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Feel like I'll be single forever! Watch

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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    I feel the same .
    And gemmam, we really aren't just looking for sex.
    I didn't say all men were I meant in my personal experience from when I used to use online dating.

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    (Original post by gemmam)
    Well this isn't the case for me because I didn't sleep with any of these guys who only wanted sex, but when I used online dating it seemed most of the guys were looking only for sex and I've heard numerous women say they had a similar experience.

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    Maybe it just appears that they're only looking for sex, whereas what they're actually looking for is a relationship with a girl who wants to have sex with them.

    Obviously if you refuse to have sex with them right from the start, then you're not going to be able to tell the difference.
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    (Original post by gemmam)
    I didn't say all men were I meant in my personal experience from when I used to use online dating.

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    Maybe you just had bad experiences or for some reason the weirdoes are attracted to you lol.
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    I've been single for nearly 5 years (not that my first and only relationship really counts for much, so may as well just say 21 years really) and I haven't yet seen any chance of that changing soon . It's gotten to the point that I feel like maybe I'm just too weird for a relationship. I've now had enough of being depressed about it and crying into my pillow at night, so I'm just gonna start fully embracing my freedom by travelling the world and having fun


    (Original post by MancBoy)
    OP any girl who is single for a number of years is either too picky or too shallow. So yeah stop being those things.
    Or maybe just all the guys she meets happen to be picky and shallow? They're not traits unique to just one gender, y'know.

    Also, what gemmam said is spot on :yep:
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    (Original post by manderton)
    sex should never ever ever come first, it'd be like ordering a meal in reverse and starting with the rocky road, leading back to the leek and potato soup starter everyone hates.

    A relationship should start with a few semi-awkward dates just talking but all the while building the tension to the unexpected but right first kiss, followed by a few dates just being together, holding hands through the park etc.

    or maybe that's just the romantic side of me being a single fool, I dunno :P
    Sexual compatability is one of those things you need to discover in the early stages before you can commit to a relationship, like whether you have a similar sense of humour or political views. There's no right or wrong order to discover these things. You might as well find out straight away whether you're wasting your time. Imagine going on numerous dates then you finally get her into bed and it turns out she's really into scat. If only you'd known that earlier you could have been out dating someone less secretly mental.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    t's gotten to the point that I feel like maybe I'm just too weird for a relationship.
    What you mean? lol.
    I think weird is good .
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Maybe it just appears that they're only looking for sex, whereas what they're actually looking for is a relationship with a girl who wants to have sex with them.

    Obviously if you refuse to have sex with them right from the start, then you're not going to be able to tell the difference.
    Well if a guy tells you "I only want you for sex" or dumps you when he discovers you'd only slept with one person it's pretty safe to assume that's what he's only after. Also if some messages you asking straight out if you fancy a shag...

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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Sexual compatability is one of those things you need to discover in the early stages before you can commit to a relationship, like whether you have a similar sense of humour or political views. There's no right or wrong order to discover these things. You might as well find out straight away whether you're wasting your time. Imagine going on numerous dates then you finally get her into bed and it turns out she's really into scat. If only you'd known that earlier you could have been out dating someone less secretly mental.
    equally, you aren't likely to find that out by sleeping together a few hours after meeting - have you ever had a one night stand like that?

    besides, one fetish isn't exactly a deal-breaker, that's what the internet & self-gratification is for
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    I'm a ******* weirdo so I think I'm consigned to the scrap heap as far as relationships are concerned.

