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Ditching a friend without being too much of a b**** Watch

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    Anon as I know she has an account on here.

    This is going to be long!

    It sounds horrible, but basically I don't want to be friends with one of my best friends anymore. We've been friends for three years and met in college, as we were both new to the area and really only had each other.She'd never really had friends before as she was really badly bullied at secondary school and by the end of college she'd fallen out with everyone in our friendship group except me (ironically I didn't really like her at first). It was all fine but since going to uni in 2011 I feel it's all got too intense. We skype most days for hours, she texts all the time and it never really bothered me too much, despite being quite an aloof person, I don't need/want/make the effort to have close friends.

    I feel like since coming to uni, she puts me on too much of a pedestal to her uni friends, telling them how great, amazing I am, how honest we are with each other etc and as I'm distant and shy around new people, when they finally met me they took an instant dislike to me and called me a bad friend to her, as I wasn't this caring person she'd made me out to me. Despite the comments hurting me when I found out, I now see truth in it and I feel like I can't be this person she wants me to be anymore.

    I feel like alot of drama is caused with her, as previously said, she fell out with everyone in our college friendship group despite me staying fine with them, I've met all my other friends uni mates and they liked me, it was only her lot that didn't. She has different guys every week, and gets into fights with them all the time saying they took advantage (yet she offers one night stands on a plate) and constantly puts the blame on others for her problems.

    Recently she fell out with one of her friends on a night out and as I didn't know the other girl, I took her side of the story, although I know she likes to pin the blame on others she made it genuinely seem like this other girl was in wrong and I believed her. Anyway, we spent the night the two of us for new years eve, she said that despite it being in a similar situation to the night with the other girl 'our night would be good as she could always rely on me and fall outs just make us stronger.' Well, this night turned out to be in a disaster. I got thrown out of a club at 3am for falling over and wanted to go home as it was late, however she met some seedy guy outside another club and dragged us in there, leaving me with one of his creepy friends. I was pretty drunk so made out with him in a wingwoman sort of way, however, when he kept trying to put his hands down my tights and saying dirty things I'd had enough, so went to find her outside.

    We left the club at about four and started walking back, as there were no taxis or buses as the area had been closed off. I was pretty upset by what had happened with this guy, although I know it was own fault, I never do things like that and being drunk made it worse. I never get the chance to be upset in front of her as I feel like I'm always helping her through her drama, I felt I really needed her yet instead she got incredibly angry and turned it back on me saying how she must defend being friends with me to everyone all the time and that'd I'd ruined her night by having to look after me on new years eve. I'm obviously not totally innocent in all of this but there was an element of deja vu as her and her other friend had a similar argument (except it was about a mobile phone.) I tried apologising but she wasn't having any of it, we walked home in silence and after breakfast with her family I left pretty promptly the next day.

    I haven't spoken to her since then, but I feel like it's at the point where I don't want to. She is the only person I have ever argued with, I've stuck by her when other haven't, I've listened to all her drama everyday but ever since NYE I just feel nothing for her,not hatred,just nothing. I feel she is too obsessive, too clingy and expects too much of me as a friend, I just don't want to be friends with her anymore. However, I know within the next few weeks she'll message me or something to talk, but I just don't know how to tell her that I don't want to speak to her anymore as I know it's an incredibly b****y thing to do after everything we have been through, and after how our college friends dropped her. It's kinda of like breaking up with a boyfriend, but as she is a best friend I feel like I just can't cut her out of my life, despite wanting to. How do I go about this?!


    TL;DR Can't take my best friend anymore after a fall out, how do I essentially 'end it' with her?
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    wow, sound's like a heck of a story.. I say just stay away, in every way you can.
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    I just gradually reduced contact with him. We still have some mutual friends so I couldn't be more direct, as I would have wanted, but seeing as I also don't hate the guy it doesn't bother me much seeing him once a month or so on a night out.
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    took the TLDR route im afraid but from that just stay away and cut talking to her, eventually she'll probably take the hint.
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    I get where you're coming from, but are you sure you want to ditch your best friend? I mean, you sound like you have a very close relationship and there must be good times among the bad stuff right?

    Just explain how you are feeling and that at the moment it sort of feels like a one sided friendship. If she truly is your best friend she will understand and make an effort to be a better friend to you.

    This is what I would do, but then again I can't stand arguments or losing friends.

    Are you at separate unis? If so and you are definitely sure you want to cut her out of your life, just take longer to respond to her emails, don't give long replies and make excuses when she wants to meet up. She'll get the message eventually and you will just naturally drift apart. That's if you wanna take the cowards way out :P

    Otherwise email her explaining that you are happy to remain friends, but at the moment you feel the friendship isn't like it used to be because of the arguments and her uni friends saying stuff and that you think it would be a good idea if you don't speak as much at the moment because you think you both need time apart from each other. Or something to that effect.
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    I was in your position before!

    I had a best friend and we were really close, having met when we were 5 and everything was great growing up with her and we were joined at the hip, until suddenly she got her first boyfriend and changed.

    (long story short, the guy ended it with her, and that's when all the self-pity and "I'm the victim" starts happening.)

    She also started falling out with all her other best friends, but I stood by her side until I couldn't take it anymore.

    (She was jealous that I had a "perfect" life: WTF, the only problems in her life was relationship problems, and I couldn't be bothered to get into relationships so my life seemed pretty simple, with school being overwhelmed at times, that's it.)

    She started making me feel bad for not having any problems (that's because I'm too lazy to get involved in anything or with anyone ), and eventually I told her about how I felt whenever she puts me down and then a huge argument escalated from there.

