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Girlfriend kissed another guy. Watch

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    (Original post by Jalk)
    Hi all. As the title says, my gf of a year kissed someone else. It was in a club, she was drunk. The guy was an acquaintance. Apparently she started it and it lasted a few seconds. I was told this my someone who saw what was going on but she did tell me herself. Apparently there weren't any tounges but a bit of movement (I demanded as much detail as I could get).

    I'm not sure what to do. I'm tempted to end things as it really stings but some have said a drunken three second kiss like that doesn't mean anything. Thanks for any replies.
    I know a couple where both made out with others but they are married now...
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    (Original post by Palatial Veranda)
    Yeah

    Drunken minds = Sober thoughts
    ^someone who once read about being drunk on the internet.
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    (Original post by Jalk)
    Cheers all. Really helped me
    You could also play some damage control by making other people (her included) believe that you have had a few women on the side while dating her. That might help your reputation... you never want to seem like the victim. You have to spin this so that everyone knows you are the man, and you don't let anyone disrespect you the way she has. Even the best guys get cheated on, don't sweat it, it's not a big deal that it happened, you just gotta come out on top.
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    (Original post by jnkesd)
    You could also play some damage control by making other people (her included) believe that you have had a few women on the side while dating her. That might help your reputation... you never want to seem like the victim. You have to spin this so that everyone knows you are the man, and you don't let anyone disrespect you the way she has. Even the best guys get cheated on, don't sweat it, it's not a big deal that it happened, you just gotta come out on top.
    Why would you spin the story so that you "come out on top"?

    Honesty is a virtue, particularly when it comes to relationships.
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    (Original post by Treeroy)
    Why would you spin the story so that you "come out on top"?

    Honesty is a virtue, particularly when it comes to relationships.
    Yeah you know what else is a virtue? Pride.

    You spin the story because if you don't someone else will, seldom does the actual truth ever come out, you're better off manipulating things so that you look good.
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    (Original post by jnkesd)
    Yeah you know what else is a virtue? Pride.

    You spin the story because if you don't someone else will, seldom does the actual truth ever come out, you're better off manipulating things so that you look good.
    Aargh - spin doctors are so out in 2013!
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    Hmmm. Tough situation.

    Personally I would give her one chance.
    Though I would make it clear she broke my trust and has to earn it again.
    If she doesn't earn it back than unfortunately she messed up and I would break off.
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    You know what I do want to come out on top, I think that's a natural reaction. I hate posts on Facebook etc which are obviously staged for others' benefit though. You have to be clever about it.

    I'm really hurting but nobody else has to know eh.
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    Haha your burds a floozy
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    (Original post by amyshamblesxx)
    I don't think there is any excuse for cheating. If my boyfriend cheated on me, regardless of whatever pathetic "excuses" he came up with, he would be out of the door.

    If someone loves you and respects your relationship, they don't cheat.
    I wasn't using 'misbehaving' as a synonym for 'cheating'. I just meant doing bad things, cheating being one of them. I think there can be plenty of excuses for cheating, but obviously it depends on the other person to judge whether they're valid or not.
    And then yeah you're just agreeing with what I said - would dump, and it's disrespectful.


    (Original post by FinnLassie)
    How is being drunk a valid excuse of misbehaving in any level? Most often it is the person themselves getting all those drinks into themselves with the full knowledge that they'll get drunk and will most likely be prone to do something that they haven't fully thought through. Therefore, it is no valid reason as they have deliberately gotten themselves under the influence of alcohol.

    I think that after you've gotten drunk once, even tipsy, you will realise that it makes you weak for certain actions and ways of thinking (usually after sobering up though), and I'd imagine this guy's girlfriend wasn't drinking for the first time.

    Sorry if I sound attacking with that comment, I don't mean any offense.
    Because you can't predict what you are going to do when you're that wasted. And as you're getting more drunk your judgement gets worse and worse until you can quite easily be making decisions and behaving badly when you don't know what's going on and won't even remember it the next day. So that's why I think it's a good excuse.

    Again, you're just agreeing with me on the second point - if you know you are likely to cheat/make out with someone when drunk (a lot of people know that they like to do this), you should not be getting that drunk when in a relationship - it probably wasn't this girl's first time drinking etc.

    SO what I'm saying is that I think it's a valid excuse, but I would dump.
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    If your "girlfriend" kissed another guy then its pritty easy to tell her to 0121 do one..if she did it before she will do it again. Rule #1
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    Oh is that who that was

    I'm just kidding. You sound like a decent bloke. Once she liplocks somebody else this one has ran its course. Great humans don't cheat. She's a slut, call it off or risk further pain down the line.
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    (Original post by Sophie_girl)
    Because you can't predict what you are going to do when you're that wasted. And as you're getting more drunk your judgement gets worse and worse until you can quite easily be making decisions and behaving badly when you don't know what's going on and won't even remember it the next day. So that's why I think it's a good excuse.

