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I want to be female...

This is really just a way of getting things off my chest so to speak, but I would appreciate any comments/advice.

Anyway, getting to the point. I'm a 17 year old male, and for a few years now... i've felt like i'd be happier as a female. These thoughts arnt always around, but predominatly are when i'm having sexual thoughts, or specific ones about my life (such as having a partner, or children). Its got to the stage where i'm having these thoughts much more often aswell.

Some may say i just have a "fetish" of wanting to experiance sex as a woman, but its more than that. I can look at girls and instead of saying "wow, shes fit" I somethings think more along the lines of "I envy her, having such a great body". Dont get me wrong though, i do check out the occasional girl, but then again, I am bi anyway.

However, at times, i just crave a guy to hold me in his arms, and just have that feeling of closeness to him, to feel safe and secure, and to just feel loved. Again, I would love to have just a group of girlfriends, who i can chat to, look at clothes with, and do makeup etc. I want to be able to go to clubs, and peoples heads, checking me out as I go past.

And then theres children. I dont want to be a father, but I want to raise my kids as a mother, to have them grow inside me, and feel that closeness to them.

I have tried on womens clothing before, which always excited me, but i was utterly terrified of being found out. My parents are some of the least accepting you can have. My dad always makes homophobic comments if the situation arises, and I know he would never accept me doing somthing like a sex change. The same for my mother, other family, and friends.

Sometimes it makes me want to just explode inside, and have thought about suicide to deal with it, and it was a factore in a previous attempt, albeit a small one.

Its just hard, as I feel I just cant be who I want to be, and can feel like theres a war going on, not just in my head, but in my very flesh.

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Anonymous
This is really just a way of getting things off my chest so to speak, but I would appreciate any comments/advice.

Anyway, getting to the point. I'm a 17 year old male, and for a few years now... i've felt like i'd be happier as a female. These thoughts arnt always around, but predominatly are when i'm having sexual thoughts, or specific ones about my life (such as having a partner, or children). Its got to the stage where i'm having these thoughts much more often aswell.

Some may say i just have a "fetish" of wanting to experiance sex as a woman, but its more than that. I can look at girls and instead of saying "wow, shes fit" I somethings think more along the lines of "I envy her, having such a great body". Dont get me wrong though, i do check out the occasional girl, but then again, I am bi anyway.

However, at times, i just crave a guy to hold me in his arms, and just have that feeling of closeness to him, to feel safe and secure, and to just feel loved. Again, I would love to have just a group of girlfriends, who i can chat to, look at clothes with, and do makeup etc. I want to be able to go to clubs, and peoples heads, checking me out as I go past.

And then theres children. I dont want to be a father, but I want to raise my kids as a mother, to have them grow inside me, and feel that closeness to them.

I have tried on womens clothing before, which always excited me, but i was utterly terrified of being found out. My parents are some of the least accepting you can have. My dad always makes homophobic comments if the situation arises, and I know he would never accept me doing somthing like a sex change. The same for my mother, other family, and friends.

Sometimes it makes me want to just explode inside, and have thought about suicide to deal with it, and it was a factore in a previous attempt, albeit a small one.

Its just hard, as I feel I just cant be who I want to be, and can feel like theres a war going on, not just in my head, but in my very flesh.

Again, this is one of those things which you need to have a long hard think about. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?

I should point out now, that if you have a sex change, you will not be able to have children.
Reply 2
Again, this is one of those things which you need to have a long hard think about. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?

I should point out now, that if you have a sex change, you will not be able to have children.


I know that I could never have children, and dont think I would ever go through a sex change anyway, it would be much too traumatic on both myself, and my family, as I would have no-one to go through it with.

Shame theres not a magic spell which *poof* changes your gender just like that!
Reply 3
Once you take female hormone drugs, the effect is irreversible.
Anonymous

Shame theres not a magic spell which *poof* changes your gender just like that!


slightly poor choice of words methinks
Hey do you know that song 'I do' by Placebo? I tend to take refuge in music when I'm stressed so I thought I'd recommend it.

