I have slept with 2 on the same day, but it's certainly not every time. I'm not sure any of them would have an issue with that, saying exactly what is going on is a bit weird to me. They know they are basically on par with eachother so assuming I'm exclusively sleeping with them when we are not exclusive would be a bit weird of them I think. I can bring it up in a discussion with them but I don't know what difference it would make.
      So you haven't told them you are ****ing other people at the same time.
      As I said earlier, this is not likely to end well.
     
     
     
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