    Might become a hermit with a load of cats and dogs...
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)
    What you mean? lol.
    I think weird is good .
    Well, things like being bullied at school for being too weird for a relationship, then when I did finally date someone in secondary school, I found it hard to be affectionate with him for some reason (frigidness I guess, but I was 16 so I dunno how weird that is at that age). And now I've been single again for so long and keep getting rejected by guys I'm interested in, I can't keep thinking it's because of something they all find a bit strange about me, even though I try to be a nice person I'm just so confused about how to be likeable . And then the only guy I've recently been able to attract in ages turns out to be a massive pervert. This bad luck just seems never-ending...
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    (Original post by manderton)
    equally, you aren't likely to find that out by sleeping together a few hours after meeting - have you ever had a one night stand like that?

    besides, one fetish isn't exactly a deal-breaker, that's what the internet & self-gratification is for
    You discover a lot more than you do by not sleeping with them, surely?
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Well, things like being bullied at school for being too weird for a relationship, then when I did finally date someone in secondary school, I found it hard to be affectionate with him for some reason (frigidness I guess, but I was 16 so I dunno how weird that is at that age). And now I've been single again for so long and keep getting rejected by guys I'm interested in, I can't keep thinking it's because of something they all find a bit strange about me, even though I try to be a nice person I'm just so confused about how to be likeable . And then the only guy I've recently been able to attract in ages turns out to be a massive pervert. This bad luck just seems never-ending...
    That's just bad luck, not you being weird though.

    Ignore the bullies - they were just that, bullies. When I was bullied in school they said I wouldn't do anything or go anywhere. Now, while their either on benefits or in prison or scraping by on minimum wage while looking after a kid, I'm earning decent money in a graduate job, in a growing industry, in a lovely office in a beautiful city.

    I just wanna give you a hug now though .
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    (Original post by daisy89)
    I have been single for about 2 and a half years now and generally feel very lonely, relationship wise, as of late. There have been a couple of guys that I liked but it never seems to go anywhere, not through not trying on my part (I don't think!)

    I don't feel like I'll ever meet anyone who wants to be with me? Anyone else feel/felt like this?

    yeppp, I've been single close on 5 years now... not that I haven't been trying! Liked several guys but none of them really felt the same way. Kinda accepted it by now and realised being single isn't actually that bad!
    Best thing to do I think is get out there and meet new people, are you at uni or something similar? Joining local groups/societies can be great for meeting like minded individuals
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Its often the case that a girl sleeps with a guy, and then when he breaks up with her she mistakenly concludes that was all he wanted all along. Often he would have been interested in a relationship, just turned out not with that particular girl. You learn a lot about how well its going to work the first time you sleep with someone, immediately after it happens is a perfectly sensible time to come to some kind of decision as to whether to take things further or not.
    Actually, deciding whether or not you want a relationship to go further is probably better to do BEFORE you sleep with someone. The first time you have sex with a new person is never going to be that amazing, and it's certainly not as good as it could be if you hadn't managed to build up a strong bond first.

    Anything else is just messing people around. You don't get to go around having sex with everyone on the pretence that no no, you would be happy to have a relationship...juuust not with them after all. But you're happy to sleep with them regardless. It just doesn't make sense. All it does is leave the impression that it is actually sex at the top of the priority list, and the girl's personality is somewhere far below that.

    I will admit that sometimes sex is a good indicator of whether or not you do click with someone, but I do not think it should be the first indicator used to judge that - you can get a good idea whether or not you click by looking at how much you get on, how much you have in common, how it feels when you kiss them...
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    (Original post by georgia)
    Actually, deciding whether or not you want a relationship to go further is probably better to do BEFORE you sleep with someone. The first time you have sex with a new person is never going to be that amazing, and it's certainly not as good as it could be if you hadn't managed to build up a strong bond first.

    Anything else is just messing people around. You don't get to go around having sex with everyone on the pretence that no no, you would be happy to have a relationship...juuust not with them after all. But you're happy to sleep with them regardless. It just doesn't make sense. All it does is leave the impression that it is actually sex at the top of the priority list, and the girl's personality is somewhere far below that.

    I will admit that sometimes sex is a good indicator of whether or not you do click with someone, but I do not think it should be the first indicator used to judge that - you can get a good idea whether or not you click by looking at how much you get on, how much you have in common, how it feels when you kiss them...
    Deciding upon the future viability of a relationship is an ongoing process, surely?

