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Boyfriend doesn't make me feel special and isnt romantic Watch

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    #1

    I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and i dont feel like im special to him at all.
    We've had a few arguments over the last few months (on a night out i caught him grinding with a girl and that caused a big argument and i felt like i couldnt trust him as much because it made me think about what he does when im not out clubbing with him) and i caught him texting another girl about how our relationship is a shamble but he insists it was after a massive argument and he was upset and said something he didnt mean to this girl (he doesnt know her that well at all and as soon as she found out we were having problems i knew she was trying to get inbetween us for a chance which he said i was being stupid and being paranoid..yet he said i was right a couple of months after and that he thought she was trying to get close to him).
    We're good now but i feel like whenever i have a problem he just tells me to stop being stupid. Whenever we go out i feel like i cant drink because he says i act like a tool when im drunk and ruin everyones night and if i get drunk he's just going to ignore me. He doesnt want me to meet his friends from home (we met at uni) and he told me yesterday that i need to get into shape which was quite hurtful cos im not exactly out of shape..
    He's not romantic at all..he never pays for dinner (i dont expect him to all the time cos we're students but i come from a really poor background and have barely any money and he's actually quite loaded). He never tells me he misses me because he think hes a man and that they dont do that. He's never done any of the usual romantic things guys do when you get into a relationship..he doesnt hold my hand in public or do anything in public because he doesnt want to be one of those 'sticky couples' but loads of couples hold hands in public.

    Even though these things make me unhappy i dont want to break up with him. He's my first love and everytime i think about these things i always think it will improve but im worried it never will. Whenever i've tried talking to him about it before he's always turned it around so i look like the bad guy..Anyone got any advice?
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    What do you do to make him feel special and desired?
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    I think that maybe u should dump him..he doesnt seem to be a very romantic person..if thats the type of male u prefer then i dont understand why ur still with him?.. However i do understand that if hes ur first love then maybe ur more emotionally attached to him..but personally i wouldnt go out with a guy if he didnt pay for a dinner a couple of times..and also told me to get in shape...huh..i dont think hes worth ur time love...:-!
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    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    What do you do to make him feel special and desired?
    Well its my first proper relationship so i try my best but its always me that goes to his house, he never comes to mine so i always suggest coming to his. I always buy him his favourite sweets and chocolates (sounds abit gay but he loves them). I send him love notes telling him how much i love him, i always say i love you before i go to bed..its my little thing. I dunno what else i cant really think of anything but i feel like im putting the effort in all the time
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    A relationship, especially at a young age, should be fun, I believe. It doesn't from an outside perspective seem that, although we don't know everything. Maybe you should just be incredibly honest with him, which in an ideal world, you should be able to be, and tell him everything you've told us. Maybe he doesn't know quite how much he's hurting you. If you tell him and he still doesn't care, then perhaps you should consider your happiness and future in the relationship.
    But then hey, I'm 16 and single, so what would I know?;L

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and i dont feel like im special to him at all.
    We've had a few arguments over the last few months (on a night out i caught him grinding with a girl and that caused a big argument and i felt like i couldnt trust him as much because it made me think about what he does when im not out clubbing with him) and i caught him texting another girl about how our relationship is a shamble but he insists it was after a massive argument and he was upset and said something he didnt mean to this girl (he doesnt know her that well at all and as soon as she found out we were having problems i knew she was trying to get inbetween us for a chance which he said i was being stupid and being paranoid..yet he said i was right a couple of months after and that he thought she was trying to get close to him).
    We're good now but i feel like whenever i have a problem he just tells me to stop being stupid. Whenever we go out i feel like i cant drink because he says i act like a tool when im drunk and ruin everyones night and if i get drunk he's just going to ignore me. He doesnt want me to meet his friends from home (we met at uni) and he told me yesterday that i need to get into shape which was quite hurtful cos im not exactly out of shape..
    He's not romantic at all..he never pays for dinner (i dont expect him to all the time cos we're students but i come from a really poor background and have barely any money and he's actually quite loaded). He never tells me he misses me because he think hes a man and that they dont do that. He's never done any of the usual romantic things guys do when you get into a relationship..he doesnt hold my hand in public or do anything in public because he doesnt want to be one of those 'sticky couples' but loads of couples hold hands in public.

