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She rejected me, and now doesn't seem to want to be friends. Watch

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    I had a serious crush on a girl i've known for over 3 years. She always new i liked her as more than a friend, but never said anything because she didn't feel the same way. However, i couldn't take it any longer and had to end it one way or the other, so on new years eve, i told her how i felt. She told me she didn't like me at all in that was, but loves me as a friend.
    I decided i could never see her again because the thought of her with someone else made me feel sick. I blocked her on facebook and deleted her number, then wrote her an e-mail explaining why. I have literally never felt more down in my life. I felt like i'd been castrated and useless.
    Last night i was talking to my brother who had been in a similar situation before, and was told that its "always better to remain as friends. You never know what might happen in the future, and shutting her out is alot more painful than seeing her happy with someone else. If you both have a good friendship, then thats worth more than anything. Just because youre not together, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy each others company."
    This convinced me and i decided we should be friends because we are really really good friends - we go to gigs together, festivals, shopping, parties etc... and always have a really good time.
    I phoned her that night and left a voicemail saying "i had been stupid and put my ego over happiness. I wanted to be friends with her and was happy that, although we wouldn't be together. Text me if we're still cool." I unblocked her on facebook and sent her a friend request again.
    I text her this morning asking if she got my voicemail but had no answer, and even though she has been on facebook since, she has ignored my friend request. I don't think she wants to be friends with me anymore and that hurts more than anything.

    What can i do? :/
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    Maybe you could visit her?
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    I would go see her in person, but we're both in Uni and she lives over 60 miles away. If i just turn up at her house one day i'll seem like a complete creep.
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    I really wouldn't try and be friends. It sounds nice to have the option for the future, but it won't help as you'll just wait for her and she'll never come.
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    If she accepts your request then apologise. Stop with the voicemails and messaging because it's probably creeping her out. If she still doesn't respond then I personally would give up and move on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would go see her in person, but we're both in Uni and she lives over 60 miles away. If i just turn up at her house one day i'll seem like a complete creep.
    I guess you could send her a message on facebook? You'd be able to see if she's read it or not.
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    (Original post by sarah.102)
    I guess you could send her a message on facebook? You'd be able to see if she's read it or not.
    I want to, but don't know whether to give her an ultimatum or just repeat what i've already said - shes crap with her phone and such and i don't even know if shes listened to the voicemail i left her. I don't want to look like im trying to pursue her and make her think i still want to be more than friends, because i don't.

    Ugh why don't people ever want to just talk and sort things out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I want to, but don't know whether to give her an ultimatum or just repeat what i've already said - shes crap with her phone and such and i don't even know if shes listened to the voicemail i left her. I don't want to look like im trying to pursue her and make her think i still want to be more than friends, because i don't.

    Ugh why don't people ever want to just talk and sort things out.
    If I were you I'd say that in the message pour your heart out and be sincere yet phrase it nicely and because she seems to check Facebook fairly regularly it's more of a reliable way for you to see what the situation is.
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    leave her alone, she's making it clear enough.....

    Don't make things anymore awkward
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    Leave it be. I went through a phase of wiping my friends list and only adding those I actually talk to; the girl I like didn't respond to my request. I think that's for the best, given how much I still care about her as she's with another guy now. It'd be too much.

    Consider it a blessing in disguise.
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    To be honest I understand why she would be upset. You gave her the message that her friendship meant nothing to you if that was all she had to offer you. If your friendship meant a lot to her, then of course you cutting her off like that must have hurt her a lot. All you can do now is let her know that her friendship does mean a lot to you, even if there won't ever be anything more than friendship between you. Tell her that you made an impulsive decision because you were hurt and emotional, but that you've come to realise how much your friendship with her is worth to you, and that you don't want to lose that. I'm sure she'll come round eventually, she's probably just upset now.
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    (Original post by ForgettingWhatsername)
    To be honest I understand why she would be upset. You gave her the message that her friendship meant nothing to you if that was all she had to offer you. If your friendship meant a lot to her, then of course you cutting her off like that must have hurt her a lot. All you can do now is let her know that her friendship does mean a lot to you, even if there won't ever be anything more than friendship between you. Tell her that you made an impulsive decision because you were hurt and emotional, but that you've come to realise how much your friendship with her is worth to you, and that you don't want to lose that. I'm sure she'll come round eventually, she's probably just upset now.
    Done

    Thanks
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    Yeah no reply - she seems more concerned with whats on TV atm. Great.
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    (Original post by ForgettingWhatsername)
    To be honest I understand why she would be upset. You gave her the message that her friendship meant nothing to you if that was all she had to offer you. If your friendship meant a lot to her, then of course you cutting her off like that must have hurt her a lot.
    What he said doesn't imply the friendship meant nothing, he's not cutting the contact because he only wanted to be with her as more than friends, he's cutting it because it hurts too much to be friends while he still wants to be more. That's completely different because you could be the best of friends, but if it's causing one person so much pain, then something has to give. It's selfish to expect them to just deal with it.

