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    Anon please.

    So on New Years I wasn't out with my girlfriend as I was working. She first came to my pub for a bit and then afterwards, they all went a house party. I could tell she was a bit tipsy at the pub and so I wasn't surprised when I started getting drunk texts and calls from her when she was at the party.

    Anyway, at the party, she got too drunk and too "close" to another guy and at midnight she kissed this other guy. My friend saw this and so he told me the next day. I asked her if anything had happened at the party and at first she was like "I don't think so.... I can't remember", but then she told me the truth. She said they didn't french kiss but according to my friend, it still went on for a good 6 - 7 seconds.

    Now I hate this so much. I feel betrayed, let down, whatever and if there's one thing I try so hard not to do and that's cheat because, well, I hate cheating that much. I believe that she is my girlfriend and so all intimate moments like this should be with just me (and she knows this).

    Because of this, I feel like I should honour my principles and break up with her, but at the same time, I love her so much. I've had girlfriends before and she's the first person who I've felt like this about. I'd hate to lose her. But also, I don't want her getting the idea that these things are ok, and that she's gotten away with it or whatever.

    What do I do?
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    Well she cheated and she didn't want to admit it to you, in fact it's quite clear that if she could've gotten away with hiding it from you that's what she'd have done. Personally I think you should break up with her, it's unlikely to be the same now and you'll probably get hurt again later if you don't. But at the end of the day you have to do what you think is best for you long term.


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    (Original post by HenryD)
    Well she cheated and she didn't want to admit it to you, in fact it's quite clear that if she could've gotten away with hiding it from you that's what she'd have done. Personally I think you should break up with her, it's unlikely to be the same now and you'll probably get hurt again later if you don't. But at the end of the day you have to do what you think is best for you long term.
    Thing is though, with her hiding it, the conversation went along the lines of:

    Me - So how was the party? Any gossip
    Her - Not really, I don't really remember much
    Me - Oh ok then (then I looked at her for a bit, then she was like)
    Her - Actually, I need to talk to you about something...
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    In the end she did tell you about it though, even though it took her some time. But at the same time as others have said if you didn't ask she may not have even told you anything...not good at all! It's up to you to decide whether or not she's worth it

    Does she feel any guilt for what she did?
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    It's only a little kiss, lets be honest who hasnt kissed someone they wish they'd rather never had done.
    Breaking up is a little harsh, drink makes people do crazy things tbh.

    Would understand if it was purely her and she jumped on him and rode him like a cowgirl but no. She never... (At least we dont think so )
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    Don't break up with her just to 'honour your principles' or so that she doesn't feel like she 'got away with it'. That would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. You should only break up with her if you feel that is what would make you happiest, which isn't the case if you still love her and feel you could get over this in time. If you do decide to stay together though then you need to make it clear that it really hurt you, it will take time for you to forgive her/for things to return to normal and also that if anything like this happens again then it will definitely be over. That is how she will know she hasn't 'gotten away with it'.
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    People do stupid things when they're drunk - at least she admitted it to you! She probably didn't tell you firstly because she was scared of your reaction. Sit down with her and let her know how you feel about it all, that you feel betrayed and hurt and are worried it may happen again. So long as you lay down how you feel and she seems genuinely upset, then I wouldn't dump her if you feel that strongly about her.

    However: I know a lot of couples who have been through this and the offender didn't tell them at all, and they found out from other sources. If that was the case with you, then it'd appear more that she was trying to hide it. Then I most definitely wouldn't trust them.
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    punch in the ovaries brah

    she told you that she cheated, she feels bad and told you the truth

    i understand you must feel betrayed in her doing this but it's not like she slept with the guy. if i really loved her, i wouldn't end it just because of a drunken mistake :dontknow:

    if she reoffends, dump
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    She killed a fella while drunk? Am i missing something here? And? What of it?
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    The issue here is alcohol. Don't let this ruin something that is good. Alcohol brings the worst out in people. If she is genuinely sorry then I think you should forgive her. The guy probably coerced her anyway.