    Even though these things make me unhappy i dont want to break up with him. He's my first love and everytime i think about these things i always think it will improve but im worried it never will. Whenever i've tried talking to him about it before he's always turned it around so i look like the bad guy..Anyone got any advice?
    Sounds like he wants to keep you for the convenience but doesn't really feel that strongly about you. In fact it sounds just like my first 'adult' relationship. End it before he finds someone he likes enough to treat better.
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    Sounds like he wants to keep you for the convenience but doesn't really feel that strongly about you. In fact it sounds just like my first 'adult' relationship. End it before he finds someone he likes enough to treat better.
    Well he tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids..
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    It sounds like you care a lot and try really hard and he isn't putting the effort in...

    Can you see yourself marrying him? Staying together for years? Or are you just hesitant to let go?

    In my opinion a relationship, particularly when you're young, is meant to be something that makes you happy. Not a commitment to a person making you miserable.

    I don't know either of you so obviously I don't know the real details, but it sounds like maybe you want to leave him or at least are having doubts.

    Maybe you should talk to him and tell him that these things he does upset you.. There's an off chance he might not have realised. If he cares he'll stop, if he doesn't then he's not worth it and someone who puts in so much effort (like buying him sweets and love notes and stuff) like you should be able to find someone similarly romantic. Lots of guys are sweet and romantic and stuff
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well he tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids..
    Don't marry him. Dump him and find someone else.
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    Dump him.
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    We do all like to be made to feel special, even if we pretend we're not really that bothered :P

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      (Original post by 3mma_gal96)
      I don't think the OP feels like she's better than other women. We do all like to be made to feel special, even if we pretend we're not really that bothered :P

      Posted from TSR Mobile
      People seem to apply this logic to the amount of petrol remaining in their cars. Pretending things is rediculous unless your trying to wind someone up or something. Cant let these types of feelings get to us.

      and to meenu89. You are right. I am an undesirable individual hence the reason Im useless with women. But my resilience is sufficient to overcome negative feelings that would otherwise be caused by the deficit of sex.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and i dont feel like im special to him at all.
      We've had a few arguments over the last few months (on a night out i caught him grinding with a girl and that caused a big argument and i felt like i couldnt trust him as much because it made me think about what he does when im not out clubbing with him) and i caught him texting another girl about how our relationship is a shamble but he insists it was after a massive argument and he was upset and said something he didnt mean to this girl (he doesnt know her that well at all and as soon as she found out we were having problems i knew she was trying to get inbetween us for a chance which he said i was being stupid and being paranoid..yet he said i was right a couple of months after and that he thought she was trying to get close to him).
      We're good now but i feel like whenever i have a problem he just tells me to stop being stupid. Whenever we go out i feel like i cant drink because he says i act like a tool when im drunk and ruin everyones night and if i get drunk he's just going to ignore me. He doesnt want me to meet his friends from home (we met at uni) and he told me yesterday that i need to get into shape which was quite hurtful cos im not exactly out of shape..
      He's not romantic at all..he never pays for dinner (i dont expect him to all the time cos we're students but i come from a really poor background and have barely any money and he's actually quite loaded). He never tells me he misses me because he think hes a man and that they dont do that. He's never done any of the usual romantic things guys do when you get into a relationship..he doesnt hold my hand in public or do anything in public because he doesnt want to be one of those 'sticky couples' but loads of couples hold hands in public.

      Even though these things make me unhappy i dont want to break up with him. He's my first love and everytime i think about these things i always think it will improve but im worried it never will. Whenever i've tried talking to him about it before he's always turned it around so i look like the bad guy..Anyone got any advice?
      Congratulations, you have yourself an ***-hole.

      1. Dump.
      2. ???
      3. doesn't matter, you got rid of an ***-hole.
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and i dont feel like im special to him at all.
      We've had a few arguments over the last few months (on a night out i caught him grinding with a girl and that caused a big argument and i felt like i couldnt trust him as much because it made me think about what he does when im not out clubbing with him) and i caught him texting another girl about how our relationship is a shamble but he insists it was after a massive argument and he was upset and said something he didnt mean to this girl (he doesnt know her that well at all and as soon as she found out we were having problems i knew she was trying to get inbetween us for a chance which he said i was being stupid and being paranoid..yet he said i was right a couple of months after and that he thought she was trying to get close to him).
      We're good now but i feel like whenever i have a problem he just tells me to stop being stupid. Whenever we go out i feel like i cant drink because he says i act like a tool when im drunk and ruin everyones night and if i get drunk he's just going to ignore me. He doesnt want me to meet his friends from home (we met at uni) and he told me yesterday that i need to get into shape which was quite hurtful cos im not exactly out of shape..
      He's not romantic at all..he never pays for dinner (i dont expect him to all the time cos we're students but i come from a really poor background and have barely any money and he's actually quite loaded). He never tells me he misses me because he think hes a man and that they dont do that. He's never done any of the usual romantic things guys do when you get into a relationship..he doesnt hold my hand in public or do anything in public because he doesnt want to be one of those 'sticky couples' but loads of couples hold hands in public.