Anyways, :hugs: good luck with what you do. If you really really can't go in for a sex change (but seriously consider it if your current life is making you want to kill yourself) then you're just going to have to find some way of becoming content with who you are. There's nothing worse than feeling miserable in your own skin. :frown:

What would your friends think if you told them? It might help to speak to someone who you trust and - equally importantly - someone who trusts and cares about you.

As for the whole children thing, there a lot of women who can't have children, and if you adopt or end up being a father then ultimately you can still have an incredibly close relationship with them which surely is more important than having them grow inside you?
Reply 6
Once you take female hormone drugs, the effect is irreversible.


I've actually thought of taking them before, just to slightly feminize my body a bit.

Does anyone out there have experiance with my situation at all?
I agree with explosions, just because women get to have children growing inside them (which isn't exactly a barrel of laughs from start to finish) doesn't mean their connection with a new born child is always closer that a father's, it's all about exposure, particularly in the early stages. So if you did manage to find someone who understood your situation and had a baby with them then you could be as close to the child as you wanted.

Unfortunately, blunt as it sounds, life isn't fair, so you have to make the best of things as you percieve them. If you think a sex change will improve your life then it's something you should consider, despite the trauma for you it may be worth it in the end if it makes you happier for the rest of your life. It's a difficult situation and I hope you find a way to get through it which doesn't involve further attempted suicide.
[QUOTE]
Decent_Jam
I agree with explosions,


You do? :banana: :beer: Yay!
You put it in a much better way too!
Reply 9
It's a difficult situation and I hope you find a way to get through it


Thankyou :smile:

I guess I could adopt a child one day, to be honest, I havent thought about it that much, its somthing I just realised, that i would prefer to be a mother, than a father.

(I know i forgot to put anon on there for a sec, but if anyone saw it, I would appreciate if no-one said anything, as I know people from school use this forum too)
Reply 10
Not trying to be downcast but as a heads up you'll probably find some resistance on the whole adoption thing if you went through with the op, as in most countries non traditional adoptive parents are frowned upon. That said though go with whatever feels right for you.. Not for other people. You might want to think why you feel being a mother would be better than a father. I'm not a father yet but I certainly wouldnt see myself as more emotionally distant from my daughter/son than her/his mother. Parenting is an equal thing... you need to have both for the kid to be happy.
I love 'I do!'

Yeah it really does seem like you want to be more feminine really, but that doesn't mean you have to consider a sex change or anything quite so drastic.

Your parents may be backwards but you'll find most people are so accepting of anything now, you can be as girly as you like. As for having girl friends, why not try to make more female friends. Most girls find sweet, and even effeminate guys really endearing. And you don't know how many girls would love a 'gay best friend'.

All these things:
'However, at times, i just crave a guy to hold me in his arms, and just have that feeling of closeness to him, to feel safe and secure, and to just feel loved. Again, I would love to have just a group of girlfriends, who i can chat to, look at clothes with, and do makeup etc. I want to be able to go to clubs, and peoples heads, checking me out as I go past.'

- you can experience as you are. You say you're bi, then why isn't it possible to have a relationship with a guy and experience those feelings? Everyone wants someone to feel close to.

The things you mention, like wearing womens clothes etc, could these just be a way of trying to experience completely feminine things? When really a lot of things you want just happen to be supposedly 'feminine' things, like enjoying clothes shopping, makeup, having nurturing feelings?

Times are changing, with the 'new man' idea, the openess the gay communities now enjoy, the acceptance for women to express supposedly 'masculine' characteristics, and the increased openess for transexuals and transvestites, I doubt many people now would oppose your feelings.

Try to accept yourself as you are, I think you sound great personally, I can't stand guys who act butch and do as much as they can to appear 'all man' etc. Wish my guy friends were more like you. You may be a bit different but don't let that put you off going after the things you want.

Seriously listen to placebo though as mentioned above. Their main message is indiviuality, take a look at the lead singer's early days if you want an idea of what that may entail... pm if you want any songs - always happy to turn people onto placebo :wink:

My that was long :smile:
I think the things that you mention that you find feminine are just a part of your personality. The defining of things that are feminine are from societal rules, and societal rules aren't always right. There is nothing wrong with a guy who wants to look good. I think a sex change is pretty dramatic tho. You can still make heads turn at clubs. You said that you like make up and dressing well and that will DEFINATELY turn heads in clubs! Everyone likes a well dressed person!!
tt5
... This is one of those things which you need to have a long hard ....about.

