Sorry if this is long!
Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago, and Im really struggling to move on at all :/ We met in first year at uni, through his cousin, and before then I wasn't as confident with guys/didn't have much experience, but he was the complete opposite and had been with plenty of girls. It took us a long time to get together, and then after that ages before we were properly a couple.
Then things were finally really good, we were both really happy and had been officially together around 6 months and he was the first person ive been in love with. Then I had to go away to Germany as part of my course which ruined everything. We carried on going out for another 4 months or so and then the last time I came home to London he broke up with me, he couldnt continue the distance. I was so upset and it was really hard, we both clearly still had feelings, and then I had to fly back to Germany the next day, where I dont have as many close friends as I do at home that I could confide in.
Im back for Christmas now, and we met up when I got home. (maybe 2 weeks ago) I had promised myself I wouldnt let anything happen because i didnt want to be more hurt, but I ended up sleeping with him again. I feel so messed up about it, I got really upset the next day, he didnt understand why. So i just left and went home. I think what makes it hard, is that he's got with several girls since we broke up and he lied to me about this. (it was him that brought this subject up not me) meanwhile i havent been with anyone else, the opportunity was there when i was in germany but i was just so upset i didnt want to. Its unlikely I would at home, have the same group of friends and dont really meet loads of new people
anyway Ive had next to no contact with him since the 2 weeks ago, (2 weeks written down sounds ridiculous I know :/) and I miss him loads, but hate myself for that. Ive hidden his facebook to not remind myself about him and I know it sounds so stupid. But it upsets me that he has obviously moved on so quickly, I cant, and I am staying with some friends for a couple of weeks in the same circle as him and I will be seeing him then which makes everything harder :/
I guess I feel angry that he lied to me (especially as one of the girls he got with was texting him when we were breaking up along the lines of I hope you are okay xxxx- at the time i thought this was innocent, but now that he lied to me about getting with her i guess it has left me wondering why (i know he doesnt have to tell me if hes been with anyone, but he brought the subject up, not me!)
and I feel sad because I miss him so much, and he has barely bothered to contact me I am aware this all sounds a bit pathetic sorry everyone, I do need to move on but not sure how and any advice would be appreciated!! Thanks a lot
Can't move on Watch
- Thread Starter
- 04-01-2013 02:19
- 04-01-2013 02:26
You need to stop being so needy and work on your self-esteem. What, it's been 3 whole months since you broke up yet you failed to move on.
The minute you stop being a door mat is the minute things will get better for you.
- 04-01-2013 06:28
Like he said ^
If you can get some true confidence then you are beating 80% of girls out attention whoring.
become the best you can be and love yourself. dont rely on others opinions for your own self worth.
set goals and achieve them, then set more goals. (also start meditating)
- 04-01-2013 06:50
Don't listen to Orihime,
When I broke up with my first love after being with him for almost two years, it took me over a year to fully get over him. It's been two years since we split now, I'm in love again and happier than ever, me and my ex are still good friends and I still care for him a lot as a friend, if I think about our funny memories together sometimes they make me sad - just like the memories of old friends. But when I see him I don't have those feelings I used to have, just feelings of friendship so it's good :-) some people don't like to stay friends with exes, for me it helped me get closure. We're not the best of friends and we don't talk particularly regularly, but if I see him we do chat and occasionally we share a bit of banter on twitter! We had a messy breakup, he cheated A LOT and he even became aggressive, I loved him to bits but I knew I had to get out. Ending things was the hardest thing I ever did and he didnt make it any easier, he pestered me constantly, I know your situation is slightly different but for me I didn't speak to him for a while, I ignored his texts often and if I did reply I kept it brief. I went out with my friends, had fun, took my mind of things, concentrated on work and other things. You have to get in a positive mindset and realise that you can get on just fine without that person, you need to find yourself again as a single person, not as part of a pair. Start up new hobbies, meet new friends! Then once you feel ready, you could become friends with him again. Once I'd made things civil with my ex I felt like it was closure. If you do decide to do this I'd wait until you're completely ready and don't make the conversation too intimate, you don't want to start up old feelings again! It helped me by talking to new people, sometimes I found it even easier to talk about my problems with someone I'd just met than my close friends.
Before, you need to be sure you want to do this, maybe speak to him first about whether he'd ever want to get back together, if he says not then move on if he does want to, and you want to, you need to work on your trust with him! And before sorting things ask him to tell you the truth about anything that's happened so you can start a complete fresh, say that if you he lies to you again that's it. But before you rush into things or let yourself be blinded by the love, consider whether it'd be wise. Does he treat you well? Do you trust him enough? Is he likely to hurt you like this again? Will you be constantly thinking about those other girls?
It's up to you, just don't let him make a mug out of you. And don't sleep with him again unless you two decide to get back together, that's no way to get over him!
Best of luck hun, stay strong! x
Posted from TSR Mobile
- 04-01-2013 11:47
He could have been cheating while you were going/already moved on, and just used the distance thing as an excuse
Posted from TSR Mobile
- Thread Starter
- 04-01-2013 15:45
Thanks a lot for the post Its good to know that there are other people who understand or can empathise with this situation in some way.
Im also really happy that although it took you a while to move on, youve found someone else now who you're happy with Makes me feel a lot better too
I do feel like at least for the time being I need some time apart from him to at least let me clear my head anyway! And then when i do next see him (when I'm staying with our mutual friends) it will be easier for me (I hope!) and I wont let him mess me around.
Anyway, your advice is really good, and I think I need to have a think about everything really.