      Even though these things make me unhappy i dont want to break up with him. He's my first love and everytime i think about these things i always think it will improve but im worried it never will. Whenever i've tried talking to him about it before he's always turned it around so i look like the bad guy..Anyone got any advice?
      You know how sometimes girls like a challenge and say, I don't like when guys are really keen etc Well may be he is treating you like crap so he wouldn't loose you. Or he is just a ****

      Edit: Just read, he is your first love (not sure whether you lost your cherry to him) but usually people have stronger feelings and more fear of loosing the person they felt something special with for the first time. May be that is why you are having a problem of letting go.
      • #2
      #2

      You need to realise that you are not in love with him- I'm sorry but scientifically speaking you are probably just displaying intense feelings that accompany the hormonal changes resulting from your subconscious desire to feel loved. In reality, you need to realise this guy does not on any level sound like he cares about you -
      1. He was grinding with another girl- when (you) his girlfriend was there?
      2. He text a GIRL saying your relationship was a shamble; it wasn't even lad's banter
      3. He tells you to stop being 'stupid'; it stands to reason that stupid is not ever an affectionate word; I wouldn't use that on any of my friends let alone my boyfriend
      4. He told you to get into shape; there are possibly nicer ways of saying that, yet I still think 10 months is too soon for comments about appearance
      5. He told you that you act like a tool when you're drunk and ruin everyone else's night- this sounds like emotional abuse; I'd only ever tell someone I disliked that they 'ruined everyone's night' and now you feel insecure about drinking??
      6. You think it will improve when there are absolutely no sign of this happening? And you are changing yourself to suit his needs- how about yours?
      I honestly can't understand why you want to hang on to this relationship- you deserve better and make sure you do not marry him or have children with him for the children's sake if not your own

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      Get rid of him.
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      You know what girls are like. They like to be told that they are the most beautiful and most wanted. In all honesty (and I hate showing my soft side, usually I would just thumbs up your post) the couple of girls I do dream about on regular basis, I can say that I would make them feel special every day if I could and I would get something back. Perhaps the guy thinks how he treats her is good enough and she isn't liking it because she feels, she is just a girl for him, rather than his girlfriend.
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      (Original post by anonymous)
      i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months and i dont feel like im special to him at all.
      We've had a few arguments over the last few months (on a night out i caught him grinding with a girl and that caused a big argument and i felt like i couldnt trust him as much because it made me think about what he does when im not out clubbing with him) and i caught him texting another girl about how our relationship is a shamble but he insists it was after a massive argument and he was upset and said something he didnt mean to this girl (he doesnt know her that well at all and as soon as she found out we were having problems i knew she was trying to get inbetween us for a chance which he said i was being stupid and being paranoid..yet he said i was right a couple of months after and that he thought she was trying to get close to him).
      We're good now but i feel like whenever i have a problem he just tells me to stop being stupid. Whenever we go out i feel like i cant drink because he says i act like a tool when im drunk and ruin everyones night and if i get drunk he's just going to ignore me. he doesnt want me to meet his friends from home (we met at uni) and he told me yesterday that i need to get into shape which was quite hurtful cos im not exactly out of shape..
      he's not romantic at all..he never pays for dinner (i dont expect him to all the time cos we're students but i come from a really poor background and have barely any money and he's actually quite loaded). He never tells me he misses me because he think hes a man and that they dont do that. He's never done any of the usual romantic things guys do when you get into a relationship..he doesnt hold my hand in public or do anything in public because he doesnt want to be one of those 'sticky couples' but loads of couples hold hands in public.

      Even though these things make me unhappy i dont want to break up with him. He's my first love and everytime i think about these things i always think it will improve but im worried it never will. Whenever i've tried talking to him about it before he's always turned it around so i look like the bad guy..anyone got any advice?
      what are you still doing with this......... Grrrrrrrrrrr?
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      (Original post by Anonymous)
      Well he tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids..
      Guys always bang out with these lies to get what they want..


      ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. AND HIS ACTIONS DOESN'T MEET WITH WHAT HE SAYS.
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      Your first one is meant to be a practice one. Do anything you want to him and then dump him. Slap him around, spend all his money, **** on his face etc.
     
     
     
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