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Should I give him a chance? Watch

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    ah you will learn the hard way with this one. As has been said before, if he's the type that thinks its 'ok' to do these things and 'monkey vine' between relationships then he will do the same to you. i've seen it over and over again with friends.

    i would stay well clear but this is a classic case of your heart ruling your head so you will go for it even though you have a bad gut feeling. we've all been there.... its impossible to overide love/chemistry with reason.
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    (Original post by BO'H)
    let me get this straight - he's flirted a bit with you and tickled your back while in a relationship with someone else? but didn't make any kind of move - even though it was probably clear that you fancied him - until that relationship had been over for a while?

    wtf are you worried about?
    is this sarcastic? sorry!! x
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    (Original post by EllieDxxx)
    I don't exactly think I can change him, and if I do start a relationship with him, i'm gonna make sure he knows that I'm refusing to be treated like a mug! But baring in mind that he's now 19, there kinda has to be some point when he grows up and realises what he's doing is just stupid and immature and needs to be stopped, it's just that baring in mind he's actually a nice guy, i'd kinda like to give him that chance
    I don't think age has anything to do with it. My ex boyfriend cheated on every previous girlfriend, went out with me for two years, cheated on me with one of my friends and broke up with me, then cheated on my friend with me (just to clarify, I had no idea he had cheated on me with her, or that they were together). He was 28.

    Obviously this is just personal experience and I don't know what your guy is like, but I think in the majority of cases 'once a cheater, always a cheater' rings true.
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    (Original post by Tabzqt)
    So many guys who don't cheat and you go for the one who does :rolleyes:
    I asked this question in that DragonFly post where she will answer questions from a females POV, not had a reply yet, but apparently according to some women, a cheater is attractive because it shows they're successful with women. God knows how that works.

    I find it hard to swallow this stuff when regardless if I'm in a relationship, happy or unhappy, I will not cheat - I'd rather end it, yet guys who frequently cheat seem to get more girls
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    that's not cheating. All he's done is flirt a little. He'd hardly made a move, and he hasn't even suggested he was up for cheating.

    Get over yourself.
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    (Original post by Jakeh)
    I asked this question in that DragonFly post where she will answer questions from a females POV, not had a reply yet, but apparently according to some women, a cheater is attractive because it shows they're successful with women. God knows how that works.

    I find it hard to swallow this stuff when regardless if I'm in a relationship, happy or unhappy, I will not cheat - I'd rather end it, yet guys who frequently cheat seem to get more girls
    I think the real reason is some girls are pretty stupid and bad at decision making (shock horror) and therefore go for the wrong guys
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    (Original post by Donald Duck)
    that's not cheating. All he's done is flirt a little. He'd hardly made a move, and he hasn't even suggested he was up for cheating.

    Get over yourself.
    There are nice ways of getting your point across, and not so nice ways, maybe you should learn some of the first?
    Plus, he has cheated on his ex, which he admitted during 'never have I ever', which ofc is going to make anyone wary of starting a relationship with him!
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    (Original post by EllieDxxx)
    There are nice ways of getting your point across, and not so nice ways, maybe you should learn some of the first?
    Plus, he has cheated on his ex, which he admitted during 'never have I ever', which ofc is going to make anyone wary of starting a relationship with him!
    Fair point on the never have i ever.

    I'm just getting sick of girls believing that flirting = 'I want to do more than flirting'. Sometimes people just flirt for the fun and attention that brings, combined with the innocence it accompanies, and the guys don't want anything more than that (this also goes for girls).
    It's not cheating, and it shouldn't be seen as such.
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    (Original post by Donald Duck)
    Fair point on the never have i ever.

    I'm just getting sick of girls believing that flirting = 'I want to do more than flirting'. Sometimes people just flirt for the fun and attention that brings, combined with the innocence it accompanies, and the guys don't want anything more than that (this also goes for girls).
    It's not cheating, and it shouldn't be seen as such.
    Naa, I completely understand that! But whether i'm just paranoid or clingy or whatever, I really wouldn't feel comfortable as someone's girlfriend, if they were tickling and stroking another girl, which I understand may not be seen as cheating, but isn't exactly desirable! I've never been the type to aimlessly flirt though, I don't get with random guys on nights out or just anything like that, as I really don't see the point! Which is kinda why when i've finally found someone that I like, and who likes me, i'm trying to make it work!
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    I know a guy like that, a hopeless horndog with no shame and few boundaries.

    I wouldn't risk it, my opinion is he probably wouldn't be dependable, and as a habit will flirt with anything with a pulse.
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    You know he's cheated in the past and you've seen first hand that he flirts with other girls whilst in a relationship. If he's done it with you, he's more than likely to do it to you. The fact that you know we're going to say you shouldn't do it, but are asking anyway suggests to me that you're going to go for it whatever we say.

    Just approach with caution - keep in mind that guys like him have this ability to make you feel special, when actually you're just one of many.


    (Original post by Jakeh)
    I find it hard to swallow this stuff
    Heh...
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    Despite giving the impression that I want to give him a chance and everything, just want to let you guys know that i'm definitely rethinking it now, and thank you for your advice! Please keep your posts coming though, find them really interesting and useful!
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    (Original post by sophisticated)
    I know 25 year olds that act like this. I don't think age comes into it. People can cheat on their partners at any time, it's not just limited to teenagers.
    Seconded - actually, given that others have made similar points, thirded, fourthed and fift(h)ed. You know the answer already. Go ahead if you must, but don't say we didn't warn you.
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    Give him one chance and one chance only AMEN.....theres a couple bad biths in the building AMEN...man meek mill is running it right now.
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    (Original post by EllieDxxx)
    I understand that by having to post this thread, and ask other people about it, then the answer is probably no, however...