    Again, you're just agreeing with me on the second point - if you know you are likely to cheat/make out with someone when drunk (a lot of people know that they like to do this), you should not be getting that drunk when in a relationship - it probably wasn't this girl's first time drinking etc.

    SO what I'm saying is that I think it's a valid excuse, but I would dump.

    The thing is, I find that when you say "a good excuse", you then proceed by saying that well, it actually isn't. In my opinion one's rude behaviour whilst drunk is only acceptable if the person is simply not aware of what they are doing due to the drink being spiked - an involuntary thing that has been put upon them. Then again, one could argue about the person not watching their drink etc.

    Sure, being drunk is an excuse, but far from a good & valid one. One should be able to control their alcohol intake.
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    (Original post by jnkesd)
    You could also play some damage control by making other people (her included) believe that you have had a few women on the side while dating her. That might help your reputation... you never want to seem like the victim. You have to spin this so that everyone knows you are the man, and you don't let anyone disrespect you the way she has. Even the best guys get cheated on, don't sweat it, it's not a big deal that it happened, you just gotta come out on top.
    You are either a troll or a pathetic, worthless human being.
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    (Original post by Jalk)
    You know what I do want to come out on top, I think that's a natural reaction. I hate posts on Facebook etc which are obviously staged for others' benefit though. You have to be clever about it.

    I'm really hurting but nobody else has to know eh.
    I had similar feelings to this when i broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years about 18 months ago, my advice would be to NOT do it. I think that i made a bit of a fool of myself in a few circles trying to, luckily not circles i usually or currently fall into but i still wish i hadn't.

    You should be the bigger man get over it at your own pace, in your own way, as hard as it sounds don't care what other people think, as long as you have pride in yourself it doesn't matter.

    It also seems that you have come out on top anyway, she is the cheat and you probably would do your reputaion more damage by trying to show her up publicly then if you just left it.

    For what it's worth, i think you have done the right thing in breaking it off. You may well have been letting yourself in for further hurt and embarresment if you had forgiven her.
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    (Original post by DanTheMan87)
    I had similar feelings to this when i broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years about 18 months ago, my advice would be to NOT do it. I think that i made a bit of a fool of myself in a few circles trying to, luckily not circles i usually or currently fall into but i still wish i hadn't.

    You should be the bigger man get over it at your own pace, in your own way, as hard as it sounds don't care what other people think, as long as you have pride in yourself it doesn't matter.

    It also seems that you have come out on top anyway, she is the cheat and you probably would do your reputaion more damage by trying to show her up publicly then if you just left it.

    For what it's worth, i think you have done the right thing in breaking it off. You may well have been letting yourself in for further hurt and embarresment if you had forgiven her.
    Thank you. Very sensible words I'd say.
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    You are either a troll or a pathetic, worthless human being.
    You might be right, but I take comfort in the reality that so are most people.
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    (Original post by jnkesd)
    You could also play some damage control by making other people (her included) believe that you have had a few women on the side while dating her. That might help your reputation... you never want to seem like the victim. You have to spin this so that everyone knows you are the man, and you don't let anyone disrespect you the way she has. Even the best guys get cheated on, don't sweat it, it's not a big deal that it happened, you just gotta come out on top.
    Never do that, if you mention cheating on your part whether true or not, you instantly lose the moral ground and she then gains the sympathy vote as she is the jilted missus and her sins are forgotten
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    (Original post by Jalk)
    Hi all. As the title says, my gf of a year kissed someone else. It was in a club, she was drunk. The guy was an acquaintance. Apparently she started it and it lasted a few seconds. I was told this my someone who saw what was going on but she did tell me herself. Apparently there weren't any tounges but a bit of movement (I demanded as much detail as I could get).

    I'm not sure what to do. I'm tempted to end things as it really stings but some have said a drunken three second kiss like that doesn't mean anything. Thanks for any replies.
    This is a difficult one, but I want to give you a bit of a balanced view on it as, from my own experience, it's really not as easy as people have said.

    You can say alcohol is truth serum. On the one hand this may mean she was expressing that she is attracted to this guy. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else in a relationship as long as it doesn't go further than thinking that they're attractive. On the other hand, the truth may be that she is confused about something in your relationship and her action was a summation of the confusion, then she realised it was wrong and stopped it. Or, alcohol doesn't have to be truth serum at all and she could have been really drunk and got caught in a moment with him that would never have happened otherwise.

    I can give you two scenarios here. One in which I was the victim, the other in which I did it. Both were with my current boyfriend of 18 months.