    We didn't talk for the next 6 months (we were in different countries, I moved away when I was 11), but when we did, it wasn't the same again but in a way it was good for the both of us.

    Now I can enjoy a day out with her and we have a lighter relationship with each other because we realised we're both so different now, and while we're not best friends anymore, we do get along well with each other. I don't talk to her everyday anymore, but we get in touch once a week or so!

    So maybe you can tell your friend how you feel and see how she reacts! Good luck!
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    (Original post by sevenbooks)
    I was in your position before!

    I had a best friend and we were really close, having met when we were 5 and everything was great growing up with her and we were joined at the hip, until suddenly she got her first boyfriend and changed.

    (long story short, the guy ended it with her, and that's when all the self-pity and "I'm the victim" starts happening.)

    She also started falling out with all her other best friends, but I stood by her side until I couldn't take it anymore.

    (She was jealous that I had a "perfect" life: WTF, the only problems in her life was relationship problems, and I couldn't be bothered to get into relationships so my life seemed pretty simple, with school being overwhelmed at times, that's it.)

    She started making me feel bad for not having any problems (that's because I'm too lazy to get involved in anything or with anyone ), and eventually I told her about how I felt whenever she puts me down and then a huge argument escalated from there.

    We didn't talk for the next 6 months (we were in different countries, I moved away when I was 11), but when we did, it wasn't the same again but in a way it was good for the both of us.

    Now I can enjoy a day out with her and we have a lighter relationship with each other because we realised we're both so different now, and while we're not best friends anymore, we do get along well with each other. I don't talk to her everyday anymore, but we get in touch once a week or so! :D

    So maybe you can tell your friend how you feel and see how she reacts! Good luck!
    I'm hoping something like this will happen. Right now I just don't want to talk to her for a very long while and maybe it will change and I will just be her 'friend' but I don't want to go back to being best friends with her. I just know it will absolutely break her heart as I know she relies on me and it's perhaps strange not wanting such a close friendship to work, but yeah right now I just want space :/
    • #2
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    i've been friends with girl for nearly 7 years, and we used to be sooo close, but I really don't know what to do anymore does anyone else feel that you've been friends with someone so long that it's wrong to end your friendship? I don't dislike her all the time and sometimes it feels that we are still best friends, but these aren't very often. It's just the fact of how she treats people, like not just me but people in general. We are finishing school this year and she wanted to go on holidays at the end, but it was going to cost £700, and I really couldn't afford that, especially with uni next year and I don't even have a job, but she went round telling everybody that would listen about how I had no money. She always makes me out to be such a bad person to people, by making it out that I am always in the wrong and that she always right, i'm not saying that I never do anything wrong, but it just hurts about how she tells everybody, and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. We had our formal in December and we had decided that we were going to go together, until not that long before it, she found a date and was like find one yourself, its not my problem and left me out of everything they were doing because I made things awkward as it made it an odd number. I know that this is nothing compared to some problems that your having with friends, but I just felt that I needed advice on what to do, because I just can't pretend everything is alright anymore.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i've been friends with girl for nearly 7 years, and we used to be sooo close, but I really don't know what to do anymore does anyone else feel that you've been friends with someone so long that it's wrong to end your friendship? I don't dislike her all the time and sometimes it feels that we are still best friends, but these aren't very often. It's just the fact of how she treats people, like not just me but people in general. We are finishing school this year and she wanted to go on holidays at the end, but it was going to cost £700, and I really couldn't afford that, especially with uni next year and I don't even have a job, but she went round telling everybody that would listen about how I had no money. She always makes me out to be such a bad person to people, by making it out that I am always in the wrong and that she always right, i'm not saying that I never do anything wrong, but it just hurts about how she tells everybody, and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. We had our formal in December and we had decided that we were going to go together, until not that long before it, she found a date and was like find one yourself, its not my problem and left me out of everything they were doing because I made things awkward as it made it an odd number. I know that this is nothing compared to some problems that your having with friends, but I just felt that I needed advice on what to do, because I just can't pretend everything is alright anymore.
    This is my predicament, I kinda just want to dump her like a boyfriend, do it and never really speak to her again, but as there has been such attachment between us and I know she heavily relies on me. I feel it is too cruel no matter how much I just don't want to talk to her. It sounds like we both have the same problem!
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    Sorry this is sort of long but its been going on for years and i just cant deal with it anymore and need advice on how to stop it without any conflict.

    So I've been friends with my best friend for nearly 12 years now and i just don't think we have anything in common anymore. She never texts me unless she has a problem or i text her. Every time we arrange to meet up, she always says the night before she has no money and then i have to stay in her house which i always regret coz it ends up costing me a lot of money as she lives far away. And we always end up doing what she wants to do. I'm getting really sick of hearing that she's always skint (even though she shops online), and she always makes me feel bad for buying things, even if its just one thing when we go shopping.

    One day she insulted me when i was returning a pair of shoes, its not like i was losing any money, but she made a big deal about it and it was hurtful. I can never wear nice clothes around her as she thinks I'm a snob for wearing clothes that costs more than £10(Im being serious). Shes so negative and she brings me down. She insults the things I like but when i don't like something that she does she gets really offended and calls me weird. She says shes joking but it doesn't sound like it.

    Also when were with our group of friends they all talk about things that i don't like so I'm always left out of the conversation, wishing that i was somewhere else.

    We used to be so close and have been through so much together, which is why i feel bad for even considering this. But i know if it was the other way round shed ditch me without thinking twice, I'm not as *****y as her though and I'm too afraid to say it to her face. Shes also really clingy and i don't think shell let me stop being friends with her
 
 
 
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