    However, you're right in saying that it must have hurt her too to just be cut off simply because she didn't reciprocate those feelings.
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    Yea but mate, you don't want to be friends with her, do you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I had a serious crush on a girl i've known for over 3 years. She always new i liked her as more than a friend, but never said anything because she didn't feel the same way. However, i couldn't take it any longer and had to end it one way or the other, so on new years eve, i told her how i felt. She told me she didn't like me at all in that was, but loves me as a friend.
    I decided i could never see her again because the thought of her with someone else made me feel sick. I blocked her on facebook and deleted her number, then wrote her an e-mail explaining why. I have literally never felt more down in my life. I felt like i'd been castrated and useless.
    Last night i was talking to my brother who had been in a similar situation before, and was told that its "always better to remain as friends. You never know what might happen in the future, and shutting her out is alot more painful than seeing her happy with someone else. If you both have a good friendship, then thats worth more than anything. Just because youre not together, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy each others company."
    This convinced me and i decided we should be friends because we are really really good friends - we go to gigs together, festivals, shopping, parties etc... and always have a really good time.
    I phoned her that night and left a voicemail saying "i had been stupid and put my ego over happiness. I wanted to be friends with her and was happy that, although we wouldn't be together. Text me if we're still cool." I unblocked her on facebook and sent her a friend request again.
    I text her this morning asking if she got my voicemail but had no answer, and even though she has been on facebook since, she has ignored my friend request. I don't think she wants to be friends with me anymore and that hurts more than anything.

    What can i do? :/
    Guys and girls cannot be friends! You do not want to remain friends with her as the feelings will sprout up again and again and again until the friendship inevitably dies and it will.
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    Dude. You're coming across so needy and that's not an attractive trait at all. When a guy's been friends with a girl for a long time and actually fancies her, it can go two ways; either she too has been harbouring this burning desire or as a complete contrast, worse that not even considering you in a sexual way, actually has negative sexual thoughts about you. Which happens because you've never presented yourself in a sexual way. And I don't mean you needed to be overt, it's a subtle thing, just making your presence in that area known.

    Unless you're some Hugh Grant character, i.e the type of guy that's friends with fifty girls who're all secretly fawning over his charming romantic hopelessness, you should never ever suddenly profess your feelings in such a profound way.

    Right now the best thing you can do is leave her well alone. But more than that work on yourself. Do cool things, get a girlfriend and just live an exiting life. Then when you next see her in four months or whatever, she'll think 'you know what he's not actually all that bad, can't believe I didn't see him in this light before'.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah no reply - she seems more concerned with whats on TV atm. Great.
    Mate, you said so in the title; she rejected you. In the words of Thin Lizzy, 'If that chick don't want to know, forget her.'

    I met a girl a few months ago and after being together for a while and having a great time, I kind of fell for her. As seems obligatory and inevitable, it didn't work out. She vaguely suggested friendship but I completely cut contact with her, stopped going on facebook because she's a regular and I know there was someone else she was interested in and I know it'd hurt seeing any pics etc.

    I guess it depends how much you like the girl. In my case we hadn't really been friends prior to getting together so I wasn't really interested in friendship, it was all or nothing and I just didn't want to sit around and watch as she shacked up with another guy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah no reply - she seems more concerned with whats on TV atm. Great.
    You just need to chill, take a deep breath and forget about her for a little while. You've done as much as you can for now, if you keep talking at her you're just going to make things worse. Don't do anything as drastic as blocking her on Facebook again, just in case she decides to message you back, but maybe make it so that she doesn't pop up in your newsfeed and try not to check out her profile/what she's doing.

    She's probably just confused and upset, and that's a perfectly normal reaction. You've gone from totally ending your friendship and cutting her off, to trying to fix it again in a very short space of time. She might also be trying to give you some time to work out where you're at for sure before talking to you again.

    Either way, I'm sure she'll come around in time. You just need to leave it alone for now.
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    I don't give a **** about looking needy, i just want to be friends with her as she has **** loads of fit girlfriends and is my gig buddy. She also has a spare bed in her house i can kip on as all the best gigs are around the city she lives in.
 
 
 
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