    Some girls you reject on sight because they're fugly, some you reject after a brief conversation because they're annoying, some after a date because they're mental, some after sex because they're crap in bed, some after a few weeks because they're not as interesting as you thought, until eventually you meet a girl that you don't reject at all.


    perhaps "reject" is the wrong word, but you see what I mean.
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    (Original post by georgia)
    Actually, deciding whether or not you want a relationship to go further is probably better to do BEFORE you sleep with someone. The first time you have sex with a new person is never going to be that amazing, and it's certainly not as good as it could be if you hadn't managed to build up a strong bond first.

    Anything else is just messing people around. You don't get to go around having sex with everyone on the pretence that no no, you would be happy to have a relationship...juuust not with them after all. But you're happy to sleep with them regardless. It just doesn't make sense. All it does is leave the impression that it is actually sex at the top of the priority list, and the girl's personality is somewhere far below that.

    I will admit that sometimes sex is a good indicator of whether or not you do click with someone, but I do not think it should be the first indicator used to judge that - you can get a good idea whether or not you click by looking at how much you get on, how much you have in common, how it feels when you kiss them...
    I agree with this. As well as messing people around I also think it's like using someone for sex.

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    (Original post by MancBoy)
    OP any girl who is single for a number of years is either too picky or too shallow. So yeah stop being those things.
    I don't think I'm picky or shallow at all...


    (Original post by Rascacielos)
    Have you considered that you're trying too hard to get a relationship? Maybe you're coming across as clingy or desperate by trying to hold onto any opportunity that comes you way.

    If it helps, I have been single for 19 years!
    I have read this question on a number of different threads, I'm not a clingy person at all so don't think it's that or seeming desperate... I'm not going out actively seeking a relationship, just unlucky in love I guess!


    (Original post by pnoc)
    yeppp, I've been single close on 5 years now... not that I haven't been trying! Liked several guys but none of them really felt the same way. Kinda accepted it by now and realised being single isn't actually that bad!
    Best thing to do I think is get out there and meet new people, are you at uni or something similar? Joining local groups/societies can be great for meeting like minded individuals
    Yeah, I'm at uni... currently in 3rd year so the majority of people who I have met through clubs etc are just friends!


    I know the majority of people, and probably mainly guys, are just thinking 'oh shut up you whiny old goat!'. I wasn't expecting so many people to reply really, just venting my loneliness! Thank you to all that have replied though
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    (Original post by WelshBluebird)

    Maybe you just had bad experiences or for some reason the weirdoes are attracted to you lol.
    Yup had some pretty dodgy experiences in my online dating days that's why I gave up.

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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Deciding upon the future viability of a relationship is an ongoing process, surely?

    Some girls you reject on sight because they're fugly, some you reject after a brief conversation because they're annoying, some after a date because they're mental, some after sex because they're crap in bed, some after a few weeks because they're not as interesting as you thought, until eventually you meet a girl that you don't reject at all.


    perhaps "reject" is the wrong word, but you see what I mean.
    I see your logic, and while I wouldn't propose to say that you should never break up with a girl once you've slept with her, I would say that it would be a better situation to be a position whereby you like her enough by the time you are sleeping with her that you would a) have enough of a connection for the sex just not to be ****, and b) if it wasn't what you were expecting...talk about it and/or just try something different and see how that went.

    I just think that sex should come after the point at which you've decided you like everything else about them enough to not end up having to 'reject them'.

    Does that make sense?
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    (Original post by gemmam)
    I agree with this. As well as messing people around I also think it's like using someone for sex.

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    Yeah, I see that. If someone was really open to an actual relationship, I just don't see that they'd be happy going around having sex with whoever they can just to test out whether or not they do want a relationship with that person. The behaviour and intent are not compatible.
 
 
 
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