:congrats:
Reply 14
Anonymous
And then theres children. I dont want to be a father, but I want to raise my kids as a mother, to have them grow inside me, and feel that closeness to them.


You may want to give up on that one.
I think I read that in about 10 years or so guys will be able to give birth.

Jaded
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I don't mean to put a complete dampener on this, but you're only looking at the idealistic viewpoint of being female. Do you really want to go through monthly hell, and be discriminated against simply because of your sex? And having guys pawing at you at every possible moment? Because let me tell you, being a girl can be a complete NIGHTMARE. There are times when I absolutely hate it and think I'd be far better off as a bloke. Like you, I'm bi, so it's not as though it'd matter in that way.

As for the whole 'have a group of girls to gossip and shop with', one of my best friends is gay, and we just accept him as one of the girls anyway! YOu can also artificially feel a baby growing inside you as a man - I don't know much about it, but I'm sure there's some sort of strap on stomach that allows you to experience what the woman is going through. As for taking care of it as a mother, that's only a matter of how you bring it up. I know several people whose mothers had high powered careers, so they were brought up almost entirely by their father- the traditional roles were entirely switched. I guess it's the whole 'house-husband' phenomenon.

I hope that this helps, and doesn't seem too harsh. Good luck :smile:
Reply 17
Anonymous
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I don't mean to put a complete dampener on this, but you're only looking at the idealistic viewpoint of being female. Do you really want to go through monthly hell, and be discriminated against simply because of your sex? And having guys pawing at you at every possible moment? Because let me tell you, being a girl can be a complete NIGHTMARE. There are times when I absolutely hate it and think I'd be far better off as a bloke. Like you, I'm bi, so it's not as though it'd matter in that way.


I can understand what you mean, but I have very similar feelings to the OP so I can relate - desire to be the opposite sex is nothing to do with ideal views of being a woman in society, but rather a more profound identification with the opposite sex. I would rather be a woman even if I experienced the problems you mentioned.

I couldn't believe it when I read the OP's post, because it is very similar to mine, as well as me being bisexual also. I am also not that willing to have a sex change as it would be too traumatic, and my feelings are mixed, that is to say the identification with femininity is not what entirely makes up my personality, meaning I am not exactly a "woman in a man's body".
I would say you have feelings of transgenderism. You can find out more information if you type in "transgender" on google. You can also consult your GP about it, but I would warn you that there is not a great amount of resources to deal with such a relatively rare problem, and in many cases the transgender patient ends up educating the professional rather than the doctor finding a certain solution, but a visit to the GP can't harm you.
However, the way you say that "at times" you want to be held by man, and that you are bisexual tends to suggest that you have mixed gender identity to some extent, and I would strongly suggest discussing it with somebody you know is understanding to clarify your feelings and come to terms with it. I can very much relate to a profound and greater connection with femininity, but one way that it can be dealt with is to embrace this mixed identity within your individuality - society and stereotypes like to place gender into neat compartments to simplify gender relationships and fulfil the human need to find clear patterns rather than accepting ambiguity. This makes transgenderism much harder to live with. However, you are much luckier, living in the 21st century where gender stereotypes can be challeneged and you can embrace your femininity and element of female gender even if your biological sex is male .
You say you want to embrace a feminine lifestyle - do you also feel that your thought processes and outlook on life are feminine as well, or is it more a desire to simply embrace the elements of femininity?
Feel free to PM me :wink:
Reply 18
maybe when you are older and slightly more independant you might try becoming a transvestite. just a suggestion. im sure this is just a phase though
Reply 19
Have you always had these feelings from a young age? I vividly remember my fantasies at 4 years old wanting to be a girl, and wishing to wear shorts since it was the closest "acceptable" clothing to a skirt. If you have always had a profound attachment to the other gender, it probably isn't a phase and is a more deep rooted problem.