    So, firstly, my boyfriend cheated on me when he was drunk over a year ago, on a night out with his friends. He kissed a stranger who came onto him, and then he stopped it, left the club pretty upset and told me the next morning. The "truth serum" caused him to do this because he was a bit scared of where the relationship was leading, I was his longest ever relationship and he felt it was going really fast and for 3 years he had been single and just playing around a bit. He wasn't really sure how to act and so acted by habit in the club, then realised it was wrong and he should see whether he wanted a long-term relationship or not. In the end he decided he wanted it to be long-term, and the experience made him realise this when he was gutted at the idea of losing me, so we stayed together.

    Quite recently, I cheated on him. Things were going a bit badly in the relationship and he'd nearly broken up with me numerous times and so I'd taken this to heart and thought we were basically over. I kissed a guy at a house party, and things got a bit messy. He took it pretty well, when I explained maybe my reasoning for doing it. There is no excuse for cheating, but when it has gone to your head that a relationship is going nowhere or about to end, sometimes you act a bit masochistically when you're drunk and make a mistake. We discussed it and it turned out he never wanted to end it really, and I told him he shouldn't threaten to, and now we're more serious than we ever were because he realised he can't just let it go stale. I realised this too.

    Basically, I'd advise that you talk to her about it. Ask her why it happened and whether there is anything you need to sort out. I don't believe in the phrase "once a cheat, always a cheat". It's not true, and sometimes when you realise how much you have hurt someone you really care about you realise how much of an error you made. There is no excuse for cheating, it is much better if you're honest and talk to your partner if you have problems, or indeed you don't act irresponsibly when drunk and remember you have a partner, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't sometimes be rectified and eventually you might be able to forgive them. It's up to you, but it can get better if you want to stay with her. You just need to talk with eachother and maybe start afresh. If you don't feel like you can be together after this, that's fair enough too, but don't jump to this conclusion. Think long and hard about it.

    Best of luck either way.

    Edit: just read that you're over. Fair enough and hope all works out for the best.
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    (Original post by Jessaay!)
    This is a difficult one, but I want to give you a bit of a balanced view on it as, from my own experience, it's really not as easy as people have said.

    You can say alcohol is truth serum. On the one hand this may mean she was expressing that she is attracted to this guy. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else in a relationship as long as it doesn't go further than thinking that they're attractive. On the other hand, the truth may be that she is confused about something in your relationship and her action was a summation of the confusion, then she realised it was wrong and stopped it. Or, alcohol doesn't have to be truth serum at all and she could have been really drunk and got caught in a moment with him that would never have happened otherwise.

    I can give you two scenarios here. One in which I was the victim, the other in which I did it. Both were with my current boyfriend of 18 months.

    So, firstly, my boyfriend cheated on me when he was drunk over a year ago, on a night out with his friends. He kissed a stranger who came onto him, and then he stopped it, left the club pretty upset and told me the next morning. The "truth serum" caused him to do this because he was a bit scared of where the relationship was leading, I was his longest ever relationship and he felt it was going really fast and for 3 years he had been single and just playing around a bit. He wasn't really sure how to act and so acted by habit in the club, then realised it was wrong and he should see whether he wanted a long-term relationship or not. In the end he decided he wanted it to be long-term, and the experience made him realise this when he was gutted at the idea of losing me, so we stayed together.

    Quite recently, I cheated on him. Things were going a bit badly in the relationship and he'd nearly broken up with me numerous times and so I'd taken this to heart and thought we were basically over. I kissed a guy at a house party, and things got a bit messy. He took it pretty well, when I explained maybe my reasoning for doing it. There is no excuse for cheating, but when it has gone to your head that a relationship is going nowhere or about to end, sometimes you act a bit masochistically when you're drunk and make a mistake. We discussed it and it turned out he never wanted to end it really, and I told him he shouldn't threaten to, and now we're more serious than we ever were because he realised he can't just let it go stale. I realised this too.

    Basically, I'd advise that you talk to her about it. Ask her why it happened and whether there is anything you need to sort out. I don't believe in the phrase "once a cheat, always a cheat". It's not true, and sometimes when you realise how much you have hurt someone you really care about you realise how much of an error you made. There is no excuse for cheating, it is much better if you're honest and talk to your partner if you have problems, or indeed you don't act irresponsibly when drunk and remember you have a partner, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't sometimes be rectified and eventually you might be able to forgive them. It's up to you, but it can get better if you want to stay with her. You just need to talk with eachother and maybe start afresh. If you don't feel like you can be together after this, that's fair enough too, but don't jump to this conclusion. Think long and hard about it.

    Best of luck either way.

    Edit: just read that you're over. Fair enough and hope all works out for the best.
    Thanks for that. We will talk one day I'm sure and I'll take that on board. At the moment it hurts too much but I've been told she was caught crying in the toilets at work. Hard to stay mad when you hear that eh.
 
 
 
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