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    Anyone have any advice about this transition?

    From finding a property, the process of moving in, living together, finances, chores etc?
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    You've just got to be understanding and patient during the difficult times as you both get used to living together. There's always a balance to be reached on everything but if you're wanting to live together then you should be willing to work on the issues.

    My and my girlfriend moved in during second year at uni and we still live together, it's all good so far
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    Get a joint account and work out how much you should both be paying in each month.

    Perhaps have set tasks for each of you to do, my now-ex boyfriend is in charge of cleaning out the fish and hamster, and I am in charge of cleaning the bathroom. We take turns to do washing up and vacuuming, I do most of the general cleaning such a dusting and we both sort the laundry.

    Do you already have the things you need such as microwave, toaster, furniture?
    My mum always told me not to split stuff 50/50, but instead to have one person by the microwave, the other to buy the kettle and toaster, so there are clear boundaries of who owns what in case you break up.
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    (Original post by Popppppy)
    Get a joint account and work out how much you should both be paying in each month.

    Perhaps have set tasks for each of you to do, my now-ex boyfriend is in charge of cleaning out the fish and hamster, and I am in charge of cleaning the bathroom. We take turns to do washing up and vacuuming, I do most of the general cleaning such a dusting and we both sort the laundry.

    Do you already have the things you need such as microwave, toaster, furniture?
    My mum always told me not to split stuff 50/50, but instead to have one person by the microwave, the other to buy the kettle and toaster, so there are clear boundaries of who owns what in case you break up.
    Thats an Idea- I'm thinking of making a list of all chores and then (to make it fair) each of us picks out of a hat who does what and then maybe to change things up we re-do it yearly? I'm a bit worried as I work shifts unlike himself who works 9-5 job that he'll not realise that when I work night shifts I won't be able to as much- yet it'll not get into him that he might occasionally have to fill in for me
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    First things first...

    Sit down and decide on EVERYTHING. Where abouts you want to live, how much you are willing to pay, and what your wriggle room is (what you are willing to compromise on). Me and my boyfriend pay £450 rent, and then we put in £200 each into a joint account each month for bills etc (this covers food, but not eating out).

    Now... actually living together is hard. Me and my boyfriend deal with a lot of things in different ways. I let tidying, cleaning etc build up and then spend a day doing everything. I also do not respond well to being told what to do. So we now have a rota. We have (roughly) 7 rooms in the house, so every room gets cleaned twice a week. Simple!

    The biggest thing for us is that we both have very very very stressful jobs (I am a teacher, and he is a software engineer) - not so much the jobs themselves but the demands they place on our time OUT OF WORK - so make sure you both know where the boundaries are, have a work area set up, plan in time. I would like to spend more time sat down with my boyfriend, but we don't have the time, and he does a lot of sport out of work (we should really plan a date night or something....)

    But most importantly - have some time off. This is particularly difficult for me because I like TIME OFF. I like to go and just be alone. This used to be in my own bedroom, just reading or something, but now I can't do that. So now I get up early on a Sunday, go to the nearest shopping centre, pay over the odds for a coffee, take my kindle and a pad of paper and just read and write notes. It's the most heavenly thing to not have to deal with someone else.
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    I could write essays on this!

    Firstly, finding somewhere to live. Things to consider: -
    • Location - near to work/public transport/shops?
    • Furnished/unfurnished?
    • Size - house/flat, how many bedrooms? Personally, I'd recommend two bedrooms if you can afford it, the extra space is really nice, often the living areas are also bigger, and it means you can have people to stay.
    • Budget
    • Do you need/want a garden/parking?
    • Do they allow pets? (not sure if you need this!)
    • Then there's things that you'll only be able to decide on once you start seeing places, like what sort of kitchen you like, what flooring you prefer, general personal taste things.


    Actually moving in can be a bit tricky especially if you've been living alone/with flatmates for a while, as you'll both have some of the same things like crockery, pans etc. Decide whose are nicest and bin/donate to charity the others. Work out some way of allocating shelf space for books, DVDs etc.

    Finances - each couple has to find their own way of doing this. It's definitely worth talking about in advance though, so neither side gets unrealistic expectations. For the first two years, we had separate accounts and kept a spreadsheet of who spent what each month. He would pay the rent and I paid all the other bills and the food shopping, and we worked out roughly even. Doing the spreadsheet is a massive faff though. Now, we both have our own accounts but also have a joint account into which we pay the same amount (roughly 60% of our net salaries) each month, and all household expenses come out of that. The rest is ours to spend on whatever we like. My husband and I earn roughly similar salaries, so pay the same amount into the joint account each month; if your wages are very different then you might need to decide whether to pay in the same amount (so one person gets less for personal spending) or the same percentage of your income. Other couples go for completely joint accounts, though I wouldn't recommend that at your stage of the relationship. Whichever method you go for, set up Direct Debits wherever you can, saves a lot of time and stress!

    In terms of budgeting for finding a property, I imagine both of you will have an idea of what you can afford individually as you've been paying rent on your current places. You could just combine that total, or you could take moving in as an opportunity to save some money.

    Chores - again, every couple has to find their own way of doing this. I know some households have specific "blue" and "pink" jobs, some have rotas and some just muddle/fight through (we do this!) There are a few things that my husband hates doing, like cleaning the bathroom, so I always do that, but other things we share more evenly. Cooking might be tricky with you doing shifts, so you'll have to sort out whether you'll eat at work, you want him to have dinner ready for you, and if so whether you want him to wait for you before eating. My husband will usually cook for me if I'm doing a long day, but may not necessarily wait for me to get back to have his own dinner. He needs to understand that you will do things on your day off, and that particularly when you're on night shifts, the day is not "free" for you to do chores!

    Unfortunately, unless you are exactly similar in your tidiness tendencies, there will always be someone who thinks the place is too messy and someone who thinks the other person nags too much. You have to find a compromise! Oh, and if you can get a place with a dishwasher, do it!

    Finally, actually living together. It is a big step, and is very different from just being a couple who spends most of your time together. You really get to see what the other person is like in every way - and this can be an eye-opener both positively and negatively. You have to learn to share space completely, not just having a few clothes and a toothbrush over at his. It's really important, as someone already said, to have a bit of time to yourself. As I write this, I'm on the sofa under a blanket, he's playing computer games in the spare room, both just chilling out and letting our minds unwind after a busy day. Make sure you still see your friends and do things with them, but do also try to get to know his friends more if you don't already. Good luck!
 
 
 
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