    I've liked this guy for absolutely ages, and he's made it clear that he likes me, and we've kinda started 'seeing each other'. This guy was with his girlfriend till around August, which was quite a while away, but I was just waiting for him to make the first move! However, I have to admit that he was quite flirty with me while in this relationship, and used to do little subtle things like tickle my back and stroke my knee, things which at the time, I tried to ignore or not draw any attention to, but thinking properly into this, I really wouldn't want my boyfriend to do things like this to another girl! He also, during a game of 'never have I ever' admitted that he got with someone else while in a relationship, which of course no-one wouldn't want their boyfriend doing anyway!

    So yeah, I know his history, and I know to be wary, however I really like this guy and I like to believe that everyone deserves a fair chance and are capable of changing! Of course, I'd drop him like a brick and wouldn't trust him if he ever did cheat, but do you reckon I should give him a chance? Thanks!
    So basically you know that he is jerk and you still want pursue him? Oh, and the passing of time won't make him change. Especially if the result of his jerk-ness is getting a new girlfriend. If he flirt with you while being with someone else, he will flirt with someone else while being with you. If you don't mind being cheated on, go for it.
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    So basically you know that he is jerk and you still want pursue him? Oh, and the passing of time won't make him change. Especially if the result of his jerk-ness is getting a new girlfriend. If he flirt with you while being with someone else, he will flirt with someone else while being with you. If you don't mind being cheated on, go for it.
    This thread is like 4 months old dude O.O
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    (Original post by EllieDxxx)
    I understand that by having to post this thread, and ask other people about it, then the answer is probably no, however...

    I've liked this guy for absolutely ages, and he's made it clear that he likes me, and we've kinda started 'seeing each other'. This guy was with his girlfriend till around August, which was quite a while away, but I was just waiting for him to make the first move! However, I have to admit that he was quite flirty with me while in this relationship, and used to do little subtle things like tickle my back and stroke my knee, things which at the time, I tried to ignore or not draw any attention to, but thinking properly into this, I really wouldn't want my boyfriend to do things like this to another girl! He also, during a game of 'never have I ever' admitted that he got with someone else while in a relationship, which of course no-one wouldn't want their boyfriend doing anyway!

    So yeah, I know his history, and I know to be wary, however I really like this guy and I like to believe that everyone deserves a fair chance and are capable of changing! Of course, I'd drop him like a brick and wouldn't trust him if he ever did cheat, but do you reckon I should give him a chance? Thanks!
    If you really like him and if you trust him the most.Give him a chance.
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    I am a guy that's cheated. So let me give you my opinion. So these people here constantly bashing human behavior see something. People cheat for one of two reasons: insecurity and sex drive. You have to ask yourself rationally "why did he do those things?". The answer to that should decide your next move... The danger comes when you have someone very insecure in themselves, typically quite a nice guy syndrome type and someone who talks to lots of different girls (the same type is in girls btw). Sex should't be an issue if there's communication of what you both want.

    Let me tell you something everyone constantly sweeps under the carpet. People are not naturally monogamistic, it simply isn't the best way to reproduce. It's a social boundary we've adopted, just like not killing your friend when he uses your iPod... Looking for someone who "wouldn't cheat" is like trying to find someone who doesn't have the capacity to get angry.It just doesn't work like that. People also lie, all the time, and it's rarely malicious.

    Should you worry about previous actions? That depends on why they did it. If there seemed to be nothing wrong in the relationship and they did it anyway, then yeah, because there's a high chance they're very insecure in themselves and will seek the same thing if they don't learn to like themselves. If it turns out they had sex once every two weeks, she was constantly over jealous and he didn't love her anymore then... You get me?

    IF you think that the causes were genuinely not all him and you go into a relationship you have to accept now for now and let old times go. If you get into the relationship and then snoop, get suspicious, constantly ask about going out and be over jealous and let your mind run away from you. You'll essentially treat him the way he's always been treated, and he's going to behave the way he's always behaved... (behavior science :P) That constant feeling you don't trust them is just translated in someones mind to "they don't think Ii'm good enough because I did x or whatever". This just makes them more insecure, weakens the bond they have with you and makes it more likely they'll seek someone who validates them elsewhere. See the circle?

    You need to give it some time, don't go exclusive quickly, don't go gf/bf quickly to make sure he's sexually ready. When it's clear you have all his time and you're ready for a relationship. DONT BRING UP THE PAST. All he'll think is you're judging him in your mind to the standard of the past and you don't really love him. The best way to handle him (and all people) is to trust him and give the power in his hands that he's going to do the right thing.

    There is a lot to be said that, it's not the leopard that's never changing. It's the fact he's never been shown kindness from the people that keep him trapped in a cage and whip him. Keeping him the same he's always been...

    I am by no means telling you to go blindly. Because if this guy doesn't feel guilt, is emotionally cold or has sociopathic tendencies then no normal behavior thinking won't actually apply. I hope this wasn't too long it's just my thoughts :L

    Mehhhhh,
 
 
 
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