    I would be gutted if my girlfriend did the same but the fact is that I love her and would rather me with her than not with her. Just me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thing is though, with her hiding it, the conversation went along the lines of:

    Me - So how was the party? Any gossip
    Her - Not really, I don't really remember much
    Me - Oh ok then (then I looked at her for a bit, then she was like)
    Her - Actually, I need to talk to you about something...
    did she know that your friend was there? Because it sounds to me from reading that, that she knew ur friend would have seen it thats why she gave in when u looked at her. Sounds fishy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do I do?
    Reasons to end things:
    - she kissed someone else
    - she tried to lie about it to start with, and may not have told you if your friend hadn't noticed
    - you'll always be worrying about her cheating again, especially when drinking is involved and you're not there

    Reasons not to end things:
    - she was drunk
    - she did "only" kiss him, and even then not full-on making out
    - it was new year's eve?
    - she told you and she feels guilty about it

    Really, it depends on whether you feel you can trust her. You clearly believe she has over-stepped the mark, and have had this conversation with her so she knew (or at least would know if sober) that what she did was outside the boundaries of your relationship, so it this sense she was wrong. What you have to decide is whether the reasons not to end things trump the reasons to end things - in your heart, not your head. Relationships are about emotions, and so there is no real right or wrong decision.
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    The trust is broken, and that to me is the major focal point of a relationship; gotta trust one another.

    Still, if she said it was a mistake you should at least believe her for now, because it could easily have been some stupid drunken mistake that she regrets. There's no point in ending a relationship over one kiss.
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    (Original post by mcdaniel)
    Reasons to end things:
    - she kissed someone else
    - she tried to lie about it to start with, and may not have told you if your friend hadn't noticed
    - you'll always be worrying about her cheating again, especially when drinking is involved and you're not there

    Reasons not to end things:
    - she was drunk
    - she did "only" kiss him, and even then not full-on making out
    - it was new year's eve?

    - she told you and she feels guilty about it

    Really, it depends on whether you feel you can trust her. You clearly believe she has over-stepped the mark, and have had this conversation with her so she knew (or at least would know if sober) that what she did was outside the boundaries of your relationship, so it this sense she was wrong. What you have to decide is whether the reasons not to end things trump the reasons to end things - in your heart, not your head. Relationships are about emotions, and so there is no real right or wrong decision.
    Absolute **** excuses... It was new year's eve? what just what?
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    (Original post by mcdaniel)
    Reasons not to end things:
    - she was drunk
    - she did "only" kiss him, and even then not full-on making out
    - it was new year's eve?
    Seriously?
    You are using those three things as excuses for her?
    God no wonder why society is so ****ed up.
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    I wouldn't break up with a girlfriend for that, as long as she's sorry and promises not to do it again. I've personally done some pretty crazy things when drunk so I understand that you don't really have control etc

    Get her to 'make it up to you'
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    Personally, I would break up with her


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    Jesus christ, it was a meaningless drunken kiss, it's not like she's been sleeping with people behind your back. Forgive her and move on. Is it really worth throwing your whole relationship away because of one tiny thing?
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    To be fair, kissing is still cheating. How do you know it hasn't happened before and you just don't know, or that it won't happen again?

    One thing I've learned is that once the trust is wavering, things will never be same. You'll always be worrying when she's out.

    It depends what you ultimately want, stay with her and worry whenever she's out alone, or move on like I would.


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    (Original post by Meat is Murder)
    The issue here is alcohol. Don't let this ruin something that is good. Alcohol brings the worst out in people. If she is genuinely sorry then I think you should forgive her. The guy probably coerced her anyway.
    A lot of people believe alcohol brings out the true feelings in people. I kinda think that to be true.

    OP it's totally up to you at the end of the day. If I was you though and I loved her then I'd have a chat. But if anything else happened that'd be it. Keep your head up.
 
 
 
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